The End of the A-Team, or is it? Authors JP smiles and Lia
by Liauno
Summary: The team finds out about the things that happened to Face after Bad Rock. Can they survive as a team?
1. Chapter 1

The end of the A-Team…or is it?

This is the closing story to After Bad Rock and After Ecuador. It may help understanding if you have read these stories before.

_Warning__: This following story contains talk of rape and torture. As you know by now, or at least you had the chance by reading our previous stories ;) we love Face, but we tend not to be too nice to him Anyway, compared to before we went easy on him. Consider yourself warned...read at your own risk...and hopefully enjoyment!_

_Disclaimer: Unfortunately the guys are not ours, on second thought, that maybe better for them ;.  
_

Chapter 1

More than three years after the Bad Rock disaster and one and a half years since the Ecuador fiasco the team was on its way back from a really tiring case in the North West. It had taken them some time to come to terms with what they had learned and it had taken Face time to trust again, or at least to hide the fact that he still didn't, but eventually things had returned to normal, or as normal as they had ever been.

They had been sitting in the van for over five hours and still had one to go. The ride was quiet, even Murdock was too tired to be insane. Face too was uncharacteristically quiet and drifting off ever so often. Hannibal had been chewing on a cigar ever since he swapped places with BA. He removed the cigar from his mouth and turned so that he could see all his team members.

"Guys, we're all tired after this long mission. I just decided that we take three weeks off, free time for everybody to do whatever he likes."

"Good, was 'bout time too. I need to do some repair works in the day care center and I want to see my mama too."

"Three weeks, hmm, that should be enough to complete the smash art course. I started it about five times but was called away on a mission before the practical part started. I hope they start one now."

"Murdock, I know I will regret to ask but what is a smash art course?"

"Oh it's great colonel. It's a fifteen day course, three sessions of five days each and one day off in between. The first two sessions are theory about smash art, you know, you have to really know the background else you use up too much material, and the third is practical work."

"What is smash art fool?"

"You take the required amount of breakfast cereals, soak it, soft but not too soft, then you take it on a spoon, and smash…you throw it at wherever you are doing your arts. The guy three rooms down from me can smash soaked cornflakes in the form of an elephant, complete with trunk and all."

"No wonder it's a nut house."

"Ehm guys, actually I wanted to surprise you but now that Hannibal has already ordered us to have a holiday, I know this guy who has a really nice beach house and…."

"Faceman can it, I've been to enough beach holidays with you. I'm going to do some repairs and then go see my mama."

"Would you hear me out BA? As I said he has this nice beach house I got for him and in return he gave me the contact to some exclusive holiday houses close to Omaha. It's at the outskirts and quiet and peaceful but also close enough to the city to get some action if we want to and…"

"Actually Face, I had planned to go see Maggie, maybe another time."

"Ah, that's too bad because there's this football stadium close and I got VIP tickets, and Omaha is also close to Chicago and I'm sure Maggie would like to have a holiday too…"

"But my smash art course, I can't miss it again, I'm never going to catch up with Chuck."

"Okay, I don't want to know who Chuck is, they have cereals too and you said you went through the theory, why not practice in privacy and surprise all the others when you come back?"

"VIP tickets, right? And Omaha?"

"Yeah, that's what I said."

"Can't we push it to another time Face?"

"Come on colonel, it will be fun. It's always fun when we have a holiday together."

"I'm voting yes."

"Who said that we're voting fool?"

"It has a whirlpool and a bedroom for each of us."

"What do you say BA?"

"Sounds okay to me."

"Okay Face, but I'll call Maggie first and see if she has time, when do you want to leave?"

"Tomorrow."

"No chance, we're all tired and had enough time in the van and I suspect BA wants to drive there, Murdock too needs to stay at the VA for some days to not get suspicious. Three days minimum."

"Sure we drive, what else?"

Hannibal picked up the phone and dialed Maggie's number.

"She has a case she can't leave alone but thinks she could join us in a week, not sure though but 90 percent. Okay, I'll join you guys, three days. Murdock get ready, we're almost at the VA."

They dropped Murdock and Face was next. He had a lot of work to do. He had never helped any guy with a beach house and had no clue if there was anything close to New York that remotely fit his description. And he had only three days to get everything arranged.

Face didn't know why he didn't want to be alone, he just didn't. There was a time he would have relished the idea of having a few weeks to himself, but now the idea sent him into a panic. Actually he _did_ know why, he just didn't want to think about it. It had been a few years and he still couldn't completely get past what had happened.

And maybe he never would…but that didn't mean he wouldn't do his best to fake it.

Most of the time he felt fine. But then there would be a certain sound or smell that would take him right back and send him reeling. The fear…the anger…the pain…it would take control of him and even make him physically sick.

And then there were the nightmares. He would wake up drenched in a cold sweat, shaking like a leaf, his heart pounding like a drum inside his chest.

He supposed he should be used to the fear and anxiety by now, especially after Nam. But this was a different breed of terror. Vietnam was a war and he was a soldier…at least he could wrap his brain around that. But what he suffered here on their own soil of late was incomprehensible.

So while it would be hard, Face wouldn't stop until he found a suitable holiday house. Anything to not be alone with his thoughts and memories for three whole weeks. Luckily he found just the spot and made the arrangements with little time to spare.

Three days later, or for Face more important, three long alone nights and countless nightmares and pots of coffee later, he went to the prearranged place to meet up with the team. To say he was exhausted was an understatement, he had been exhausted three days ago and without getting any proper rest he was now running on empty.

BA and Hannibal were already waiting. "Just in time Lieutenant, let's move."

Face looked around and in the van but couldn't spot Murdock anywhere. He wracked his brain if he was supposed to spring him and didn't remember but came up empty.

"Shouldn't we wait for Murdock?"

"He won't come. Called me yesterday after he couldn't reach you, said your phone was busy all the time. There's a craft workshop at the VA he doesn't want to miss, he'll fly to Omaha and meet up with us in three days."

'Just great, more alone nights, at least the others are there.' Face had arranged it so that BA and Hannibal had their own rooms and he would bunk in with Murdock. He hoped having BA and Hannibal close by in the other rooms would be enough to keep the nightmares away.

BA took the wheel and would drive for four hours before Hannibal would take over. Feeling the safety of the van and his team Face fell asleep the minute the van took off.

BA looked in the rear view mirror and grunted his disapproval. "He looks worse than when we dropped him, instead of resting he uses the time to go out with chicks and when Decker comes around the corner he'll be too tired to notice."

"Yeah, I've seen it too. Lately he seems to be drop dead tired when we go on a mission rather than being fresh and rested. I have to talk to him about his partying around, maybe I'll use this vacation."

When Face was woken full eight hours later to begin his shift he was still tired and needed coffee to get started. He was glad when his shift was over and BA released him for the last shift of the day. He had arranged for motel rooms close to Denver to stop for the night before continuing on the next day. He had done some thinking whiles driving. Up until now he had been able to hide his sleepless nights from his team, afraid Hannibal would find out that he was a liability and not fit for duty ever since the incidents a few years back. If he would have a nightmare in the hotel and they heard it he would have a hard time to explain it, while he was having nightmares from his childhood and Nam and the team knew it, they were less intensive and not as regular. He was afraid to say something that gave him away in his sleep or that they would finally put one and one together and notice that he was more tired than usual.

"Hannibal, I was thinking maybe we should sleep in the van tonight."

"Thought you arranged for motel rooms."

"I did but if we are spotted close to Denver it could destroy our holiday planes."

"No, it would rather help them. If Decker looks for us in Denver, we're safe in Omaha."

"But…"

"No but's Faceman, we've been sleeping in the van often enough, you especially look like you could use a night in a real bed." 'and alone' BA mentally added.

"He's right Face, we'll sleep in the motel."

Usually he would have argued more but he was afraid to have to answer questions about how tired he was so he kept quiet. He had gotten some sleep in the van so he would just spend the night drinking coffee in his room and not take any chances. Now that he had three weeks of quiet and peace coming up he didn't need to risk being found out. After the vacation he would sure be rested enough to keep up his façade.

The next morning the team sat together in a dinner for breakfast and Face was barely able to hold his eyes open.

"Man, what's it? Even here you found a girl for the night?"

It was a good excuse so Face just smiled and shrugged his shoulders before continuing on with his coffee. He didn't notice Hannibal frown at him before continuing with his own breakfast.

They arrived at Omaha in the late afternoon. The house was secluded and spacious, yet close to town. They took a look around but since they were all tired they went to bed early that night. Face vowed to stay awake but fell asleep somewhere past midnight. It didn't take long for the dreams to start and he woke up shouting 'no' and being drenched in sweat about an hour later. The dream had started out with uncle, changed to Nam and finally to Sue. Those were the ones he hated the most. His heart was hammering in his chest and he frantically got up to change in case he had woken the others with his shout. After sneaking through the house a while later he was convinced they had been too tired to hear him. He calmed and settled down in his room again, but sleep was over for that night.

The next day they decided to explore town but returned in the afternoon. They settled on two couches to watch a game on TV and Face, being surrounded by his team and feeling safe, soon fell asleep. When the game was over BA and Hannibal couldn't find another interesting program.

"There's a live game in the stadium this evening, I've seen the adverts in town."

"Think we'll still get tickets BA?"

"Didn't sound like any big teams, I guess it won't sell out."

"I'm game."

"What about the Faceman?"

"Let him sleep, we'll leave him a note."

Hannibal penned a quick note, reading it aloud as he wrote. "Face, we went to a game. Be back late. Stay put and get some rest."

Hannibal put the piece of paper on the small table next to the front door and followed B.A. out to the van. They never knew that a draft from the closing door blew the note behind the table and out of sight.

When Face woke next it was quiet...too quiet. Face sat up too quickly, and had to hold onto the couch too keep from keeling over. Once the spots cleared from his eyes and the world stood still, he got up and made his way to the kitchen hoping to find the guys there having a midnight snack.

Five minutes, and one house search later, Face began to panic. And when he looked out the window and saw the van gone, he felt downright sick. 'They left,' he thought. 'They finally had enough of me and took off. And Murdock didn't even come in the first place. You're all alone now.'

Face began to pace in the living room unsure what he was going to do now. He had just woken from his first nightmare-free sleep in what felt like ages, only to encounter a real life nightmare. Face's chest began to tighten up and it was becoming increasingly harder to breathe. 'Get a hold of yourself, Peck. You're a grown man...stop acting like a scared child.'

But the truth was that while he may not be a child, he was scared. He was scared of being alone...bad things happened to him when he was alone. People hurt him and dreams haunted him when he was alone.

Images flashed before his eyes; images that he tried to keep buried. Face sank to his knees and closed his eyes willing the memories to go away. Instead they kept coming, fast and furiously. His stomach rolled and he half-crawled, half-ran to the bathroom. He made it just in time for the eruption to begin.

Hannibal and B.A. walked through the door still talking about the game. It had been an exciting finish and both men were still keyed up with adrenaline.

Suddenly B.A. stopped in his tracks. "You hear that, man?"

"Hear what? It's impossible to hear anything above the racket of your gold."

B.A. was about to threaten Hannibal with choking him with said gold, when he heard it again. "Did you hear that?"

Hannibal nodded. "Yeah...sounds like somebody's throwing up." And there was only one person it could be. They headed toward the sound in a hurry but it still took them about half a minute to get to the bathroom. By the time they rounded the last corner Face was leaning against the wall shaking. The bathroom door still stood open since he had been too much in a hurry to close it with the result that even with his eyes closed he could hear BA's gold rattling and two sets of feet coming closer.

"Face?"

'Get a grip Peck, look at you, you're a mess. They probably went out for a late night snack or to get something from the all night shops. Try to be a man for a change.'

"Face, are you alright?" He sure didn't look like but he had yet to respond to Hannibal's question.

"Yeah, …yeah, just uhm…just…. maybe I ate something wrong. This shaking around in the van for days never sits well with my stomach."

Seeing that Face was alright BA got defensive at once. "You think being drugged anytime you wanna fly feels better?"

"No…no I don't."

"You sure you're alright now?"

"Yeah…just tired, I'll go back to bed." Escaping the situation seemed a good idea and his bedroom was the closest to the bathroom. He got up and using the wall for support made his way to his sleeping room on shaking legs.

"He sure looked shaken." Hannibal said after the door behind his lieutenant closed. He found it odd but then again Face vomited rather often compared to the others and long rides had had that effect on him in the past. They both went back to the front of the house, Hannibal to lock the door for the night and BA to get a snack from the kitchen that was located at the front of the house.

"Maybe he isn't used to sleeping alone."

"Hm? How do you mean that BA?"

"With his going out and partying I don't think he spent a night alone in the past months, except on missions. And you ordered him to stay put and rest."

Hannibal was at the door now and chuckled. "Could be, by all means he's thrown my note away. Anyway, it's a good way to ease him into my lecture about partying all the time."

The next day was spent similar to the previous one and in the late afternoon the three team members returned to the house. BA and Hannibal had been talking about the football game ever so often but Face didn't pay much attention. He thought they were talking about the one on TV he hadn't watched since he was sleeping on the couch. The later it got the more exited BA became.

"Man, I can't wait to head to the stadium today, if it's only half as good as the other one we'll have a blast."

"Yeah, when do we have to leave?"

"Leave where?"

"Leave to the stadium, BA and I got ourselves tickets for today's game. It's just some local teams but yesterdays one was great."

'So that's where they went, oh I could kick myself. I told them I'll get VIP tickets and forgot all about it, damn.'

"So, when do we have to leave?"

"We, as in BA and I, have to leave getting to eight. You have any plans for the evening?"

"No, actually not."

"Good, then you can get some more rest, you sure look like you could use some."

'Yeah, how nice of you to ask me to join you.'


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

After dinner Hannibal and BA got ready to go. They were all excited about the game and to busy with themselves to notice Face's hurt expression.

"We'll be back late Face, don't stay up." With that they were gone.

'Last night without Murdock, he'll be here tomorrow and keep you company, you can do it.' But all self motivation didn't help. Face watched some TV and then lay in bed tossing and turning. Anytime he closed his eyes unwanted memories started flooding in and he just couldn't sleep. Just shy of three hours later he gave up and decided to find a bar in town and some company to talk to.

It took a while to find a decent spot and a while longer to find a girl to spend the evening with. They sat together, drunk, talked, danced and time went by like nothing. Face felt good, the first time in a long time, being in the company of a woman. That soon changed as just after two in the morning the bar tender finally had enough and wanted to go home. The woman made unmistakable invitations to go find a hotel room for the night and Face suddenly saw Sue sitting there trying to seduce him. He jumped up, pushed her from her chair and ran out the door and into the dark alleys with lightening speed.

"What was that? Ah, and I thought I had found a nice one for a change, instead I get a nutcase that leaves me to pay the bill."

"Here, let me help you up. Come have a drink with me, on the house. I for one need one now, that was scary to watch."

"Not much better to live it, believe me."

Face finally stopped after having run at top speed for more than twenty minutes, his heart trying to get out of his chest. 'Calm down, it wasn't Sue, Sue is locked up tight, she can't hurt you no more, get a grip Peck.'

It took another thirty minutes and a calming walk through a park before he had calmed down enough to make his way home. He was exhausted and though the adrenalin had sobered him, still a bit tipsy from the drinks he had. He walked back and was glad to finally see the house in front of him. It was getting close to four in the morning and he wanted nothing more than to get off of his feet.

His wish was granted sooner than he had thought when out of nothing one extremely pissed BA had him by the front of his shirt, lifted him in the air and crashed him into the wall of the house.

"Where have you been sucker? Can't you stay put for a night without going to get laid? We've been sitting around here for over four hours waiting for you but instead of staying home you had to lock us out and go find a girl."

B.A. pushed Face against the wall again…and harder. His head hit the wall with a resounding thud.

"Let him go, B.A." Hannibal pulled the sergeant back.

B.A. did as told and released his grip on Face's shirt causing the dazed man to slide down to the ground.

"He need to be taught a lesson, man. All he care 'bout is himself."

Hannibal sighed. "I know, B.A., but killing him isn't an option."

It took all of Face's strength to lift his heavy head so he could look at the duo towering above him. What he saw wasn't good; they were looking at him with disgust and anger written all over their faces. And since he was seeing in triplicate, there were many faces to view.

"I thought I told you to get some rest, lieutenant."

Face struggled to hear Hannibal above the ringing in his ears. "I…um...I," Face slurred, his tongue feeling think in his mouth.

"What's the matter, Faceman. You have plenty of words for them women you always sweet-talkin'," B.A. grumbled.

Face's head was spinning and he could feel himself losing control both physically and mentally. "You don't…don't under…understand."

"Then explain it to us."

Had Face been in his right mind the words would never have made it past his lips. "Alone…you left me alone. Scared."

Hannibal and B.A. looked at each other in confusion, but didn't have to wait long for their now near delirious Face to continue. "Nightmares…won't stop. Can't sleep…not out partying…so tired…so tired."

Face's head lolled to the side and his eyes began to drop, but he still kept talking. "Bad things…bad things happened…can't forget…just want to forget. Scared."

By this time Hannibal and B.A. had forgotten their anger and both knelt down in front of their friend. Face said again that he was scared and, witnessing the scene before them, they were getting to that point as well. The memories of earlier on, or what he thought to remember, gave him a bit of energy back. His hands shot forward to grab one of Hannibal's and one of BA's arms while his eyes looked around frantically.

"She's here, we gotta run, please, please don't leave me alone again, protect me, don't let her get me, please."

"Shush Face, calm down, who is here?"

"Sue, Sue came to get me, she said she'll be back and now she is."

"Calm down, Face, where did you see her? Did you leave the house because of her?"

"No, no, my fault…all my fault…you left me alone…nightmares…wanted to escape bad memories…went to town for company and…and…Sue…she was there…she tried…tried…oh god, please help me, don't leave me alone again."

"Where did you go Face? Did she follow you?"

"No…no I run…I …I don't know what happened…I ran…and now I'm here, please…so scared."

A cold shiver run down Hannibal's back and he looked over his shoulder. BA too was feeling uneasy.

"Let's get you inside and then you calm down, okay?"

"No, no, we gotta get away from here, she'll come for me again, please don't let her get me again, please."

"Calm down Face. We're safe here, we won't let anyone get near you. Come here." Hannibal pulled Face forward and closer to himself. He reached into his pocket and fished out the key for the house.

"Let go of BA so he can open the door, will you?"

Face looked up at Hannibal but didn't release his grip on BA.

"Come on man, just let me go and unlock the door and then I'll come get you and Hannibal."

"No, you can't leave the door open, she'll slip in and then….oh god, no, please, I can't go through that again."

"Okay, let's all move to the door, unlock it, get inside and lock it again. Is that okay?"

"You…you got your guns ready?"

"Yes, we're all armed up to our teeth, now let's go." Hannibal pulled Face up with him and whispered to BA, "make it fast, we're looking suspicious."

It turned out that Face wasn't able to walk, the fear left him shaking and unable to keep his knees strait. They half carried half dragged him inside. It would have been easy for BA to carry him but he wouldn't let go off any of them which made the whole task a bit more difficult. Once inside Face made sure BA checked every room. Only when he was sure Sue was not in the house did he calm some with the result that all energy left him and he passed out in Hannibal's arms.

"Help me get him to the bed."

"I thought that nutcase was locked up for good."

"Me too."

"You think she escaped?"

"Not sure. Not sure what I should hope for either. That she did and Face is in real danger again or that she didn't. That would mean Face snapped. It doesn't make sense, even if she escaped how would she know where we are, we're at holidays after all."

"Seeing him like this was scary by all means."

"That it was. I'll call Tawnia 6 o'clock LA time sharp and have her find out whether Sue is still where she belongs. Maybe we can inform Murdock to stay put and do some research, what do you think?"

"Sound good, colonel. The last thing crazy man need to see is Face actin' crazy too."

Hannibal nodded in agreement. "Get some rest, B.A. I'll sit with Face"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Face slept straight through until after Hannibal's early morning call to Tawnia and her call back confirming that Sue was indeed still safely incarcerated. The knock to his head combined with the extreme exhaustion rendered him deeply unconscious, so much so that even the nightmares stayed away.

When he finally did start to come around, it was to Hannibal and B.A. quietly talking across the room. Through the pounding in his skull, however, he was unable to make out the words. Face shifted in an attempt to get more comfortable, but let out a moan as the movement sent daggers through his skull.

Hannibal jumped up and hustled toward the bed. "Kid, you back with us?"

"Mmm," Face mumbled in the affirmative. "What hit me?"

B.A.'s dark complexion took on a red tint and he looked toward the floor. "I'm sorry, man."

Face's bleary eyes widened. "You hit me? I don't remember."

"Well, he didn't exactly hit you," Hannibal began to explain. "Your head hit the wall…B.A. just helped it get there."

"I'm sorry, man" B.A. repeated. "We was real angry at you until…"

"Until what?" Face questioned when B.A. stopped short.

Again Hannibal spoke up. "Until you said some…um…some things."

'Oh God,' Face thought. "What things?"

"You said you were scared of bein' alone," B.A. offered.

"And you said…um…said that you saw Sue."

Face paled as it came back to him in a rush. The bar. He had seen Sue. But of course it hadn't really been her. He knew that now, but what had he said last night?

"Face," Hannibal said gently. "I checked…Sue is still behind bars."

"I know," came the meek reply.

"You do?" Hannibal and B.A. asked simultaneously.

Face nodded, and then regretted the action. "I do." As an afterthought he added, "most of the time. But then…then…she'll pop into my head." Face had already said more than he wanted to. Just thinking about Sue was making him feel sick; he broke out into a cold sweat and felt dizzy. "I…uh…don't feel so good."

Hannibal pulled him up into a sitting position. "Breathe Face, breathe, come on, chin to your chest and breathe through it, you know you can do it." Over the years they tried a lot of tactics to work through Face's often occurring nausea. This was one that worked, sometimes. BA got the bucket ready anyway.

It took a while but finally Face was able to work through it. Hannibal took a close look at the figure slumped against him. He seemed to have no energy left. Sure Hannibal had noticed that Face was exhausted and had dark rings under his eyes but had written it off to too much partying. But now things appeared in a different light. Sure the reason was still too much partying but the kid had a reason to go out, and a good one it seemed. If he got that spooked being awake, how much more in his sleep? He looked thinner than usual and wasn't even able to sit up on his own. Just how long had this been going on? And what exactly was going on?

"Come on kid, lay back down, you need more rest." He pushed Face back from his own body and helped ease him down. They went slow and still Face flinched when his head made contact with the soft pillow.

"What is it?"

"Head hurts."

"Sorry man."

"Let me feel the back of your head…. there's a lump but not too big. You said you can't remember what happened last night?"

"Not all."

"What's the last thing you do remember?"

"The last thing….I was at a bar talking to a nice lady and suddenly…oh no, oh god…" Face's mind wasn't completely working yet and therefore not able to keep reality and imagination separated. The mere thought of Sue send him reeling again.

"Calm down kid, you're safe. Just tell me what happened, come on, calm down."

"Sue…she was there…no, she wasn't…she…it's so confusing, all is fuzzy."

"What is the last thing you remember before you thought you saw Sue?"

"No, I saw her, I didn't think it…I mean…I know she wasn't there, but I saw her, I swear."

"Man, you're making less sense than the fool in his craziest times."

Hannibal shot BA a warning look but didn't say anything, instead he concentrated on Face. "What was the last thing you remember before you saw her?"

"I was at a bar, talking to a nice lady."

"That sounds more like you."

"BA, drop it. Did she look similar to Sue?"

"No, no, not at all." He had learned early to never go for a similar type, it only made him see Sue in the other woman faster. This was by far not the first time something like this had happened.

Hannibal saw Face shaking. The topic was too much for him at the moment. "Get some rest Face, you need it."

Face closed his eyes and soon drifted off.

"I don't like it man."

"What?"

"He didn't even argue, just closed his eyes and slept."

"Yeah, let's just hope it stays like that for a while."

But it didn't. Less than an hour later he began to writhe and moan in the bed. _"Please...no...please...go away...don't...please."_

Hannibal and B.A. each stood on a side of the bed and looked at each other.

"Colonel, what should we do, man?"

Hannibal rubbed his chin. "We try to bring him out of it as gently as possible."

B.A. exhaled deeply. They both knew how difficult, and dangerous, Face could be if he felt he was being attacked.

_"Hannibal,"_ Face cried out. _"Where are you guys? Help me...please help me."_

Hannibal felt as if he had been punched in the gut.

"Well, what you waitin' for?" B.A. encouraged.

'My breath to come back,' he thought before leaning over Face and saying softly, "It's okay, kid. We're here...you're safe."

But Face was too far gone to hear him. He began to struggle as if fighting against an attacker.

"He gonna hurt himself, Hannibal."

Hannibal tried a little louder this time. "Face...you're dreaming...wake up, son."

Face continued to kick and punch with his limbs. _"No...gotta fight...where are you...help!"_

Hannibal looked at B.A. who nodded his encouagement before practically barking, "Lieutenant Peck...I order you to calm down."

Face's body went rigid and all movement ceased, with the exception of tears that began to seep out from under his eyelids.

Safe or not, they decided they had had enough and couldn't bear to see their friend in such a state of dispair. Each man took hold of one Face's hands and placed one hand each on a knee to immobilize him enough to not hurt himself or the others and then went about their task of waking him up. It wasn't easy without any free hands since they could rely on words only but the words coupled with the feeling of the hands on his body that didn't appear to be threatening did the trick and slowly Face came around. To their immense relieve he came around before he started kicking out again.

"Hi there, you had a bad dream."

"You could say so." Face slurred and shuddered at the memory. He seemed to not really be awake yet but Hannibal didn't know if he was concussed or he was simply too exhausted.

"Was it about Sue?" BA, ever the straight forward.

Face whole body twitched and he looked around haunted at the mention of the name.

"Sorry man, sorry. She isn't here, you're safe."

"Sorry, it's just…sometimes…well.."

"No need to explain Face. She did a lot of bad things to you and you didn't get any professional help to get over it."

If they knew only half. Face wanted to protest that he was over whatever happened but they had the evidence right in front of them. Damn, why did he have to mention her to begin with. He needed to get away from that topic and talking about his dream, while not one of his favorites too, seemed a far better idea than talking about Sue.

"It was about Nam."

"Care to elaborate."

Face took a deep breath. Not really, but he also wanted to get his mind, and more important their questions, away from Sue.

"You remember Major Dixon?"

"Sure do." Hannibal remembered that day, or rather those three days, just too well. They had a mission and were one of the teams sent in along with several other platoons. A lot of men died that day or were wounded. When it came time for extraction the men made a mad dash for the choppers knowing there was just little time before the enemy would be on top of them and make landing impossible. Chopper after chopper took off and the LZ became hotter and hotter. Hannibal, BA and Ray waited for Face to appear but he didn't come. All three of them were wounded in a way, not live threatening but serious enough to not be able to stay behind and look for Face. Finally they had to get on the last chopper and leave the place. More men were missing and nobody knew for sure if they were still alive. They got patched up and took some meds to drug them up and were back the next day looking for him. The trouble was that the place was swarming with enemy and they couldn't even land anywhere near the site. Murdock took them a safe distance away and dropped them to hike their way back to where they supposed Face could be. Then he flew over the area again and again. His plan was to get the attention of the enemy on him and away from the team, and to spot Face. When they finally found him three days later he had a broken leg, was covered in blood and delirious. He was also holding onto the dog tags of the major and was repeating the exact location of his body over and over again until he passed out.

"You were holding his dog tags and repeating the coordinates where his body could be found. That was the last thing you said for a full day."

"I lied all those years back."

"What? No, he was exactly where you said, hidden under the bushes where you placed him. They got his body as soon as the place was secured."

"No, I mean…I said he was killed by the enemy."

"Yeah? So? He had a bullet in his leg and one in his head if I remember right."

"The bullet in his leg was from the VC alright, but the one in his head…it was an American one."

"Friendly fire?"

"Uhm…very friendly…his own actually. He shot himself. I didn't want his wife to know, thought it was better that way. He didn't also die on the first day but just hours before you found me."

"What happened?"

"I told you some soldier in front of me stepped on a grenade and his body was catapulted into me, breaking my leg. I was out for a while and the others probably thought I was dead, including the VC to my immense luck. I mean, nobody had time to really look and you guys were nowhere near when it happened. When I came around I was surrounded by a number of dead but the fire had died down. All the others including the enemy had moved on. I thought they were all dead but then the Major stirred. He had been shot in the leg, other than that he appeared fine but I don't know what had knocked him out. We checked the others, they were really dead, and then crawled toward the landing zone. The fire got thicker the closer we came but we were able to find a way through. We saw chopper after chopper taking off but motivated ourselves to crawl on. We had no chance to make it in time though and the place was swarming with enemy. Once we didn't have to chase after you guys we took the time for some damage control, initially we had only hastily bound some bandage around the majors leg and taken off. I took out my first aid kit and cleaned his wound as good as I could and then bandaged him. I didn't want him to do anything to my leg but he insisted it needed to be set. I begged him to leave me, even swatted him away telling him to leave me alone but he did it anyway. It probably saved my leg or at least the full use I got back, but I wasn't able to save him."

Face stopped talking and after a while Hannibal was sure that was all they would get out of him but then he went on.

"We were surrounded by enemy, if not spotted yet, not really able to move and if we did we left a trail a blind man could follow. I was really really scared and prayed you would come back for me. We found a place to hide for the night but could hear them around us all night. Just like a miracle they left before dawn and didn't see us but the next day we heard patrols every some minutes. They were so close but we stayed lucky. At least with the enemy. We were out of water and didn't dare take morphine. The pain was terrible and the dehydration added to it. In the third night enemy activities increased again. We hid under the bushes where his body was found but were spotted when I couldn't hold back a gasp of pain. They started shooting at our bushes and were coming nearer. He took his gun and started shooting back, I did the same, but then he turned the gun on himself. He said he wouldn't allow them to take him prisoner and I told him to keep fighting and that you guys would come for us but he pulled the trigger. It was dark and they hadn't seen us, only heard my gasp. His shot caused a commotion and I used the chance to sneak deeper under the dense bushes. I was able to hide from their flashlights and they finally left, thinking he had been alone. I gave us away and then I left him alone like a coward."

Hannibal and BA said nothing as they tried to take in and process Face's story. But, even though they hadn't let go of his hands, Face took the silence as a sign that they were too disgusted to speak.

"I'm so so…sorry," Face's voice shook.

"Sorry?" B.A. repeated. "What for, man?"

"Should have stopped him…shouldn't have let him do it."

Hannibal began to stroke the hand he was still holding. "It sounds like you did try, kid…he snapped, but that isn't your fault."

"I should have done…done more."

"You had a broken leg, Faceman. When we found you, you was real sick too."

Face shook his head sadly. "But still…"

"But still you saved his memory for his wife and family," Hannibal cut him off. "And held that inside of you all those years. That couldn't have been easy."

It hadn't been. Face began trembling under the sheets. Revealing such a long-term secret had taken its toll on him. "I…I can still see…see the look on his face right before...before he…um…pulled the trigger. And I can see…see him fall…fall to the ground, the short distance from crouching under bushes anyway." Face closed his eyes and gripped his friends' hands even harder. "Oh God…it was awful. I'd seen lots of men die…but not…but not like that. I was already covered in blood from others but the few splatters from him seemed to stick out more than the rest."

"Why didn't you say nothin' to us over all these years?"

Face kept his eyes shut. "Didn't want you to know what a coward I was." Mentally he added, 'and what a coward I still am.'

"Oh, kid," Hannibal sighed. "You chose to live…Dixon had that choice as well. You didn't take the easy way out and leave others to grieve for you from a death by your own hand. You were scared as well, but you remained strong…and that makes you very brave."

Face wasn't convinced; the pain was still too real even after all of the years. "I should have died before giving us away…maybe he would have made it." Under his breath he added, "He had a family…I had nobody to grieve for me."

B.A. pulled his hand away suddenly. "What you talkin' about, fool?" His tone was angry as Face's words had stung. "We woulda grieved for you."

Face hung his head. "I…I didn't mean…I…I'm sorry."

Hannibal also felt hurt by his lieutenant's comments, but now was not the time to get into it. He let it go…for now. Shooting B.A. a warning look he said, "you don't have to hide anything from us, Face. Maybe if you talk to us and let us in these nightmares will stop."

"Maybe," Face conceded. But there were certain things he had no intentions of ever talking about again…and Sue was on top of that list. The ringing phone saved him for the moment.

"Hello?"

_"Colonel, I checked out Sue's place. She's still locked up tight. Over the years only three people escaped there, and they all had help from inside. It's maximum security, and they mean it. Even Face wouldn't be able to scam his way in and out. I'm just glad I'm not locked up there, anyway, only the real crazy are locked up there."_

"I'll leave that last part uncommented. Where did you get all this information?"

"_Sometimes it's good to be in a military facility, they have all kind of access to files here, just need to call the right people."_

"You or Dr. Richter?"

_"Neither of us, of course I wouldn't use Dr. Richters name for that. Dr. Michels called, from his office line, while he was out playing golf with Richter. That's what I call multi tasking."_

"True."

_"Uhm colonel, you need me to hang back any longer? I wanna come see Face."_

"Uhm, well…okay, come."

_"It's gonna take me some time to break out of this joint and 'borrow' a bird without Face's help."_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Hannibal looked over at Face who, in addition to looking sick, now looked nervous as well. "Do what you can, Captain. Face needs us now."

After hanging up the phone Hannibal went back to Face's side. Looking across the bed he noticed that B.A. was sporting a scowl.

"B.A., why don't you take a break?"

B.A. didn't hesitate before standing and heading for the door; he was still aggravated by what Face had said and knew if he didn't leave he might say something he would regret later.

Face swallowed hard and turned his head in the opposite direction of Hannibal so he wouldn't see the moisture forming in his eyes.

"Face?"

Face cleared his tightening throat. "Yeah?"

"You know how B.A. gets."

"Yeah," Face repeated.

Hannibal tried to keep his tone light. "It's why we call him B.A….that bad attitude of his."

Once more Face rasped, "yeah."

"Is that all you can say?"

"Yeah. I mean…no…I…didn't mean to upset him," Face paused and looked at Hannibal. "Or you."

"Stop worrying about us, kid."

He had hoped Hannibal would say that he hadn't upset him…even if it was a lie. The fact that he didn't even try to lie spoke volumes.

"Now close your eyes and get some sleep."

Face did as told and closed his eyes, but there was no way he was going to sleep. Unfortunately, his body had other ideas. While the part of his body from his neck downwards felt like lead and he was sure he wasn't able to move even one finger his head wanted him to jump up and run a marathon. There was no way he was going to sleep. In addition to that he was feeling sick like a dog and had to use his last bit of energy to concentrate on breathing and controlling the nausea.

He tried to hide it from Hannibal, he had caused enough trouble and had already driven BA from the room. No need to add oil to the fire. 'Close your eyes and get some sleep' was a simple enough order even he should be able to follow. But it just wasn't happening and of course Hannibal noticed.

"Can't sleep kid?"

He opened his eyes again but didn't look at his colonel. "Yeah."

"That word again. Guess I have to get you a dictionary.

"Sorry, can't sleep."

"Wanna get up for a bit?"

"Can't."

"You can't?"

"No, so tired."

Hannibal was getting worried. One word answers, looking anywhere but at his colonel bone tiered and not able to sleep. He had seen that before.

"I've seen you like this once before and I really don't need a repetition of that time."

"Like what?"

"Exhausted to the bone, not able to take one more step and not able to rest once we had found a place to lay you down."

"Hmm."

"You remember that time I'm talking about?"

"Yeah."

They had been in Nam in the early days and their camp had been hit with a nasty flu epidemic. The timing had been good, if there was such a thing as good timing for the flu, as it had been a relatively peaceful few weeks. Few were spared, but Face was one of the lucky ones. Or was he unlucky by the end of it?

"You spent a good week running around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to do the work of ten men."

Face chuckled lightly. "Yeah, well tough men in the middle of battle can turn into big babies when sick. Somebody had to do something."

"I remember you telling us that the reason you didn't get sick was that you were exposed to so many germs over the years in the orphanage."

Face looked surprised. "You remember that? You were so sick that I didn't think any of you had a clue what I was saying."

Hannibal smiled. "Well, it was one of the rare times you spoke about the orphanage back then…it stuck out in my fevered mind I guess."

"Yeah."

Hannibal rolled his eyes playfully at yet another use of the word.

"Sorry," he rolled his eyes back. "It was true…I didn't get sick."

Hannibal shook his head is disagreement. "You didn't get the flu…but you were far from well. I'll tell you one thing, it was damn scary. You seemed okay one minute and the next you were down on the floor."

"That part I don't remember."

Hannibal went back into his memory and filled in the blanks. "We were all still pretty weak, but much improved. You, however, were still working on autopilot and overdrive."

_"Hey, kid. Slow down…where's the fire?"_

_ "No can do, colonel…I have too much to do."_

_ "C'mon, muchacho. You've done enough."_

_ "Yeah, man…the fool's right. Damn, I must still be sick if I'm agreein' with crazy man."_

"That's when it happened. All the color drained from your face and you dropped to the floor in a boneless heap. It seemed as if your body had just stopped functioning. As if Murdock's and BA's words had turned a switch, your body now knew it didn't need to do all the work alone while your head still told it to go on. It was as if your body felt betrayed by your head and went into strike. You were laying there babbling about the things you need to do next. It was scary."

"It sure was." BA who had come back unnoticed added. "Sorry for running out but you know how I get when someone takes bad about my family, even one of its members himself."

Hannibal didn't want to get into the story just then and continued before Face had a chance to say anything. " We were all week after the long sickness and needed a while to untangle you and get you into your cot. First we tried to get you to your cot but soon realized it would mean dragging you over. We then decided to drag your cot to you and get you on it where you were, that was the easier way."

"Yeah man, you was standing in the middle of the way then. You took a whole day to fall asleep, all the time talking about what you need to do and when, and then you slept for two days straight."

"Turned out you barely ate or slept all that time, let alone drink enough. What about now? How much did you sleep the last weeks? And do I have to be concerned about your eating and drinking habits too?"

Face was embarrassed to admit the truth, so he tried to turn it around a make a joke about it. "I'm thirty-something years old…I think I can manage to sleep and eat."

The charm wasn't working this time. "Look at yourself, Faceman."

Face still made another attempt. "Sorry…don't have a mirror handy."

"Face," Hannibal said in an exasperated tone. "Cut it out."

Face felt his anger rising. "What do you want from me?"

"Try the truth, sucker. We know you ain't good at it."

Face's tired eyes opened wide before being casted downward.

If looks could kill, B.A. would be in big trouble from the icy glare Hannibal sent his way.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean it…I…um…well…I'm just sorry." B.A. hadn't meant it to come out the way it had, but he couldn't unring a bell.

It was taking all of Face's con-man skills to hold it together. "It's okay. You're just speaking the truth."

"Face, it isn't the truth. Just because you're a good liar doesn't mean we think you always lie."

It was B.A.'s turn to give his colonel a warning look; the two of them were only digging themselves a deeper hole.

"At least we're all agreed on my talents," Face mumbled sadly. Oddly, however, he was glad the discussion turned away from his sleeping habits, even if the outcome was still hurtful. Trying to deflect even more he said, "nature's calling…I have to go."

He wasn't lying this time…he did have to go…but had he known what was going to happen he would have held it. The plan was to sit up, wait a bit to get adjusted, walk to the bathroom, that part slow and maybe with the help of the guys, and get done with it. The trouble was that his body didn't want to cooperate and sitting up turned out to be impossible.

"Uhm guys, could you give me a hand here, I'm kinda stiff after laying down for so long."

"You didn't lay for that long", muttered BA but helped Face to a sitting position anyway.

Sitting was too much a word for it, rather leaning against BA and threatening to fall off the bed.

Hannibal was eying the duo suspiciously but said nothing.

"Hannibal, come grab his other side and get him moving."

Face needed help to even swing his legs off the bed. The moment they had him upright his knees buckled and he hung between his friends.

"Back to bed with you, just as I feared, a repetition of that time in Nam. BA, see if you can find anything for him to urinate inside. We'll help you while in bed and once we're done you and I will have a nice discussion about sleeping and eating habits."

Hannibal was a bit pissed but Face's "No" and the shocked expression made him curious. "No to which part of it."

"I can make it to the bathroom."

"Sure, go ahead, we're not keeping you."

"I…I…oh damn."

BA appeared with a plastic bowl. It's use for the purpose while laying down meant to pull his pants down far and spread his legs for the thing to fit in between, meaning to be fully exposed and humiliated.

"Here you go Faceman."

Face tried to get his hands to cooperate enough to do it himself at least but the previous episode had sapped the rest of his energy and left him unable to do the simple task of pushing himself up and pulling his pants down.

"Stop fumbling around, lemme help you."

"No, you just leave, I'll do it."

"You obviously can't Face." Hannibal stood off to the side, ready to let BA do the helping."

"I can."

"Cut it Faceman, let me help you."

"No, leave me."

"Come on, don't be such a baby. You been pulling down your pants for them lady's all the time, 'sides there's nothing I haven't seen before."

"You think that's all I do? Right? Lying and whoring around, right?" Face was beyond angry at being unable to help himself and at BA's words.

"No, well, not all, and now let me help before you wet the bed."

"Get away from me, leave me alone."

"Face, don't be such a baby, it's not like this is the first time."

"But that was before…."

"Before what?"

Before Sue but he didn't want to say that, he simply said nothing. Defeated he let them help but embarrassment soon mixed with unwanted memories of how Sue had helped him and he wasn't able to hold back his tears. By the time he was done he was openly sobbing and his friends didn't know why.

"Face, all done, what is it Face?"

"Leave me alone, just leave me alone, please."

"Face come on, talk to us."

"Please leave me alone, just for some time, please."

The duo looked at each other and then reluctantly left the room.

"You think we're doing the right thing?"

"Honestly? I have no idea. And I don't also know what's gotten him all riled up."

"Oh man, where's the fool when you need him."

Murdock was on his way, but that did nothing to help Face whose mind was reeling. On top of the fear from the memories, he was now utterly embarrassed that he had allowed himself to break down so badly in front of Hannibal and B.A. Sure, they had seen him cry before, but not over something that seemed as simple as this.

He had been injured before and needed their assistance with personal matters. And it wasn't as if they hadn't all _seen_ each other before. To them it must have looked as if he was losing his mind. 'And maybe I am,' he thought.

He wished he could just talk to them…tell them what had happened and how it was still plaguing him even three years later. But that meant he would have to say what happened out loud, and that would make it all the more real. Plus, would it stop the nightmares and flashbacks?

Maybe…but then again, maybe not.

Was it worth the risk of the team knowing the gory details that had become his life? Was it fair for them to have to share his burden?

Too many questions and no easy answers.

Face had one more question: Why did he still feel so sick? B.A. hadn't slammed him into the wall _that _hard. Hard enough…but not enough to last this long.

And while he hadn't been eating or sleeping anywhere near enough, it wasn't like he hadn't gone through periods like this before. The lack of sleep and nourishment had been far worse after Nam and right after the whole Sue fiasco. But now he wasn't only fatigued…he felt lousy. Everything seemed to ache or hurt in some way. He felt hot and cold at the same time…something was very wrong.

He had told them to leave but he didn't want to be alone too. They had obeyed his wish but now he felt alone and couldn't blame anybody but himself. He still felt ashamed of what had just happened, no way could he humiliate himself even more and beg for them to come back. He would just have to wait.

The wait seemed to drag on for ages and thinking became increasingly difficult. He seemed to suffocate as the room became hotter and hotter, or so it seemed. He needed air and fast, but that meant calling for the guys help and he just couldn't bring himself to call out for them after he had just sucked them from the room.

Everything seemed to be spinning and he was so hot. The window was just beside the bed, one step and he was there. If he could only manage to reach it, the air would clear his head and he would know what to do. He tried to push himself to a sitting position but it was no use.

'Maybe if I just shift to the side and reach out, I might be able to reach it.' He shifted closer to the edge and reached out.

"Don't you think we should go back inside?"

"We're within earshot, everything is quiet in there. He was very upset, let him cool down a bit, he'll feel embarrassed if we go in and he's still crying."

"I tell you this is wrong, I feel it."

"Five more minutes BA, and then we check on him. By all you know he's fallen asleep."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

A loud thud, like something heavy falling to the floor, ended the five minutes before time.

They collided with each other in their haste to get back inside the room. B.A. deferred to Hannibal and then followed the colonel inside.

Face was lying in an awkward heap on the floor. His eyes open, but staring blankly and unfocused.

While their instinct was to run over and pick their friend up, they could see he wasn't all with them. The last thing Face needed was to be scared in his fragile state.

"Face?" Hannibal asked softly from just inside the door frame. "You okay?"

No response.

Hannibal looked to B.A. who could only shrug his shoulders. Hannibal took a tentative step closer. "Kid? Can you hear me?"

Face looked over in their general direction, but that was his only response.

Hannibal took it as a sign that he was at least aware of their presence in the room. "We're going to come over and try to help you, okay?"

Hannibal sighed…they were back to no response at all. He motioned B.A. forward.

Face could hear footsteps approaching, but his vision was too blurry to see who it was. He was still dazed from the fall off of the bed and couldn't move. There were footsteps and the rattling of chains. He flashed back to another time when he wasn't able to move and was confined by chains.

"No…please…no," Face whimpered.

Hannibal and B.A. froze.

"No….no more chains…no."

'Chains?' A lightbulb went off in B.A.'s head. "Faceman,' he said loudly trying to break through to the panicked man. "It's just my gold, man…just my gold."

Face heard somebody say 'gold' and recognized the voice. "B.A.?" he questioned breathlessly.

"Yeah, it's me man."

Face was blinking his eyes rapidly fighting his way back to the surface and away from the memories. "Hannibal?"

"I'm here too, kid." Both men began to advance forward again. "Are you okay?"

"I…I think so." He started to push himself upward, but winced and fell back. "Ah…damn," he cursed at the sharp pain.

Hannibal knelt down next to his lieutenant. "What is it?"

His face was tight with pain. "I'm not sure I'm okay…ouww."

"Where does it hurt Face?"

"All over."

"All over? You didn't fall that far."

"No, yes, I mean, my hand."

"Your hand isn't all over man."

BA was in for another glare, but only a brief one since Hannibal was busy. "Let me see."

"No, I'm alright." Face cradled his hand to his body instead of letting Hannibal near.

"Come on, let me have a look, I just want to make sure you're alright."

"Told you I am."

"I just want to make sure, I'm concerned about you, kid."

"Thanks but no need, really, good as new."

"Oh man, why do I have to live with two fools, come on man, let him look and get it over with."

"But…"

"No but's Face, BA's right, even if his way of putting it wasn't the most kind."

"I'm just not beating around the bush like you, you would have ordered him anyway."

"What now Face? Let me look?"

Face thought for a second and then reached out his hand, wincing at the movement. Though he didn't like to be treated like a kid he knew he had no choice in the long run, Hannibal would order him and he would have to obey. He always did that when he suspected something was wrong. He never ordered the others around in that way though and Face secretly hated it. He believed them when they said they were fine, but never him.

Hannibal touched Face's wrist and he pulled back. "Ouw."

"Sorry, can you move your fingers? Good, let me see again."

"Ouw, since when do you see with your hands?"

"Sorry, I need to make sure nothing is broken. It's swelling pretty bad already."

"I told you it's not broken." Face was getting irritated, besides he did hurt all over and wanted nothing more than to lay back down.

Hannibal reached out for Face's forehead. "Damn kid, you're burning up. BA, help me get him back to the bed, we need to cool him down."

"Aaaaahhhh."

"Nothing seems broken, at least I hope so, but it's sprained pretty bad. Maybe we'll get it x-rayed, let's see how it develops." Hannibal had used the distraction to examine Face's hand without warning.

The jolting pain sent stars before Face's eyes and took his breath away. After a few agonizing moments of trying to get his breath back, he turned a sickly green color and clasped his good hand over his mouth.

B.A. barely had time to grab a basin that was on the table in case of such a situation.

"Oh, God," Face gasped between heaves.

"You shouldn't have done that, man," B.A. commented. "He wasn't ready."

"I didn't want him to tense up…it would have made it worse."

"Worse than this?"

"If you think you can do any better…"

Face still felt sick to his stomach and hearing his friends arguing over him wasn't helping. He wanted to tell them to stop, but was too weak to do anything more than take it all in.

Hannibal and B.A. kept nipping at each other; the stress of the past day was coming to a head, they all but forgot about the sick man beside them and that he could hear every word.

"Yeah, I could do better."

Hannibal just rolled his eyes.

"Don't you roll your eyes at me, sucker."

"That's Colonel Sucker to you, Sergeant. And I'm doing the best I can…I expected a vacation from Face, not a meltdown."

"We finally agree on somethin'."

Face cringed. He was fairly certain that his hand wasn't broken, but he wasn't sure he could say the same for his heart.

The duo was still bickering over who was to be blamed for everything and nothing and who had the better plans. Face felt as if his head was spinning. He felt sick and hot and his hand was paining, besides he was still hurt that they had left him alone for their football game and then blamed him for going out. His mind wasn't in the right place or he would never have said what came next.

"Sorry for disappointing you."

It took a while before any of the other two realized that Face had talked. They were so consumed by their own fight that they had totally forgotten about Face who was still on the floor.

"What did you say?"

"Never mind, just keep ignoring me as you do most of the time."

"What? Who's ignoring you sucker? We the ones being here to help you." The fact that BA was already loaded didn't help the situation at all and showed in his tone.

"You're here for your vacation, not to help me. You don't even realize why I keep arranging those vacations. You dind't want to came but couldn't find a good excuse like Murdock. Know what? Just leave, doesn't matter if you two are around or not, I'm alone anyway."

There was silence for some time. Face was inwardly cursing himself for having said out loud what was never supposed to come out and Hannibal and BA were trying to make sense of what Face had said.

"You ain't making any sense Faceman."

"I uhm…was just trying to stop you two from getting at each other. Worked. Now I have your attention."

"Okay, you have our attention now, that's for sure. What is it you want?"

"I'm on the floor and cold, mind to help me up?"

Within the minute Face was settled in back and buried under his blankets.

"Now that you're comfy kid, what is it we don't realize?"

"Huh?"

"You said we don't realize why you keep arranging those vacations."

"I said I just wanted to get your attention."

"Why don't I buy that?"

"I'm tired." Face yawned and then closed his eyes pretending to sleep. He didn't have to pretend for long as exhaustion claimed him once again.

Hannibal knew a lost case when he saw one and he knew he wouldn't get another word out of Face, besides he needed his rest. But the topic would be brought up again, that he was sure. He wasn't going to let Face off the hook, not before he got to the ground of this.

BA left the room going towards the front of the house where the kitchen was located, muttering something about fools on his way. At the same moment the front door flew open and a whirlwind of activity came in and fell right around BA's neck.

"Hello darling, did you miss me?"

"Get off of me fool."

Murdock pulled a hurt face. "An attitude like that will get you nowhere."

"And if you don't get off me it'll get you a fist in your face."

"So much for absence making the heart grow fonder," Murdock mumbled while pushing off of B.A.'s gold and onto his own feet. "So what's new…how's Face?"

"Actin' crazier than you, fool."

Hannibal glared at B.A. "He's not crazy."

B.A. countered with a glare of his own. "I didn't say he was crazy…I said he was actin' crazy. You was the one that said he was havin' a meltdown…and to his face."

Murdock got in on the glare train. "Tell me you didn't, colonel."

"I didn't," Hannibal quickly answered. "Well…um…not exactly. I kind of forgot he was there. And, anyway, B.A. agreed with me."

"What is wrong with you two?" Murdock crossed his arms and shook his head in disapproval.

"Look, man, it ain't been easy 'round here. Me and Hannibal was just blowin' off some steam."

Murdock didn't look appeased. "Blowing of steam…in Face's direction. Too bad he's the one who got burned by it."

Both Hannibal and B.A. looked down, clearly embarrassed by their actions. A couple of moments later they both turned at the same time and said, "I'm sorry." The pair grinned and then shook hands.

"Now that's more like it. I'm going to go sit with Face until he wakes up. Now you two continue making nice."

Murdock entered Face's room as quietly as possible and pulled a chair right up to the bedside. Though he was sleeping, his brow looked furrowed as if in pain and he was whimpering softly. Murdock could see that his hand was swollen and his wrist slightly discolored, but at least nothing looked out of place.

'RICE," he thought, wracking his brain to recall the medical acronym. 'Now if I can only remember what it stands for…besides the sticky white stuff I get at the V.A."

It took some time, but it finally came back: rest, ice, compression and elevation. Ice and compression wasn't an option at the moment, but he was already resting the injured part and Murdock figured he could easily elevate the hand. Or so he thought.

The others had filled him in about what had happened whiles he was away and that they had left the hand be for now, not wanting to disturb his sleep. Murdock knew Face was prone to nightmares and could lash out when startled in his sleep. But he also knew he had a good influence on him and could gain his trust even in his sleep, he just had to let his subconscious know that he was no enemy, it had worked a thousand times in the past.

He approached the sleeping and whimpering figure sure that he was whimpering because of the pain in his hand, his expression said so much. "Hey buddy, all is well, I'm gonna help you, you'll feel better soon."

He reached out for the hand but the moment he touched it Face jerked his arm away, his eyes opened briefly but closed again before he spoke. "No, no more, please, I can't take it, please."

"It's okay muchacho. Has Hannibal been worrying you with examinations? Just want to elevate your hand so you feel better." Murdock took Face opening his eyes and his talking as a good sign, at least Face's subconscious was with him and realized what was going on around him.

He reached out again, this time slipping his hand under Face's forearm, or at least he tried. Before he even touched him his good hand shot out and wrapped around Murdock's throat, squeezing with all his might. Luckily for Murdock Face wasn't as strong as he used to but still he couldn't get his hand off of his throat.

"You won't twist my arm again you breed of hell. I got out of your bonds, now you have no chance."

Face looked directly at Murdock who couldn't believe what was happening. He seemed to be fully awake, no sign of a dream.

Murdock managed a short "Hannibal." Before Face put even more power into his struggle.

Hannibal and BA came running and stopped short at the scene in front of them.

"BA, Hannibal, good you came, help me secure her."

"Face let go, come on, let go."

"No, no you don't understand, I have her now, I can't let go."

"Face, Murdock needs air, wake up. Let go."

"No, she's bad, you don't know."

"Face, let Murdock go, now."

"Murdock? Oh my god, Murdock, what, where, oh no, where's Sue?"

"Safely locked up, Sue is not here."

"But she was here, just a moment ago. She wanted to twist my broken arm as she does that all the time. I need to find her."

"Face, you were dreaming, Sue is not here, it was a dream."

"No, no dream." Face was getting too worked up.

"It was, look at your arm, it's not broken right now."

Face looked at his limb and then back up with wide eyes. "I…but…I…oh God." He focused on Murdock. "Murdock…so sorry…you…you okay?"

"Just fine, buddy," Murdock smiled. "The big guy has choked me worse lots of times."

For once, B.A. didn't retort back with a smart comment; he appreciated that Murdock was trying to keep things light.

But for Face he felt nothing but a dark dread. He settled back onto his pillow and covered his face with his forearm.

"Kid, don't do this."

"Do what, strangle my friends?" His voice was rough with emotion.

"Well, that's usually a good idea," Hannibal said gently. "Don't shut us out."

"Yeah, talk to us."

"We just wanna help you, Faceman."

Face felt as if he were being ganged up on by the team…even though he knew they were just trying to help. "Don't want to talk…and don't need your help."

"Kid…"

"Don't 'kid' me, Hannibal. M'not a kid…never have been." Face knew he was losing control, but he couldn't stop it. If he could he never would have said what he did next.

"You sure are..."

"Colonel's right, Anybody's been a kid sometime." The glaring contest between BA and Hannibal went on, but this time BA didn't even notice Hannibal's glare."

"Not me."

"You been born adult or what?"

"What BA so kindly is trying to say, " this time BA did notice the look, and the undertone, "is that you are a kid to us. You are the youngest of our team."

"Doesn't make me a kid."

"No, it doesn't but you are a kid to me, my kid."

"M' not yours, m' nobody's."

"That's not true, you belong to us, you're ours."

"Then why did you dump me in the orphanage?"

"Okay, not biological of course and we got to know you when you were older but still, it feels like you're my son, always have been."

"Oh yeah? We sure had a difficult start if that is true. Do you send all your sons through obstacle courses until they collapse?"

Hannibal inhaled deeply. "You're a bit difficult to argue with today. Okay, maybe not right from the start but after some weeks."

"And what is it like to feel like my father?"

"I just feel like you are mine, like I have to protect you, always."

"Then you failed."

"I said I'm trying to protect you, I can't do so all the time but I try. And I think I succeed rather often, or?"

Face felt his control slip and there was nothing he could do. He knew he was being unfair but all the pent up frustration needed to come out and gave him some extra energy. He pushed himself up on his elbows, looked Hannibal directly in the eyes and asked in the most acidic tone he could muster: "Then where were you? Where were you when she raped me again and again and again?"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. let out a collective gasp. Stunned speechless, the room became dead silent.

Face kept his eyes locked on the trio. He was breathing hard as the pent-up emotions had finally hit the surface. But as the realization of the secret he had just revealed hit him, the little color he had left drained from his face and he began to tremble fiercely.

Finally Hannibal broke the silence, but he was having trouble making the words come out of his mouth. "She…she…um…she…"

Face lowered his gaze. "Yeah…she did."

B.A. swore under his breath and Murdock nervously began to rock from side to side. Hannibal ran a hand through his silver hair; there was no plan for something like this. They lapsed into another bout of uncomfortable silence.

But the silence spoke volumes to Face. He didn't know where he got the strength, but his desire to get away overpowered his physical weakness, and he got onto his feet and shuffled toward the door.

Once he made it outside, he leaned heavily against the wall hurting from head to toe. What hurt the most, however, was that nobody had tried to stop him from leaving. He waited a few moments…and nobody followed him out either.

He made an attempt to move on but he swayed so much that he leaned back on the wall. His head was reeling, how could he have been so stupid, he had kept the secret for so long, why did he have to spill it now? They would be appalled by him, the same as he had been appalled by himself and his body when he had looked in the mirror for the months following the incident. The feeling of being dirty that had been his companion for so long and that he had finally managed to push down was back with full force. He itched everywhere and desperately needed a bath, a very hot one with lots of soap. The bathroom was just opposite the door, all he had to do was push himself from the wall and take two little steps forward. He could do it. He made one step, then stumbled, swayed but made it to the other side and since he had aimed for the door handle also made it inside, it was rather a falling inside than a stepping inside but he made it.

Inside the room three people were stunned and frozen in motion and all three lapsed into action at the same moment. If the reason wouldn't have been so sad it would have been funny.

"How could we have been so blind."

"We wasn't blind, there were no signs, not even in the scrap book."

"Face we…Face, oh shit." They had been so lost that they hadn't even taken in the fact that Face had left the room. Murdock was out of the door in two long strides and just in time to hear the lock of the bathroom door snap closed.

"Face. Face, come on. Let me in buddy."

"Go away Murdock, I…I'm dirty…I'll make all of you dirty…go away."

"That's not true."

"Yes…yes it is. Need to get clean…so dirty…so dirty."

Hannibal and B.A. were now standing behind the pilot. "Is it locked?" Hannibal asked.

"Yeah." Murdock knocked on the door. "Face…please let us help you…let us be there for you now like we weren't before."

The only reply they got was the sound of the shower turning on.

"We have to get in there." Hannibal's voice sounded panicked. "But our lock specialist is on the wrong side of the door."

"Want me to break it down, colonel."

Hannibal nodded 'yes', but Murdock said, "No. If Face didn't make it into the shower we run the risk of hitting him."

"I hate to say it, but the fool's right." B.A. began heading for the stairs.

"Where are you going, sergeant."

"To my van. Need my tool box to undo the hinges."

Face didn't bother to take off his clothes before stepping into the hot shower. It was the kind of hot that was just short of unbearable, but Face welcomed the burning sensation. The steam was thick and it was getting harder to breathe. Face fell back against the tile and sank down into the tub that was slowly filling up thanks to a towel that was blocking the exit of the water. The more the tub filled up the deeper he sank. He was aware of it, also of the fact that the hot water was slowly burning his skin, but found himself unable to move. Not that he couldn't move, he just didn't care anymore. If he would drown in the tub all the pain would be over, and it wasn't even suicide, he simply didn't do anything against drowning, that sure couldn't count. When his head was half way under water and he could just breath hot steam through his nose he saw images of Sue and closed his eyes in an attempt to block them out. It didn't work and he was getting frustrated that she wouldn't even let him die in peace. But then images of the team and how they had helped him to get through the nightmare the first time appeared.

'I won't let you win over me you bitch, I'm stronger than you.' He pushed himself upwards so that his head was just out of the water. 'I survived you, I got over the whole thing, somehow, and now that it has all come back again I won't let you get to me, you're not even real.' He fished for the towel and removed it from the drain.

"How are you getting along?"

"It's quality man, damn hard to undo but I'm almost there, gimme another minute."

Hannibal crouched down to Murdock who had been calling Face's name through the door without any reaction at all. "He'll be fine, did you hear BA? We're almost inside."

"Yeah, but what will we find?"

"Think positive captain, he's strong."

Face had decided to get rid of all memories from Sue and first of all that meant cleaning her smell off of his body. He felt as if her sent was all over him. He picked up a rag and soap and started to fiercely scrub at his already red skin without turning the water off. Since he was still wearing the T-Shirt and boxers he had been wearing in bed he mainly attacked his legs and arms.

He could hear Murdock calling his name and it made him scrub all the harder. His heart was racing from the exertion and he was almost at the point of hyperventilation. The intense heat of the water and thick steam in the room wasn't helping matters any.

Suddenly Face hit the wall; all of his energy gone in an instant. He dropped the rag back into the water and slid back downward. This time he was so overcome with heat and pain that he couldn't move if he tried.

Face felt as if he was on fire and suffocating; the water level was rising again as the towel was back to clogging the drain.

"Got it!" B.A. announced as the last screw was removed and he was able to remove the entire door from the frame.

They were met by a rush of dense steam blocking their view of what was inside…Face nearly unconscious with water up to his chin.

"Help me," he whispered almost inaudibly. "Help me, don't wanna die, don't wanna let her win over me. Please."

Murdock was the first to spot him as the fog cleared. He jumped forward and grabbed him under the arms to pull him up so his head was completely out of the water. He was hanging in his arms, looking at him with such a lost expression that it scared him.

Hannibal reached out to stop the water and cursed as the burning hot water touched his hands. BA, who had left as soon as he saw that Murdock had Face safe returned a moment later with a pile of towels. He threw them down to the floor.

"Let me get him fool, Colonel, take his legs, fool, get the towels ready. Damn, he's burning hot."

It all happened very fast, Face was lifted from the tub and, seeing that their friend had fallen unconscious, carried over to the bed and placed on several towels that Murdock had hastily spread out.

"We got to get him out of his clothes." Hannibal started the task as he was speaking and soon they had Face's boxers and T-shirt of. They were relieved to see that the rest of his body wasn't as red as his face, arms and legs but he was too hot. Contradictory to that his whole body was trembling as if shivering in the cold.

"I don't like it. He had a fever before but now he's just burning. I guess he's coming down with something. And just when did he get so thin?" Looking at Face's naked form Hannibal wondered how long this had been going on and why he hadn't noticed anything. But there was time to wonder later. First he had to check his arms and legs, they were deeply red and showed signs of scratches and blisters.

"We need to clean these scratches so they don't get infected. Murdock, see if there are any first aid supplies in the bathroom."

Murdock nodded and left the room.

B.A. looked at Hannibal nervously. "You think the fool gonna be able to deal with all this, man?"

Hannibal shrugged. "Do you think we will be able either?"

"Don't think we got a choice…the Faceman need us."

Murdock returned carrying a white box. "Stocked first aid kit…bet this is Face's doing."

"Too bad you need to use it on me."

The rest of the team jumped at the voice coming from the bed. "Face," they all exclaimed at once.

"Thanks for the reminder. Wasn't sure anymore." His words were slurred and his breathing labored, but he had a slight grin on his face. "M'sorry…freaked out…forget…please forget…what I…said."

"Just lay still, kid." Hannibal could see that his lieutenant was getting worked up again. In his condition they needed to keep him as calm as possible.

"I don't feel…so good. Hot…so hot."

Murdock knelt down next to his best friend. "We know, buddy. You're real sick and have some wounds we need to treat, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'll stay right next to you. Just remember that you're safe."

"Safe," Face repeated.

"That's right, man," B.A. chimed in. "I ain't gonna let nobody hurt you again."

"Okay kid, let me clean those scratches."

"Scratches?"

"Yeah, scratches."

"What…what happened?"

"My guess is that you tried to scrub and burn your skin off."

Face suddenly remembered. "Dirty…I'm dirty…so dirty."

"No, you're not."

"Yes..she..she made me, need to clean" Face was getting too worked up which did nothing to his already compromised breathing.

"Calm down kid, you did clean up quiet well, nothing left to clean, believe me." And under his breath Hannibal added "Not even skin." While working on the places where Face had rubbed part of the skin off.

Face calmed some as he felt the antiseptic. In his fevered mind he welcomed the burning sensation thinking it would clean him thoroughly.

"You're quiet buddy, how do you feel?"

"Lousy, so hot."

"Murdock get some wet towels to cool him. Kid, you look tired, why don't you sleep?"

"Have to stay alert…Sue."

"Sue is safely locked away. You need to sleep some. We're here keeping watch over you."

Face was terribly tired and had a hard time keeping his eyes open. "You…you'll stay?"

"We will, all of us. That's a promise." The childlike quality of the simple question tore at all three of them.

"Sure will man, just close them eyes and sleep. I'll watch over you, nobody gets past BA."

"And I'll watch over your dreams and keep the bad ones away, sleep buddy."

Face did as was told and his eyes closed and remained that way; the guys were with him and he would be safe.

Hannibal slumped into a chair and put his head into his hands. "My God…what have we done?"

"Colonel?" B.A. asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"Three years…it's been three years."

"But we didn't know, man."

Murdock shook his head. "Yes…yes we did. We knew he had been hurt real bad by that psycho."

"What you two fools talkin' about? We didn't know he was…well…you know."

"Not saying it out loud doesn't make it any less true, sergeant." Hannibal rubbed at his temples. "And we knew plenty. And what did we do? We pushed it all under the rug and tried to get things back to normal as soon as possible. We should have made him talk…maybe this would have come out earlier and we could have helped him handle it."

Murdock leaned heavily against the wall. "I should have seen this coming."

"We all should have. I guess we don't call him Face for nothing." Hannibal rose and walked back over to Face's side. "He's very good at only showing us what he wants us to see."

Murdock nodded. "Or what he thinks we want to see."

"He afraid that we gonna think less of him 'cause of what happened? But it ain't his fault."

Hannibal kept his eyes focused on his sleeping lieutenant. "No…no it certainly isn't. But the way we ignored the other heinous things he endured, can you blame him for thinking that way?"

There was no answer. There was no need for one; Face was to blame for none of this. The question was, where did they go from here?

They didn't have long to figure it out as Face moaned and began to shift in the bed. Murdock sprung forward on instinct to be close and talk to Face to calm him, it had worked well in the past on several occasions. This time however Face shifted to the far side of the bed in his sleep and curled up.

"No, no more please, leave me alone."

"Face, it's me, Murdock, please don't be afraid, you're just dreaming, it's all over."

Face moaned and shifted and drew his arms to himself. "No, not my arm again, please, ahhhh."

"Let's wake him, BA."

BA knew what to do. He moved to the other side of the bed to grab Face while Murdock would take the other side and Hannibal the legs. It was always tricky to wake him from a nightmare.

"Okay, now." All hands were on Face at once. "Come on kid, time to wake up. Come on Face you're dreaming."

Face was struggling and kicking out.

"Damn, he's hotter than before, we gotta do something Hannibal."

"Come on kid, it's us, first we need to get him awake."

Face's eyes opened alright but were glazed over and showed the fever. He saw his friends alright but in his mind it was a different time. He saw BA and Murdock holding him while Hannibal had his hands free, and holding a scalpel. This time he said out loud what he had thought all those years ago.

_"This is my punishment for letting the team down...I deserve this." _

_"Hannibal is gonna enjoy this...he needs to teach me a lesson."_

Hannibal looked stricken. "He can't believe that," he whispered.

_"I messed up bad...I frooze...my fault." _

_"They think I'm no good...can't do my job."_

"Face, c'mon buddy. Come back to us," Murdock pleaded.

_"How can they do this to me?" _

_"They're playing Sue's game...it's all a game."_

_"Bet it's fun for them to hear me scream."_

"We wasn't given no choice, man." B.A. blinked back the moisture forming in his eyes. "We didn't want to hurt you."

_"Sue's gonna win" _

_" I can't take it...I'm not strong enough to fight anymore." _

_" Oh, God...it hurts so bad...please...please...stop."_

Hannibal was struggling to keep Face from kicking him away. "Lieutenant Peck, calm down."

_"Wish they would just kill me...this is worse." _

_"What Sue did to me...oh God...wanna die."_

It wasn't only the words that struck them, it was the desperate tone in which they were spoken. The three standing members of the team froze and dropped their guard just long enough for Face to kick out, notice that he wasn't in chains as he had thought and bolt from the bed.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

He stood swaying for a moment but the three remaining men were so shocked by the events that they didn't grab him in time but missed the fleeing man by inches. Nobody knew where he took the energy from but Face run out of the room and into the hall, moving towards the door. Murdock, Hannibal and BA were following but since Face slowed his pace with every step Murdock held the others back.

"He's not with us right now and thinks we gonna hurt him, we have to stay back and allow things to play out."

"No man, we already did hurt him, three years back. I won't stand by and let him suffer alone if nobody forces me to." BA was ready to grab Face who had now slowed to almost standing and was swaying in an alarming way, under the arms but Hannibal too held him back.

"Murdock has seen such cases before, let him lead. If you touch him now he may bolt again."

"But we can't just let him collapse here."

Face was oblivious to the talking going on just behind his back and started his own speech.

_"Gotta keep going, come on Peck, they'll be on top of you every second, move damnit."_

He swayed for a moment longer before he collapsed in a heap.

"How can this be right? We gotta help him."

"We will BA, in time."

"But we can't just let him lay there."

_"Move it Peck, damn, move, they'll not kill you fast, you can't go through more torture from them, just get out of the door, it's so close…so close." _

Face was hitting the floor with his fists in frustration. He couldn't move again.

"I've seen this often BA, eventually he'll either return to us or run out of energy and pass out. It's somehow like sleepwalking, you shouldn't disturb him or he may get hurt."

"Look at him fool, he's collapsed in the hall, how much worse could helping him be?"

"He would struggle and kick out and work himself up. In addition he could hurt himself or us."

Face was now wiping away tears of frustration and of fear.

_"I can't let them get me again, no telling what they'll do this time. Hannibal is so mad, Sue just needs to suggest something and he'll do it, and I know the kind of fantasy she has. Oh god…if she suggest he rape me…oh no, I need to get away...the cutting hurt but that…oh no."_

The thought of what could happen gave him some more energy and he crawled the few meters to the door but was unable to reach the handle.

"He's living through pure hell, we need to do something."

"No, let him be, it's best."

"Hannibal?"

Hannibal wasn't listening to BA, he had his eyes fixed on Face and was frozen. Face had not seen how Sue had forced him to do the cutting and he had never explained it. But how could the kid think he would do such a horrible thing to him?

Since Hannibal didn't listen and Murdock was a fool after all BA decided to take matters into his own hands. Face was by now shaking like a leave and sobbing and trying to reach the door handle. BA moved close trying to make noise with his gold to let Face know who was there. Murdock was trying to hold him back but without luck.

Face was getting frantic.

_"They are coming, oh no, please, open already, please, no, oh god."_

"Calm down Faceman, you're dreaming."BA reached out and touched his back

Face screamed in horror and jerked forward slamming himself in the door. Then he collapsed into BA's arms who drew the still shaking body to his chest.

"I got ya Faceman, wont nobody hurt ya again, I got ya." BA too had tears in his eyes.

Hannibal had found his wits again and advanced on the duo.

"He's too hot and I don't like his breathing, get him to the bed, Murdock, get some wet towels."

"You shouldn't have done that BA."

"But what? Watch him live through hell?"

"Let's hope he wakes up alright, I've seen people who tipped over the edge after such a scene, especially when they were disturbed by the orderlies."

"I'm no orderly man, I'm his friend and now get the towels before he melts away."

BA gently placed Face on the bed. "He had pneumonia just before Sue happened and now this, as if he wants to relive every detail."

"I doubt he wants to, B.A. I don't think his mind is giving him a choice." Hannibal wiped some of Face's damp bangs off of his forehead. "He's kept this inside for so long and now it's all coming to a head."

It was a long afternoon and evening. Face's fever continued to rage through him and he tossed and turned mumbling incoherently into the early hours.

Shortly before sunrise Face began to tremble before he broke out into a completely drenching sweat. Then he became completely still…so still that it scared the others.

"He okay, colonel?" Murdock asked anxiously.

Hannibal had one hand on Face's forehead and the other around his wrist checking for a pulse. "His fever broke."

"That's real good, man," B.A. smiled.

"Now we just need him to wake up."

It was a long wait as Face remained silent and unmoving for a couple of hours before his eyelids fluttered open. He looked up at the trio looming over him and smiled weakly. "You guys look awful. What happened?"

Not sure how to possibly answer that, Murdock took the lead and asked, "What do you remember?"

"Not a whole lot…everything is kind of…um…fuzzy."

"You've been very sick, kid. Your fever just broke a little while ago."

Face looked down at his lap. "M'sorry."

"Ain't your fault, Faceman."

"This is supposed to be a vacation for you guys. Leave it to me to mess things up."

They all knew that Face's insecurities were at its strongest when Face was it his weakest.

Murdock sat down gently on the edge of the bed. "There'll be none of that, muchacho. Now, how are you feeling?"

"And we expect the truth, lieutenant," Hannibal added.

Face didn't answer right away; he closed his eyes for a moment as if trying to take inventory. "Tired…so tired. And my arms ache…heck everything aches." For the first time he noticed that his arms were red and littered with scratches. "What happened to…," he started but then it began to come back to him.

The team could see the wheels inside Face's head turning and there was nothing they could do to put on the breaks.

"Oh, God…I…oh God…you know…I told you."

Face started breathing faster and faster and his heart started to pound. The truth was out and now he had to figure out a way to deal with it. It took sheer will to pull himself back together, but somehow he managed to slow his breathing and fight back the fear.

"It's okay kid, you are safe, it's over."

"I…I… understand if you hate me now."

"Why?"

"Because, I…I understand…I mean…" Face was looking at his hands and struggling to get a coherent sentence out."

"No, I mean why would we hate you?"

"Because….because of what I am…I mean…who would want to be close…I" Face chuckled sadly, "if I had a chance I would run from my own self."

"You mean we should hate you because you're a victim?"

"No...because I'm dirty, I'm damaged goods, no good…I…I'll never be clean again."

"Stop talking that way." Hannibal didn't like the harsh tone in his voice nor did he like the way Face jumped. He knew they were treading on thin ice here and he had to be careful to pull Face back from the edge instead of pushing him over. In a much softer voice he continued, "You're a member of the A-Team and nobody speaks that way about a member of my team, they are all hand selected fine men."

"I'm sorry, I…I'll leave as soon…." A coughing fit stopped him before he could end the sentence.

"What you now talking about fool?"

"I…I don't want to drag the team down." More coughs.

"You didn't understand anything Faceman, you're not dirty, heck, you scrubbed away half of your skin." BA was growling but in a soft tone, as if he was scolding a kid. Still Face flinched and shifted a bit away. Murdock crouched down at the other side of the bed to take over the lecture but Hannibal saw how Face was cornered, how his eyes were looking for a way out. He was still afraid of his own team, had been for all those years and none of them had ever noticed.

"Knock it off you two. Face, you need to sleep some more. Your fever broke but you're still running a temperature and I don't like your coughing and your wheezing and the way you ache all over. I think you caught the flu kid, seems like your immunity from the orphanage days is finally over. Come on, close your eyes."

Face did as he was told but left them open just a slit to see what was going on. He didn't trust them anymore and Hannibal's heart broke at the sight.

"Out you two, go and get some food ready, I'll sit with Face."

Murdock wanted to protest but he too noticed the little sigh of relieve as they both put some physical distance in-between them and Face.

"Sleep tight buddy."

It didn't take long before exhaustion took over once more and Face fell asleep. Hannibal was sitting there thinking just when things had gone so wrong. How could he have considered for just one second that he, Hannibal, his commanding officer and surrogate father would follow Sue's wish to the extend to rape him? Even if the lives of his team depended on it he couldn't do such a thing.

The very thought of hurting one of his boys in such a manner…in any manner…made him feel physically ill.

A short while later Hannibal realized it wasn't only his thoughts making him feel badly…it was his stomach as well. Painful cramps began to wrack his midsection and he broke out into a sweat. Face was still sleeping somewhat peacefully when he had no choice but to make a break for the bathroom.

He was surprised to find that he wasn't the only one suffering. Murdock was coming out as he was running in. The pilot looked a sickly shade of green.

"M'sick," Murdock muttered holding a hand protectively over his abdomen. "B.A.'s not feeling so hot either."

"Join the club," Hannibal gasped and then disappeared behind the door.

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. convened in the living room, each collapsing onto the first immobile object they found.

"What you think's goin' on, man?" B.A. asked in a low voice from the oversized chair.

"Dunno, big guy. But I feel like you ran me over with the van." Murdock curled up onto his side and closed his eyes on top of the long coffee table.

Hannibal was sprawled out on the couch, one arm slung over his forehead. "Chicken…it had to be the chicken."

Murdock and B.A. moaned in agreement. It made sense. They had all eaten the same meal for lunch. The rapidness of the onset and the way they were all hit at the same time meant it was a case of food poisoning. It also meant that they would probably be feeling miserable for the next 24 to 48 hours.

They were too weak to do much more than crawl back and forth to the bathroom when the attacks hit. Luckily Face hadn't consumed any of the chicken and he was asleep each time one of them mustered up the energy to check on him.

When Face finally did wake up he realized that he was alone. Panic and fear gripped him until he glanced out the window and saw that the van was still there.

He lay there for a while before deciding to try and get up. The dizziness was bad as he staggered over to the wall for support. But he found once he was upright for a few moments, the world seemed to settle. He shuffled out into the hallway and headed in the direction of the living room.

At first he thought he was seeing things and actually blinked his eyes a few times just in case. But the view remained the same. His teammates were all laying down and looking even worse than he felt…an impressive feat.

The tables had turned and Face realized he was going to have some work to do, but the question was would he be able to? The answer was simple: yes, because they needed him and he was the only choice.

He kept on shuffling closer to the living room using the wall for support at times. The first one to notice him was BA.

"Need some help Faceman?" The question itself was spoken in a weak manner.

"Funny, was going to ask you the same." Both men managed a weak smile. It was good to smile and concentrate on something else than his own problems.

"You need to lie down kid." Hannibal didn't even open his eyes as he spoke, afraid that it would start the next round.

"Looks like you need to."

"I'm laying already."

"Good, Murdock, let's get you to a bed, the coffee table is not comfortable." Face left the safe hall and stepped out in the open where he had no walls for support. He swayed and almost fell before he had his balance again. Luckily for him none of the others saw it since all three had their eyes closed at the moment. He managed the short distance over to Murdock and tried to bend down to him but it proved impossible as he went to his knees beside the table.

"Kid, stop it, we can look out for ourselves." Before the words were even out Hannibal was on his way to the porcelain.

"Sure colonel. I'll be right back Murdock."

Face used the table for support to get back to his feet and shuffled back to the bedrooms. His plan had changed to getting a mattress from the closest room and drag it to Murdock. Luckily one of the smaller bedrooms had a futon with a small and light pad that would be easier to transport. Still, however, it felt as if he were lugging a ton of bricks.

'Gotta prove to the guys that I'm still useful,' he thought as the sweat poured down his face.

Face stumbled multiple times and fell twice. It wasn't helping matters that his hand ached from the extra exertion. But still he soldiered on…after all he was a soldier…that is what he was trained to do.

The guys, including Hannibal who had returned from the bathroom, were all awake but on the brink of delirium.

The first task was to get Murdock onto the cushion. "C'mon, buddy," Face said gently shaking the pilot to get his attention.

"Facey…have you seen Billy?

Face smiled at the innocent tone of his friend's voice. "Sure did…who do you think helped me move this all the way from the bedroom?"

Murdock curled onto his side and allowed a blanket to be placed over him. "Billy's a good dog…can you feed him for me?"

"Sure, pal. Now get some rest."

Dealing with B.A. proved to be even more interesting.

"Momma?"

Face froze unsure how to respond.

"Momma…don't feel so good."

Face decided to hold B.A.'s hand and rely on touch instead of words. But he never imagined the words that would come out of the larger man's mouth.

"Face has been hurt real bad, Momma…don't know if I can stand to be around him no more."

The lieutenant's stomach lurched as his fears were coming true. The words came out of his mouth on instinct. "Don't worry…he can barely stand to be around himself."

"Huh?" B.A.'s heavy eyes opened as he had a moment of clarity and realized that he wasn't talking to his mother and that his words had been misunderstood.

Face had to get out of the room and get some fresh air. That itself proved to be difficult since BA's words coupled with his already weak state left him stumbling along and falling every few meters. But he made it outside alright. He didn't also hear BA's 'Faceman, wait! I didn't mean it.'

BA wanted to follow Face but after only getting up he had to make a u-turn for the bathroom. By the time he returned he collapsed on the couch, unable to move any more.

Face was sitting on the steps in front of the house. 'I knew it, why did I have to be so stupid and talk. They'll leave me for sure and if they don't they'll pity me. Best will be I leave on my own, right now, but I can't…I have nowhere to go. I need to prove to them that I'm still usefull. Now is the ideal time, they need help. BA has seen how dirty I am…maybe if I clean up better….' Decision taken Face made his way back inside headed for the upstairs bathroom.

Meanwhile BA was tossing and turning on the couch. He was dreaming of the time when he had had this speech with his mother. It had been a long time ago and BA had blamed himself for Face's injuries.

_"What's troublin' you, Scooter?"_

_"Face has been hurt real bad, Momma…don't know if I can stand to be around him no more."_

_"If he been hurt don't he need you to be there for him?"_

_"You…you don't understand, Momma."_

_"Than explain it to me, honey."_

_"I can't face him…'cause I'm the one who hurt him."_

It was the summer of 1975. They had just finished a difficult mission and to say they were all tired was putting it mildly. Face and B.A. had been at each other's throats lately and with Murdock confined to the VA, there was nobody around who could act as a buffer.

They would fight over everything and nothing; the smallest thing could trigger a blow-up. Hannibal attributed it to the fact that Face, who would normally allow B.A. to display his Bad Attitude without contesting it, was now fighting back and challenging the sergeant. The colonel suspected it was because of a job a few weeks back. It involved rescuing an orphanage and had brought back many difficult memories for his young lieutenant. Now there was an uncharacteristic fire in the kid, and it wasn't sitting well with muscular man.

_"You think you know everythin', man."_

_"Not true, B.A. But I do know that I'm sick and tired of you putting me down."_

_"Well maybe if you wasn't lyin' and cheatin' all the time…"_

_"It's okay when it gets you things you want…like presents for your momma."_

_"Don't you bring my momma into this. Ain't my fault yours didn't want you."_

Mrs. B had been beyond appalled when her son told her what he had said.

_"Didn't I teach you better than that, boy?"_

_ "Yes, ma'am."_

_ "Taught you that if you ain't got nothin' nice to say, you say nothin' at all."_

_ "Yes, ma'am."_

_ "Than how could you say such a hurtful thing to your friend?"_

_ "We just been fightin' a lot lately…and…I don't know."_

_ "No wonder you don't wanna face him."_

_ "But that ain't the worst part. Yeah, my words hurt him…but my body did worse."_

Face paled after B.A. made the comment about his mother not wanting him. There wasn't much he could say…it was true after all. So he turned his back to walk away.

_"Don't you walk away from me, fool."_

Face kept walking until B.A. reached out, grabbed his arm and spun him around. He then pulled him close and yanked his arm up behind his back. Face tried to pull away but B.A. pulled back even harder. There was an awful cracking sound followed by a cry of pain.

"You did what, Bosco?!"

"It was bad, Momma…real bad. I can't get the look on his face outta my mind."

B.A. let go of the limb and watched as Face fell to the floor in a heap. He immediately cradled his arm and curled into himself, but not before B.A. saw a mixture of surprise and pain, both physical and mental, reflected in his handsome features.

Hannibal had heard Face cry out from the other room and came running. Both men towered over their moaning teammate knowing the damage was bad. Face never would have let this much emotion show if it hadn't been.

What they didn't know was what it would require to fix it.

"Face, let me see."

"No, hurts."

"I know, let me have a look."

Face carefully removed his hand and Hannibal gasped at the size his elbow had swollen to in the short time.

"Damn, BA get the van, we need to get to a doctor." Hannibal said with a look that promised BA a lecture as soon as there was time for it.

When BA returned he wanted to help Face to the car but as he crouched down next to him Face jerked away and cried out in pain immediately.

Hannibal helped him up and they drove to a clinic a little away since they didn't want to be spotted to close to their hideout. Face didn't say anything, not even object to the pain meds he was given.

"The x-ray shows a broken elbow, in three places. I'll call the hospital and get him admitted."

"Doc, wait, can't you do it here?"

"No way, he needs surgery, the bones need to be fixed with screws, and he'll stay admitted for some days, I can't do that here." With that the doctor was off to the phone.

What they thought was bad got worse once they reached the hospital. The doctor in charge told them that surgery would have to wait until the swelling had gone down some but Face would stay admitted to get medical pain treatment. In all he estimated the time until Face could be released at two weeks minimum. And if he wanted to get the full use of his arm back the surgery would be followed by physiotherapy. And after some weeks he would have to come for a second surgery to remove the screws.

BA felt something at his leg but couldn't remember anything being there when they were at the hospital. Something was tugging at his pant leg.

Slowly he came to and opened his eyes. It was Hannibal reaching over from the other couch.

"Where's Face?"

"At the hospital."

"Huh?"

"Ehrm…no idea, don't know where he is, was just dreaming."

" 'kay"

None of them heard the shower running upstairs before they drifted off to sleep again and BA continued dreaming.

_"What the hell got into you, sergeant?"_

_ "I don't know."_

_"You don't know? Well allow me to tell you. That damn bad attitude of yours took control of you and you broke your teammates arm…in three places!"_

B.A. hadn't seen Hannibal angry to this degree often…and it had never been directed at one of them. The spent the remained of their time in the waiting room on opposite sides waiting until Face was settled into his room.

It was three days before the swelling went down and the first surgery was scheduled. Face was doped up on so much pain medication that he slept most of the time. And when he did awaken he would mumble incoherently before passing out again.

When Face came to a few hours after a successful operation it was B.A. who was by his side.

_"B…A….what...what…"_

_ "Shh…it's okay. You just had surgery, man."_

_ "Huh? Why?"_

_ "You…um…broke your elbow."_

_ "How?"_

B.A. had been saved from answering the still delirious man by the return of the doctor who had been in the hall talking with Hannibal. But as the physician explained how they would be reducing the pain medication now that the bone had been mended, B.A. knew it was only a matter of time before Face remembered the details.

Face did remember, but he surprised them all one morning with his spin on the events. His voice was weak and laced with pain as spoke.

_"I'm sorry. This is all my fault."_

Face stood in the shower leaning heavily against the tile.

'This is all my fault,' he thought.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The water was cleaning him on the outside, but had yet to touch the feelings he had on the inside.

Finally he decided to turn off the water. Looking down at his arm as he twisted the knob he saw the scars down by his elbow. Sitting down on the edge of the tub to catch his breath he remembered the awful recovery in the hospital and the tension between him, Hannibal and B.A.

'That was all my fault, too. I egged B.A. on…made him so angry that he hurt me.'

Face had been hurt so many times throughout his life that it only stood to reason that he deserved it.

He remembered the physical therapy and subsequent removal of the pins like it was yesterday. The moves had hurt like hell but he tried not to let it show. BA had become scarce around him and he blamed himself for pushing him too far. If he showed how painful the therapy was he would surely drive him away for good. No, it was better to smile through the pain. The doctor was quite impressed with his healing too and once he had him convinced that he could do all the moves without pain he didn't order more therapy sessions for him. To his own surprise he had Hannibal convinced too. He even arranged for a date to get the pins removed so they wouldn't have to come back or go to another hospital. 'Minimize the risk of getting caught' he had called it. It was still a bit early but since the doctor was so impressed with his healing he agreed.

Trouble was that just before he was supposed to get them removed BA reported that the army was snooping around and were just one town away.

_'How do you want it kid, get them out and we then run? Or leave them be for now and we find another hospital later on?'_

_'No, no, I want them out now.' It had been his fault after all and any trip to a hospital increased the chance of getting caught._

_'You sure? It means you can't be put under and also no heavy pain killer so you stay somewhat alert.'_

_'I'm sure, I can do it.' Truth be told he was terrified. It still hurt like hell whenever he moved his elbow, how much worse would it be after the pins had been removed and the wound was fresh? But he had to go through with it or produce an unnecessary risk for his team. He had already put their freedom at risk._

_He was given local anesthetic although it took quiet some convincing on Hannibal's side to get the doc to agree. At first it was okay, he didn't feel a thing as his wound was cut open again and only a slight pressure as it was spread so the doc could reach the pins. But once they started unscrewing them from his bone he could have gone through the roof. Instead he had been laying there without a single move. The doc would have put him under for sure had he noticed anything and they just couldn't have that._

_As he was wheeled from the operation theater the doors flew open and BA came charging towards him. _

_'MP's!' And since Face didn't jump up at once he took his good arm and pulled him over his shoulder in a fireman's carry leaving behind a stunned team of nurses. BA ran through the hospitals back door and dropped Face on his seat before jumping in the already moving vehicle himself._

_Face was seeing nothing but stars and was trying to get his stomach under control. Hannibal got worried when he turned around for the third time. Half an hour had passed and Face hadn't moved. He hadn't even complained about BA carrying him out 'butt naked' so to say or bothered to get into some other clothes that the surgery gown he was still wearing._

Face heard something downstairs and it brought him out of his reverie. He grabbed his clothes but his eyes caught his body in the mirror. 'Funny, I feel so dirty but look clean. No, no that's wrong, I know better than to go there.' He angrily threw his clothes down. 'I'm clean, I'm not dirty, it was a long time ago and nothing shows on the outside anymore. It was Sue who did wrong, not me, I'm the victim.' It was the same mantra he had repeated over and over again to survive this far, although he had never really believed it. But now it made him angry how BA could blame him. 'If BA can't stand to be around me anymore he should just leave it, it wasn't my fault.'

He grabbed his clothes again but couldn't resist one more look at the mirror. 'No, don't go there. I'm clean, nothing shows on the outside, I do not smell like her, nobody can see through to my inside. I'm clean, nothing shows on the outside…' he continued to mentally repeat the mantra while getting dressed and leaving the bathroom. He stopped when he reached the top of the stairs.

'Come on, they need you, don't get distracted by what Sue has done, you need all the energy you have left to care for them. They sure need you, concentrate on getting downstairs in one piece.'

What he had heard was Murdock who had made a trip to the bathroom and was now getting back to the cushion on the floor.

"Face, where's Billy? Have you fed him?"

"Sure buddy. Do you need something?"

"A peanut butter sandwich with pickles please, and fresh made orange juice, and some sliced apple in pudding."

Any normal sick person would get more sick from that but it didn't mean Murdock would get sick. He was special, even in food for the sick. Face moved back and forth from the kitchen to Murdock to get all his wishes fulfilled. While he was doing so he heard BA mumbling incoherently.

BA was still dreaming and had gone into more detail. He had just reached the part where Hannibal had gotten suspicious in the van.

_The colonel turned around yet again and eyed his lieutenant._

_"Face…you okay?"_

_"Mmm hmm."_

_"You sure? You're looking a little green."_

_"I'm fine."_

_Hannibal turned back around once more._

_ "You givin' me whiplash the way you keep turnin' round, man."_

_ "Pull over, B.A."_

_ "You think he that bad?"_

_ "He just had surgery minutes before we pulled him out of the hospital…what do you think?"_

_Face could hear them talking about him, but he was afraid if he opened his mouth he would lose the contents of his stomach all over B.A. precious van. That wasn't exactly the way to get either one of them to forgive him for causing all these problems. His arm was throbbing and the pain was intensifying by the minute as the effects of the local were all but gone. He wished they would just keep driving and allow him to suffer in peace…he deserved it._

_ "Face, you with us?"_

_ "He ain't lookin good, Hannibal…"_

_ "No he isn't."_

_ "God, what have I done?"_

Face placed a tray of food down in front of Murdock who had fallen asleep while he had been busy in the kitchen. Judging from the heavy breathing sounds, Hannibal was also sleeping. But B.A. was mumbling and tossing restlessly.

"He ain't lookin' good, Hannibal," B.A. moaned. "God, what have I done?"

"Shh, B.A….you're dreaming….it's okay," Face said hoping he could break through to the sergeant. He knew what B.A. was dreaming about and his thoughts went to the same place. Funny how BA would dream about the same thing he had been thinking about just minutes ago. What had happened there wasn't fun. Hannibal had been pissed to no end about Face faking to have no pain and he had almost puked in BA's van too.

"It's alright BA, just a dream, happened a long time ago." Face tried to talk calmly but the flu that had a hold on him made his voice sound scratchy and he had to cough in between, he tried his best though.

But BA kept on dreaming. He had gotten out of the car and gone round to see what was going on with Face. When he reached there, Face reached out for the door and tried to get up, his face showing clearly what was going to happen in seconds. BA grabbed his good arm and yanked him out of the car where he held him whiles Face retched continuously. Hannibal had shot BA a warning look and had supported Face's injured arm as good as he could while trying to block the few of passing cars. A half naked man in a surgery gown was bound to draw the interest they didn't want.

Face tried to get BA out of his dream with words but it didn't help. Instead he reached out to touch him but as soon as his hand made contact with the sergeant all hell broke loose.

BA felt Face's hand and sprung into action, or rather up from the couch. He grabbed his supposed good hand trying to yank him out of the van before he lost the battle with his stomach. This time however it was Face's other wrist that was sprained and swollen and BA had a dead grip on it and yanked hard. Face yelled in pain but couldn't get loose. Since both men were unsteady on their feet and Face wasn't prepared for the attack and shocked by the pain he went right over the back of the couch landing behind it. BA, unsteady as he was, followed suit and landed on the couch, turning it over with his momentum. As opposed to Face BA landed soft, on the turned over couch…and on Face.

The momentum proving too much for his weakened state, B.A. was out cold again by the time the couch came to a stop.

Face, however, was all too awake and completely trapped face down. "B.A." he gasped. "B.A….please…hurts." When there was no answer he tried again. "Murdock…Hannibal…can you hear me?" But his words were not much more than a whisper and they couldn't.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The combined weight of the couch and B.A. on top of his back was making it hard to breathe. He hurt all over and couldn't tell if he was indeed injured or if it was just a result of the intense pressure.

The worst part was that he couldn't move. He flashed back to the cabin and being chained up. 'Don't go there…it's okay…Sue isn't here.'

But still he could feel his heart thudding against his already constricted chest. 'You're safe…you're just fine…with the exception of B.A. squishing you to death.'

As the time ticked by Face could feel his strength draining along with some of the feeling in his limbs. Finally exhaustion claimed him and he lost consciousness.

It was Hannibal who woke first the next morning. Wiping his eyes he sat up slowly glad to find that he was feeling much better. Enough time must have passed that whatever had made them sick in the chicken had run its course. But his stomach turned once more as he looked around the room to find the overturned couch.

"Oh my God!" the colonel exclaimed.

That's all it took for Murdock and B.A. to wake up. It took a couple of seconds for each man to get his bearings but once they did the room erupted into a frenzy. B.A. rolled off the couch horrified by the look in Hannibal's eyes. He turned and developed his own horrified look when he saw what, or rather whom, he had been sleeping on and how the man looked. His skin was white like wax.

BA was frozen to the spot as Hannibal and Murdock passed by him at the same time to get the couch off of Face's back who had yet to move. But removing the couch did the trick, or rather the pain caused by the blood being able to flow freely again to some parts of his body. One of Face's arms had been trapped under him while the other one was trapped under the couch and was now free.

"Arghh…BA…please…hurts so."

"I'm here Faceman, I'm here."

"Get off of me…please…hurts…ouww."

"What? But…"

"Kid, where does it hurt most?"

"Hannibal…oh god…please…get BA off of me…can't stand it."

"Face, BA has gotten off of you before you woke up. You aren't trapped again."

"Yes..I am…I can't move…oh god…Hannibal…I can't move…I don't feel my legs…Hannibal…" Face began to panic which did nothing to his breathing.

"Face, calm down, tell me what you feel."

"Hurts, hurts so, all over, can't breathe, can't move."

"Slow down, slow down Face. Where is my hand, concentrate." Hannibal put a hand on Face's head and he was able to tell, then he moved to his back and he felt it, then the arms. The closer he came to the elbow the less Face felt. From his waist downwards he didn't have any feeling at all.

"Face, Face slow your breathing, don't panic, you'll be alright, you hear me? Slow down."

"No, no, it hurts so, I can't move…arrrgghh."

What scarred Hannibal was the fact that Face seemed to be in intense pain but didn't curl up or anything, he just didn't move more than his head.

"BA, call the ambulance."

"No, no…please I don't want to…I'll be helpless…please…arrghhh." The pain intensified the more circulation returned.

"But you need help kid, we can't let you be in such pain."

"Just…just shoot me up with morphine…please…don't let them take me away…I can't move…I…they'll hurt me…please."

"Okay kid, okay, let me see your back." Hannibal carefully lifted Face's t-shirt and gasped at the sight. An ugly looking bruise had formed directly on his spinal cord…along with others that littered his back.

"Let's test again." Hannibal moved his hand around Face's body again. While the feeling in his arms seemed to slowly return his legs were still not responding.

"I'll go call Maggie, Murdock, stay with him."

Hannibal got up and moved towards the front of the house to get to the phone. BA followed him.

"Hannibal, I...I broke his back, my god."

"We don't know that BA, it might just take a while for the feeling to return. When did it happen?"

"I…I don't know…I…I just don't remember."

"Don't fall apart now BA, it's really not the time."

"I'll never forgive myself if…" B.A.'s voice broke and he fled out the front door.

"B.A.," Hannibal started after him but stopped remembering that the real emergency was Face. He picked up the phone and started to dial.

"Mur…Murdock…I'm scared."

"I know, buddy." Murdock himself was terrified, but he knew he had to be strong for Face. "It's going to be okay."

"Promise?"

His voice was so childlike that it nearly broke the pilot's heart. He knew he shouldn't make promises that he wasn't sure he could keep, but the words came out of his mouth anyway. "I promise."

Face gritted his teeth. Before the blood flow had returned his body had been relatively numb. Now he hurt all over…except for his legs.

"How'd this happen?" Murdock asked.

"B.A. was having a bad dream. I couldn't get him to wake up so I went to touch him and he freaked out." Face shifted slightly trying to get more comfortable. "You'd think I'd know better being as I'm the king of nightmares. Pretty stupid, huh?"

Murdock shook his head. "Nah…you were just looking out for a friend. I just can't believe we all slept through the entire thing."

"Well, you guys have been pretty sick."

"And you haven't been?" Murdock smiled. "You are something else, Faceman. Sick as you were, and you still tried to take care of us."

"That's what friends are for." Face grimaced in pain. "I wish I could get off my stomach…hard to breathe."

"I know. But we don't want to move you until we know what's going on inside of ya."

Face bit nervously at his lip before asking in a quivering voice, "what if I can't walk again?"

"Don't worry about what ifs. It'll drive you crazy…and if there's one thing I know, it's crazy." Murdock winked and instinctively patted Face's leg forgetting that he had no feeling.

"Oh, God…Murdock…I…I…"

"What? You okay?"

"I felt that…I felt you touch my leg. Barely…but I felt it!"

Hannibal nearly dropped the phone when Murdock came running in from the other room.

"He can feel…he can feel!"

"Slow down, Captain."

"It's not much…but he can feel a bit."

After conferring with Maggie a while longer it was decided that they wait a day or so to see if more feeling returned. Being that he had regained some and so quickly after the trauma, it was probably some swelling putting pressure on the spinal cord. Under normal circumstances Maggie would have insisted on a hospital, but she was well aware that nothing about these men's lives were normal. She instructed them that they could roll him carefully onto his back as long as they were sure not to twist his back in any way and to move him as one straight unit.

Hannibal and Murdock were about to go tell Face the news when they heard B.A. talking to the con-man. He must have come in through the back door while they were on the phone.

"I'm sorry Faceman."

"Guess how sorry I am."

"Ah man, I don't even remember what happened."

"Sure, no big deal for you. It's not your body anyway."

"Come on Face, I didn't do nothing on purpose."

"I told you to get off of me, I tried to wiggle to get your attention but you just slept through it."

"Faceman…I…I don't know what to say…I was out cold man."

"Yeah, unfortunately it took a long time before I was."

"I'm sorry man, real sorry."

Face chuckled sadly but instantly let out a moan of pain. "That's irony. First you say you can't stand to be around me and then you're on top of me all night."

"I never said such a thing."

"You…ah, just forget what I said, it's just the pain speaking."

"You still hurt a lot?"

"Like hell."

"Still want morphine?"

"Do we have some?"

BA was shocked by the hope he heard in Face's voice. He was always objecting to painkillers and especially to morphine, he reacted badly to it. And now he hoped he would get some and soon? He just couldn't understand how he could have slept through all this. It wasn't the first time Face had gotten hurt because of him but this was the worst he could remember, even if he couldn't remember how it had happened.

Hannibal and Murdock had stayed back but took the momentarily silence to step into the room again.

"Kid? Good news. Maggie said we can turn you to your back to ease your breathing."

"Don't feel like good news, rather like not good at all."

"And I don't like the way you're wheezing. I'll take your hip, BA, move his legs, Murdock the shoulder. We'll turn you around."

"Hannibal, he wants morphine."

"No Face, you react too badly to it. Once we have you settled I'll get you something more mild from a pharmacy. Maggie is getting the prescription ready right now. Okay, guys let's roll him over. Careful."

"No, please, hurts to just lay here."

"It will hopefully get better when we turn you."

Maggie had advised to keep him on a hard and straight surface so they had only spread a blanket beside him. Now they started to carefully move him.

"Aaarrggghhh, stop, aaarrggghhh."

The screams were heartbreaking and all men removed their hands. They had moved him just a little when he started screaming. By now he was sobbing, clearly at the end of his rope.

"BA, go get the med kid from the van, there's morphine in there."

"But…"

"No but's, we can battle the side effects later. Right now he we need to get him out of this agony."

The morphine hit Face fast and hard; the pain had lessened to a tolerable level and the drugs had lessened his inhibitions. He began to talk about things that normally he would have kept hidden within himself.

"Did you know that I haven't had a decent night's sleep in three years?"

No one responded thinking it was best to just let him talk.

"Three years...that's a _real _long time. The only time I get any rest are when you guys are around. Pretty pathetic, huh?"

Face's eyes were beginning to glaze. Possibly from the morphine, or maybe from some tears. But most likely a combination of both.

"I'm a grown man and I'm afraid of the dark like a child. Ironic since I never was one."

The sadness and pain in his voice was palpable.

"They tell you that there are no such thing as monsters, but," Face's voice cracked, "But...it's a lie."

They all felt a chill run down their spines as he continued.

"I know the truth...monsters _do_ exist. I know...I've seen them...they've hurt me. My whole life I've been hiding from monsters." Face took a shaky breath. "God...m'sorry...it's the drugs...make me feel weird."

Finally Hannibal spoke. "It's okay, kid."

It was clear that Face needed to talk; to let out some of his demons...even if it was a side effect of the medication. But they didn't know just how deep he would go.

"No…it's not..it's not okay, all those monsters…they are real, they happened…abused and hurt me…since I can remember…even those that were supposed to be my friends and care for me. I'm talking to much…hey Murdock…how exactly do these pink wobblings you see look like? Like the one dancing on Hannibal's head?"

"Yeah, that's one of them, just ignore them, they'll go."

"No, it doesn't work that way. I've been ignoring Sue, I see her around every corner you know, but she doesn't go."

"She's not real, just remind yourself that she isn't real."

"Sure, I do that but do you know how the pretty girls next to you react if you keep telling them they're not real? Ah, no, you can't, haven't told you. What happened the other time happens quite often. If I'm alone I go out to find a girl and after some time I see Sue in her. Or I drive them away before that happens. Damn I'm tired." Face had his eyes closed as he said the last bit.

BA would usually have snorted and given Face his peace of mind about going after every skirt while he should be sleeping to stay alert but Face was sick and it was his fault so he kept quiet. But he couldn't help to wonder why after being raped by several people, the last one Sue, at least he hoped she had been the last one, he still went out to get laid any chance he got.

Just when they thought Face was asleep he went on talking. "I tried to hide it from you and get over it by myself but I can't even do that right. You're all getting tired of me too, I feel that. It's getting harder to convince you to go on those trips during down time and I get to be alone more often. But I just can't sleep at all when you're not around. I'm depending on you guys, how pathetic is that." He let out a yawn that was followed by silence. But before he finally drifted off he added "I would never have thought that you all turn against me so easily. I know I screwed up royally but this…I just wouldn't have imagined."

This time he stayed silent.

The tension in the room was so thick that even a knife wouldn't be able to penetrate through it.

Not wanting to discuss the words Face had just spoken, Hannibal decided to focus on his physical well being instead.

"Let's roll him while he's out."

They had aborted the first attempt when it had caused him such pain. Slowly they worked together to turn Face onto his back.

"What we do now, colonel?" B.A. asked.

"He's still pretty warm…we need to cool him down."

Murdock stood. "I'll get a basin of ice water and some towels."

"His wrist is swollen too…needs to be wrapped."

B.A. followed Murdock and got off the floor. "I'm on it."

Hannibal sighed and put his head into his hands. "Oh God, kid…I don't know what to do." He made sure he pulled himself together before the others returned; if he fell apart then they all would.

They made Face as comfortable as possible given the circumstances. But the atmosphere in the room was anything but.

"Colonel, I think we need to talk about what Face said," Murdock suggested.

"It was just the drugs talking." Hannibal knew that wasn't true and B.A. called him on it.

"No it wasn't, man. Them drugs just made him actually say things that he normally wouldn't."

Hannibal rubbed the stubble on his chin and repeated the words he had said to a sleeping Face. "I don't know what to do."

"That makes two of us," B.A. sympathized.

"Make that three…but we have to figure out something. He thinks we turned on him."

Hannibal couldn't help but feel a surge of anger. "That isn't fair…we did no such thing."

"Maybe not on purpose, but he been hurtin' for a long time. We shoulda seen it."

"Maybe you're right B.A. But he should have seen just how much we care." Hannibal paused to collect himself and then softly said, "he should have seen how much I love him. I would do anything for him."

Unfortunately, Face missed Hannibal's declaration of his feelings and instead woke up long enough to hear the colonel add, "maybe I am getting tired of it all." Then he went out again, but the words echoed in his subconscious.

Murdock's eyes widened. "Not of Face…what he said isn't true."

"No…no…not tired of Face. Never. But I am tired of seeing him hurt." Hannibal looked at his lieutenant and frowned. "He doesn't deserve it."

Unfortunately Face woke just in time to hear those last words, just before he felt the ice cold rags on his hot head. It felt good yet it filled him with a rage he hasn't felt before, not against his team anyway. His eyes snapped open to see all three team members looming above him.

"Hey Face, you're back with us."

"How're you feeling kid?"

The played concern made him all the more angry. "Don't even try it, I heard you. The message came across loud and clear."

"What are you talking about?"

Face tried to push himself up on his elbows but grimaced in pain at the first attempt and settled for glaring daggers at them while speaking with venom in his voice. "You colonel are tired of it all? How tired do you think I am of this all? I'm the one dreaming about Sue every night and seeing her during daytime too. How often have I risked my life to get you all the things you wanted? How dare you say I don't deserve to be cared for by my team? Or am I not a member anymore?"

"Face, nobody said that. I…"

"Don't try to get out of this with smart talking, that's my specialty. My body may not work at the moment but my ears work very well."

"Come on Faceman, the colonel didn't say it that way."

"Don't you even get in on it. All you think about me is that I'm lying and stealing and whoring around. You stomp on me, never stopping to think I may have feelings too. I'm so sick and tired of you complaining about me partying all night and sleeping with on girl after the next. You all leave me alone when I need you and then you go and blame me for seeking human contact. I only don't want to be alone and go out to get company and you all talk bad of me, as if I'm the worst whore that ever lived."

"Kid, calm down."

"No I won't calm down, it's about time I stop taking all that crap from you."

"You're going too far Faceman, we never said you was a whore and you can't tell me you're only seeing this girls for company without sleeping with them."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Face closed his eyes for a second before opening them again and practically shouting at the rest. "You of all people, all of you have more sex than me and I never talk bad about you. I only want company since you my supposed friends prefer to leave me alone whenever you can. It ends in disaster more often than not and the few times we end up in bed…you held that cattle prod to my dick and burned it, think it works like a charm afterwards?"

Face quickly clamped a hand over his mouth but it was too late, the words were out already, the one thing he never wanted any of them to find out. It was a bit unfair on BA too, he had had problems long before the cattle prod. He blamed uncle and all the others who took advantage of him afterwards for that. The cattle prod was just one thing in a long row. But now the words were out and a thick silence hung over the room.

B.A. could feel his stomach churning at the thought of what he had done to Face. The bile began to rise and he bolted from the room. He couldn't blame bad chicken this time…only bad memories.

"See…he's revolted. I'm revolting. Why don't you two just get out of here too? I know you want to."

"That's not true," Murdock said keeping his gaze at the ground.

"Yes it is…you can't even stand to look at me."

Hannibal realized that his lieutenant was right; it was hard to look at him. But not for the reasons he thought. "You're right…we can't stand to look at you."

Face paled; even though he had been the one to say it, it still hurt to hear coming out of the colonel's mouth.

Hannibal quickly continued. "We can't stand to look at you because we care about you and it hurts to have to watch you suffer so badly."

"Nice try, Hannibal," Face seethed. The anger had snuck up on him and overshadowed all other emotions.

Murdock decided to try and diffuse the situation. "C'mon, muchacho, you misunderstood what Hannibal said before and now you're too angry to listen."

"Damn right I'm angry! And don't call me 'muchacho'...you don't have the right. I've always been there for you...but where were you for me? You didn't ask if I was okay, did you?"

Murdock was hurt, but a part of him realized that Face was right. After the horrific events in Bad Rock and Ecuador he had pretended that nothing had ever happened. He was following Face's lead, of course, but Murdock had known that things weren't well with his best friend. "No...no I didn't. I should have, but I didn't."

"And maybe I misunderstood what Hannibal said, but I didn't misunderstand three years...three long years...of acting like everything was okay."

"But why, kid? Why didn't you say something?"

Face took this as an attack. "It's always my fault...why didn't _I _do something? Why didn't _you_ open your eyes? Why didn't _you _listen? I tried...a few times...but you three always shut me down and told me I was being dramatic or that I was whining."

"When?" Hannibal probed. "When did you try?"

B.A. returned and quietly lingered in the corner of the room, not yet ready to face the others. He listened as Face explained.

"A few times I told you that I was having a hard time with things, or that I didn't feel up to a job, but you ignored me. And then there was the New Jersey job a couple of years ago..."

"Atlantic City," Murdock remembered, shuddering involuntarily.

"Yeah...I wasn't sleeping well and wasn't feeling right. But you, Hannibal, told me to get over it and do my job. So that's what I did."

"And you were hurt badly because of it."

They all remembered that day at the Jersey Shore, but it was no day at the beach. It was a case that required a lot of preparation but no need to rush. Therefore the first two weeks after taking the case were spend in LA where Face had to scam all kind of equipment. A private environmental institution suspected that a larger tourism company had installed something off shore to attract whales using their high frequency signals. All in a sudden whales were seen much more frequently than before and the tourism boomed. Unfortunately some of those whales were so mislead by the signals that they ended up in too shallow water and died.

Face spent the first two weeks scamming things and was complaining all the time. He was tired, he couldn't sleep well, Jersey was cold this time of year, he was already feeling ill and so on. During this time Murdock and BA weren't much involved but Hannibal and Face sat together often to plan and the colonel was getting fed up with the complaints.

The day before they left for Jersey Face gave it one more try.

_"I'm really not feeling up to this job. I've scammed all the things we need. BA is the expert with this electric things and can find out where the thing that attracts the whales is and Murdock can dive down to destroy it. You don't need me there."_

_"Face, I'm getting sick of your complaints. You're the expert in diving and destroying things under water. Murdock would be my second choice but there's no need to go for the second best here. The weather is cold, the water even colder, I know you don't like it. Well…get over it and do your job lieutenant."_

With all the equipment they soon had enough proof together to close the company down. All that was missing was the whale attracter itself, without that, or at least a vital part of it if it proved to be too big, all their proof was nothing. So they stood at the shore one afternoon, clad as if they were a bunch of tourists looking for whales, and chartered a ship. After cruising round for some time to not look suspicious they went into a bay where they had hidden all the equipment needed.

_"Face, Murdock, go get our stuff." _That meant getting into the little life safer boat, get into the ice cold water, make it over to the beach, get the stuff into the not really larger boat waiting there and come back. There was no way to do that without getting in touch with the water.

_"Hannibal, I'm not feeling right already. I find it hard to concentrate, can't BA…"_

_"Face, what have I told you about doing your job?"_

Face knew he had lost and turned to Murdock who was already climbing into the life safer boat. The lack of sleep and the nightmares had taken their toll on him and he found it really hard to concentrate, even to the extent that his vision was compromised for short periods, as if he was looking through water. He was lacking energy and felt sore. He made it into the boat and to the shore. They all got wet feet while climbing out of the inflated boat, there was no way around that, but other than that stayed relatively dry.

On their way back they were not that lucky, some waves splashed inside the boat. While Murdock was cold, he wasn't really affected by it. Face on the other hand was sitting there with chattering teeth.

_"You alright buddy?"_

_"I'm…I'll do my job."_

_"That's not what I asked_."

"I'm okay, just cold."

Murdock wasn't convinced but knew he wouldn't get anything out of his friend.

Climbing back on board over the ladder at the back of the ship proved to be harder. They had passed all the equipment to BA and Hannibal. After that Murdock made sure Face went first to get into dry clothes as fast as possible. The steel of the ladder was cold and he was stiff from the cold. He placed his foot on the ladder, slipped, lost his grip on the cold steel and splashed into the water. Murdock tried to hold him but was whisked along by Face's momentum.

Hannibal and BA had been busy putting away the equipment when they heard the splash. By the time they reached the ladder Murdock was holding on to the lower end and helping Face to get close enough to hang onto it too.

_"What are you guys doing? We don't have time for a swim."_

_"Very funny, come on Face, but hold on tight this time."_

They made it on board and straight under deck to change into dry clothes while Hannibal and BA had a good laugh.

A short while later they had reached their destiny and Face was to get ready for diving. Hannibal opened the door and bellowed downstairs. _"Face, get ready."_

_"Colonel, Face is cold, maybe I could…"_

Hannibal was getting angry and it showed in his voice. _"Each of us has a job and Face will do his, stop trying to get out of your responsibilities Lieutenant."_

_"But Face didn't…"_

_"It's okay Murdock. I'll be fine. Let me get this done and then we can go home."_

BA had seen the thing they were supposed to bring up on radar. It had about the size of a large radio and was mounted to a pole that was fixed in the ground. Face had to dive down, unscrew it or get it loose somehow and bring it up. It would take some minutes but they didn't really know how long since they didn't know how it was fixed.

Face went down and the rest settled in to wait. They weren't too far from the beach and could see it. BA followed the instruments while Murdock looked out for seagulls. Hannibal spotted a single woman jogging and followed her with his eyes. She suddenly stopped and turned to the water, looking in their direction. It wasn't until she started to frantically wave that he noticed what was wrong…a body had washed up on the shore.

But it wasn't just _any_ body…it was a body wearing a diver's suit…it was Face.

"Damn! B.A. get us to shore…fast!" Hannibal yelled.

They didn't move and after a few minutes B.A. yelled back. "We got a problem, man…we stuck."

"What do you mean?" Hannibal asked approaching his sergeant.

"What part of 'we stuck' don't you understand?"

Hannibal ignored the sarcasm and probed further. "Stuck on what?"

"Not sure, man…can't tell from up here."

Murdock immediately started to redress in his gear. "I'm going down again."

Hannibal nodded and watched until Murdock was under the surface before switching his attention back to the shore. The jogger was kneeling next to Face and was in the process of taking off his mask. He hadn't noticed until this point that alongside Face's supine body was a large rectangular box. 'The kid did it…he got the whale attracter device,' Hannibal thought. 'But at what cost?'

Murdock resurfaced and B.A. quickly pulled him aboard. He was out of breath but managed to gasp out, "Go, B.A. We're free…one of our anchoring ropes got tangled around a pole…I cut it. Go."

B.A. didn't need to be told again; he started the engine and they started for shore.

Hannibal and Murdock were out of the boat before it came to a stop. The water came up to their waists, but that didn't stop them from running through the surf.

"Are you his friends?" the pretty blonde twenty-something asked while moving over to make room for the newcomers.

Hannibal nodded, still breathing heavy from the exertion. He and Murdock knelt down on either side of their teammate.

Face's eyes were open but they were clouded with pain. "Did…did…my job."

Murdock grabbed his hand which was shaking fiercely, as was the rest of him. "You sure did, buddy."

"He was out cold when I got to him…he woke up and kept saying that he did his job."

Hannibal smiled at the jogger. "Thank you so much for staying with him, ma'am."

"My pleasure." She blushed. "It's not every day that such a handsome man washes ashore…this has been the most exciting run I've had in years."

B.A. joined the group just as the female carried on with her run. "How is he?"

"Did…my…job," Face repeated.

"Face, what happened, kid? Are you hurt?"

"Did my…job?"

"Yes, you did your job, now what happened?"

"Good." Face sighed and let his eyes drift close again.

"What now Colonel?"

"Let me check him" Hannibal didn't find any broken bones but a nice knot on Face's temple. He started to peel away the diver's suit and found ugly red marks around Face's shoulders but couldn't explain them.

"It's cold here, let's get him in the van and in something warm, hotel, as fast as possible. BA, stay here and pack our equipment, Murdock, when we have Face settled you come back and pick the equipment, skip with BA and send back the ship."

BA briefly thought of objecting but looking at Hannibal's stance he didn't. Instead he ran in to the direction of the van to get Face into a warm place as fast as possible. Hannibal was clearly angry. He didn't know whether that anger was directed at him but he didn't also want to find out, not until the colonel had cooled down some. He had been responsible for the instruments. Why had he not seen that Face had moved from the diving side? His signal was there, BA was sure of that.

"Why was he washed to the shore so fast?"

"I don't know Murdock, maybe Face can tell us. Pick the transmitter and let's get ready, BA should be here with the van any second."

Once Face was settled Murdock returned. It didn't take too long for Face to wake up again.

"Hi there kid, how are you feeling."

"Terrible."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"I went down but what BA had found on the radar was not the transmitter itself, it was only a module for the tones to reach further. I looked around and saw something that fit the description a bit away, nearer to the beach from where we were. I swam there staying down because the waves closer to the surface were strong and I didn't feel up to fighting with them. They had already pushed me to the pole of the module when I was first looking at it. Something on my oxygen bottle broke, it had a crack or something, some air went out but not too much."

Face took a break. Hannibal saw the strain in his lieutenant, trying to get his thoughts together. "The thing itself had no pole but was tangled in heavy steel chains to keep it where it was. I untangled some of them but the place was shallow, just behind some large rocks, and the waves kept pushing me here and there. When I was just about done a strong wave came and the chains tangled with my oxygen bottle. It held me down and I struggled to get free but couldn't. The waves were so strong at that place. Finally I removed the bottle, the pipe to the mask had torn off in the chains anyway, and grabbed the transmitter. Another wave and I saw a large rock just in front of me, that's all I know. Did I keep the transmitter?"

"You did. God, kid, why did you do this? Why didn't you come back up to tell us the exact location?"

"I…I had hit the bottle and I knew you wouldn't have allowed me to go down with it leaking. I would have had to go inside again and I just wanted it over with."

"You mean to tell me you took an unnecessary risk just because you were sulking about me telling you to do your job? Just what is wrong with you?"

Face was taken back by the colonel's harsh tone and piercing glare. "I...um...I..."

"Are you really that stupid?"

Face had been called many things by Hannibal over the years, but stupid was a new one. But it was the way he spat it at him that hurt most.

"Hannibal," Murdock who had come back just in time to hear the last part of the conversation, tried to intervene. "Don't you think that you're being a little rough on him?"

"No, Captain, I don't.

"He_ did_ get the transmitter," Murdock pointed out, not quite willing to give up yet.

"Something he could have done without getting hurt had he not been so lazy and damn set on taking the easy way out."

The pilot pointed to the con-man, his voice rising an octave. "Doesn't look like he took the easy way out to me."

Face could feel his heart pounding...both in his chest and at his throbbing temple. He didn't want them fighting over him, but he was having enough trouble staying conscious.

"Face has done nothing but complain since we started this job and as a result he rushed and got sloppy...and sloppy can get him...or one of us...dead."

"No," Face mumbled. "Not true."

"Yes it is," Hannibal insisted.

It was taking all that he had to speak the words. "Not lazy...tried to tell you...not feel good...if didn't get it now...wouldn't have chance. Had to do job...while still...able."

The van, with BA who had gone for supplies after dropping Murdock, pulled up and postponed the conversation. Not that it could have continued anyway with Face passing out the moment they moved him.

Face woke up a couple of hours later covered in blankets and in sweat. He suffered through nightmare after nightmare and developed the mother of all colds.

_"What do you think he's dreaming about?"_

_"Almost getting drowned is bound to give a man nightmares captain."_

_"Are you sure? Maybe he's not yet over what happened in Bad Rock?"_

_"It's been almost one and a half years and he never mentions it, it's over Murdock. It's the accident in the water he's dreaming about."_

They all stood in the hotel room, with the exception of Face who was laying in the room, and remembered that time in Jersey. Murdock was blaming himself for having seen it and not probing deeper and Hannibal for closing his eyes from reality. He hadn't wanted to see it.

"I'm so sorry kid, I can't tell you how much."

"Then don't. You shut me down and told me in no uncertain terms that I had to deal with my own problems. The job comes first, the team comes first, function or don't be part of it."

BA was still standing in the corner and was taken aback by the bitterness in Face's voice. He was about to call him on it but decided otherwise. He had all right to be bitter. They had left him alone when they should have been there for him.

"Yes, that's right kid." Murdock was about to lay into Hannibal for that statement and BA moved from his corner. But before they could do anything Hannibal continued. "The team comes first, and you are part of that team. And when you are hurting we should notice, but we didn't. And that I'm sorry for. Next time pound me if I ignore you, okay?"

"No, no it's not okay because even if I did pound you, which I wouldn't do, you would only beat back instead of seeing reason. That's why I gave up on you after a few more tries. You had been my biggest hope but you outright ignored my problems."

Hannibal didn't know what to say. Face was right. He should have noticed something and in his subconscious he probably did, but he just didn't want to see the truth, didn't want to remember the horrors himself, and therefore he neglected Face.

Face voice was getting thinner as he went on. The anger had kept him talking so far but he was at the end of his rope. The exhaustion coupled with the pain and the fever were taking their toll.

"I even considered going to Murdock, I made an attempt, but he made a joke out of what I had said. I saw you weren't ready. I couldn't add my problems to yours."

"Sorry Face, you can always come to me and I did see it, I only didn't want to see it and rather believe you were fine. That's why I so easily agreed with Hannibal thinking you were over it, after all you had seen other horrors before."

"Seeing other horrors doesn't make it any easier to live through the next. I stopped trying after BA too didn't help me. It took a long time till I had worked up the nerve to go to you and when I did you were busy the whole day and didn't even listen. I left in the evening, guess you didn't even notice I was gone."

"When was that Faceman?"


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"At the daycare, I came to see you but anytime I started to say a few words you cut me off because you had to help this one and do that and this and I should wait. I tried so often over the day and in the evening I went to sit under a tree and watched you for a while. You had forgotten about me, you finished what you were doing and instead of looking for me you started the next work. That's when I left."

BA remembered the day well. "Oh man, you just came at the wrong day, I was so busy."

"Yeah, sure, my fault. So tired…"

"No, that's not what I mean, I should have asked you why you came, even if it had been the next day." But BA was apologizing to a sleeping Face. The strain was just too much and his body decided to take over and get some rest.

"What was he talking about BA?"

B.A. didn't hear the question; he was too consumed with his guilt. But he started to answer it anyway. "Oh, man…I messed up bad. I could see he was hurtin', but I just ignored him. I figured he could handle it by hiself like he always do." B.A. heaved a sigh. "That's the problem…because he always looks so put together we assume he got everythin' under control. But that day was different…I saw it…and I just didn't take the time to help him." B.A. was rambling on and on at this point, but he couldn't stop. "I put all them kids' needs above Face's…what kinda friend am I? He looked different…I don't know…almost messy…like he just rolled outta bed. I figured maybe he had. He looked real tired and pale…like he was comin' down with somethin'. If only I asked him what was wrong, maybe it wouldn't have happened."

Once B.A. had stopped talking and stood staring at the still form of Face in the bed, Hannibal asked, "When was this?"

"A little over a year ago…right before Thanksgiving."

Murdock walked over to the gold-clad man and put an arm around his shoulder. For once, B.A. didn't try to pull away. "It's not your fault, big guy."

"We can keep tellin' ourselves that, Murdock, but yes it is. You heard him…he tried to talk to each of us." B.A.'s shoulders slumped. "I remember what he first said to me at the center that day."

_"Hey B.A. Do you have a minute to talk?"_

_ "Not really, Faceman…"_

_"Please. It's important."_

_"I'm kinda busy, man. Can it wait?"_

_"I guess so. I'll just hang out until you have some time."_

"The Faceman even helped me out with the kids a bit. But every time he tried to pull me away, I had some excuse. I saw him sittin' by that tree an' I left him there. Maybe deep down I was scared of what he was gonna tell me…I mean if he was comin' to me I knew it couldn't be good."

Hannibal got a thoughtful look on his face. "B.A., earlier you said 'if only I asked him what was wrong, maybe it wouldn't have happened'. What did you mean by that?"

"Thanksgiving was about three days after I blew him off…do you remember what happened on Thanksgiving night?"

Face had spent the day at the orphanage as he often did on holidays helping out with kids who were in a position he once was in. None of them would ever forget the call from Father McGhill.

_"I'm at the hospital…Templeton is being admitted. I'm sorry, but we had no other choice…it isn't good."_

_"Which hospital are you at father…okay…we're on our way."_

_Hannibal and Murdock put on some disguise while BA drove. He himself donned a wide jacked that covered his gold and a hat to cover his hair. They will never forget the way Face looked in this hospital bed. Pale, almost transparent, and unmoving. Had it not been for all the cables and pipes going in and out of his body he would have looked like dead._

_"Father, what happened?"_

_"I don't know, we were in the middle of our dinner when one of the boys asked where Templeton was. I told him he had left to go and see his friends, that was what Templeton had told me, but the kids pointed out that his car was still parked outside. We looked and found him laying on the floor over at our pond. It is a very secluded part of the orphanage and Templeton loved to go there. He looked…my God…he looked like dead. I was so glad when I found a faint pulse. "_

_"Was he attacked?"_

_"There are no signs. The doctor says he's not stable yet, anything is possible. They took all kind of samples and have him hooked to all this machines. His vitals are all over the map and every once in a while an alarm will go off and they pump some medicine in him."_

_The doctor arrived that very moment. "Are you the family the father here told me about?"_

_"Yes, we're his family. What happened to him?"_

_"We don't know yet. I first thought drugs but his blood is clean. We're still searching."_

Murdock shuddered at the memory. "It was one of the longest nights of my life."

"You ain't kiddin', fool. It felt like he would never wake up, man."

Hannibal nodded in agreement. "And it took forever for them to conclude what was wrong with him."

_"He's underweight and suffering from malnutrition. His blood sugar dropped extremely low and is probably why he lost consciousness in the first place. We are feeding him through a tube and pumping him full of fluids as he is severely dehydrated."_

_"But why isn't he waking up?"_

_"My best guess is that he is physically exhausted to the point that his body shut down on him. Rest is the best thing for him now."_

"I was so angry with him for letting himself get in that condition."

"That's an understatement, Colonel. But at least by the time he finally came around you had calmed down enough not to knock him out again."

B.A. smirked. "I dunno, man…I seem to recall havin' to hold him back at first."

"His not taking care of himself had put us all at risk. We're just lucky it took Decker two days to catch up with us and that Face was well enough to leave the hospital."

"Yeah, but barely," Murdock added. "God, he was so weak."

"I carried him like a sack of potatoes out to my van. He wasn't much heavier."

Hannibal put a hand to his forehead and held it there a moment before running it through his silver hair. "Damn!"

"What?" Murdock and B.A. asked at the same time, causing Murdock to smile and B.A. to groan.

"And we did it again…never really asked Face what happened. We were so caught up in running from the MPs that it took us a few days to really shake them. By that point Face was insisting he was fine and we were too tired to press the issue."

"I'm beginning to feel like a broken record…"

"Which one?" Murdock interrupted. "The Beatles or The Rolling Stones…I broke both last week."

"Shut-up and let me talk, fool!" B.A. growled. "I feel like a broken record 'cause I'm gonna say it again…we shoulda asked him about what happened at the orphanage."

A weak voice came from the bed. "You really want to know? I'll tell you. What happened was my supposed friends refusing to help me, no, refusing to so much as listen to me."

"Faceman, I'm sorry, I should have asked you why you came and should have listened to you. If I could turn back time I would."

"Well, you can't." Face winced as he had shifted a little. The feeling in his legs had still not fully returned, although it was far better now, but therefore the pain in his back was driving him insane.

"Face, we're all sorry, we would turn back time if we could, please know that we didn't hurt you intentionally. We…"

"No, you never do anything with intention, do you? You were the cause of all this and now you're standing here telling me it wasn't intentional."

"I caused it? How?"

"It was your great idea to celebrate Thanksgiving with Maggie. That alone was not the problem, I would have loved for her to come along to wherever we would celebrate the occasion, we always did celebrate it together as a team. But no, you had to tell us to come to Bad Rock. The last place on earth I want to go to be thankful for something and you had to insist we go there."

"Oh god kid, I didn't think at all, I mean, we've returned to Bad Rock many times…I never thought..,oh god."

"Yeah, we returned many times, most of the times I was out of it. Sure I'm thankful to Maggie for helping me, but going there to say thanks for the year, no way."

"Face, why didn't you say something?"

"Why I didn't say something?" Face voice rose and he pushed himself up on his elbows but immediately fell back down. "Ouww." He had his eyes closed and was panting through the pain.

"Take it easy kid, why don't you rest some?"

"You always…ouuuww…push me to talk…and now…now that I want…you want to stop me."

"No, no, I just don't want you to suffer."

"Now you care?"

"Buddy, we always care about you."

"Yeah? I wanted to talk to you. I broke into your VA in the evening after I hadn't slept for three days because I saw Sue whenever I closed my eyes but you didn't even mind me, you were talking to your socks."

Murdock just lowered his eyes, he didn't know what to say. He didn't even remember the episode.

"That ain't fair, man," B.A. accused. "That's why Murdock is there in the first place."

"I know," Face sighed and shot Murdock an apologetic look. "But it feels like whenever I need somebody they have an excuse to blow me off, but I'm not allowed that luxury. Do you know how many times I felt like I was dying from the inside out, but then one of you would call needing something and I would come running?"

The shame was clear on the trio's faces; they had no words.

"But Thanksgiving was bad. I hadn't slept or eaten much in days and after visiting B.A. things only escalated. But I promised the Father I would help him out and I couldn't let him or the kids down. I worked so hard to keep it all together…I'm the Faceman after all…have to put on a happy face. But right after I carved the turkey I started to feel really sick. I knew I needed to get out of there…I thought that maybe if I could get some fresh air I would be okay. But once I got to the pond I was so dizzy. I remember falling to my knees and praying for all the pain to end." Tears were freely flowing down Face's cheeks. "I felt so alone...since what happened in Bad Rock I've felt so alone."

The anger was slowly leaving Face as he was finally giving voice to the secret hell he had been living. The team could sense the change and they moved closer to their friend. Hannibal took his good hand and held on tightly. Face was shaking and he could feel the little energy he had waning. His eyes began to drift shut.

"That's it, kid…just rest. You aren't alone anymore."

But moments after his eyes closed they popped open in a panic looking all around. His head shot up followed by his upper body, but just for a few inches before he grimaced in pain. The pain brought him back to reality and he sunk down into the pillows he was laying on shaking all over.

"What was it kid?" Not that he had to ask but he needed a start and this was as good as any.

"Nothing, I'm going to sleep."

"Face no, look at me."

Face didn't open his eyes

"Kid, open your eyes, don't shut us out okay? Did you hear what I just said? You're not alone anymore."

"Always alone." Face mumbled without opening his eyes.

"You saw Sue did you?" This time his eyes did shoot open. "Calm down, calm down, she's not here."

"Not? No."

"Rest some Face, we'll fix this, together."

"Together…promise?" He looked from face to face of the men above him.

"Promise," they all repeated in unison. He sounded so scared…like a lost child.

"Don't wanna…close my…eyes again."

"We here to protect you, man," B.A. tried. "You safe."

"Yeah…I know," Face said in a low voice, but his eyes still reflected fear. "But it's myself I'm scared of…can't shut off…my brain. The thoughts…the flashbacks…keep coming."

Murdock could somewhat relate. "Then don't shut it off…but don't shut us out. Talk to us…we won't judge you."

Face paled. "You…you sure…'bout that?"

"Yes," Hannibal answered.

"It wasn't Sue I was thinking about…it was…it was…no, it was Sue."

"Face, if we want to get through this together you have to be open to us and not shut us out. Trust us."

"I do…trust you I mean. It was Sue I saw, I'm sure."

"No, it wasn't Sue, and that I'm sure about."

"But…just let it go okay, you, you don't need to know."

"C'mon buddy, we need to know your demons to work through them. Don't think you have to spare us something, out with it already, or I'll sick Billy on you."

'Oh god, he was seeing one of us hurting him in his flashback, that's why he doesn't want to talk. Most likely me with that darn scalpel, I caused the most pain. Oh my god, what have I done to this kid?' Hannibal was so lost in guilt he almost missed the whispered words.

"It's so awful, I mean, it was always there but it seems everything I worked hard to suppress is bubbling to the surface, She has crippled me, the more I try to forget her the more of my demons come to the surface. I'm so tired, just so tired but afraid to close my eyes, they wouldn't let me sleep."

"Then share some of them demons, what was it that just scared you?"

"It was…I saw…I dreamed of, no…I saw Lynch holding this damn wire above me and laughing like a devil."

"Oh kid, I'm so sorry. It all happened a long time ago, we'll help you through. You'll see, now sleep, close your eyes, we're here for you in case the nightmares come."

"In case? That's a given." Mumbled Face as his eyes drifted shut. This time they stayed that way…for now.

'Just Lynch and it had him reeling like this. I thought he was over that.'

"I should have seen it, I ignored all the signs."

"What you talking about fool."

"He had more nightmares than usual but I never said something, just helped him to fall back asleep and never asked what's wrong."

"When did you notice his increased nightmares?"

"Anytime we bunked together, on missions. I should have wondered how he slept when we were not on missions and nobody was there to ward off the bad dreams but I never did. Some friend I am."

"At least you noticed something at all. What kind of leader am I?

"The best kind," B.A. answered without missing a beat. "And don't you go sayin' nothin' bad about yourself."

Hannibal smiled appreciatively. "Thanks, sergeant. We really need to stop going back to what we could have done in the past and focus on what we can do now to help Face.

"Hannibal's right," Murdock agreed. "We should encouage Face to open up about his past, but try not to get caught up in ourselves. We have to listen to him...no matter what...and not get defensive if he calls us out or places blame on us."

"That's easier said than done."

"B.A..."

He held up his muscular arms to stop Hannibal. "I didn't say I wouldn't do it...I just said it wouldn't be easy."

Hannibal nodded. "Good. We can do this...we have to do this. He needs us."

"And we need him, too," Murdock added. "He doesn't realize how much."

"Right."

Hannibal chuckled. "You two have been agreeing a little too often lately...you're giving me the creeps."

"Imagine how I feel," B.A. lamented, but he couldn't supress a small grin.

"Okay...first order of business is to get Face physically well. That's probably adding to his mental stress right now...he probably can't think straight due to the fever and pain."

Hannibal was interrupted by the ringing of the phone. "Must be Maggie," he said before getting off the floor to answer it.

The look on Hannibal's face a couple of minutes later and the tone of his voice told Murdock and B.A. that it wasn't Maggie.

"Right, thanks for informing us." Hannibal put down the receiver. "Damn, we gotta move and fast."

While already packing up their things, both conscious men asked "Who was that?"


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"The owner of the place. Told me the police and military are doing a combined training exercise today, simulation of a natural catastrophe and evacuation of all people in the area. Everybody was informed ahead but he forgot to tell us when we booked the place."

"When?"

"No idea."

In no time all their stuff was in the van. "Damn, damn, damn, Face is not fit for travelling."

"No choice there colonel, let me take him, fool, put as many cushions as possible on the floor of the van." He tried to lift the still sleeping Face but as soon as he had moved his arm under his legs Face screamed in pain and terror.

"Calm down kid, it's just us, we need to move you, army's on the way."

"My legs, my legs, oh god, my legs, they're burning, please, help me."

"They are not burning kid." To the others he said "Must be from the injuries, maybe the bruise is pressing on some nerves or circulation returned or what do I know."

"What now?"

Hannibal sighed while rummaging in their medical supplies. "Shoot him up with morphine and move."

"God, he's gonna be sick like a dog."

"Can't be helped now."

Face was too out of it to even protest against the needle coming his way. As long as he had been laying down the pain was tolerable but being moved was a whole different story.

As soon as they were in the van BA asked "Where to?"

"Just out of the area for now."

"Chicago is close, maybe we could…"

"No, Face has a hard time to open up when we're around, he'll close up if there's someone else."

They had to stop at a red light and an elderly man standing at the side looked at the California number plates before approaching BA. "Where to?"

"Nowhere in particular, we're tourists, strolling around."

"Don't you know about the army and police training going on today? They have blocked all roads out of the area and checking every car. If you just want to stroll around maybe you better choose another day, the queues are long, a friend of mine called and said he spend over an hour to get through the check point. They are pretending to look for thief's taking advantage of the earthquake they are simulating."

Hannibal leaned over. "Really? We didn't know. Maybe we better explore the place by foot today. How large is the area?"

"Not that big, three communities more or less. If I had a map…"

"I have one." Hannibal was out of the car drawing the man to the sidewalk before he heard Face's low moans. After studying the map together he thanked him and returned to the van.

"Left BA. The area includes a little woods. Our only chance is to hide there. Get us there then return and park the van somewhere in town where it won't look suspicious. We don't need to give them a reason to comb the woods for people."

"But then we can't move fast."

"We can't get out of here anyway, you heard him."

They found the woods in no time and managed to get there without coming across any army or police. The asphalt road ended just behind the first trees and they stopped there as to not leave fresh tracks.

"Murdock, did you pack all medical supplies we have?"

"Yeah, medical supplies and food and water for three days, to be sure."

"Okay, let's move. BA, we're going straight north. Meet us there."

Hannibal and Murdock took one end of the stretcher each and started walking while BA set of to park the van at a train station they had passed not long ago, hoping that nobody would get suspicious of an unknown car there other than when parked in a small community. Face was so shot up with morphine that he only moaned and tossed his head here and there.

"Colonel, what do we do if they should comb the forest as part of their training, I mean, they won't choose an area with forest for nothing."

"Let's just hope they won't. If they do we do what we did with the Viet Cong."

"You mean climbing up in the foliage and let them pass by?"

"Exactly."

"And how do we do that with Face on a stretcher?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we reach it."

"Forrest?" Face asked, his drug clouded eyes opening wide in fear.

"Shh," Murdock soothed. "It's okay."

"Forrest?" he repeated. "Please…no."

Hannibal and Murdock shared a look; where exactly was Face in his mind?

"Kid, can you look at me?"

It took everything Face had to focus on Hannibal's voice and to turn his head in that direction. "Han…bal?"

"Yeah…that's right. I'm here…and so is Murdock."

"Hurt?"

"Yes…you're hurt. But you're going to be okay. Just lay still and let us take care of you."

That seemed to calm Face for a short while until the sound of B.A.'s jingling chains filled the air. "B.A….gotta help him…let me up."

"B.A.'s fine…he just went to park the van. He's right there…see."

B.A. was only a few feet away, but Face couldn't see anything but the memories in his mind. "No…gotta help B.A…in trouble…gotta help."

"I'm right here, Faceman. You hafta calm down, man."

"B.A.!" Face screamed and then proceeded to roll himself off of the stretcher.

B.A. dove forward in time to catch the falling man. "I gotcha Faceman…I gotcha."

"Not gonna let you down, B.A….not gonna let you down."

B.A. held Face close to his body and closed his eyes. He knew exactly where Face had gone back to.

"It was a long time ago Faceman, a long time, you rest, hear me?"

"Not hurt?"

"No, I'm not hurt, as usual you the one hurting. Rest, close your eyes."

"Can't"

"Why can't you? You don't need to do anything, it happened a long time ago."

"No, hurt too much, legs hurt, back hurts. Tree fell on me?"

"No, no tree, well actually something similar to a tree. Hannibal?"

"We can't give him another dose so soon, the other one should still be working."

"But it doesn't. We can't leave him in pain."

"Let me see his back." Hannibal crouched low and lifted Face's T-shirt as BA was still holding him up.

"That bruise got bigger, I guess it would help to drain it but I don't really want to use a needle that close to the spinal court."

"What about making a small cut in it?"

"Don't really want that either."

Murdock too looked down. "If you pinch some of the skin between your fingers and then cut it you wouldn't risk hitting his spinal court. It's swollen so big that the skin is not really near the bone again."

"Hurts so, please do something, please, can't stand it."

Hannibal sighed, "Okay, Murdock?"

He already had some rubber gloves and a scalpel ready. Murdock helped Hannibal into the gloves and handed him the knife but Hannibal hesitated to take it, memories of the last time he used a scalpel on Face hitting him hard.

"Come on man, the Faceman is hurting…and he's getting heavy."

Hannibal snapped out of it and took the knife. Very carefully he made a small incision and the dark liquid started to flow out of the bruise easing the pressure. Face made no sound as the scalpel cut him but sighed as the pressure went down. His eyes rolled back and he was out of it again.

"Let's pack the wound, I don't want to risk any infection out here. BA, what was he talking about?"

"Remember the time you decided that the two of us needed some team bonding? Just after I had broken his arm and it had mended and we were at each other's throat again?"

"Oh yeah, as if it was yesterday."

"Well, I don't. Care to fill me in?"

"You had a hard time at the VA then and were in your own world. Those two were bickering like an old couple. I decided that a time in the woods would be ideal for them. I dropped them off in the forest with supplies for two weeks, they of course had to find their own food and water. The rule was simple, keep moving, don't get out of the forest, don't kill each other, meet me again in two weeks. Face was bickering about camping and BA was complaining about having to spend two weeks with the pretty boy. I heard of them four days later, Face called me from a phone booth in a small village telling me BA was hurt and where I should pick them. I rushed there but needed three hours anyway. By the time I reached the described village Face broke out of the woods and stumbled onto the street just to collapse in front of the van. I loaded him in then went for BA, who was out cold behind the trees Face had emerged from and carted them off to the next hospital."

"What had happened?"

"Ask BA, he was there. All I ever got to know was that a tree fell on them and then they made it to the side of the forest to get help."

"That's what the Faceman told you?"

"Yeah. You were drugged up to the extent that you couldn't form a coherent sentence."

"It's the short story of it, the very short one. We camped, I was in the tent, Face was having watch. It rained young dogs that night. A lightning hit the tree opposite our camp as Face told me. Instead of running away he came running to my tent shouting to get out. I heard him but it all happened that fast, the tree hit and I was out cold. When I came around I had the mother of all headaches and was trapped under the tree in the tent. My leg hurt like hell too. Nothing moved and I thought Face had run off leaving me there. I screamed for him to help me but nothing moved. You know how I get when I'm injured, I need to lash out. I called him all kind of names and swore but then I heard something. There was movement and whimpers and small cries of pain. I called out again and he called back, 'won't let you down.'

_"Where are you man?"_

_"The tree, it got me but I'm almost out. I won't let you down."_

_"You better not pretty boy, suck it up and help me."_

_"I'm almost there, just a minute."_

_"What? You need to comb your hair first? Help me out already."_

The tree had come down on both of us. It had knocked me out and broken my leg and some ribs and it had broken Face's arm, the one that had just mended, and three of his ribs. He was trapped too and had a hard time to get out from under the tree but he managed. He removed the tent from over me and I could see him shaking and holding his side.

_"You hurt too?"_

_"Not too bad, I won't let you down."_

_"You can't move that tree, go and get help."_

_"No, it will take long, any wild animal coming here can attack you and you can't do nothing."_

I drifted in and out of consciousness but somehow he managed to get the tree off of me enough so I could pull my leg free. He used his good hand and took some sticks and the rest of the tent to make a kind of travois. Then he dragged me five clicks to the nearest phone. It was slow going, he stumbled and sometimes fell over, that's the parts I saw at least, I was out of it most of the time, but he managed to get me there. Took him one and a half days though. I wanted to talk him into leaving me there and just going to get help but he wouldn't have any of it. He's one tough dude."

Hannibal nodded. "I remember in the hospital he wouldn't let anybody look at him until he was sure that B.A. was okay. He kept saying that he let you down."

"Let me down? He saved my leg…and possibly my life."

"He said it shouldn't have taken him so long and that he was too weak."

Murdock rolled his eyes. "The man lifts a tree one-handed and thinks he is weak? Not to mention pulling B.A.'s big behind…"

"Watch it, fool," B.A. interrupted with a threatening glare.

"I mean pulling B.A.'s muscular gluteus maximus through the woods."

Hannibal shrugged. "At the time I chalked it up to exhaustion and the physical pain from his injuries…but now it's becoming alarmingly clear just how much he really believes that he is weak."

B.A. cursed softly under his breath.

"What's up, big guy?" Murdock questioned.

"I said some bad stuff to the Faceman during that trip…and not only after the tree fell on us."

"I'm sure he dished it right back, sergeant."

B.A. shook his head. "That's just it, colonel…he didn't. The minute we got into them woods he got all quiet like. Man…it was weird."

Murdock bit his lip before saying. "I bet he was flashing back to Nam."

Hannibal groaned and hung his head. "That was a stupid move on my part. Throw the kid back into the jungle knowing how much he hated it…and so close after the war."

They were silent for a moment. Though the year was 1985, it still hadn't been enough time for them to truly get past the horrors they had lived. In reality, there would never be enough time. In this case, time did not heal all wounds. And the fact that the forest they were in right now wasn't exactly a forest didn't help any.

"Man, I wish we could get out of here," Murdock sighed. "Trees and Face do not mix well. Do you remember what happened that time in Chicago when we convinced Face to scam us that Christmas tree for Mrs. B."

The trio could look back at it now and smile at the final outcome, but at the time the events were quite scary and painful for Face.

_They had arrived in Chicago in the late afternoon of 24__th__ December and a heavy snow storn was going on. By the time they reached Mr's B's apartment Murdock looked around and was disappointed to not find a tree. _

_"The old plastic one broke this noon when I wanted to put it up and I didn't have the time to get a new one, sorry. I wish we could have one, what with spending Christmas together so seldom and all. Ah…but I'm happy we're all together."_

_"I'm sure Face can get us a tree in no time." Hannibal looked at his second in command with a look that shouted 'move it' but Face tried to ignore it._

_"Come on Hannibal, it's past six the shops are closing and I'm sure the trees stopped selling somewhere early afternoon. I won't get one now and have you seen the weather going on?"_

_He had and he knew that he would never get a tree now but then Face could get everything anytime. They needed that tree. Mrs. B wanted one, Murdock wanted one, BA looked like he wanted one and to be honest he too wanted one. Face was unreadable as usual but he at least hadn't objected against a tree in the past years._

_"You can get one, if you move now that is."_

_"Hannibal…"_

_"Pretty please Face, with cherries on top. Christmas without a tree is not Christmas."_

_"Leave the boy alone, he's right, he shouldn't go out in such weather, he'll end up sick and no tree is worth that, even though I would love to have one. Maybe we can build something…"_

_"I'll go, before you guys start decorating the chairs or something."_

_Face made a drama out of putting on his heavy boots and jacked but no one stopped him as he had secretly hoped. He moved out in the cold and stood undecided for a moment. He didn't know Chicago well and had no idea where to go. Finally he moved into the general direction of the inner city in hopes of a shopping center. He briefly thought about taking the van but BA would have his hide for getting needles in the upholstery. Instead he jumped into the next taxi. _

_He reached a small mall just as the shops were starting to close. There was no trees for sale but he spotted a nicely decorated one in a corner of a shop and stepped inside._

_"We're closed."_

_"Sorry, I won't be long. Say, you are closing now and leaving this tree here?"_

_"Sure I do, it's Christmas after all, people strolling will like to see some decoration in the shops."_

_"But it's in the corner, it's hard to see from the outside. I want to buy it."_

_The man laughed. He looked at the size of the tree and at Face. "And do what? How are you going to get it home with all the decoration on it? I don't have the time to take off all the things, my wife is waiting for me. It's almost eight o'clock."_

_"I can carry it, look, here's 200 Dollars."_

_"200? With all the decoration?"_

_"Okay, 300."_

_"Have it, but don't ask me to help you."_

_Face removed the tree from it's stand after unplugging the lights. It wasn't that the tree was too heavy but it was difficult to carry with all the decoration. He managed to make it out of the mall and some distance away. The wind was adding to his troubles and no taxi wanted to take him with his tree. After he had rounded to second corner it happened. A pool of ice had formed and he hadn't seen it. _

_"Face sure is taking long. I hope nothing happened, we shouldn't have let him go."_

_"Calm down Mrs. B. he's a big boy, probably met some nice lady. He'll come."_

_But as the hours passed by Hannibal was getting worried too. He jumped up when the phone rung and it was getting to ten in the night. Mrs. B picked._

_"Where are you, are you alright?" She frowned and then handed the receiver to the colonel._

_"Face?"_

_"Hannibal, can you come to the emergency?"_

_He didn't like the slur in Face's voice at all, the type he had when he was in extreme pain. "What happened kid and which emergency are you talking off?"_

_"I fell. It's ..uh…general hospital? At least that's written at the desk."_

_"I'll be there ASAP."_

_"'kay."_

_When Face arrived he could have laughed had he not been so worried. The emergency was empty above from one angry looking nurse, an equally angry looking orderly and a slumped figure in a chair holding on to a fully decorated Christmas tree._

_"Kid?"_

_"You know this man?"_

_"He's my son. What happened?"_

_"Apparently he slipped on a patch of ice and fell. Some pedestrian found him and called the emergency. He refused to get into the emergency car though, since they refused to take his tree along. A truck driver that had to stop because of the commotion took him and the tree along and dropped him here. Since then he's holding on to that tree and not letting go. But the doctor wants to go home and he can't set his arm with this tree in the way."_

_Hannibal looked at Face's free arm and gasped. It was bent in an unnatural way and clearly broken._

_"Okay kid, hand it to me and go see the doctor. Sorry ma'am, maybe he hit his head or something."_

_They celebrated Christmas with a tree and everybody painted little trees and stars at Face's cast._

"Now we can stand around remembering old times or we get set in case they really do search this forest. BA, we need a tree with dense foliage, and it needs to be a big one."

They soon had the tree of question. It was a set of trees more or less.

"Good, climb up and see if we can create something to place Face's stretcher on in a way that it is safe and not seen from down. Murdock, watch the perimeter."

They did and BA soon announced he was ready.

"Sorry kid, you have to leave your bed for now." Together they carefully removed Face from the stretched. He moaned in pain but was too doped up to scream. Once he was settled on the ground he cried out though and curled together as his stomach rebelled.

"Damn morphine. Get that stretcher up there BA, I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach."

"So does Face."

Hannibal made sure Face vomited into a bag so he would not leave a fresh trail on the ground. He then went some distance away to burry the bag. By the time he returned Face was sweaty and tossing on the ground, his moans had turned into little cries of pain but he was too weak to really cry out. BA announced he was ready just as Murdock came running.

"Move up, hundreds of police and military, they are really combing this place."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"Shit, BA?"

"I'm all done, I have a rope here, sling it under Face's arms and then I'll pull him up."

"No way, he'll scream in pain if we do that."

"No other chance to get him up here."

"Murdock, up." Hannibal sighed. He pulled a syringe from his pocked and uncapped it.

"Wait, you're overdosing him."

"This is not morphine. It's BA's good night juice."

"What? You don't know what that will do to Face."

But it was too late, Hannibal had injected him and he went limp. "It will keep him quiet and hopefully out of prison."

Together they pulled him up and settled down in the trees with all their belongings. Minutes later they saw the first police men.

Face lie on the stretcher that was secured and resting on two large tree branches. He was oblivious to the activity below him, but the rest of the team were not so lucky. Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. tried to do nothing more than breathe...and even that they felt could give them away.

Luckily the group moved through relatively quickly and the team felt they could relax a bit.

"We better stay put for a while in case another group comes through or they double back," Hannibal said. "Plus, I don't want to move Face any more than we have to."

They sat quietly for a while before Murdock broke out into a wide grin.

"What you smilin' at, fool?"

"I always wanted a tree house as a kid to play with my friends in...this is the closest I ever got."

Hannibal couldn't help but grin at the pilot, but B.A. seemed none too amused.

"This ain't no tree house and we ain't friends."

Murdock looked crestfallen. "Oh, we aren't. Glad to know you feel that way."

"Look, fool..."

"That's all I am to you, isn't it? Just a fool."

Hannibal could see that things were about to get heated. "C'mon...now is not the time."

"And just when is the time to learn that somebody you considered to be a friend...no, a brother...doesn't feel the same way."

"Fool...I mean Murdock...that isn't what I..."

B.A. was interrupted by a rustling from below. Hannibal put his finger up to his lips in a "shh" fashion. A few officers were walking in the direction where the others had gone. But that was the least of their problems as they heard a cracking sound from the branches around them. The officers were still a bit away but Hannibal was sure they had heard the sound. The branches they were sitting on were big but sitting on them for a long time had made them weak. Hannibal was sitting with Face and while Face didn't way much at the moment it was an additional weight on the branches and he couldn't risk for Face to fall. The rustling he caused by standing up and hanging on to the branch over his head to get some weight off of the one he was currently perched on caused the officers to stop and look up. They were a group of five.

"Did you hear this?"

"Sure did."

"Where was it coming from?"

"Do I care?"

"I find forests creepy. Where was that sound coming from?"

"It doesn't matter, come on now, I wanna get out of here before it gets dark."

"But maybe someone is here."

"Sure, an earthquake victim that perches on a tree afraid a flood may follow the earthquake, this is a training, we're not really looking for someone."

"Would you cut it you two, let's move, we're behind as it is. That was a bird we scared away."

"Yeah, he's right. This stupid training is over as soon as we reach the other end of this forest and if you two want to look out for birds go ahead, we're out of here."

They moved on but none of the men on the tree so much as breathed, with the exception of Face who was oblivious to the close call. Soon the police men were out of sight but not yet out of earshot. BA's branch cracked again and he had to react. He reached up to grab the next branch over him just as Hannibal had done but was too late. The branch under his feet broke off the tree and came down with a lot of noise. He had managed to hang onto the branch over his head though and used his feet to scramble back up and into the foliage of the big tree.

The two officers that had been arguing came running back.

"Look at this, you still think a bird could break away such branches? Must be a big bird." The man scanned the tree from down. Luckily the foliage of the tree was thick and BA had added additional branches to conceal the stretcher from anyone looking up.

"Man, don't stand around there. It wasn't a bird but there are bigger animals in those forests. You want a bear to jump on you?"

"There are no bears around here." But he moved away anyway not wanting to find out whether a single stray bear had made his way to this small woods.

Nobody moved for over fifteen minutes before Murdock worked up the nerve to make the first move. "Man that was close."

"You can say that again. Let's get down from this tree."

"Maybe we should wait a bit. What if they come back?"

"They won't you heard them, it's over when they reach the end."

"But what if the organizers didn't tell them all and as a surprise let them walk back in the night? It's getting dark and it would be a good training."

"I wish you would stop saying this."

"Oh, so now I can't even tell my opinion?"

"Don't be so dramatic fool, sure you can but you were the one to voice that they might comb this woods and they did, they seem to hear you and take your advice."

"Murdock has a point. If I was their commander I would let them march back in the night."

"So what now?"

"We look for a sturdy branch and settle in for the night. The fresh air will do us all good, including Face I hope."

"You hope?"

"There's not much we can do, even if we get out of here now we have to wait for him to wake up. The air will cool him and work against his fever. If we move now we risk running into police or military in town, we just learned that the training is not officially over. We don't know if they are all in the woods or some stayed back. They already moved in groups."

They stayed on the tree for some more hours until it became evident that nobody would come back. Then they carefully lowered Face down to the ground and settled there until morning. Hannibal checked Face's vitals more frequently growing worried by the minute.

"How much did you give him? The full dose? He hasn't stirred once since you injected him last afternoon."

"I can see that BA. Sure I didn't give him your dose, I could have killed him as well. I gave him just half of what would be the right dose for his size. He should have woken up after a short time, in his condition maximum a few hours. He's stable but he's not waking up. We'll wait 'till morning and if he hasn't woken by then I'll take him to a clinic."

Morning came and nothing had changed. Hannibal didn't want to risk getting out of the area in case the road blocks were still intact. He didn't also want to risk being recognized so he put on some disguise and they split. BA and Murdock were to return to the house while he took Face to a small clinic in town. He introduced him as his son who had an accident in the woods, a tree fell on him, and told the doc the kind and dose of meds he had been given.

"Okay, we'll check your son. You wait over there in the waiting bay."

"No. I'll stay with him."

"That's strictly against our policy, sorry."

"I won't leave him alone."

"Then go to another clinic. We always want a maximum of privacy for our patients to get the most information without anybody else influencing them. Tell me sir, why is it you bring your son now, those bruises I saw are some days old."

"He didn't want to see a doctor."

"I see, I'm going to check him now."

Hannibal reluctantly went over and sat down. He couldn't afford to make a scene here. It felt like hours before the doc appeared again.

"How is he doc, has he woken up?"

"No and I don't expect him to in the next hours."

"Why? Doc, what's wrong with him?"

"You tell me. We tested your son. He's dehydrated, suffers from extreme malnutrition, runs a low grade fever that is so far of unknown origin, is extremely exhausted, has a mixture of morphine and a sedative in his blood that is normally not given together and that he seems to react badly to, his blood sugar is way too low and he shows the beginnings of pneumonia. The only part that fits your story are the bruises, inside and out."

"Inside? You mean he has inner bleedings?"

"Some of the bruises reach deep. There are no open bleedings but we need to watch him carefully."

"Oh god."

"What happened?"

"My son and I moved here not long ago, actually I moved here and he came to visit. My wife died last year and he hasn't gotten over losing his mother. He was working and didn't want to leave California but I had to get away, the memories were too bad. It was a mistake, I should have stayed. I missed how bad off he was and when he came to visit a few days ago I confronted him. We argued and he run off into the woods. I searched for him and found him under the tree. My wife was sick that is why I still had morphine and the sedative. I didn't know I couldn't give it to him together. I thought it was just bruises and he would be okay, oh god, what have I done."

The doc was convinced by the show Hannibal put on. "We'll care for him. He needs to be monitored closely. Why don't you go home and get some rest, he'll sleep through the day at least. You can check on him in the evening if you want but I'm sure he'll still be out."

Hannibal wanted to scream no but he had to continue the show. "Thanks doc. Can I sit with him a minute before I go?"

"It's against our rules, but I'll make an exception. But just a minute."

"Thanks."

Face looked so lost as he was laying in the hospital bed. "Sleep tight kid, I'll be back in the evening."

Hannibal gave the nurses the phone number of the house and left, but not before taking their promise to call should anything happen.

"Another worried father that will worry us, just throw the number in his file, we'll call him….if world war three breaks out."

Face regained consciousness a short while after Hannibal had left.

'Where am I?' he thought looking around the small room. 'And where are the guys?"

It was obvious that he was in a hospital of sorts from the sterile looking environment. He was hooked up to a myriad of machines that beeped and whirred. He ached everywhere and felt so incredibly sick and weak. The last thing he remembered was looking up at a bunch of trees, but after that it was all a blur.

'Why did they leave me again?' Face blinked back the tears. But then it dawned on him that they may not have had a choice. 'Oh, God…what if they're hurt too…or worse?'

Face was interrupted from his thoughts by a nurse who walked into the room. "Oh, you're awake! Let me get the doctor."

But before the doctor entered the room he stood outside talking with another physician. He couldn't make out all of the words, but he heard enough to know that he was in trouble.

"Recognize his face…team…military…need to report…"

His heart began to race even more than it already was from the after effects of the drugs. 'Play it cool,' he told himself. 'You need to warn the others.' But he was finding it hard enough to keep the room from spinning…how was he going to spin his thoughts?

The doctor entered the room and eyed the man in the bed suspiciously. "How are you feeling, sir?"

Face attempted a smile as he answered lightly, "you tell me, doc." It was always a good idea to answer a question with another question when unsure what the correct answer should be.

The physician countered with a bunch of medical jargon. Face, however, wasn't listening as he was too busy trying to figure out his escape.

"Didn't you hear me?"

"Huh?"


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Luck seemed to be on his side for once. Though it took him a while to get the trunk open nobody came into the garage in the mean time. He pulled himself in, closed the trunk and waited for the owner to come. He didn't have to wait long until someone entered the car and it started moving.

"You feeling better now Tim?"

"Yeah dad, still hurts but not as bad."

"See I told you, once the arm is in a plaster it won't hurt as much. Now let's get to your mother, she'll be worried sick by now."

Face listened and was somehow consoled that he had ended up in the car of a caring father. He drifted off as the car moved on. When he came around again the car had stopped moving and he felt cold. He opened the trunk a little and found he was in a garage. He didn't have the energy to get out of the trunk. All he did was to sit up and look around. There was no way he would get out of the garage without making a hell lot of noise. It had those big metal gates. He drifted back in and wrapped his arms around himself. He was hurting worse than before, he was cold, hungry, thirsty and so dizzy. Face felt truly alone. He pulled the trunk close again. His Last thought before he drifted off again was that they eventually had to take the car to town and he could then escape.

"Colonel, we have a problem," Murdock said into the payphone receiver.

"What are you talking about?"

"I got tired of waiting around and I decided to check on Face myself, but when I got closer I noticed a couple of military vehicles outside."

Hannibal almost dropped the phone. "Oh God…no."

"It gets worse."

"Worse?"

"He's gone."

"Gone?" Hannibal did drop the phone this time.

Murdock could hear B.A. yell in the background, 'what's goin' on, man?' Seconds later the gruff voice said into the receiver, "start talkin' fool. You got Hannibal all freaked out."

"He's gone," Murdock repeated.

"Gone?"

"Geez…what is this...a recording?" Murdock sighed. "He's gone…as in missing."

"Oh man…Hannibal thought…we thought…he was…you know…"

This time it was Murdock who almost dropped the phone. "No…oh Lord…no!"

Hannibal got back on the phone. "Sorry, captain…I guess we're all just a bit jumpy and running on too little sleep. Tell me what you know."

"Not much. I went inside and did a little eavesdropping. Seems he was there one minute and gone the next without a trace."

"Damn…where could the kid be?"

"I'm not wanted, I'll go back and see if I can find him or get information."

Murdock dressed up as a janitor and went back into the hospital to get information. He got lucky fast overhearing a higher ranking soldier that seemed to be in charge arguing with the doctor that had been called back to the hospital.

"We searched every corner, he's not in the hospital."

"He can't have gone out, actually he can't have gone …as in walking…anywhere, not in his state. He had no business waking up so early. His vitals were terrible and his heart hammering like something. Add the stress of an escape and he would have died for sure. As it was I wouldn't have made any bet but for him to escape out of the hospital, no way."

"And I tell you he's not here."

"Then maybe someone helped him."

"And who should have done that? Nobody was seen coming in and we checked the video showing the entrance to the deep garage, no car came in either. We don't have anymore entrances. Besides the policeman said he just went to pee for maybe a minute. He must be in the house, search again."

Murdock found it logic that Face couldn't have moved away on his own, he decided to join in the search and started to clean all the floors and open every cabinet. He could swear he had wandered every room, he had even checked the small morgue but to no avail. It was getting to ten in the night and the few people still around kept throwing him odd looks. He had to leave the place and return to the house, even though he didn't want to.

BA and Hannibal had been hoping for a sign from Face but nothing. They took shifts staying in front of the house so they could hear the phone inside as well as the one in the van, and searching the surroundings of the hospital but staying far enough to not run into the police. Now however it was dark and they still had no clue as to Face's whereabouts.

"What do we do colonel?"

"We join BA in the house and hope and pray. I've been whacking my brains, who could have taken the kid?"

"You think someone kidnapped him?"

"After what you overheard and what I saw I don't think he could have managed to walk out of there. Besides, if he could he would have contacted us by now."

"Maybe one of our former clients recognized him and took him so he would not get taken in by the police."

"Maybe." 'Not likely.' Hannibal thought. The person would have contacted them. But he didn't want to take Murdock's hope away. They joined BA and tried to rest, but nobody was able to close an eye.

"Where am I?" Face thought when he next awoke inside the trunk of the now moving vehicle. He was finding it hard to breathe as the morning sun must have been heating up the car. 'It couldn't have heated up in the garage meaning it has been moving for some time. And the way it's getting hot in here the sun is quite high already. How could I sleep through that?'

He felt far worse than before, laying curled up in the trunk on the hard surface was not making things any better, and he had the mother of all headaches. 'Must be from dehydration. I feel like a prune already.'

He wanted nothing more than to get out of the car and find his friends, and a bottle of water, but the car was moving on at a steady speed. After what seemed like hours but was probably less than even one the speed changed and the road got more bumpy, much to Face's dismay. He was close to passing out when the car finally stopped. The driver left the car and locked the door. Face waited for a while and when he didn't hear a sound he thought he could risk opening the trunk. He pushed but it wouldn't bugde.

'Damn, he has locked it and there's no way to open it from the inside.' The trunk was heating up fast now that the car was standing and he had to do something. He pushed against the backseat, trying to turn the upper part over and climb into the car but he was too weak to do much. He tried and tried and when he was just about to give up and accept his faith one of the hinges of the seat gave out. This gave him new energy. It was far easier to break the second one now that he could push the seat from the loose side. Finally it gave out and he collapsed back in his trunk. He needed a moment to collect himself and then climbed into the main part of the car.

It was parked at a large parking space at the back of what appeared to be a large company. More important there was a small river close and some tall grass and bushes. Face saw the water and wanted to run over. He soon had to notice though, that crawling was the only way to go, and very slow crawling at that. He opened one of the doors and was just about to leave the car when he saw something shiny. The car had a phone!

Murdock had gone back to the hospital in the morning and found the police and military had given up their search. Nobody had heard or seen anything. Face had just vanished. Getting to eleven Murdock returned to the others.

"We gotta do something."

"Any idea is welcome BA."

"I just gotta do something, I can't just sit around." BA got up and angrily turned the coffee table over. "It's after all my fault he was in the darn hospital."

"BA, calm down."

"I don't want to be calm, this is all rubbish. I want to…"

"Shh….quiet, the van."

Murdock had heard the phone ringing and all three men were out of the door with lightening speed.

'Damn, pick it already.'

"Face?"

"Han'bal. Military is around, gotta hide, are you okay?"

"Face, where are you? How are you?"

"What happened?"

"I'm asking you. Nothing happened to us, we're looking for you."

"Nothing happened?"

"No, now where are you?"

"Don't know, in a car, large parking space, a big company, don't know which one. There's a small river."

"I need more information Face, where is it, what's the name of the company."

"Don't know, nothing written there. Car moved for a while, don't know how long and don't know which way. There's water."

"Face, I need you to find out the name of the company."

"Can't, need water."

"Which phone are you using, is there a number?"

"No, car phone, gotta go, need water."

"Face, no, don't hang up, tell me more, describe the place."

"Lot's of cars, big parking space at the back of the company, huge company with tall chimney. Think driver works here. Gotta go now, water."

"Okay kid, you get your water, we'll find you, promised."

Face dropped the phone but then remembered to not leave more traces than necessary. He placed it on in the correct way and then tried to push the seat in a position that the damage wasn't too obvious. Then he crawled out, closed the door and crawled over to the river. He eagerly drunk some of the water and then lay back behind the bushes.

'None of them is hurt, they are not in trouble, they simply left me alone.'

"You heard the kid, get the map and see where he could be."

They found several places that fit the description. Unfortunately the immediate area they were in had a lot of rivers and a lot of bigger companies. Face could be anywhere but since he thought the driver of the car he was in was working at the place they found the possibility of him working in one of the companies close was bigger than working further away. They spend hours checking out places but nothing really fit. Either the parking lot was in front and not at the back, or the name of the company was hard to miss from any location of the parking space, or the whole company was on leave, or closed down or there was a fence between the parking lot and the river.

"Maybe we should check them out anyway, Face was quite sick, maybe we have passed the place he is."

"Captain, calm down, this is Face we're talking about. Even half dead he can give you an exact description of what he sees, he's trained." Hannibal wanted to calm Murdock but he himself was boiling on the inside. Why did this area have to have so many companies and rivers. They were headed for the last place. BA rounded the corner to the parking lot moments later and it seemed to fit, parking lot at the back, small river without fence, lot's of cars, no name of the place visible from there…but no chimney.

"What now Hannibal?"

"Take out the map, check the possible places further away from here."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

It didn't take long for them to narrow down the location to two possibilities: an auto parts factory or a large brewery warehouse. Both were located by rivers…the problem was that they were each equal distances from the clinic, but on opposite ends from the town.

"Which one do we choose, man?" B.A. asked.

Hannibal fiddled with his cigar. "Damned if I knew. We're going to have to guess and hope we're right."

"Hope we're right?" Murdock repeated incredulously. "That's not good enough."

"But it's all we can do. Instead of wasting time here let's get moving…it's an hour drive either way. And if we're wrong…"

Hannibal didn't need to complete that sentence.

Face could hear voices approaching and it brought him back to his senses. He slid himself back further into the bushes and tried to remain as still as possible. He could make out a group of five men that were probably on their lunch break.

_"My wife has really been bustin' my balls lately."_

_ "When doesn't Sue bust your balls."_

Face froze as fear gripped his heart. 'Sue...oh God...Sue.'

_"True enough. She's always ridin' me about this or that. I don't know...sometimes I think she purposely tries to hurt me."_

'Sue hurt me too...badly.'

_"I don't know why you put up with her."_

_ "I don't know...it's...well...complicated. Sue's complicated."_

'You can say that again,' Face thought.

_"You, my friend, are a stronger man than I."_

_"That, or plain stupid. Anyway, she's picking me up later and I just hope she's in a good mood."_

Face's heart began to race as his fevered mind believed that the Sue that tormented him years prior was once more heading in his direction. He waited until the men departed before rolling onto his stomach and starting to crawl further into the brush.

'Gotta get away...can't...can't...face her again...gotta keep moving.'

But Face didn't get far before his body betrayed him and he passed out face down in the dirt.

"I can't believe it!" Hannibal almost yelled at the map.

"There was no way we coulda known the brewery closed down last year, Hannibal," Murdock said from the back seat.

Hannibal crumpled up the map as they sped toward the other factory. "I know...I know," he muttered.

"And with the way B.A. is driving we will be there before you know it."

They pulled into the lot of the auto parts factory just as the last car was pulling out for the day.

Face woke up and looked around. He was well hidden and the sun had gone down. There was a chill in the air and despite his fever he shivered. A car came around the corner and he tried to make himself smaller afraid it could be Sue. He followed the car with his eyes and found the parking lot was almost empty. The car stopped close to the entrance and a man got down and walked away. Face sighed in relief and sunk back down.

His head was about to kill him and his mouth was bone dry. The fresh water of the river was tempting but it meant leaving the bushes. There was no way he could take that risk. One by one the remaining cars left the place until only one was left. Face had to make a decision. Stay hidden and risk that Sue would come later and check out every bush with no one around to help him if she found him or try to crawl all the way over to the one left car and climb into the trunk. Then again that car could be the one taking him right to Sue. It was a tough decision.

'The car is far, don't even know if I can make it that far. But if Sue comes I'll be alone. Alone. I called Hannibal around eleven and now it's getting dark. I gave an exact description and they have all the detailed maps. They could have been here hours ago. They won't come for me, I'm dirty and disgusting and of no use to them. They won't mind if Sue has me again, god, I'll miss them so. Sue can't possibly know I'm here, if I crawl over to the car and don't make it she has me out in the open. I just don't know what to do.'

"This place fits all the criteria, Face must be here." Hannibal felt hope surge through him after the plenty disappointments of the day.

"Where do we start? The river is all along the far side of the place."

"We split and start from three places to speed maters up."

Hannibal went straight ahead after directing Murdock to go west and B.A. to head east along the river. Each man had a flashlight to guide his way through the increasing dark.

Hannibal walked along the water feeling his guilt over leaving Face in the hospital. And here it was hours later and Face was still alone…and sick…and in the dark.

"C'mon, kid…where are you?"

Murdock walked as quickly as possible in the waning light. Every so often he called out for Face hoping that his friend would hear and call back.

"Face…can you hear me buddy? Face?"

B.A. was feeling about as guilty as Hannibal, and not only about Face. He knew he had hurt Murdock badly as well. The sooner they found Face the sooner they could all begin to mend all physical and emotional wounds …some of which they hadn't realized existed.

"Faceman…I owe you a big apology, man. We just gotta find ya first."

Face heard rustling leaves and snapping twigs.

'Get up…get up and move,' he commanded himself.

But his body wouldn't obey him. And that's when he heard it…the sound of chains jingling. It was the distinct sound of only one person: B.A.

'They came for me,' he thought. But relief was mixed with trepidation. Was the team there to help him? It had taken them hours to find his location; if they really cared they would have been here hours earlier.

Face could see B.A. in the near distance. But he never expected to see what he saw next. The muscular man dropped to his knees and made the sign of the cross.

"Dear Lord…please let Faceman be okay. Please help us find him...please."

Face had his answer.

"B.A.," he called out weakly. Too weakly, as there was no response.

"B.A., help me," he tried louder, giving it everything he had left. It proved to be too much and he lost consciousness while still hidden in between the bushes.

B.A. jumped to his feet. 'Help me' he thought he had heard. It was faint…but he had heard it..and it had to be Face. He shone his light around but didn't see him.

"Faceman, Faceman where are you? C'mon, talk to me."

But nobody answered. BA wandered past the bushes Face was laying inside and back but never saw a glimpse of him. He was so sure he had heard something but it was so faint it could have been from anywhere. He didn't also want to leave the place for fear not to be able to find it again. All the side of the parking space was covered with bushes and it was difficult to distinguish the places in the dark.

"Hannibal, Murdock have you heard anything?" He shouted over the place.

"No", both men shouted back.

"Then come over here." He hadn't needed to add the last since both were running his way already.

"I heard someone say 'help me' but it was very faint and I can't find nobody. It must have been Face."

"He was speaking of water, I guess he went close to the river to drink and wait there. I'll check the water, you guys check all hiding spots around here." Hannibal practically run to the water as fear gripped him. The water was shallow and the current not strong enough to take a man away but if he fell inside, in his weakened state, he could still drown.

Meanwhile BA and Murdock used their flashlights to shine under every bush and behind large rocks, separated the tall grass and checked out the few trees but to no avail.

"C'mon Facey, where are you boy. If only Billy was here to help me search. How would he do it? Ah.." Murdock dropped to all fours and continued his search from that perspective.

"What are you doing fool? We got no time to play dog." BA who searched a distance away called over.

"If Face was not able to walk he crawled, and crawling men leave traces."

"I checked that, there are all kind of traces here from the workers going out during their lunch break."

"Footsteps are different from…"

"From what fool?"

But Murdock didn't answer again. He was busy crawling into a larger formation of bushes. BA started to sprint his way while calling out for Hannibal.

Murdock had seen a glimpse of white and followed the trail. It proved to be an edge of Face's hospital gown that was peaking out from under the otherwise naked man.

Face woke from rustling sounds very close to him. 'BA, BA came to rescue me. The bush just in front of him split into two and he felt relief for a split second before he recognized it wasn't BA, it was Murdock holding the hot poker. Sue had sent them to torture him more. He scrambled back further into the next bushes, eyes wide in fear of what was to come. "No…no…please…no more." It was only a whisper, but a very desperate one.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Face, no, don't be afraid, we were looking for you, you are sick Face." As Murdock spoke the words Hannibal and BA split the bushes further apart, breaking some of the twigs. The picture that presented itself tore at their hearts. Face was looking like a scared animal and had managed to tangle himself up in the bushes, the hospital gown hanging loosely at his front while his exposed body was covered in scratches.

"Kid, shhh, don't be afraid, it's only us. Murdock, shine the light into the bush, not directly at him." Hannibal too crawled into the bush to get closer to Face while BA started ripping the bushes apart to get access to their friend.

Hannibal could see Face was torn, should he trust them or not? He had nowhere to run and no energy to run with and from the looks of it that was the only reason he didn't do it. This would not have happened before Sue, the team had a long way to go. Murdock too looked like he was falling apart any moment but he couldn't deal with him right now.

He reached out and touched Face's arm. The heat radiating off of him was palpable. "Hurry up BA, he's burning hot."

'BA? BA is here? BA prayed for me, he's gonna help me.' "BA, help." He wanted to scream but all that came out was a soft whisper.

"I'm right behind you Faceman, no worries."

Face had not expected this and jumped, trying to turn around towards the voice. In the process he ripped more cuts into his body and the band around his neck that kept the hospital gown in place got caught on a larger twig, choking him.

"Don't do this Face, keep still, I'll have you out in a minute."

Hannibal saw the problem and reached out to undo the band around Face's neck. As soon as he the gown sacked down, now only held by his arms he again moved fast to hold his only piece of clothing close to his body, resulting in even more cuts from the thorn bush he was tangled up in.

'No, Sue must be here, she never allowed me clothes, BA, BA help me.'

Finally BA had snapped the last thick branches away and had Face free. He wanted to reach out and pull him close but before he could do so Face scrambled into his arms with lightening speed. "Help me BA, please help me."

BA had been crouching down but the force of Face flying at him had knocked him flat on his behind. He clutched Face to his chest holding on as if he would never let go again. "I got you Faceman, I got you, ain't nobody hurting you, I got you. Hannibal, he's hot like fire and his heart is going to jump out of his chest if we don't do something soon."

"He trusts you, calm him down, Murdock, let's give them some space, he seems afraid of us right now." It hurt much more to know Face was afraid of him than to say it. A part of Hannibal's heart was dying seeing his boy in desperate need of being held and hearing reassuring words and knowing that he was not the one who could provide them.

"It's okay Faceman, I got you. What are you so afraid of?" He felt like holding one of the scared kids at the center. "Tell BA and I'll scare away whatever scares you, promised."

"Sue."

"Oh Face, Sue is not here, okay? She's locked away, you don't need to be afraid of her anymore."

"But…but Murdock…he had…had the poker…he wanted to hurt me."

"No Face, Murdock helped me. You called out for me but I couldn't find you. Murdock crawled around with a flashlight and found you, it wasn't no poker. Look here, I'm having one too." He held his own lamp close careful not to shine it at Face. "Murdock had the exact same, without him I wouldn't have found you."

Face was shivering against his chest and a sob escaped. BA cupped the back of his head and pressed him closer "It's okay Face, it's okay, we're here to help you."

"But Hannibal…he…he tried…oh god…he tried…he…Sue never allowed any clothes…he…" Hannibal's heart broke even more at hearing the desperate words.

"Shh, it's okay, shh, he only wanted to help you. You were choking at the band of this gown you are wearing. Shh, nobody wanted to hurt you. You are safe with us."

BA rocked him some more running one hand over his exposed body in a calming fashion while keeping the other one at the back of Face's head. He winced as his fingers came across the scar at Face's shoulder where Hannibal had to cut him under Sue's command. It was still raised and prominent. No wonder the kid freaked out, none of them ever helped him to get over the events and he had the scars as daily reminders. When the sobs turned to sniffles BA spoke again. "You are very sick kid, let us help you?" He didn't usually call Face 'kid' but right now it seemed appropriate and the words were out of his mouth before he even thought about it.

A tiny nod against his chest was the only reply he got.

"Is it okay if Hannibal has a look at you?"

Another nod, but this one more hesitant than before.

"I'll hold you, I won't let go, I'm here for you, okay?"

" 'kay."

Hannibal moved closer but at a slow pace.

"Want me to get him to the van colonel?"

"No, not yet. Face, you are hot, you have a high fever kid, we need to cool your body before we take you home. BA is going to carry you over to the river and we'll use the water to cool you down, okay?"

Another hesitant nod was the answer and BA slowly rose to his feet without breaking contact with Face.

"Murdock, go get the van close and bring the first aid kit."

Hannibal was first at the river and removed his jacket for BA to lay Face on it, who didn't want to let go off BA. They ended up in an awkward position with Face on his back and BA crouching next to him with one hand still under Face's head and Face's hands clutching to BA's shoulders. The flashlights laying around them illuminated Face in a strange way.

"Okay, you're okay." BA saw that Hannibal had removed his shirt and wet it to cool Face down but the gown he was wearing had to go. For now Hannibal moved the wet cloth over Face's forehead and cheeks and it felt like heaven to him.

"Water" he croaked out.

"You'll get water kid, come here, open up." Hannibal dipped his shirt back in the water and rinsed the wet part over Face's parted lips to get some drops on his tongue.

"There's more Face, just go slow. That's it, some drops at a time."

"Faceman, let me remove this dirty rug you're wearing, we can wet it and cool you down, the wetness feels good against your skin, isn't it? You need to let go off my shoulders for a moment, that's it." BA reached over Face and wet the whole gown. He tried to spread it out with one hand and cover Face's upper body with it. He succeeded only half way and reached out to spread the down corner over his groin and upper legs. Before he had him covered his eyes caught the scar left by the burn he had caused on his privates that was highlighted by the flashlight.

"Sorry Faceman, I'm so sorry."

At first Face didn't know what B.A. was talking about and why he was apologizing. But then he followed B.A.'s line of vision and was immediately horrified. The bile rose to his throat and he rolled onto one side and tried to literally purge the memory from his mind.

That's when B.A. realized that he had been staring and Face caught him.

"Oh…no…Faceman…I…uh…I…"

Face rolled back again but his eyes were closed. B.A. hurriedly finished covering the trembling body.

"S'okay," he rasped weakly. Even though he was wracked with fever, he knew now that Sue wasn't here and that the team was trying to help. The only thing bothering him was why it took them so long, but he didn't have the energy…or the courage…to ask.

"It's not okay," B.A. mumbled just loud enough for Hannibal who was sitting next to him to hear.

"Keep it together, sergeant," Hannibal said softly. "Now isn't the time to lose control."

"I know…and I won't," B.A. whispered back. 'Yet,' he mentally added.

Murdock returned with the first aid kit. "I parked the van as close as possible. How's he doing?"

"M'okay...really…m'okay," Face insisted, but his eyes remained shut and his breathing was labored. "We need…need to…move…move out."

"Shh," Hannibal soothed him while wiping his brow with more cool water. "And we will, but first you rest a little bit while we check you over and clean you up some."

Hannibal did the medical duty while Murdock and B.A. took turns talking to Face and reminding him of where he was and who they were and that he was safe.

Face moaned and his head shifted from side to side as Hannibal worked and cleaned the myriad of cuts and scrapes that marred his body. He tried to focus on the words his friends were saying, but soon the physical pain began to take control.

Hannibal noticed a difference in his patient whose body had suddenly stiffened. "Face…kid…you okay?"

When there was no reply he put the supplies aside and looked at Murdock and B.A. "Be ready in case," he mouthed.

They all backed away slightly while Hannibal still tried to coax Face to respond. "Face, you with us kid?"

But Face's body was still rigid, his veins popping out of his neck. "Help…me…stuck…I'm stuck…under…underneath…hard to…hard to breathe."

Murdock gasped. "I know where his mind is colonel…and it isn't good."

They all knew and he was right, it wasn't good. It was the day they all swore to never leave a member of the team behind, never again.

Face had joined them not long ago. While he tried to follow the rules he was used to doing things on his own. So when Hannibal gave out orders where everybody had to be, Face left his spot if he felt need be and usually didn't tell any of the others. It usually was for the good of the team and he never endangered the team but still Hannibal almost went nuts over telling him again and again that they had to know where he was, always.

The team was on a recon mission together with a lot of new soldiers when they run into a trap. A village that used to be friendly had been taken in by the Viet Cong. The fight cost lives on both sides but the villagers didn't have a lot of heavy guns and were soon outnumbered. The main problem that remained was that the huts were build on sticks and the now VC friendly villagers had set fire to them. Several of the huts had collapsed already and were posing a threat.

"Collect and move out, don't stand near the huts." Hannibal called out and supervised how the prisoners were guarded to the side of the village and marched away. At the end only a few men were standing there, those assigned to carrying the dead and wounded.

"Where's Face?"

"No idea, haven't seen him since shortly after the fight started. He run right into the fire like a possessed." Ray had been next to the new lieutenant.

"Oh this kid is driving me nuts. He's probably back at base already, let's go."

When they arrived Murdock was waiting and soon missed Face. "Where's our new toy colonel?"

"I had hoped you could tell me. He didn't hang around to see the end of the fight. Probably is cooling down with one of the nurses."

"No, he wouldn't do that."

"Murdock, you haven't been on the ground with us. He has a serious problem to follow orders and it will get him in trouble one day, well, as soon as I get my hands on him. How are we supposed to look out for each other if we don't even know where he is half of the time."

Murdock looked at Hannibal with mixed feelings. "I have a bad feeling about this colonel, he has never left the place without permission so far, has he? I mean, I always lifted all of you out and he was there to endure your lecture about following orders."

"Yeah, because we never were that close to base that he could walk back."

"I don't know colonel."

"Look, we took all the dead and injured and since he's not among them, where should he be?"

"Have you really checked everywhere? Let's go back, please, I have a bad feeling about this."

Hannibal wasn't convinced but Murdock's feelings were usually right. They anyway had to burry the dead Vietnamese could as well do it now. All the team plus some grunts gathered together and moved out, silently planning what they would do to Face for making them move out again. It was their free decision and while most of them were convinced Face had just run off and would reappear sooner or later, nobody stayed back.

When they reached the village the fire had burned out and the place was deadly quiet. It had been about five hours after they had left. "Okay, fun out, gather the dead off to the side, and if you should come across a certain stray lieutenant his hide is mine."

They started the grim task and after a while, BA who had been close to the center called for a stop. "I heard something."

Hannibal ran over to him. "Peck?" He called out.

"Help…me…stuck…I'm stuck…under…underneath…hard to…hard to breathe."

They removed the remains of the former village building, the tallest and biggest one right in the center of the village, and there he was, right next to a dead Vietnamese and his automatic gun with lots of ammunition. That was what Face had seen when he ran off. He had been hiding there waiting for the Americans to come close enough to kill them all with his automatic fire. They would have walked right into the ambush. Face had a bullet in his thigh and the gunman a slit throat. Face had saved them and they had left him alone, hurt, scared and all alone. Just like now.

Back in the present Face continued to be stuck back in Nam. "Stuck…help…hurts…please."

"Face," Hannibal said still keeping a slight distance. "C'mon…wake up for us, kid. You aren't trapped anymore…you're safe. We found you."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"Found me?"

"Yes…open your eyes and see."

Face followed Hannibal's command and opened his eyes.

"That's it. You see…you're safe." Hannibal took a step forward and then another.

"Safe?" Face repeated. But he saw no such thing. He saw trees and felt pain. Fear gripped him and sent a rush of pure adrenaline through his system.

Murdock saw it first. "Hannibal…stop."

And then B.A. "Colonel…he gonna…"

But it was too late. Face leapt to his feet and had his stunned colonel down on the ground in seconds by sweeping Hannibal's legs out from underneath him with a kick. He reached down and grabbed for the gun he saw peeking out from under the tan jacket.

"Don't move," he snarled at Murdock and B.A., "or the old guy here eats it."

'Old guy?' Hannibal thought. 'He doesn't know who I am.'

Face kept the gun trained at Hannibal. "Now you two move and get next to grandpa on the ground."

'Grandpa? When Face gets well I'm gonna kill him.'

Murdock and B.A. knew it was best not to play around with Face when he was in his current state, so they wordlessly did as told.

"Okay…who has the keys to that van I see over there? Fork them over."

B.A. looked to Murdock who had last driven and gave a nod; Face was armed…and probably dangerous.

"I do," Murdock answered. He tossed them to his confused friend. "Look, can we try to talk about this?"

Face's eyes looked wild and he was practically vibrating with the need to get away. "No…no talking. Lay down on the ground and don't so much as move a muscle or I'll shoot…I swear I will." He began to back away toward the van, the gun still pointed at the trio that was face down in the dirt. It was only when he had one hand on the driver's side door that he lowered the weapon. Once inside he turned the key in the ignition and took off.

"What the hell was that?" Murdock asked as he got up and dusted himself off.

"That was our lieutenant giving us a dose of our own medicine and leaving us behind…only I don't think he has a clue who we are right now…or even who he is."

"Faceman stole my van!"

"Way to state the obvious, big guy," Murdock teased. "So, Hannibal…what's the plan now?"

"Go after him of course."

"Sure, have you checked the map lately? We are far from the next town or village, we can walk all night before we find anything."

"We can thumb our way to the next bigger town BA."

"Why"

"Because naturally that's where he will go, blend in. Don't you remember that this has happened before?"

They all did, nobody ever forgot that. Back in Nam Face had been with the unit for close to one year when he developed a case of malaria. While he had been there for all his team members from the beginning he had had a hard time to learn that he was no more on his own, that he had a whole team behind his back looking out for him. It had taken long but finally they had gotten through to him and made him understand. Now with the malaria however, while the disease itself could be controlled with medicaments the fever mislead his mind and he flashbacked to a time in his past where someone wanted to hurt him. They had never found out what he run from but he was out of their quarters with lightning speed, had stolen one of the jeeps and was gone. It had taken them full three days to locate him in the next town where he was hiding. Of course he wasn't afraid of them anymore, the flashback was long over, but he was so ashamed of what he had done and feared that the army would kick him out for stealing the Jeep and, far worse, Hannibal would kick him from the team.

"But then he wasn't as hurt as he is now, he's running on pure adrenalin and it won't last for long."

"You're right Murdock, we may find him behind the next corner unable to move on. All the more reason to hurry up and not stand around. A naked man sitting in an unmoving van in the middle of the road is bound to draw attention. " 'Or we may find him wrapped around the next tree if he came around while driving or he just passed out from the extortion.' He mentally added, not wanting to voice his fear in case it would make it true.

Face drove unsure of where he was going, but only knowing that he had to get away. But away from who?

'Doesn't matter…need to find a safe place. A town where I can hide.'

He hadn't gotten far when the adrenaline that had fueled him before was just about depleted leaving him dizzy and weak. His vision began to swirl and his arms seemed to lose the ability to grip the wheel. Knowing he was close to passing out he slammed on the breaks but not in time to avoid a large tree that was in his path.

On impact his body was thrown forward against the dash. Strangely it also seemed to jog his memory. He collapsed back against the seat breathing hard and trying to wrap his mind around what he had just done.

'I knocked Hannibal down, pulled a gun on the guys, and stole B.A.'s van…oh God…and now I wrecked it.'

Now more than ever Face knew he had to get away…but this time he knew from who.

'How could I do that to them…they're gonna hate me…especially B.A.'

Face forced open the van door and practically fell out of the seat and onto the ground.

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. were walking in the direction Face had driven off in. It was less than two minutes later when they heard a crash. That's when they started running. Although the sound came from far away and they couldn't see anything yet they had no doubt what had caused it. Nobody spoke as they run along the street as fast as they could.

Face lay there dazed for a while. When he regained his senses he looked around in panic. Had they come yet? Were they going to attack him? Nobody was there and Face decided to get to his feet and move away from the van into the few trees nearby and off into darkness. Unfortunately his body had other ideas. Now that the adrenalin rush was not as strong as the first one and having just taken anything out of his body that was there to take there was no way he would get his feet under him. He needed to get away and fast but how? All he could do was crawl and at a very slow pace. In addition to his back now his front hurt too from the impact of the dash board so he rolled to his side and used his legs to push himself forward and away from the van. It was slow going but he managed to get out of sight and behind some trees. From there he worked his way deeper into the scrubs around.

They rounded the last corner and saw the van standing against a tree with the lights still on, the one functioning one anyway. The sight gave them some extra energy and in no time they had run to the car. Totally out of breath they checked the inside and the surroundings but couldn't find Face.

"Grab a flashlight each and search, he can't be far."

"He was afraid of the flashlight earlier on, thought it was a hot poker."

"I know BA but we need to find him and fast and it's dark. The moonshine will not help us find him in the trees."

"Here." Murdock had found the trail Face had left behind by his choice of movement. Soon all three men were following it as fast as possible. After just a few steps it ended under a tree with low hanging branches.

"Fool, let me, he trusted me before." BA knelt down and pushed some branches away. Sure enough there was Face breathing hard and sweaty. He was oblivious to the things going on around him.

"Hey Faceman, you okay?"

This startled Face who drew up his legs and raised his arms in front of his face in a protective manner. "BA, I'm sorry, sorry, please don't beat me."

This again startled BA. How could he possibly think BA would beat him? "What are you talking about?"

"Sorry, didn't mean it, so sorry, can repair the van."

"Forget it Faceman, it's just a car, I'm not mad at you. How do you feel? Come and let me take you back to the van, it's not comfortable down there, is it?"

"You…you're not mad? Why?"

BA was saved from answering that question when the branches of the tree were lifted again and the other two team members crawled under. "None of us is mad at you kid, we're just happy to see you in one piece." Mentally he added, 'Your body at least. And we'll talk about the grandpa bit later.'

B.A. carried Face to the van and they laid him down in the back. He was barely conscious but at least he had seemed to be back in the present and aware of his surroundings when they found him.

"B.A., check out the van and see if it's drivable," Hannibal ordered. "Murdock stay with Face and see if you can clean some of his wounds, I'm worried about infection."

"What are you gonna do, colonel?" B.A. asked.

"I'm going to study the map and look at our options. I want to get Face off the road and somewhere we can hole up for a while."

A few minutes later B.A. announced that the van would indeed still run and only needed some minor repairs.

"Good. That's one problem solved, but it looks like the only places available around here are smack in the middle of town and would risk us drawing too much attention."

Murdock peeked his head out from the back of the van. "What about the brewery we were at earlier? It's in the middle of nowhere and in relatively good shape."

"I don't know…there's no power or running water…" Hannibal started.

"I can't believe I'm gonna say this," B.A. interrupted, "but I agree with the fool."

Murdock beamed. "Can I have that in writing, big guy?"

B.A. ignored him. "We can stop along the way for food and supplies. I think it's our best option."

"I guess you're right…we'll just have to make the best of it," Hannibal sighed. "How's Face, captain?"

"He's out. Believe it or not, besides being bruised and some minor cuts, he isn't too bad off. I'd say the van took the worst of it."

"Thank God," B.A. muttered.

"And can I have _that_ in writing?" Hannibal quipped.

"He's still running a fever, but it isn't at a dangerous level yet. I got him to swallow some Tylenol before he went out and let's hope that helps some."

Hannibal nodded his approval. "Okay…the brewery it is…let's hit it."

They made the trip back in the direction they had just previously come from in relative silence. Face slept the entire ride and each of the other men were hungry and tired but trying their best not to show it. Once inside the large but vacant structure they unloaded their gear, made Face comfortable and tried to get some rest before the sun was due to rise a couple of hours later.

Before the sun had a chance however Face woke after tossing around for a while and curled up on his side as good as he could.

"What is it kid?"

"Belly hurts. Feel sick."

"Maybe the meds." Hannibal brought the bowl he had located earlier on for this purpose closer. "Just bring out what doesn't want to stay inside."

"No, not that, I'm so hungry."

Hannibal was shocked for a minute. He had thought about everything but not about the fact that the kid had run from the hospital two days ago and had probably not gotten any food since then. In addition he was suffering from malnutrition and dehydration before. The picture of Face curling up against a stomach cramp from hunger brought painful memories from the Vietnam camps back and Hannibal sat there without responding for a while until a muttered 'sorry' brought him back to the present.

"What?"

"Sorry, shouldn't ask for food. I didn't do anything to earn my keep today."

"What? No, Face no. If you're hungry you have all right to ask for food. I should have thought of getting you something after you didn't eat for so long. I'm sorry Face." Hannibal run his hands over Face's back to give some comfort. It was the fever speaking, or at least he hoped it was. Could Face really believe what he had just said? "Unfortunately we don't have anything but glucose tablets in the van."

"Glucose tablets and water, here you go." Hannibal had not even noticed BA getting up and was startled by the big man approaching the duo with the items. BA opened the package but found only two tablets left. "Damn. Here Face, take those. It's not enough but I'll get you something fast."

"But..but what about you? I can't take those if we're down like this."

"Don't argue. We eat yesterday and the day before while you didn't. We'll buy food as soon as the stores open."

Face took the tablets and drunk some water before settling back on his side, the least painful position. It hadn't helped much and he was still holding onto his belly.

"I'll go get something."

"Where do you want to get something now BA, it's three in the morning."

"From some all night store."

"I didn't see any on the way and in the town we started from and we're two hours away from the next town that's big enough to have one."

"There was some fast food shops in the town, not far from the hospital."

"Even they might be closed now. Besides I don't think Face's belly could handle fast food right now and driving around without aim in the night may draw the attention of the police to you. The first stores open at six, rest for a while and then start in time to be there when they open. Something like oats would be good, or bread since we can't cook. Later we'll have to find some camping cookers."

Face was miserable and it showed. Not only was he hungry but he hurt all over too. He tried not to let it show too much but wasn't successful. Murdock carefully shifted closer to him to provide some comfort and body heat. He looked past Face at the other two with an expression like a kid that had done something wrong.

"I have a confession to make."

"About what?"

"About there being only two tablets left. You know…I was looking for sweets the other time when I sat watch in the van and there wasn't any. I took them but knew I shouldn't have, that's why I didn't say anything. Face would have stocked it up if only I had told him."

"Not your fault, Murdock…I should have checked anyway."

"Oh no you don't, Faceman. Let the fool take the blame for this one."

Hannibal knew he better step in; as tired as they were it was bound to escalate quickly. Plus Murdock and B.A. had yet to resolve their earlier conflict from when they were in the tree.

"No one needs to take any blame. Remember that we're a team, and there is no "I" in team." There was a collective groan from the rest of the men at the cliche. "What?"

"If you need to ask, colonel, maybe you're in worse shape than I am," Face quipped with a small smile.

Hannibal smiled back; it was so good to see Face's lips curled in the right direction again.

"Hey," Murdock said out of the blue. "Maybe Face can eat a Billy snack?"

"I don't even wanna know," B.A. mumbled.

"A Billy snack?" Hannibal questioned.

"He had to ask," B.A. continued to mumble.

"Yeah…I got the idea from watching Scooby Doo. Shaggy would always give Scooby snacks when he did something good."

"Oh brother," B.A. groaned.

"I've got a stash hidden in the back of the van…I wish I thought of it sooner."

B.A. stood and loomed over Murdock. "You got dog foodhidden _where?"_

"No, big guy, not dog food…Billy Snacks. Billy doesn't eat dog food."

"Billy don't eat nothin'…he ain't real fool!"

"He is too real."

"Then why can't I see him?"

"Because I didn't take him on this trip, of course!"

Again Hannibal thought it best to step in. "Okay, Murdock, if Billy snacks aren't dog food, then what are they?"

"Reese's Pieces…you know like E.T. ate in the movie. We watched it together in the V.A. and he's been hooked ever since." Murdock did his best impression of the extraterrestrial. _"E.T., phone home."_


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"I'm gonna phone you home if you don't stop the jibber jabber and go get the candy."

"Yes, captain…it will do the trick to get Face's blood sugar back to where it needs to be." Hannibal turned to B.A. once he was gone. "Try to cool it a bit…Face doesn't need to hear any fighting."

"I can hear you, you know?" Face said weakly. "And hearing those two go at it was the most normal thing that's happened to me in days."

B.A. winked at the con-man. "Happy to help, man."

Murdock rummaged around in the back of the van that had been brought into the large storage room of the company they were currently residing in, and returned with several packages of the candy. He held one out to Face and dropped the rest to the floor next to him. Face eagerly took one and tried to open it but his hands were shaking too badly.

"Here, let me." Hannibal took it from him and opened the pack then continued to feed them to Face one by one. The pack was empty soon and Face's eyes fell on the small heap of more packages on the floor.

"Okay, one more but then we stop. I don't want you getting sick from it."

"Yeah man, this ain't food, this is some chemical experiment. It brings your sugar up but that's all. I'll have you some real food in less than three hours, you'll see."

"Billy likes it and he never got sick from it."

"Good, last thing I need is imaginary dog puke on the upholstery of the van."

Face snickered around a mouth full of candy and the simple sound did a lot to ease every bodies nerves.

His eating slowed down and Hannibal saw he wouldn't make it to the end of the second pack. Now that his blood sugar was somewhat normal again his body claimed sleep.

"Come on kid, drink some water to wash it down." Face did and after a few swallows he sunk back and his eyes closed. The others settled in closer around him and got some rest too. The first one up was BA. At five thirty he opened the gate as quietly as possible and drove off to get food. He returned an hour later and handed a bag to Hannibal who was waiting for him outside.

"He worse?"

"No, sleeping peacefully. What did you get?"

"Bread, banana and apple juice, I'll leave again right now to get us some camping equipment. I got oats and milk in the back of the van but nothing to cook them with."

"Alright Sergeant. Hurry up."

Hannibal returned and found an awake Murdock watching over a sleeping Face.

"This candy should not hold his sugar level up for so long. You think we should wake him colonel?"

"Nah…let him sleep. That's what he really needs most."

"You think he's gonna be alright now, colonel?"

Hannibal passed Murdock a banana. "Yeah…I can finally say I do." Murdock didn't look as easily convinced. "Don't you?"

Murdock shrugged. "I certainly hope so."

"But?" Hannibal prodded.

"But this has happened before when he seems to be doing better only to take a turn for the worse." The pilot began to peel his banana. "I guess I'm just scared is all. I'm not usually on this side of a mental breakdown."

Hannibal couldn't help but smile at the comment.

"How'd you guys do it? How'd you deal with me when things were real bad?"

Hannibal shifted uncomfortably. "I wish we handled it better than we did."

"What are you talking about?"

"If we did a better job you wouldn't have needed the V.A." Hannibal lowered his head as if in shame. "We didn't want it…we wanted to keep you with us. You know, never leave a man behind."

"Oh, no, Hannibal…you didn't leave me…you saved me. I definitely needed the V.A. and I still do at times. But there were plenty of times that I was with you guys and had some…well…interesting episodes."

Hannibal got a faraway look in his eyes. "It was one of those later episodes that convinced us that we needed some help and that we weren't able to give you what you needed."

"I don't remember much from that time…what happened?"

"I…um…maybe it's best we don't go back there," Hannibal stuttered. "I didn't mean to bring it up."

"Please, colonel," Murdock pleaded. "I want to know."

Hannibal bit his lip, thinking for a moment. "Okay…but remember that you weren't in your right mind at the time…you didn't mean to hurt him."

Murdock paled. "Hurt who?"

"Face. It was the first time he couldn't eventually break through to you. I guess that's why I think Face will be okay…because we can always get him to come back. But that one night you were so far gone…" Hannibal paused lost in his own thoughts.

"Colonel, what happened?"

"Uhm well, it's a bit complicated. I don't know where to start."

"We're in an empty factory with nothing to do than to watch Face sleep. How about you start at the beginning?"

Hannibal took a deep breath before he started. "You know, when we eventually escaped you were admitted. At first I tried to keep Face away from you thinking of his security," he chuckled lightly at the memory. "Well, have you ever tried to talk a flea into not jumping on the dog? It was useless. He sneaked away every chance he got. It was hard to witness. Any time he came back he was crushed. He had spent hours talking to you but you never recognized him. Then one day he was gone in the evening and I knew exactly where he was, but this time I waited in vain. He didn't return the whole night and I was worried the MP's might have caught him but then, six in the morning, he came barging through the door with the biggest and sincerest smile I had seen in a long time. He had managed to break through to you for the first time and the two of you had spent the whole night talking."

"I remember that. There were wobbling of all colors and suddenly they all exploded but instead of leaving a gore killing field as they usually did they just vanished and there was Face."

"After that he broke into your room more often and got you to react almost all the time. That was when he also started breaking you out for short times. But your episodes at that time were…uhm…well…interesting. They attracted too much attention and your mood was swinging by the minute. We weren't able to keep a low profile while you were around and therefore could not keep you with us for longer periods. Face insisted that all it needed was for you to be with us for a longer period of time and then you would snap out of it. I tried to talk him out of it but secretly I hoped he was right. After a few more weeks I relented. Face organized a holiday for us, just like now. Four weeks in a hut deep in the forest where we would be alone and you wouldn't draw any attention to us. It was a simple hut with a kitchen, bath and two small bedrooms that he managed to scam. He didn't have as many connections then as he has now, but it started out as a nice vacation. It was good for you and it was very good for Face. You still had your episodes but Face was able to get you out of them quite fast. Everything seemed to work until that afternoon…"

_"Them fools are worse than kids."_

_"Let them enjoy their holiday BA, it's nice to see them laughing for a change. I almost forgot how their laughter sounds, the real one anyway."_

_"Yeah, it's nice to see them like that. Face was right, it's working."_

_Just as BA said the words Face and Murdock passed by his chair and almost knocked him down. Murdock was singing I'm flying, I'm flying' over and over again while running around and flapping his arms like a bird. Face was hot on his heels copying him._

_"Hey fools, cut it off."_

_"That's what happens if you fly around without license BA, What are you doing in our part of the sky?"_

_"We on the ground fool."_

_"Cool it a bit boys, I don't want any of you getting hurt accidentally."_

_"Cool is a good hint. Come on Face guy, let's swing by the fridge and grab a coke. You call the tower to get us a landing permit for the kitchen."_

_An off they were. Then suddenly the laughter died and was replaced by what sounded like Vietnamese insults._

_"Better go and check what they're up to now." BA got up and Hannibal joined him. They stopped cold at what they saw when they entered the house and could see the open kitchen. Gone was the laughing Murdock, replaced by a dark looking figure. He didn't see Face in front of him, he saw a Vietnamese guard that tried to torture him. Face talked and talked but Murdock didn't recognize him. They were standing close and Face tried to reach out and touch Murdock, it had worked well in the past. This time however Murdock sprang into action. He reached behind him, grabbed a knife that was on the counter and stabbed Face in the chest. All action froze after that. Murdock's eyes opened wide as realization hit, matching Face's wide open ones. Then Murdock let go off the knife and stood there unmoving while Face started to double over._

"Oh no…please tell me I didn't…no…"

"Murdock, remember you were not in your right mind. You saw a guard that was about to hurt you and believe me, if I had had access to a knife in Nam I would have stabbed them too."

"How…how bad was it?"

"He was lucky. You took a short knife with a pointed tip and rammed it into one of his ribs." He left out how Face had been in agony from the knife stuck in his bone, how he had tried in vain to keep the cries of pain inside and talk to Murdock instead, how he had screamed and kicked as they finally pulled out the knife and how the doctor had later on told them that, had the knife hit 5 more millimeters to the side Face would have been dead for sure before they could have gotten him to a doctor.

"After that we saw that you needed professional help that we couldn't get you. It broke Face's heart to have to send you back to the VA and he still tried to get to you as often as possible. Eventually I had to stop him. He was wearing himself out between talking to you at nights and hiding from the military in the day."

The story telling stopped as the sleeping lieutenant at their side started to shift and moan softly. It took him a couple of minutes to open his eyes, but when he did they were clear and focused.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"Hey," Face said.

"How're you feeling, kid?"

"Like I need a shower." He ran a hand over his stubbled chin. "And a serious shave."

Hannibal smiled. If Face was complaining about his appearance things were definitely looking up. "Oh, I don't know, lieutenant…it gives you kind of a rugged look.

"Are you sure you don't mean ragged?" Face grinned back. He looked at Murdock and was surprised to see him frowning and wringing his hands together. "You okay, Murdock?"

"What?" Murdock asked dazedly. "Oh…yeah…fine, Face."

"You sure, buddy. You don't look so good."

"You should try looking in a mirror, pal," Murdock said abruptly.

"I…um…sorry," Face mumbled. "I didn't mean…"

Murdock shook his head. "No…I'm sorry." He patted Face's shoulder and then stood up. "I need some air."

Face, also, tried to stand to follow his retreating friend. He got half-way up before the dizziness grabbed hold of him and sent him careening backwards. Luckily Hannibal was one step behind him and broke his fall.

"Hey, let him go. You shouldn't be moving about too much yet." The colonel helped Face get into a comfortable position, or the closest to one that he could get given their sleeping arrangements.

When he was settled Face asked, "What's wrong with Murdock?"

Not wanting to lie, Hannibal told the truth about what had transpired while he was sleeping.

"Oh, no. Poor Murdock…I really should talk to him."

Face made as to get up again, but the colonel wasn't having it. "Stay…and that's an order, kid. There'll be plenty of time to work it out later."

Later arrived sooner than expected as the duo heard Murdock and a newly returned B.A. yelling at each other.

_"What's yo problem, fool?"_

_"Maybe it's you, you oversized jewelry box."_

_"You better watch your tongue, man."_

_"And who's going to make me?"_

_"My fist is who."_

Hannibal sighed. "I better get out there before B.A.'s fist makes good in it's promise. You…stay put."

And Face did as was told at first until minutes later Hannibal's intervention only seemed to make things worse and then all three were yelling. Ignoring his protesting muscles and the way the room was twisting and turning around him, he managed to stand and weave his way in the direction Hannibal had just gone. He had to stop several times for the room to stop rotating but he finally made it outside. Murdock, BA and Hannibal stood in a kind of triangle all talking, or rather yelling, at the same time. Face had to focus on staying upright and didn't have the energy to find out what the yelling was about. He also doubted that there was much reason to it so why waste the energy to try and sort the words according to people. He tried a deflection tactic instead.

"Hey BA, you're back, where's that breakfast you promised?" The shouting went on nonstop. They hadn't heard him over there yelling. He tried again, this time raising his voice as loud as he could.

"Hey guys, I'm hungry, what's for breakfast?"

This time they had heard him and all eyes turned on Face. They were silent for a moment before the storm started again.

Hannibal shot out, "haven't I ordered you to stay put?" while BA shouted at Murdock and Hannibal "you gonna tell me you didn't give him any of the food I brought, why did I even get up that early?" and Murdock yelled at Hannibal "I told you we should have woken him to eat."

Face had had their attention for a moment but now it was gone. Talking didn't help so he decided to physically step in between them. This was easier said than done since they all used their hands and arms to underline their yelling. He waited for a good moment to slip in between the limbs and into the middle of the triangle but missed and was pushed to the side by Murdock only to collide with BA and pounce back right into Hannibal. Hannibal reacted fast and caught Face while managing to keep his own balance. This time the argument died down and stayed down.

"Sorry kid, we're behaving like idiots."

Face didn't answer. He grimaced in pain from having his already bruised body pushed around. When he had his control back he knew he needed to get their mind off of whatever it was they were arguing about.

"Sorry guys…didn't wanna disturb…just, hungry?" He really didn't feel like eating again but it worked.

"God kid, we're sorry. Come on. Let's get you inside and some food into you."

But as soon as Hannibal tried to help Face stand and walk Murdock noticed that something wasn't right. He saw red…literally.

"Face…you're bleeding."

He didn't feel it until he looked down and saw the red drops running down his arm. "Ouch…how did that happen?"

"B.A….you're bleeding too," Murdock added.

"No I ain't, fool."

Murdock pointed and all eyes went to his white t-shirt that, sure enough, has spots of red. It only took a moment after that to realize that B.A. was right…he wasn't bleeding. The blood was Face's and the cause was a jagged gold charm on one of B.A.'s massive chains.

Hannibal was still holding onto Face who was beginning to shake a bit. "It must have happened when you were pushed into B.A."

"M'sorry, man," B.A. apologized. "How bad you cut?"

"I'll live," Face smiled and then started to giggle.

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. looked at each other unsure what was going on.

"Blood loss?" Murdock suggested.

"Nah…he didn't lose that much," Hannibal countered, but the shaking had started to get worse.

"You hafta admit that this is kind of funny," Face said. "What are the chances of this happening…I mean what else could go wrong?"

"Don't ask," the trio practically shouted in unison and then slowly helped the still leaking man back inside. They made it without any more mishaps and settled Face on their sleeping mats. He was still shaking and giggling like a school boy.

"Hannibal?" Murdock hoped for an answer from his colonel who was currently about to gather the supplies he needed to clean and bandage the cut on Face's arm.

"It's not that bad, just a small cut. Looks worse than it is."

"That's not what I mean. What's up with him?"

"Don't know, extreme fatigue, malnutrition, dehydration, low blood sugar, being in pain for a long time, battling a fever and what looks like a coming up head cold plus a little blood loss, probably all of them together. I prefer him giggling than tossing and turning in a nightmare." By now he was back at Face's side who heard every word. Usually he would have complained about being talked about but this time he didn't.

"Okay, I'll clean and bandage this cut, BA, you put some meal together, Murdock, get him some drink of water." The plan was simple. Get all of them busy and start battling the symptoms that were easy to handle.

Bandaging him went easy and was done with a few grimaces on his side, between the giggles. Just as Hannibal had finished Murdock placed a cup of water to Face's mouth. First he made like to pull away but Murdock wouldn't have it and with Hannibal's help they managed to get some of the water into his mouth. Once he had tasted it, it was like a switch was being moved and he eagerly drunk the rest of the cup.

BA had put some Jelly Sandwich together and was currently tinkering with the gas cooker to get some oat meal done. Once he saw they were done with the water he brought the sandwich over. "Here Faceman, eat."

" M'not hungry, just tired, so tired."

"Sorry kid, you'll eat this and then you can sleep, promised."

Between yawns and with half closed eyes the sandwich went inside and Face fell asleep.

"Great, now what do I do with my half cooked oats."

"Continue, get it ready and put it in a thermos can. I'm sure we will need it once he wakes up. You guys remember the time in Nam he claimed not to be hungry and after he had had some rest we couldn't get enough food for him?"

"Man…do I ever," B.A. smiled. "The dude ate twice as much as me!"

"And I remember the conversation we had before he crashed." Hannibal began to relay the details.

_ "Face…you have to eat something. _

_ "Not hungry…need a shower…and then bed and lots and lots of sleep."_

_"If you don't eat then you are going to pass out during your shower and never make it to your bed."_

_ "S'okay…I'll still get lots and lots of sleep."_

_"You spent two days traipsing through the jungle."_

_"And whose fault is that?"_

_"Kid…"_

_"I'm sorry, colonel…it's just I'm not hungry…I'm really tired."_

_"Alright. Get your shower, kid._

"I was right…he never made it to his bed."

"I found him passed out on the shower room floor…just like you predicted." Murdock exhaled loudly. "God, he looked awful…bruises and scratches everywhere."

Hannibal shuddered at the memory. "Once we cleaned him up and got him to bed he slept for eighteen hours straight."

"And then seemed to eat for another eighteen," B.A. joked before getting a thoughtful look on his face. "Hey, Hannibal, what did Face mean by it being your fault he was in the jungle for two days?"

"Yeah, colonel," Murdock added, "I don't remember that mission."

Hannibal looked down. "That's because he was the only one on it."

"How? I thought the rule was to send at least two people so they can watch each other's back and call for help if necessary."

Hannibal nodded his head. "That's right. Generally."

"Man, stop beating around the bush already, what happened?"

"Remember when this general from Saigon came to visit?"

"Yeah, he had nothing doing in the jungle, no experience at all. Was glad when he had gone back."

"He hadn't, at least not he full way. He had managed to get himself kidnapped halfway through. Several teams of the base that was close to where he had been taken went in search of getting him back but had come up with nothing much. All they found was a place where he had been taken before being transported on. And that place was still intact, the VC used it to store goods. One truck would come and drop the items, then within some hours several VC patrols would come and take whatever was arranged for them. They were distributing from there. Since it was the only lead they had to the general they didn't want to blow the joint but instead tried to follow the patrols. They never succeeded though and several men were killed in the process.

When we were transferred to that base the major there told me about it and I was fast to say: 'How could several teams not follow this patrols? One of my men alone would be able to.' He brightened immediately and I knew I had made a mistake. The information that the man had gotten kidnapped was highly classified and he was running out of special teams he could send in. We already had a mission and it would have raised questions if we would have been withdrawn from it. Instead he arranged for you two to join another unit for the mission we were initially called on, as pilot and gunner, and Face and me were to join into a different mission. Only we didn't join, we were to go alone and find the general. "

"I remember that one, I didn't like being split up, left alone having to fly with the fool."

"Hey watch it, they wanted me for my flying skills after all."

"Yeah, can't imagine why. Anyway colonel, that doesn't explain why Face was alone."

"The major tricked me. He said we would go together only because I told him that even though I had said one of my men could do it alone it didn't mean that I would take that risk. He arranged for a chopper and just as I was about to climb in he called me back, I should come over to his office for a minute. I clapped Face on the shoulder and told him I would be right back. Only when I came back the chopper and Face were gone. "

"But why did he go alone, he could have jumped out of the chopper."

"You knew him. He was used to doing things alone. The moment I was gone somebody brought a written order from the major telling him to do it alone. That was all he needed. The chopper dropped him and two days later he dropped the general at a base close to where he had found him and commandeered one of their Jeeps to get back to us."

"So he was able to follow the VC patrols and free the general?"

"Yeah, he said he watched for a while, he was lucky that two patrols came within the hour of his arrival. Both were on foot and had their hands full to carry the things they came for. It would have been difficult for them to control a prisoner. Instead Face waited for the next truck to come. There was no way for him to get inside so he got rid of his pack, quickly rolled under the vehicle and used his hands and feet to get a hold there. It took him right into a VC camp, after bumping the road for a few times where the potholes were so deep that wheels sunk into them. He waited for the night before he was able to come out from under the truck and find the general in a cage. He freed him and they run. Face said as soon as they were away a bit the man started to complain about being hungry and thirsty and why it had taken so long and why he didn't have any food on him and so on. After ten minutes he gagged him and threatened to leave him there if he wouldn't walk quietly."

Murdock and BA laughed. "He did? Wow, guess the general wasn't impressed."

"No, he wasn't and I had to draw a few markers to keep Face in our unit, but I fully understood Face and would probably have done the same."

"One thing I don't understand. Why didn't we ask you how Face had gotten into the condition he was in?"

"You did Murdock. You two had come back just about two hours before Face. I told you he was on a supply run and since he came with a Jeep it fit. After you saw how awful he looked I just told you we've had a rough mission. You didn't ask more, it was a war after all."

They became quiet, each lost in his own memories. It didn't take long though before Face brought them out of their thoughts.

"Boy am I hungry. What is for lunch?"

Hannibal reached for the thermos. "Oatmeal alla B.A."

After seeing the disappointed look on his friend's face B.A. growled, "You gotta problem, man?"

"No…sounds just great, B.A.," Face smiled, though his stomach disagreed at the moment.

But as soon as he took one bite, it was as if he couldn't control himself and he finished the entire thermos within minutes.

"Thanks," Face smiled.

"How are you feeling, kid?" Hannibal gave his lieutenant a stern look. "And I want the truth."

"Much better."

"Care to elaborate on that, muchacho?"

"Well…I feel like 'me' again. I feel safe."

The words hit the group hard; they expected him to talk about how he felt physically, but instead he went right to the heart of the matter…his emotions.

Hannibal took a chance and decided to probe deeper. "Safe?"

"Yeah…like I can shut my eyes and not be afraid. And my head feels…I don't know…clear."

"Good…that real good, Faceman," B.A. said.

"But I'm scared."

"Scared of what?" Murdock asked.

Face bit his lip before responding. "I'm scared that this won't last…and I'll start seeing things…seeing her…again."

Hannibal gently patted Face's knee. "At least now we know what's going on and we can help."

Face nodded. "And I'm thinking maybe I should talk to somebody when we get back to L.A."

"I'll have Dr. Richter recommend somebody…that's a great idea," Murdock encouraged.

Face opened his mouth to respond, but was stopped cold by a sharp pain in his gut. He had been propped up on his sleeping mat to eat. After that he had been resting on his elbows, seemingly relaxed. Now he was curled together on his side, his face a mask of pain.

"What is it kid, talk to me, come on." Hannibal looked worried as the only thing he could do right now was to run small circles over Face's back hoping he would respond and tell them something.

It took a while but when the pain subsided enough to be bearable Face just schooled his features and rolled back on his back.

"Face?"

"I…uhm…I'm alright. Maybe I…uhm… just ate too much."

"You've never been good in lying to us muchacho, spit it out."

"What? The oatmeal? It was nice, no need to spit it out."

"Don't try to be witty on us kid. Where does it hurt?"

"It's over already, maybe a cramp, it's okay, really."

"Sure, just like all them other times you claim to be okay before collapsing."

"BA's right. It's your belly, am I right?"

"Look, it was a cramp, it's over."

"Okay, if it's over you can lift your T-shirt and let me check."

Hannibal had expected protest or for Face to try to deflect him but he hadn't expected the sad look on his lieutenants face, nor had he expected the quiet words. "You'll do so anyway if I agree or not."

Hannibal wanted to comfort him but now was not the time. Face was right, he would check him over by all means. "So you gonna lift this T-shirt or I have to?"

With a look of defeat Face peeled back the sheet that was covering him and lifted the T-shirt. The result was a collective gasp from his three friends.

"God kid, what happened. You didn't have as many bruises when I send you to the hospital, and they certainly weren't that dark. Damn, the doc told me about internal bruising, I should have checked you sooner. How did I not notice before we dressed you?" Hannibal made a move to feel around Face's belly but before he could even touch him his arms shot out and stopped Hannibal.

"No, please don't."

"I need to check if there's tenderness where it's not supposed to be, I'll be gentle kid." It just now got to him that the bruise must be from the crash with the van.

"No, no please, please don't."

"Face…"

"I …please…just don't."

"Face I can't do that."

Face looked away. "It hurts enough without you pressing on it, I'm sorry."

Hannibal settled back for now. "You're sorry about what?"

"About not saying anything sooner, but really, I wasn't feeling that bad, it hurt but okay, but after eating something changed and it…I'm sure it will go again."

"Maybe you did eat too much, this was a one liter thermos after all, I don't think I could have finished it."

"No BA, that's not it."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because…well…because I'm still feeling hungry."

Hannibal smiled before sobering again. "Okay kid, can you roll to your side and let me see your back?"

Face did. His back too looked worse than before. The large bruise that had been cut open seemed to be covered in the same bandage Hannibal had put there days before and the rest appeared bigger and darker.

"Face, can I touch your back?"

Face nodded and braced himself but it was okay, Hannibal was really gentle. He peeled away the old bandage, relieved to find the bruise underneath didn't look to bad. Then he felt around Face's rib cage where the bruises appeared to be very dark but couldn't find anything broken. He gently prodded the kidney that he had access to and Face winced.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"Face, the doctor told me about internal bruising. Have you seen any blood in your urine?"

"No. I..uhm…I didn't drink and so…"

"Tell me, how did you escape from the hospital and how did you get to where we found you?"

"The policeman left for a while and I managed to roll over and drop to the floor."

"That would explain some of the new bruises at your front."

"Uhm…yeah…well, I crawled out of the room and into the staircase that was just next door, then I climbed into the trunk of a car. It belonged to a man and his son from what I heard. Next time I woke up I was cold and in a garage with no way to escape. I stayed in the trunk and next morning the man went to work I guess. When I woke up I was at the factory, I called you, crawled to the river drunk some water and hid in the bushes, after that I don't really know much."

"Oh man, no wonder you look like crap."

"BA, your bedside manners need improvement."

"This ain't a real bed so I don't need to go by the book."

Hannibal sighed. "Kids! Will my boys ever grow up?"

"Daddy can I have ice cream, pleeaaasssseee?"

"Cut it fool."

"Face, I still need to feel around your belly. Let me?"

"Please, I'll be okay, just let me rest for a while."

"Sorry kid, either me or we take you to a doctor."

"No please, do it." Hannibal didn't like the way Face responded so fast, but instead of arguing he used the opening to feel Face's belly. After just a few touches though Face pushed him away and curled up.

"Ouuwww, please stop, stop."

"I didn't feel any bad tenderness but I can't be sure. I would really like for a doctor to see you."

"No, please, go on." Face rolled back and tried to keep the pain out of his features, without much success.

"No, I'll call Maggie and see what she recommends. By all means we have to get liquids into you and get your kidneys working."

Hannibal rose and went over to the van to use the phone and BA followed. "You think it was the food? I mean he didn't eat or drink for long and then eating so much?"

"Maybe, but he did well with the sandwich and water and even with the sweats he had earlier on. Let me just call Maggie and see."

Murdock settled next to Face. "We don't want to see you in pain muchacho. Why not take you to a doctor."

"No, they would keep me in a hospital."

"If you ask me that's where you belong right now."

"Murdock, can I ask you something?"

"Sure buddy."

"Why…uhm…why was I alone in the hospital?"

"There was military all over the place…Hannibal had no choice. If he didn't go the doctor's would have gotten suspicious."

Face's eyes misted over. "I…I thought…you guys…well…"

"You thought we left you behind," Murdock finished.

"Yeah." Face was trying hard to hide his discomfort, but it only continued to grow.

"And you're afraid that if we take you in again that the same thing will happen?"

"Yeah."

The one word answers and sweat that had formed on Face's brow were indication enough that Face was suffering. "Let's try to get some liquids into you, buddy."

Face drank as much as he could, but as the liquid made it's way into his stomach the pain intensified.

"Oh, God…help me."

"That's it, Face…we have to get you to a doctor. I'll be right back…I'm going to get the others.

"O…kay," Face gasped out and then curled into the fetal position.

A stab of fear hit the pilot. If Face was agreeing then something was really wrong.

Hannibal and B.A. were coming in as Murdock was headed out. "He needs a hospital," the three men said at the same time.

Hannibal started again first. "Maggie doesn't know what it is, but she said it could be a kidney infection or a slow internal bleed…both of which need medical treatment or they could become dangerous. Or it could be nothing but we need to get it checked out."

"Now we just gotta convince the Faceman to go," B.A. added.

Murdock shook his head. "That won't be a problem…he already agreed."

"Damn," the colonel and sergeant replied simultaneously. That one word said it all. They hurried back to find Face still curled up but shifting around in discomfort.

"What is it kid, is the pain getting worse?"

"No…need to…uhm…you know…ouww..go."

"Okay kid, let us help you, BA, there's a bucket over there." Face didn't even try to argue which had Hannibal worried even more. Usually he would complain he could do it himself even if both of his arms were broken.

Before Hannibal could lower the boxers they had put on Face he curled up even more, letting out a gasp and pressing his hands to his stomach. "Ouww, please help me, please."

"We're here buddy, we're all here for you."

BA returned with the bucket and just as Hannibal wanted to make a second attempt to help Face do his business he turned even paler, snatched the bucket from BA and lost the content of his stomach. Hannibal and BA both held him through the process and Murdock tried to sooth him with words and rubbing his back. After what felt like ages Face fell back exhausted.

"How do you feel now?"

"Better, doesn't hurt as much."

"Maybe there was something wrong with the oats." Murdock suggested.

"Wasn't anything wrong with ma food fool." BA grabbed the bucket anyway to check the content.

"Let me know if the pain intensifies again kid, maybe you really just had a problem from eating a lot after being so hungry." It wasn't likely but it was the hope speaking out of Hannibal. A hope that lasted only until BA spoke up.

"Let's get going man, there wasn't anything red in my oats."

Hannibal took one look at the bucked and started dishing out orders of how to move Face over to the van and get ready. He was vomiting blood, even if it was just a bit, and that was nothing to joke with.

"But the pain is better." Face had not even finished the sentence when the next wave of pain hit and forced him to curl up.

"Sure buddy, you still need to go?"

Face just shook his head and was quickly loaded into the van. After he got some control back he had one question though. "How are you going to explain the way I look?"

"I'll think of something."

"Think fast man, we about there."

"Okay, Face, you're my mentally handicapped son, you run away and fell, we found you after two days in the forest."

"Can't you think of anything better?"

"Sorry kid, just play along."

They reached the next clinic in no time. It was a small place with only one doctor and a nurse. Since Face's stomach cramps had worsened BA simply picked him up and carried him inside.

Hannibal relayed his story while the doc checked Face over. "He fell?"

"Yes."

"And rolled down a hill I guess, looking at the way he's bruised all around?"

"Yeah, exactly."

"Aha, and how do you know that once you were not there?"

"We found him at the foot of the hill."

"Okay, when was that?"

"Yesterday."

"And he was missing for how long you said?"

"Two days."

Not looking up from his patient he said, "Well, I'll have to report you for mistreating your son then, those bruises are older."

Hannibal was still struggling for an explanation when the doc did look up. "Listen colonel Smith, why don't you just tell me what really happened to Mr. Peck?"


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

This new turn of events did nothing to Hannibal's search for words.

"Yes, even out here we do watch TV and read newspapers. But don't worry, I have no intention of turning you in. I followed your story and never believed you were guilty. The way you help those in need honors you. Now what happened to my patient?"

Hannibal talked while the doc rummaged around in some cabinets and BA and Murdock were trying to keep Face on the examination table. He was turning here and there as cramp after cramp hit his stomach.

"From the way his skin and lips look he's dehydrated. He vomited blood you said?"

"Yeah."

"What did he eat or drink in the past days?"

"Not much, at least during the time he was missing, after that he drunk some water and was very hungry, eat a lot of oats."

"Oh god, no, BA…need to…"

The doc had seen it all before and was fast to produce a bed pan and place his patient on it before he could even say what was wrong.

Face felt pain, he felt hot and most of all he felt humiliated but the doc didn't seem to mind what was going on. He waited until Murdock had cleaned Face up and the approached then weak lieutenant with a quite thick looking needle.

"No, no that won't be necessary." But his friends had seen the needle too and were holding Face still for the doc to go ahead. He drew some blood samples and then hooked an IV bag to Face's arm, who's stomach was rebelling once again.

"Hannibal, he drunk the water from the river." Murdock suddenly remembered.

"That could be it, most likely a bacterial infection but we'll know more after the blood and feces have been tested. Will take about thirty minutes, get him comfortable with some blankets, unfortunately I don't have a bed here. While we wait I want to do some ultrasound scans of those bruises. He's running a temperature too."

The team waited anxiously as the doc did his scans. More often than not they had to hold Face's hands to keep him from pushing the device away.

"Some of those bruises go real deep and there's inner bruising too but at least I couldn't find any leakage. His kidneys are bruised so make sure he drinks plenty of water over the next weeks, there's also an infection to his bowels, probably caused by bacterial infection but we'll know more when the test results are ready."

The thirty minutes it was supposed to take to get the results turned into an hour. They took turns by Face's side, talking to him and trying to take his mind off of the constant cramps and nausea.

"M'sorry," he gasped out breathlessly.

"Nothin' to be sorry for, Faceman," B.A. said as he was the team member closest.

Hannibal and Murdock made their way over to the bed wanting to lend their support.

"Don't…need to…stay…to see…me like…this." Face didn't mean it; though he was embarrassed to show such weakness, he certainly didn't want to be alone. But he also didn't want to make the guys stay out of any sense of obligation.

"No, we don't need to," Hannibal agreed. "But we want to."

"Yeah, Face. Now you just focus on deep steady breaths until the doc comes back, okay?"

Face nodded. "Okay….Mur….dock." He closed his eyes and pulled a blanket tighter around him trying to quell his shivers.

By the time the doctor returned Face was clearly in distress so the doctor ordered his nurse to inject a mild sedative into his I.V. "This will just take the edge off. Don't be surprised if he starts acting a bit strange."

"Don't worry," B.A. grumbled. He pointed to Murdock. "We used to strange already with this fool."

"Is it safe to give him something considering how sick he his?" Hannibal questioned. Though he wanted Face out of his discomfort, he didn't want to risk making things worse.

The doctor smiled. "Yes…the sedative I prescribed will not interact with the coliform bacterial infection Lieutenant Peck has contracted.

"The what?" B.A. questioned.

"Sounds like a vegetable to me," Murdock added.

"Coliform bacterial infection," the doctor repeated. "Specifically in this case Escherichia Coli...also known as E. Coli...which explains the fever. Most other forms of these bacterial infections do not cause temperature increases."

"Lucky me," Face slurred as he tried to keep up with the conversation.

"It was most likely contracted when he drank the river water...it must have been contaminated."

"So what happens now, doc? What's the treatment for this E. Coli thing?"

"Unfortunately, Colonel Smith, there is no magic pill or much of anything we can do except to keep Lieutenant Peck well hydrated and to make sure he recives the proper nutrition to replace what he is losing due to being ill."

Face groaned. "In other words...I have to ride it out."

"I'm afraid so. You will most likely be pretty miserable for a couple of days...three at most. But we'll do the best we can to keep you comfortable and monitor your other injuries."

Hannibal cleared his throat. "Um...there's the little matter of who **we** are."

"I can assure you that you will be safe here. We...my nurse and I...are due to go on vacation as of tomorrow, but will postpone it until the lieutenant is well enough to travel. Nobody will expect anybody to be here"

"Call...call me Face. And can't...ask you...to do that."

"You didn't ask," the nurse smiled. "My husband...the doctor," she clarified having seen the eyebrows go up previously, "and I want to help."

"We can't thank you enough," Hannibal said.

"My patient getting well so you all can go back to helping others will be thanks enough." He turned to Face. "The sedative should be kicking in soon."

"Mmmhmmm," Face mumbled in agreement, his head feeling strangely thick. He still hurt, but at least now it was somewhat tolerable.

"Get some rest and call if you need anything."

It wasn't more than five minutes after the doctor and nurse exited the room that the drugs kicked in full force and Face began to talk about something that had happened years prior, vocalizing the thoughts that had been in his head at the time but that he kept to himself.

_"Hannibal...please...can't run anymore..hurts bad. Did best I could...sorry...messed up."_

"What's he talkin' about, man?"

"I'm not sure. Do you know, colonel?"

Hannibal shrugged; it sounded like one of his famous punishment training sessions, but which one he didn't know.

When Face started up again, it all became clear. "He took it, sorry, hit me hard, hurts, I'll go get some food, promised."

"Oh no. Kid, that happened a long time ago, come on Face, stay with us." But Face continued mumbling his words getting more and more slurred.

"What he talking about?"

"Another time we messed up and accused him of being tired from partying all night."

"When?"

"You remember the training session we had in the woods when Face got mugged on his way to buy groceries?"

_They all did. There hadn't been a job for some time and Hannibal had found the perfect place for a long training session. It was a hut deep in the forest with lots of space to put up obstacle courses. Face didn't want to go, he said he was feeling ill and was whining but Hannibal chalked it off to Face not wanting to go as usually. After all he was always whining when it came to obstacle courses, or anything else for that matter. The kid whined all the time, way too much to take him serious._

_They went and all did the course for two days. Face was way behind the others and his whining only increased._

_"You're not sharp kid, if you are last again you do two extra rounds tonight when it gets dark."_

_"Hannibal, please, I'm really not feeling well, can't you just give me a break?"_

_"Are you going to tell the enemy to give you a break if he chases you? Up and at 'em lieutenant, and stop whining."_

_Face was last and he did the two extra rounds in darkness. He took ages to complete the course for the second time and it only fueled Hannibal's rage that had been slowly building due to Face's whining. The next morning Face gave it one more try. He was feeling terrible after the night shift he had done._

_"Please Hannibal, I can't run the course today."_

_"If you had spend more time training than partying you wouldn't lack that much stamina, get going."_

_"Hannibal…"_

_"You don't want to do the course today? Okay, you don't need to."_

_Face was speechless for a moment. "Sure?"_

_"Sure kid, here are fifty dollars and our shopping list, go to town and buy our groceries. I expect you back here in three hours sharp. Oh, and the van stays."_

_"But…"_

_"Better get going, if you're late you'll do the course the whole night this time."_

_Face collected some empty back pack and started to walk towards town. If he was to do it in three hours he had to run the entire way, and that would not leave him time to actually do the shopping. It was impossible to do it all, including carrying all the things that were on the list, and be back in time. He was wondering if the things would even fit into the pack and two additional bags. He jogged but his head was pounding with every move, not to even talk of his aching muscles. He made it about a quarter of the way when a man stepped out of the forest and demanded to be given money. Usually one man alone would be no problem for him to handle but he wasn't in any good condition. He tried to talk his way out and when the man advanced tried to run but the other man was way faster, he hit Face over the head with a piece of wood and took the fifty dollars Hannibal had given him._

_When Face woke up some seconds later the man was gone and so was his shopping money. Knowing he couldn't go to town without the money he returned to the hut. By the time he reached there the others were still doing the course and nowhere to be seen. He went inside with the intention to get some money from his purse and get going again but he felt dizzy._

_'Just lay down for a minute and then start again.' That was the plan, but he fell asleep before he could get up again._

_"Man I'm really worn out now. I'll go get some milk."_

_"I think we could all do with a glass BA, let's sit down and have a break."_

_"I don't believe it. Lieutenant!"_

_Face sat up fast at the barked out word. "What?"_

_"What the hell do you think you are doing here? Get your behind out on the course and run until I tell you to stop." When Face didn't move he followed up with a "Now!"_

_That did the trick and Face got up and started running. The rest drunk their milk and then settled outside to wait for Face, only he didn't come._

_"I'll go looking for him, you two stay here. And god help him if I find him." He did find him, more or less crawling along the course just about one klick into the five klick course._

_"Lieutenant, what do you think you are doing."_

_"Hannibal...please...can't run anymore..hurts bad. Did best I could...sorry...messed up."_

_"So you admit you messed up?"_

_"Yes…no…I…" Face could barely think straight his head hurt so badly…as did the rest of him._

_"You will stay out here until you finish this course…and if you don't speed it up I will make Murdock and B.A. come back out here and run it with you."_

_He was feeling pretty much as bad as he could ever remember feeling…but he was sure getting grief from B.A. could somehow manage to make things worse. How he managed to get back on his feet, he didn't know, but somehow he did. _

_Half running, half stumbling he made it through the rest of the course. He fell to the ground and as he lay there on his back gasping for air Hannibal stood over him and put a foot on his heaving chest._

_"See what you can do when you put your mind to it, Lieutenant?" he sneered. _

_Face struggled to get the words out. "No…now I see…what I…can do…when I'm sick…and after being…mugged."_

_Normally Hannibal would have been angry with one of his men for talking back, but the sheer exhaustion and pain in Face's voice stopped him cold. After all, the point of these training sessions was not to hurt his men, but to prepare them physically and mentally for battle._

_Hannibal quickly removed his foot and took a step back to really evaluate his lieutenant. The younger man was trembling and his skin had taken on a grey ashen hue. That skin was also now littered with scratched and welts from going through the course so many times._

_"Face…let me help you," Hannibal said holding out a hand._

_"No…don't need help. Face recoiled away…I can do it…you saw what I can do….I'll go…get food." Face struggled to his feet but hadn't even stood up and staggered a few feet away before having to reach out for a tree to steady himself. BA had followed him and putt a hand on his shoulder._

_"Come on man, let me help you."_

_"Don't need…"_

_"Yes you do, I know that now, sorry."_

_Face turned his head around stunned, he had expected a lot but certainly no sorry from BA. His knees went soft and BA caught him. That was when he felt the lump at the back of Face's head._

_"Damn, what happened? Hannibal?"_

_Hannibal too felt the lump and was about to talk when Face beat him to it. "Leave me alone; what do you want from me?"_

_"We only want to help you kid."_

_"Now you want to help me? A bit late don't you think?"_

_"Face we…"_

_"I've been telling you I'm sick, I begged you to excuse me from the training session but you wouldn't listen. And now you want to help me?"_

"It was another time we didn't believe him, one of the many, just like this time. We didn't believe he had problems after Sue."

"No man, that was different. This time he didn't say he had problems, we didn't know. We couldn't have known."

"No BA, we could have known. We should have known. We ignored him so many times when he whined, we trained him to not tell us when he has problems."

"Don't be so hard colonel, he whines all the time about all kind of nonsense but he never tells us the real problems, we couldn't have known."

"You are wrong BA. Maybe if we had taken him serious when he whines about the small things, he would have learned to open up to us whit his real problems. He was sick, real sick, and I forced him to run. He was real sick, he said it but I never believed him. I should have seen it, should have taken the time to really look at him.

Nobody knew what to say on that. There was truth in it but also not. Maybe things would have been different but maybe also not. No one could know. The silence was thick in the room and only broken by Face's incoherent mumblings. He was lost in his own world of pain once again.

"I…I did this to him…I have driven him away from me. He doesn't trust me again and it's my fault."

"Don't say that Hannibal, he trusts you more than anyone."

"No Murdock, not anymore. You heard him, he wants to talk to somebody when we get back to LA. To somebody, not to me."

Murdock wanted to answer but was stopped by a cry of pain from Face, followed by him curling up more tight, trying to get through the cramp that had him under control.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

The next couple of hours went on the same way; Face lost in his own delirium and saying whatever came to his fevered mind.

Right before he finally succumbed to the exhaustion and fell asleep he was lucid for a brief moment. "Old habit…complain about small things…to take attention off…bigger problems. Sorry…I'm sorry." With that his eyes drifted shut.

B.A. grunted. "Faceman's getting' harder to figure out than the fool is."

"And just what is so hard to figure out about me?" Murdock challenged.

"Better question is what ain't so hard to figure out about'cha?"

"C'mon guys, knock it off would ya?" Hannibal lectured. "I think I know what Face was saying. Think about the times when he was whining at his worst."

"There too many of them times," B.A. muttered.

"No…seriously, B.A. Think about it…there's a definite pattern."

Murdock sat up straight. "Now I get it. Think Kentucky…"

"And I think fried chicken."

"Why B.A. Baracus…I do believe you made a joke," Murdock smiled.

"But Kentucky wasn't funny," Hannibal quickly added. "But it's a perfect example of Face going overboard complaining about something minor to draw attention away from something major."

B.A. scratched his head. "I remember us goin' to Kentucky, but I don't remember nothin' about Faceman there."

Hannibal began to explain. "You don't remember because you weren't there. Right after we returned from Kentucky you went to your mother and stayed with her for a month. She was sick, remember?"

"I sure do, but you said it was in Kentucky and I was there."

"He said he's sorry."

"See what's difficult to figure out about you? What the hell are you talking about?"

"He said he's sorry."

"You said that already."

"Face, we thought he was so out of it but he heard us."

"Yeah, Face is amazing but now I want to hear what Hannibal has to say."

"Yeah Face is amazing."

"Oh not you too, can anyone stay the course please and continue talking?"

"Well, you sure remember how he whined about each and everything on this mission. He was tired because the bed was so bad, he wouldn't eat because the food was not nice or not fresh enough or to warm or to cold. The same with drinks. The weather wasn't right and so on."

"Yeah, that I do remember. He was worse than ever, to the extent that he even looked sick. If you complain too much and are negative that's what happens."

"You saw that?"

"Sure did."

"I didn't. You're amazing too."

"Oh cut it and get to the point. I'm surrounded by fools."

"We all told him to cut it but he wouldn't, up to the point where we simply ignored him. He was sulking all the way back, or so I thought. After you left and Murdock was at the VA he checked in with me but we didn't meet. The second day in the afternoon he missed check in time and after an hour I started searching. I couldn't reach him so I went to his apartment and found him curled up on the floor in pain, drenched in sweat. He had a bad kidney infection for all the time and complained to get our attention away from the fact that he had a problem. We would have noticed that he seemed not to sleep well, that he didn't want to eat or drink. But he anticipated it and gave us a story to believe. He was outright annoying."

"You think he knew before we went?"

"I don't only think, I know. When I found him I told him he should hang though, I was going to call Dr. Miller. He immediately started to complain I should call someone else, he didn't like Dr. Miller and so on. I called him anyway and he almost pulled me through the phone.

_"Where the hell have you guys been?"_

_"Huh? On a mission?"_

_"With a sick man? I thought you care about your men, I'm trying to reach Face ever since he came here over two weeks ago. I even went to his apartment and left a note under the door. Tell him to drag his sorry behind to my office, now."_

_"Ed, what's up?"_

_"What's up is that he came here complaining about stomach pain and I took samples. Only he never came back for the results. He has a kidney infection and that's nothing to joke with."_

_"No it's not. Well, he can't come. His sorry behind is on the floor. I found him curled up on the floor."_

_"Damn, where exactly are you?"_

_"At his apartment."_

_"I'll be there in five."_

"He admitted him to the hospital. His kidneys were close to shutting down, both. He knew it all the time but for whatever reason preferred to suffer hoping it would go on its own than to get treatment. I had to supervise him like a babysitter to make sure he got rest and drunk and most of all took his meds."

After a pause, B.A. asked, "Faceman said that it was an old habit to complain about small things…what he mean by that?"

Murdock bit at his fingernails deciding whether or not he should try to explain.

"Captain?"

"Hmmm?" Murdock asked while still preoccupied.

"Care to share whatever it is that's going through your mind?"

"Ain't nothin' goin' through his mind, Hannibal," B.A. growled. "It's empty."

Murdock chose to ignore the comment and to go ahead and reveal what he knew. "I asked Face once years ago why he could make a mountain out of a paper cut and a molehill out of a bullet wound."

"Yeah…and what he say, man?"

Murdock bit at his lip a moment before answering. "At first he said nothing. You know…the great big wall he built was blocking the truth out."

"And then," Hannibal prompted.

"And then it was as if his face fell and the wall crumbled."

"Stop talkin' in riddles man…what did he say?"

"What he said, B.A., is that when he was a kid in the orphanage it was common knowledge that sick kids didn't get adopted. The older kids always told him to play up small things because perspective parents would eat that stuff up, but never ever to mention anything serious or he would be considered damaged goods."

"Geez," Hannibal mumbled.

"That's not the worst of it," Murdock continued. "Face, unfortunately, learned that lesson the hard way. He got really sick at one of the open houses. He said that he tried to hide it, but it was no use and he fainted in the middle of a line-up."

B.A. shook his head. "Kids in a line-up like cattle…ain't right."

"What's even more not right is that once he came to he was beaten by one of the priests to teach him a lesson."

"No wonder the Faceman's the way he is."

Face started to stir. "How am I?" he mumbled.

Not sure how long Face had been listening in and how he would react to Murdock revealing his secret to the others Hannibal decided to play it safe. "You tell us kid."

He had not listened in. He had woke up just in time to hear BA's last statement. To be honest he didn't even know where they were, it looked suspiciously like a hospital or clinic. Then the memories hit him, Sue, the warehouse, the cramps to his stomach…and looking at BA he could tell that the big guy was pissed, really pissed.

'No wonder, he has to wait here with me instead of being close to his moma. After all that's why he agreed to come on this holiday in the first place. Okay, you know how to fix that.'

Face's features twisted into the most bright smile he could manage "I'm feeling just fine, no cramps again, let's go." He pushed himself up on his elbows at the same time as the trio let out a collective grown. That happened in time with his ribs betraying him and he joined into the grown and sunk back down into the pillows, the smile gone from his pale face.

Unfortunately BA's anger hadn't found an outlet yet and it showed in his voice. "Oh man, will you ever stop lying to us? Even when we know you is sick you'll still try to fool us. Can't you tell the truth for once?"

"BA." Hannibal shot him a warning glance.

"What? You wanna tell me you agree with his lying all the time?"

Hannibal decided to ignore BA, knowing where his anger came from and understanding it. Instead he concentrated on Face who looked ready to vanish between the pillows, not that his current color would have made that difficult.

"Kid, how do you really feel?"

"Bit dizzy and my ribs ache, but not nauseous." He mumbled without looking anyone in the eye.

Hannibal put a hand to his forehead and was pleased to feel he was less hot than before, even though his temperature was still high. "That's good, the doc said the bacteria you caught would make you sick for about three days and it's just one that has passed.

As if on cue the doctor came into room. "How's my patient? You don't look so good."

"I'm much better."

BA just huffed and turned to the window causing Face to look away from the doctor and studying his blanket.

"And how do you define much better?"

"No cramps for now and I can think clearer."

"Okay, it would make it easier if you would look at me don't you think?"

"Uhmm, yeah, sorry."

The doc checked Face over before he declared, "Try to get some rest for tonight, if the cramps stay away we'll start you on a light diet tomorrow. Colonel, can I speak to you for a minute?"

"Sure, sleep Face, I'll be back soon."

Outside the doctor turned to Hannibal. "He seems to get through the infection with relatively few problems but he's much to pale for my liking and his breathing has me worried. He's showing symptoms of the flu. Was he exposed lately?"

"He had a mild version just a short time ago but it went within some days."

"Maybe it was still lingering. It can happen that it returns when there is another sickness or too much stress. We'll watch it. I hope he will be able to keep some food and fluids in tomorrow. One more thing colonel. He seems afraid of the black guy."

"We're all afraid of the black guy," Hannibal said lightly.

"Colonel…your lieutenant needs to rest in order to get better. And in order to rest, he can't feel threatened by one of your other men."

"Threatening, doc, is what B.A. does best. But he never really means it. Face knows that."

"Does he?"

Hannibal hesitated a moment before answering. "Yes…he does."

"Maybe in his weakened condition it isn't so easy for him to remember," the physician offered.

"Maybe," Hannibal conceded. "Don't worry…I'll make sure that my men behave. All of them."

"I'm sure you will, colonel. I'll be back to check on my patient later. Just call if you need anything."

Hannibal nodded. "Will do…thanks, doc."

Hannibal remained outside the room for a few minutes thinking about what the doctor said. Was Face really afraid of B.A.? In the beginning in Nam, maybe…but he thought they moved passed that a long time ago. Either way he knew he had to talk to his team and iron things out before they escalated. And since Murdock and B.A. were headed out the door towards him, he would start with the pair.

"Sergeant…Captain…we need to talk."

"Look, man….I know I was a bit harsh with the Faceman…"

"A bit harsh?" Murdock interrupted. "There are rocks that are softer than you were in there."

"It just makes me so mad when the Faceman lie to us."

"It's not about you right now," Hannibal retorted. He quickly added, "or about Murdock…or about me. It's about Face. And Face seems scared of you right now."

"Good," B.A. grunted.

"You don't mean that, big guy."

Hannibal looked B.A. in the eye. "The last time Face looked so scared of you was the first month he was with our unit."

Murdock nodded. "And do you remember what that fear caused him to do?"

B.A. hung his head as he remembered. "Yeah…almost got him killed."

"And got him a nice stay in the infirmary," Hannibal added.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

They all thought back to that time…. _One of the Jeeps that BA had taken on as 'his' had burst a valve in the engine and Face was asked to get a new one. It arrived and just as Face wanted to leave the supply hut after unpacking countless boxes one huge marine blocked his way._

_"Got supplies today, huh?"_

_"Yeah, as every day." He smiled at the man that was three times his size._

_"What you got in this box Peck?" Face tried to get the small box containing the valve out of the way but the guy snatched it. "Mechanical parts? I'm sure our mechanics can make good use of it. But where is the booze and the cigarettes?"_

_Two more marines appeared behind the man and Face saw he had no chance, besides it wasn't worth the fight. He could get another valve within two days and it wasn't as if the Jeep was the only one they had. The booze and cigarettes was meant for bribe anyway so it didn't hurt to hand over some crates. He did just that and went unharmed._

_He went back to organizing his things when BA appeared behind him. "You said my valve would be here today, hand it over."_

_"Ah BA, you know, it was here but someone else took it already. You gotta wait for two days."_

_BA had not come with the best mood to begin with and it got darker by the minute. He snatched Face by the front of his shirt and lifted him up. "Nobody is gonna tell BA Baracus to wait, left alone a little creep like you. You gave my valve to the wrong guy, go and get it back. I'll give you an hour or I'll turn you into minced meat and then hand what's left of you over to the VC." With that he shoved Face backwards into his crates and left._

_He had heard a lot of stories about BA and didn't have a doubt he meant what he said. Suddenly facing the three marines seemed to be a very good idea. After all he doubted they would have any use for the valve. Sure he could exchange it for something else. While he sorted through his things to decide what to take the idea became less and less attractive. But having a meeting with BA's fists wasn't better at all. He grabbed a couple of expensive lighters and knifes and took off towards the marines part of the camp. It wasn't difficult to find them since they had started the booze and were quite loud. A nice crowd had gathered around them too joining in the drinking. Face gulped and stepped forward making himself known._

_He managed to bring out his barging idea just before he was wrestled to the ground, the goods he had brought for exchange gone._

_"You want to cheat us you little shit, if you offer this then the thing means more to you. What do you say guys?"_

_They didn't say anything, just started kicking him. There was no use in trying to talk to drunk thieves. By the time the MP's arrived at the scene Face was unconscious with one of the knifes he had brought sticking out of his side._

"You made me run an obstacle course again and again for as long as Face was in the infirmary. I was ready to join him by the time he was released."

"And now…all these years later…it looks like you didn't learn your lesson."

"It ain't like that, colonel."

"Than what is it like?" Murdock questioned angrily.

"Look…I get that the Faceman got issues…but it don't excuse him from trustin' us. After all these years he should know that."

"Issues? That's putting it lightly," Hannibal said. "He's been hurt and abused since he was a child…tortured in Nam…and then by a crazy psychopath. So I think he's entitled to his issues."

"But we his friends," B.A. demanded.

"You could have fooled me," Murdock spat back. "You're treating him like he's an enemy."

Seeing that voices were getting louder and the tension was building Hannibal motioned his men further away from the door.

"The doc said Face needs to rest in order to get better and if he thinks we're angry with him…or each other…he's not going to get that rest. So cool it…understood?"

Hannibal used his "colonel" voice so Murdock and B.A. knew better than to argue. "Yes, sir," the both muttered.

Seconds later there was a loud crash coming from inside Face's room.

"Damn, we shouldn't have left him." All three men sprinted towards the room getting tangled up in the door since everybody wanted to pass through at the same time. It would have been funny but nobody felt like laughing at the time.

The picture that greeted them was not what they had expected and they froze for some seconds. There stood Face, if swaying dangerously could be counted as standing, in a wet t-shirt and boxers and with splinters of glass all around him.

After taking in the scene they all let out a sigh of relieve at almost the same time, right before Hannibal looked at Face's bare feet and stepped forward. He had seen the danger Face was in. "Stay where you are, don't step on the glass." His plan was to quickly remove the splinters and then get Face back to bed. That sounded easy enough but with the way Face was swaying it wasn't. Hannibal had not even begun to remove the glass when Face needed to take a step in order to keep his balance.

It all happened as in slow motion. He swayed more and instinctively removed his leg from the floor to get some balance. Before he could put it down on the splinters he was headed for, BA and Murdock both dashed forward. Murdock reached out for Face's shoulders to steady him while BA dashed down to grab his leg before it could make contact with the glass.

Face let out a cry as his body was yanked here and there but they were successful in getting him out of harm's way. Hannibal took over from BA and together with Murdock carried Face back to the bed.

"Kid, what were you doing out of bed?"

Face who didn't really have his mind at the right place due to drugs and the blur of activity that had just played out sat there staring at Hannibal with big eyes. Instead of him answering the next sound came from BA.

"Damn that hurts."

"Huh? Oh no, damn, Murdock, call the doc." BA had some pieces of glass embedded in his shin.

"Doc!"

"Murdock, I meant go and call him, I could have shouted myself."

"Uh, I'm kinda…well…incapacitated."

"Why?" Hannibal looked at Murdock and couldn't find anything wrong. Murdock himself looked down to give Hannibal a clue. It was then that he noticed two things, one was the bloody footprint on the floor and two was the fact that Murdock didn't wear his sneakers.

"Oh not you too. Where are your shoes?"

"I had tried to get comfortable in the chair and not bothered to put them on again."

"Oh man, wait with Face, I'll go get the doc." As it turned out that wasn't necessary, he had heard the shout and came in just as Hannibal opened the door.

"What happened here?"

Face who had been staring at the people around him suddenly got into motion. He drew up his legs to be completely on the bed and wrapped his arms around as good as he could. "I just wanted some water, sorry."

Hannibal remembered the pitcher that had been placed on the table at the far side of the room for the other team members. It was now shattered.

"Doc, can you take care of Murdock and BA while I tend to Face?"

"Sure, Murdock sit down, BA, you stay where you are."

"Sorry, so sorry, I wanted water, I heard you arguing, didn't want to disturb, so sorry." Face's head was hanging between his knees. He was starting to breathe faster and faster.

"Kid, you need to calm down…you're going to hyperventilate."

But Face was beyond hearing and was almost panting.

"Lieutenant…look at me." Face didn't comply causing Hannibal to speak louder and practically bark, "I said look at me…that's an order."

But as Face looked up all he could see was the blood on B.A.'s leg and under Murdock's feet. "God…my fault…sorry…sorry."

"Shh…just slow your breathing, kid. It's okay." Hannibal lifted Face's chin so he would focus on his eyes instead of the bloody scene before him.

The doctor, wanting to keep his main patient calm, added, "All of these cuts are superficial…none will require stitches." It only took a few minutes to bandage the wounds, but it was enough to send Face into near shock.

He was shaking so badly that his teeth started to chatter. All he could manage to get out at this point was a stuttered, "I…I…sor…ry."

"Face…this isn't you're fault," Murdock said.

"The hell it isn't," B.A. muttered under his breath, but just loud enough for Face to hear it.

The room went utterly silent, though the dirty looks sent at the sergeant by all but Face spoke volumes. Face, instead, used words when he was able to speak again. "Why do…do you hate me…so much?"

The cuts were superficial but that didn't mean they wouldn't hurt like hell. In addition the antiseptic the doc had just used still burned. BA was a though man but if he hurt he had to lash out and he had only so much hold on himself. He had tried to keep it in but the words had come out anyway. Now he was half annoyed at himself and half angry with Face. How could he say such a think.

"Listen man, if I hated you I wouldn't be here right now. We're so close to my mother but I'm hanging around playing nurse, you think I would do that for somebody I hate? Or do you think I would dive into this glass splinters to save somebody I hate? You more stupid than I had thought."

"BA!" Hannibal decided to voice his warning since looks seemed not to do the trick and Face had started to shake more again.

"What? You wanna tell me this isn't his fault? He didn't do anything on intention but it's still his fault." Turning to Face he added "Why do you have to have such a thick skull? You in no condition to get up at your own but can't ask for help, can you? Besides the doc told you you'll get a drink tomorrow."

"I…I…"

"BA, get out. Face look at me. Face, I told you to look at me." Hannibal raised his voice since Face only stared at BA who still sat on the chair in the room.

"BA, I said out." barked Hannibal.

"Stop all of you. Everybody apart from Face out of the room."

"Doc, this is my team."

"And you are in my clinic, out."

"Come on Hannibal, let's give the doc a few minutes." Murdock got up and pulled Hannibal along. He didn't want to go but reluctantly moved since Face seemed to need medical help more than him right now. He turned around once more when he had reached the door. Face sat there in the same way he had before but his eyes had changed. They were fixed on Hannibal and begging him not to leave.

"Doc, I'll let you take over but I'll stay in the room." He grabbed a chair and sat down by the door.

Outside, Murdock shook his head angrily at B.A. He was to angry to even speak and instead decided to get as far away from the larger man as possible. He slowly walked away wondering how their unit had started to break apart.

Inside the room, Face had started to rock slightly and his normally tan complexion had paled to a sickly white. "What's…what's wrong…with me, doc?"

"You're a very sick young man," the physician answered while grabbing his stethoscope to take some vitals.

"Sick in the head," Face said softly.

"No, it just feels that way because you're physically exhausted and hurting. It's your muscular friend, however, that I'm not so sure about."

"B.A.? He's a good guy…really…he helps so many kids."

The doctor wrote down some numbers before looking up and retorting, "how about helping you…his supposed friend?"

"He's saved me from beatings more times that I can count."

Hannibal watched in awe as his ailing lieutenant defended B.A. 'You are something special, kid,' he thought. 'Too bad B.A. doesn't realize it.'

"He saved you from beatings…but how about the way he is pounding on your heart." The doctor frowned as he took Face's blood pressure a second time…the readings were way above the norm.

"You can't pound on something that doesn't exist," Face nearly gasped out. The room was beginning to swirl and he started to sway. "My heart broke a long time ago."

Hannibal jumped up and rushed forward to help the doctor lower Face down flat on the bed before he fell there himself. He was out cold the minute he hit the pillow.

"Doc?" Hannibal questioned anxiously knowing full well that Face would have never opened up his heart like that if something wasn't really wrong.

"This is exactly what I worried would happen. His body has basically gone into shock. I'm going to change the IV and elevate his legs. We need to keep him warm, comfortable and calm."

Hannibal nodded his understanding. "Don't worry…that scene you just witnessed won't happen again. My sergeant won't be getting anywhere near Face anytime soon."

B.A. limped slowly down the hall and away from Face's room; he had heard the whole thing. "Stupid fool" he muttered to himself. "Thinks I hate him and then he defends me. Clearly sick in the head." He moved further away looking for a place to rest. 'This all wouldn't have happened if his self esteem wasn't so low. Thinks he's not worth a thing, thinks he can't ask us for help but has to do anything on his own. Maybe I have to stop saving him from beatings so he can proof to himself that he can take on the guys I usually take over for him. Then again maybe he already got hit on the nut once too often.' Now that he had found a place to settle down in a comfortable chair the pain ebbed away his anger also died down. 'Foolish kid got it all wrong again, need to tell him I don't hate him but just concerned about him. I'll do that later, just get some rest first."

In the mean time Hannibal straightened up, run a hand through his hair and turned away from Face's bed towards the door.

"Where do you think you are going?"

"Huh? Looking for my Sergeant."

"I'm not done with you either and you are right, such a scene will not happen again, because neither you nor your sergeant will get in here again."

"What? I think you got that wrong. The kid needs me and there's no way I'm leaving him, not again."

"Needs you? You think he needs someone barking orders at him when he's in the state he's in? None of the two of you have any bedside matters. The only one who's tolerable around a sick is Murdock."

"Doc, that's the only way I get him to respond."

"All the worse, maybe think about why he'll only respond to you when you bark."

Before Hannibal could answer Face, much to the surprise of the doc and Hannibal, opened his eyes. He reached out a shaky hand. "Han'bal."

The pleading eyes were back and Hannibal's heart ached for the man who much resembled a terrified child. Taking hold of the outstretched hand he answered, "I'm here, kid."

"Can't…can't leave…leave me."

"You need your rest," the doctor demanded.

"Dan…dangerous," Face sputtered. "Please…Han'bal…tell him."

"Tell me what?"

Hannibal sighed wearily; he hated when Face referred to himself that way…even if it could be true at times. "We're war vets and POW camp survivors, doc. Sometimes we have nightmares and flashbacks…especially when sick…and they can become…well…violent."

"Not…not for all…all of us…for …me," Face clarified.

"Face had it a bit worse than the rest of us, and well…"

"No need to go on," the physician said sadly.

"Please…don't let…me be…alone. Don't want…want to…hurt anybody." Face was close to passing out again, but he was holding on until he knew Hannibal would stay. "Promise?"

Hannibal stole a glance at the doctor, who nodded his approval and change of heart.

"Promise," Hannibal smiled. "Now go back to sleep."

Hannibal was forced to break his promise minutes later when he heard Murdock and BA shouting at each other outside. Face was asleep by then so he hoped he would not notice that he had been left by Hannibal but with his luck…anyway, he had to go and sort out his other men.

"Doc, I'll just be a minute. Stay here with Face please and shout for me if he wakes up." Face had asked him to stay so he would not hurt anybody and he felt lousy leaving him here but it was necessary, they didn't need for the neighbors to call the police. The chances for him to wake up the next minute, left alone for him to have a flashback was close to zero.

As he opened the door he could understand the words BA and Murdock were throwing at each other even though they were quite far away, and it wasn't pleasant.

"…leave me alone fool, you got no idea."

"But you know it all you mudsucker do you, you treat your friends like dirt."

"Cut it fool or I'm going to pound you into the dirt."

"Always beat on the once that are down already, is that how you got strong?"

BA got to his feet and had Murdock by the front of his shirt. He was just about to raise his fist as Hannibal came into the room. "Sergeant, stand down."

BA gave Murdock a shove and frowned at him.

"What the hell got into you two? I thought you heard the doc, Face needs rests, he doesn't need you two going at each other and shouting for all neighborhood to hear." Hannibal himself had raised his voice as annoyed as he was with the duo.

"Face won't get his rest as long as this bull of a man is around. He and his attitude ain't good for him."

BA reached out for Murdock again. "Who is not good for him? You think your crazy jibber jabber is better?"

"BA, get your hands off of Murdock. I don't have time for your kids play. One of you will leave this room and go to another one, I don't care which one and I don't want to hear one word about it. You two won't see each other again until I say so. I don't want to hear a beep out of any of you is that understood? One word and both of you will run obstacle courses until Face is well. I'll be with Face."

Under normal circumstances, they would have listened to their colonel, but this time their extreme anger got in the way.

"I ain't movin', fool…I was here first."

"I'm not going either," Murdock stood his ground eyes nearly glowing with fury.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Hannibal ran his hands through his hair and then left them on the back of his neck for a moment while trying to decide what to do next. The tension in the room was so thick it was suffocating that it seemed to be sapping his ability to think straight.

But Murdock and B.A. moving closer to each other brought that ability back in a hurry.

"For the love of God…would you two knock it off?"

"I can knock his head off of his scrawny shoulders," B.A. ranted.

Murdock shrugged said shoulders and stuck out his tongue.

Hannibal put a hand on each of his men's chests. "You're both acting like children."

"The fool ain't actin'…he ain't never grown up…watches all them damn cartoons and talks to imaginary friends."

"At least I'm nice to those imaginary friends, unlike the way you treat your real friends."

Hannibal knew he had to get back to Face before he woke up. "Speaking of friends," he said as calmly as he could despite his anger, "a very good one of ours…or at least mine these days…is hurting badly. While you two finish your pissing match, I'm going to make sure he's taken care of."

Hannibal put his arms down and started walking away. When he heard the scream coming from down the hall he ran…Murdock and B.A. followed. It wasn't Face's scream.

When they reached the door they knew the picture that would expect them inside, Face in a flashback out of the bed having the doc pinned somewhere ready to kill him. Hannibal opened the door and stopped short, this he hadn't expected.

Face was peacefully sleeping on the bed, seemingly in the same position he had left him, as if nothing had happened. When he looked away from him he noticed the doc in the corner of the room. His eyes were wide like a scared animals and he held both hands to his throat.

"What happened Doc?"

"He attacked me. He wanted to kill me."

"If he had wanted too you would be dead now man."

Hannibal rolled his eyes at BA's muttered comment. "What exactly happened."

The doc removed his hands and they saw the marks. "He was sleeping just like now. I wanted to check his heart rate and bend over him to place a stethoscope. I was in the middle of it when all in a sudden his eyes shot open at the same time as his hands shot forward and wrapped around my neck. He squeezed and it seems I'm just lucky he's not too strong at the moment. Then as fast as it had happened his eyes drifted shut again and his arms fell away from me. He muttered something but all I could understand was the name 'Sue'. Then he was sleeping again."

"He was sleeping all the time. You witnessed one of his nightmares, sorry. We won't let you alone with him again." He should have known that Sue would spice the situation up. How he could have missed that during the last three years he couldn't understand. Had he had more flashbacks than before and they simply hadn't noticed? Or had they chosen to not notice it? He was brought out of his reverie by Murdock's voice.

"Maybe that's what happens when your friends treat you like dirt." His eyes were shooting daggers at BA who himself was too angry with Murdock to react rational.

"Maybe that's what happens if you hang out with a nut too often."

"Murdock, BA, behave. I thought I told you to find separate rooms and not get near this one."

"Your friend needs rest, desperately. He doesn't need to witness any fights." The still recovering doctor added.

BA wanted to stay and right things between him and Face. Instead his anger lead him. "so you think you better off without me? All right, I'll be with my mother if you need me." With that he left.

Unfortunately Face woke up in time to hear BA's words and the slamming of the door. He kept his eyes closed and the next thing he heard was the sound of the van getting started.

'My fault…B.A. hates me so much that he decided to leave.'

The next thing Face heard was Hannibal asking the doctor if he was okay. 'Oh God…what did I do?' He was so distraught that he didn't hear the doctor say that he was fine and that it was his own fault for getting too close to the sleeping man.

'I'm breaking up the team and hurting innocent people…I need to get out of here.' He didn't dare open his eyes…if they thought he was sleeping maybe they would leave him alone long enough for him to get away. 'I need to spare them from the mess that is me.'

"Murdock…go with the doc to get some ice for his neck."

"I'm a physician," the doctor quickly said. "I think I can take care of myself."

"And I'm a crazy person…can barely care for myself," Murdock joked. "But let me help you out and make sure you're okay." The pilot was more referring to mentally, than physically. "Being on the receiving end of one of Face's nightmares can be scary."

Face's stomach clenched at Murdock's comment and it took all of his willpower not to allow the tears that were building up under his closed eyelids to fall.

"Fine…if you insist," the doctor agreed.

Hannibal walked the pair to the door. "I'm going to make a quick call to the van from the room next door and then I'm going to sit with Face."

The second Face heard the door click shut behind the men, he made his move. The plan was to swing his legs over the side of the bed, grab his clothes and climb out of the window. Hide behind some bushes, get dressed and then vanish.

Once the plan was ready he undid his IV, although the fever made it hard to think he had enough wits about him to undo it rather than simply ripping it out. Then he was ready to make his move but he barely made it into a sitting position as his abused abdomen and back protested and his weakened condition made it hard to move. Once he sat up in bed the whole room was turning and he had to stop to get adjusted. He slowly made it to his feet but was able to stay upright only by hanging on to either the bed, a chair or the wall. He forgot about his clothes and made a bee line, okay, rather a zick-zack course, for the window. He was lucky to find his room was at the base of the house and his way down was just a little over a meter before he would land in soft grass. He wasn't all that lucky with the window itself, it was locked . He used all his waning energy to lift it up and then popped his head out to decide how to best get out. Just that moment another stomach cramp hit and he keeled over which left him hanging out of the window head first. The cramp let up fast but his energy was almost gone. Instead of getting upright again and climbing out he stretched out his arms to see how much further down he had to go. He could almost reach the grass and decided it best to just lift his legs and drop down head first.

Hannibal had dialed the van's number and heard the phone ringing. In the car BA too heard the ringing but was undecided what to do with it. He hadn't started driving yet; he was still fuelled with anger and needed to cool down first.

'Maybe something happened to Face, but he seemed just fine minutes ago, well, he was sleeping peacefully at least. I'll be in trouble if it's Hannibal but he won't leave Face's side after what just happened. It can only be the fool who wants to get on my nerves even more. Sorry fool, ain't gonna happen.'

"Pick it already BA, damn I don't have time for that." Hannibal had let the phone ring for what felt like hundred times but BA didn't pick. He slammed the phone down more angry than he was when he had come here and made his way back to Face. He slowly opened the door as to not wake the patient and the first thing he noticed was the wind blowing towards him. Before he even looked at the empty bed he turned his eyes toward the window.

The soft grass didn't feel all that soft again. Face had used his legs to push away from the wall and landed on his back. The fall painfully reminded him of all his bruises and knocked all the wind out of his lungs. Once his breath returned he turned and made it to his knees just before he retched up some bile.

He heard Hannibal call out to him and it only served to force him back up onto his shaky legs. 'Move, Peck…move.' Face stumbled forward and out toward the dirt road.

"Face!" Hannibal yelled again before jumping out the window himself. The colonel never ceased to be amazed by how quickly his lieutenant could move when he wanted to…even when injured. "Face…stop…wait."

Face could hear Hannibal's footsteps behind him and it only made him move faster. He felt no pain…adrenaline was working wonderful at times. But he had no idea where he was running to.

Face, however, did know what he was running from. He was running from so many things that it made him dizzy to even think about it. His childhood…Nam…Sue…the team…but mostly from himself. It was so hard being Templeton Peck sometimes that he wished he could just run away from himself and hide.

'Hide,' he thought. 'I need to hide.' But there was nothing before him that would work to conceal him and so he kept running blindly.

B.A. began down the dirt road. He was going to do exactly what he had told the others and go spend some time with his mother in Chicago. "They don't need me anyway…I'll go where I'm wanted," he grumbled out loud.

He hadn't gotten more than a few meters away before something ran in front of his van…but it wasn't a something, it was a someone…a blonde someone. He slammed on the breaks but the vehicle didn't stop as fast as he wanted it too. BA watched in horror as Face vanished from his view and under the car.

Hannibal felt like in a nightmare. He had lost time climbing out of the window and Face was really fast despite his sickness. Sure he could easily get him but the distance between them didn't close nearly as fast as he wanted too. He saw Face and he saw the van. He wanted to grab the young man and pull him back but seemed to always be one step too far. He could do nothing but watch as Face collided with the van.

Murdock and the doc came back into the room and noticed the empty bed, then the opened window. They had a clear view to the dirt road and the scene playing in front of them.

"Damn." Murdock made a dash for the window to climb out while the doc preferred the longer way around the clinic and through the door. That way he could grab some first aid supplies.

BA was out of the car with lightening speed but Hannibal beat him in getting to Face. To his immense relief he had just been knocked down by the car and wasn't under it. He appeared to be fine too, already trying to get to his feet. It was then that he noticed Hannibal was holding him back and talking to him.

"Face, Face calm down, you can't run away."

"No, leave me, I got to run away, I'm no good, BA hates me, I'm destroying the team."

"Damn…what have I done?" B.A. questioned out loud.

"Nothing…my fault…my fault…don't do anything right," Face answered and then managed to pull free of the colonel.

Murdock had just arrived and the doctor wasn't too far in the distance. Face turned around himself in a circle and saw he was surrounded. "Let me go…please," he pleaded.

"No can do, muchacho. We need you."

"No…I'm ruining the team. Better off without me."

"Without you there is no team," Hannibal said taking a step closer to his man.

Face was swaying slightly and one hand reached out for his back. The adrenaline was waning and the pain flaring from where he had landed minutes before. He felt hot and cold all at the same time; his body was ravaged by fever and his mind just couldn't seem to clear.

"I need…need to..." He fell to his knees yet still crawled forward. "Need to go."

B.A. felt sick to his stomach; he knew he needed to step up and undo some of the wrong he had done. But words weren't his strong point. Still he needed to act and since Face was crawling away from him he had to start with words.

"Enough of this nonsense now." Face crawled only faster. Definitely not his strong point, but actions were. He was able to care for kids and Face very much behaved like one right now. Shouldn't be so difficult. He sidestepped Murdock who was alternating between glaring at him and watching Face, made some quick steps and knelt down in front of Face. Face stopped short and then tried to turn around but BA gently took hold of his arms and made sure Face would not pull free from him.

"Stop hurting yourself Faceman, I'm here to help you, we all are." Face still tried to pull free but seemed to have lost the energy to speak. "Don't try to run, you think I hate you?"

He waited for a response but there was none. "Faceman, do you think I hate you?" Face looked down which was response enough. "Come on man, would I ever care enough about someone I hate to worry about his wellbeing?" That got Face to look up.

"You heard right, I care about you, even if I didn't show it the last time. You know me, I can be rough and unfair and I'm truly sorry but now I'm here, let me help you."

Face still wasn't convinced and tried to pull harder. "Stop that Faceman, you going to hurt yourself more. I did hurt you more than enough already. Stop Face, come here." BA carefully pulled the young man closer and wrapped his massive arms around him. It proofed too much for Face's fragile condition and he passed out.

The doctor had spread out a blanket in the mean time. "Place him here and let me have a look before we move him inside."

BA didn't want to let go but he knew the doc was right, Face could be hurt from the accident. He placed him down but kept holding his hand.

"Nice to see you regained some of your senses Sergeant."

Murdock only huffed on that.

B.A. looked to the pilot with genuine remorse in his eyes. "I ain't perfect, man…I messed up."

"At least you finally admit it," Murdock mumbled. "A little too late of you ask me."

"Nobody asked you, fool," B.A. retorted.

"See…there you go again with that attitude."

Hannibal glared at his men. "Enough you two…now is not the time."

"Hannibal's right, man," B.A. said in a much softer tone. "And I really am sorry."

Murdock nodded his acceptance though he still looked apprehensive.

"How's Face, doc?" Hannibal asked kneeling down next to his lieutenant.

"Well…as far as I can tell nothing is out of place or broken…"

"I feel a but coming…"

"But he's already showing some extensive bruising. He's going to be quite sore in the morning. It's safe to move him."

Without waiting to be asked, B.A. gently lifted Face into his arms.

Face let out a moan and opened his eyes just long enough to see that B.A. was carrying him. "Don't need to carry me…can walk." With that his eyes closed again.

"Sure you can, man, but I wanna do this." His voice was so soft and the way he held Face so tender that it almost seemed impossible to come from the same man who just minutes earlier had been so angry.

The others followed closely behind as the big man showed that his heart could be just as large in size as the rest of his body. It looked just as if he was carrying a kid in the center, well, a bit of a long kid, and Face seemed to feel safe too. But BA soon noticed that he wasn't carrying a kid but a grown man. Even though Face had lost weight ever since the incident with Sue and wasn't too heavy to begin with he weighed quite a bit and carrying him all the way back to the house proofed to be quite a task, even for BA. However he was too proud to admit defeat and ask for help. In addition he felt he needed to do this alone, after all he was the cause for Face to run and to collide with the van. As he carried on he shifted Face in his arms.

Face's eyes opened and he let out a scream of pain. "OUwww, no, don't, please."

"BA, set him down."

"Calm down Faceman, I'm only going to carry you inside. You need rest."

"Ouw it hurts, please, no."

"Sergeant, set him down."

BA didn't want to but it seemed Face was still convinced he hated him enough that he would hurt him. "Calm down Faceman, I'm not going to hurt you."

"But you do."

"What?"

"My back. Ouww, remove your arm, please." This time BA did lower him on the blanket the doctor had spread out.

"Damn, those bruises don't look good, He'll be more than sore."

"Come on Faceman, I won't touch you there again." BA picked him up again and this time knew where he could touch. Inside the clinic he lowered him on the bed and the doctor immediately stated fussing over his patient who had gone out again while the rest stood back watching.

"Does he really think I hate him?" The quiet question startled Hannibal and Murdock. It didn't even sound like BA.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

"I don't know BA, honestly. Some days ago I would have said no but now I'm not sure. What I'm sure of now is that he is afraid of you. If I remember all the times we had you drugged and you were about to wake up…."

"What's that got to do with anything?" B.A. interrupted.

"Well," Murdock continued for Hannibal, "when you wake up the first person you go after is always the Faceman."

"That's 'cause he the one who gets them drugs for you all to use."

"And it's not just the drugs, B.A.," Hannibal sighed. "You've always been a bit hard on Face."

"A bit hard?" Murdock questioned, but there was no anger behind the words as there had been earlier.

"You make fun of the way he dresses and acts all the time."

B.A. furrowed his brow. "I do that with you too, fool."

"It's different" Hannibal challenged.

"Don't see how, man."

"So much of Face's identity is wrapped up in how he looks and presents himself," the colonel explained. "We call him Face…and I think at times he thinks that is all he is."

A light went off in the sergeant's head. "I never thought of it that way."

"Neither did we really, big guy, until all of this stuff began to surface."

"You think you really know a person only to find out that you really don't."

The trio startled when a weak voice came from the bed…the words were haunting and although they had to strain to understand they were spoken with venom. "You are nobody, you are just a burden. You don't have roots, you don't have a history, your parents dumped you on us and now we have to feed you, you useless little shit." There was a pause and they thought they had heard the worst of it but it went on. "You ain't sick, all you are is being useless. We have a chance to get rid of you and you misbehave during line up. I'll give you something to cry about."

"Oh no Face, don't go there, please." Murdock took the sleeping man's hand and the talking stopped.

"What is he dreaming about?"

"I'm quite sure it's the time the priest was beating him after he collapsed in line up."

"Oh kid, that priest was as wrong as could be."

"He's sleeping Hannibal, he can't hear you."

"I can see that Murdock."

"I just thought, I mean, we never tell him those things when he's awake. Maybe we just have to tell him he's worth something."

"He can hear you alright Murdock, after all our talking about knowing a person or not influenced his dreams. We shouldn't speak about such things when we're close to him, speak about good things."

"BA, you're one other person I thought I know but I don't. How can one man be so different in attitude?"

BA was about to respond to this when the talking presumed. "No mother, I didn't get sick on purpose, please, no, I'm not useless, please."

"His mother?"

"No Murdock, I think he's talking about one of the nuns."

"If I find out her name I'll go and have a nice little chat." BA's scowl was back in place.

"Ouwww, why did you do this, no, don't call me this, ouww stop, please stop, why did you push me in it?" There was another pause and nobody spoke, too shocked for words. Then it went on in an even quieter voice "Yes mother. I'm sorry. Yes, I'll stop whining. I'll clean up the floor … and myself."

"I won't chat, just kill her."

But Face wasn't done. "I may not know who I am but I'm damn sure not yours you nutcase."

The blood in the veins of the other three team members ran ice cold; he was talking about Sue. It ran even colder with his next words.

"Why did you turn on me…we're a team…why are you hurting me. I know the truth…you all hate me…deep down…you really hate me. The truth is that you are all the con-artists…and I'm a fool."

Face began to thrash around in the bed as if trying to get away from somebody…or bodies. They rushed forward to hold him still long enough for the doctor to finish his work. When he began filling a syringe Hannibal asked, "What is that?"

"A sedative…he needs to be kept still. And climbing out of windows is not being still."

Though they all knew that the sedative would have other consequences later, nobody argued as seeing Face the way he was now was nothing short of heartbreaking.

Face wound down like a top that was at the end of it's spin cycle. His words began to slur and his actions slow until finally he was motionless and breathing evenly.

The doctor began to clean up his supplies. "He should be out until morning with the dose I gave him…you three should get some rest." When nobody moved he added, "now."

"We will…in here with Face," Murdock responded.

The doctor knew better than to object by this point and after double checking his patient's vitals he excused himself.

Once the quartet was once again alone they settled down for the long haul. Eventually they all drifted to sleep, but it was Hannibal who woke them up next.

"Face…no…hold on…please!"

"Hannibal wake up, you're dreaming man."

"Face..noooo!" Hannibal bolted upright from his space on the floor, he was drenched in sweat and his heart was threatening to come out.

"You alright colonel?"

"He…he could have died, he would have, my god."

"It was just a dream, it happened a long time ago."

"What happened?" Murdock had been woken up too and had no idea what the other two were talking about.

"Face being a fool is what happened."

"When we were hanging from that cliff and the rope wasn't strong enough to hold both of us." Hannibal supported for explanation.

"I don't remember that."

"As if you ever remember anything."

"No BA, he can't he wasn't with us."

"He isn't with us most of the time."

"He was in the VA, it was one of the early cases before uhmm….before you were ready to join us."

"Face wanted to let go of the rope?"

"No, he did let go."

"What?"

"Face and I had been captured by some thugs and brought on top of a mountain. We used a road up but the rest around was steep rocks with no means to get down other than climbing, or so we thought. We had tracking devices on us and waited for BA but the second night we thought they didn't work. We escaped from our prison and found some rope but it wasn't long enough. Before we could search for more we heard some people approaching and had to act. It was pitch black and we couldn't see more than a few feet. We secured the rope to a large rock of to the side and started climbing over the edge to be out of view. That was all we could do, we hoped that they would not check our cell and once they were gone we could climb back up and find more rope."

"One of Hannibal's famous plans."

"It was the only option we had. Anyway, we hung there and those people were chatting. Then we heard movement and thought they would go but instead they went inside. Since they could come out any minute and there was no way to hide we remained in place. Then we heard the rope making noises and it was clear it wasn't going to last much longer. Face was down and I was on top of him. He said it could only hold one of us and since he was down….oh god, I heard rustling and knew he was undoing the knot that was securing him. I couldn't see anything." Hannibal was still shaken from the dream and didn't go on.

"I knew where they were but had no means to get up via road, it was too well secured. What those two fools didn't know was that not all around was rocks. There was a forest reaching up to almost the top on the other side of the mountain and from there the rock formation was like a wide path reaching around the top of the mountain. I had checked it out. All I had to do was climb up through the steep forest, get around to the other side and climb up the last few yards to the top. I used the first night to get the lay of the land and study the way the place was secured, then I waited for the second night to come to make my move. I had a flash light but avoided using it as much as possible to not draw attention to me. I had just rounded a corner when I hear Hannibal begging Face not to let go, I sped up and rounded the last corner just as he did let go. I caught him and pressed him against the rocks to avoid the two of us going down. Those two fools had not seen enough to know the path was just about two meters under Face's feet. They could have extended the rope with their clothes and get to safety. We hurried through the forest and once we were in the safety of the van we both lit into Face for how stupid he had been."

The tale was stopped by Face starting to talk again. "No, how can you do this to me, I'm so stupid, thought they were different, thought they really like me, but the priest was right, I'm just too stupid to listen. Nobody likes me, no one ever has and no one ever will."

They listened on in silence but nothing more came out of the sleeping man who was illuminated by the bedside lamp that was on. He was shaking slightly but other than that he was still.

"I thought the doc said he'll be out 'till morning."

Murdock chuckled. "He obviously doesn't know Face."

"How can Face think that nobody likes him?" B.A. asked. "He always has been able to get a room full of people to flock to him like a moth to a flame."

Hannibal frowned. "It's easy to be in a room full of people and still feel very alone."

"Damn," B.A. swore. "Our Faceman should get an Oscar, man."

"No," Hannibal corrected, "he should get a pair of boxing gloves and a go at us in the ring for some of the crap we have put him through."

"I'd even stand still and let him pound me," B.A. sighed. "I remember them things we said to him in the van."

Hannibal nodded. "So do I…we let out fear over what could have happened turn to anger. Instead of asking if he was okay, we yelled at him."

"Was he okay?" Murdock asked.

"Far from it. We had been, well, asked some questions by our hosts. Though they were not as unfriendly as the VC or others we had met, they weren't too kind too. We both took on eor two or possibly more blows but it was okay. Now Face might have had it a little worse than me, you know, I tent to be quite sarcastic and well, the thugs…"

BA just groaned while Murdock filled in "tend to let it out on Face rather than you."

"Exactly, well, it's not my fault they do."

"Oh man."

"Anyway, when BA caught him he had to throw himself forward so the pair would not fall down the cliff. Face was in between BA and the rocks."

Murdock chuckled. "This would be the classic version of being caught between a rock and a hard place."

"Going down the forest at night and with speed to get away from the thugs was also no walk in the park, we were all quite scratched up, maybe that's why we didn't notice at first."

"Didn't notice what?"

"That he was more than just scratched up. He had quite some cuts from sharp pieces of rock and two broken ribs."

"If we have to take him for x-ray next time I want to see his ribs."

"Why that fool?"

"I wanna see if there's a single rib that never was broken, or at least not in multiple places."

_"No, no don't listen to her, no don't cut me, oh god, he's enjoying it. I really messed up and now he hates me."_

"The idea with the boxing gloves was not bad colonel only he would never do it, he would rather beat up on himself. The shaking is getting worse, think we should call the doc? Hannibal?" Murdock was concerned for Face but Hannibal was like frozen, he wasn't answering.

"Colonel? Someone in there?"

"He thinks I enjoyed cutting him, thinks I hate him."

Before Murdock or B.A. could disagree Face spoke again.

_"I deserve it…I lie…I scam…Hannibal tried to make me a better man…but it didn't work. Now it's time to punish me."_

Hannibal paled and his chest felt tight. "He can't think that. He's always been a good man."

_"I'm the weak link."_

"Weak link?" the trio repeated in unison.

As if Face had heard, though they knew he hadn't, he continued on. _"They all have valuable skills…I just have my face…can easily replace me."_

They had heard this before, but not with such pain in his voice.

_"My face…I hate it…my own parents apparently couldn't stand the sight of it…how can I?"_

"I can't take this anymore," B.A. muttered.

Once more Face seemed to reply to the statement. "Go ahead…hit me, B.A….mess up my face…you know you want to."

It was B.A. who paled next…his dark complexion turning ashen. He had heard those very words years before and unfortunately had acted on it.

Seeing B.A. reaction, Murdock questioned, "What's up, big guy?"

"I...uhm…he…I"

"It's not often that we see you stammering around, what happened? You didn't, did you?"

"I did."

"When?"

"Long time."

"Look BA, I know you are not a man of many words but a bit more information would be nice. I don't want to believe you really hit him."

"Believe it fool, I did. One of our first cases, we were close to New York and had to get back. Face had gotten himself a seat in a plane while me and the colonel were going by van. Only on our way to the airport to drop Face we got a call, an emergency in the colonels family. So Hannibal took the plane and Face and me were driving. It was a long way and we were in each others hair all the time. You know, it was the time I was not so controlled."

"Like you are now, you did it again just those days, not with your fists but your words." Murdocks anger was back full force.

"Murdock , let BA finish please."

"Nothing much to finish. We had to stop every so often for him to use a bathroom and get to a mirror or change clothes and it was getting on my nerves. I threatened, he taunted and at the end I hit."

"You wann tell me that this black eye he was wearing for two weeks after I returned from my aunt was your doing? If I remember well he told me he was mugged in LA."

"Well, after I had hit him we both cooled down and decided that since you had enough trouble we shouldn't add more to it."

"Oh man, any more secrets I need to know? No wonder Face is that afraid of you."

"What do you mean he's afraid of me? I swore to never hit him again, he must know that."

"Did you ever tell him of that swearing?"

"Uhm no, but I never did hit him again, not by choice, I mean…I think. Well, accidents don't count, do they?" BA looked like a school boy facing a new class for the first day.

"You do threaten him often enough, how should he know."

"He knows, he's not really afraid of me."

"He is, you should see him anytime you are drugged and about to wake up. And after you got shot in Bad Rock he thought his end was near."

"Almost was his end," Murdock said somberly.

The group grew quiet as they relived memories of Face's severe neck injury and following recovery which culminated in being kidnapped by a psychotic Sue and tortured by them all.

Face began to shift and moan softly. Sweat was pouring off of him at an alarming rate.

"Damn…we need to cool him down," Hannibal frowned. "You two rest…I don't want you opening up your cuts. I'm going to get some cold water and some towels."

B.A. waited for the colonel to exit the room before turning to Murdock. "Listen, man…are we cool?"

"I've never been considered cool," Murdock teased.

"You know what I mean, fool."

"That's more like it…I've been considered a fool."

"Murdock!"

The pilot flashed the larger man a genuine and toothy smile. "Yeah…we're cool. I know you care about Face and don't want to see him hurt."

B.A. nodded. "Now I just gotta get the Faceman to believe that."

Hannibal returned and the men took turns sponging him down and placing cool cloths on his forehead.

"Can I ask you a question, sergeant?" Hannibal asked out of the blue.

"Yeah, man…what?"

"You said earlier that you hadn't hit Face by choice…other than in the van at Bad Rock, was there another time you hit him by mistake?"


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

B.A. bowed his head and nodded sadly.

"When?"

"There was a time I was at the center and Face came to visit. In the evening we decided to grab some food and went to town where we run into Decker. We were hiding from him and split up to confuse him. I was around a corner and saw Decker slowly coming closer, checking every corner as he did. He really took his time. Since I had no way to run to I prepared for him. I floored the next person that rounded that corner, unfortunately it was Face instead of Decker. He had seen me there and had also seen Decker. He led him on a wrong trail and circled back to me. He came flying around the corner wanting to tell me to turn back to where we had come from and I floored him thinking it was Decker. He still told me how to get out of there. We went back to my place and I gave him some ice for his cheek."

"That would be good material for a comedy film." Hannibal couldn't help but laugh at the scenery he imagined. Murdock too chuckled but BA looked anything but happy.

"What is it big guy?"

"That wasn't the worst of it."

"What do you mean?"

"You all remember the case in Venezuela where you took a bullet in the shoulder?"

They sure did remember. The people of a village had been used like slaves to work on drug farms in the forest. The team had made out the bad guys and were about to rat them out. Hannibal, BA and Face were in a Jeep while Murdock was waiting to board a helicopter Face had scammed. He was supposed to start ten minutes after them to meet at the place at the same time and act as air support. The problem was that one of the villagers had talked and they run right into a trap. Their Jeep was shot up and Hannibal took a hit in the shoulder. The rest was not injured but had to surrender. They were taken to a small concrete building in the jungle. It couldn't be seen from top due to the large trees it was hiding under. The first day was fairly okay with some interrogation but nothing they had not seen before. The second day however Hannibal had developed a bad infection and was delirious with fever. He needed medical attention and fast. His memory ended somewhere around noon the second day and started again three days later when he woke up in the hospital. Face had been badly beaten and occupied the bed next to him.

Murdock couldn't find his team until the villager that had talked stepped forward in regret and told Murdock where the possible hiding spots of the drug dealers could be. It was two and a half days after they had been kidnapped that he found and freed them with the help of all the men from the village. Hannibal looked bad and wasn't responding to anything. If possible Face had looked worse. While his injuries were not live threatening he was a living bruise with several broken bones. His Face was almost not recognizable again.

Murdock paled putting one and one together. "Tell me that wasn't your doing."

"It was." BA's voice was almost not audible.

Hannibal forgot the cool cloth in his hand. "You did that? You beat him to pulp? I can't believe it."

"I didn't have a choice. You were not recognizing anything around you again and Face and me were shackled to the opposite walls of the concrete bunker. There was no way to escape, it was solid. They came in and decided to have some fun. One held a knife to your throat and the other one came to undo Face's shackles. He demanded for him to kick you but Face wouldn't. He said he would cut your throat if Face didn't kick you and Face kicked…only not you, he kicked the guy holding the knife. After that two others held Face and the attacked one started to beat him but their boss put an end to it with a gleam in his eyes that I didn't like. They returned Face to his shackles and made sure he was fixed in a way that he would stay up even when he was out. Then they undid me. I was to beat him up or they would kill you. They said where to hit and how hard and if they were not satisfied they threatened you. How do you think you got those small cuts? They were not from the bullet. I had no choice."

Hannibal couldn't believe his ears. He was rigid. "You had no choice? Face was closer to death than to life when I woke up." Okay, that was not true but it was what it had looked like to Hannibal when he woke up and now he was angry. "How could you? You think beating Face to death is better than letting me die? Who gave you the right? If Murdock had not come I would have died anyway. Instead of spending your time to think of an escape plan you use your fists on your team member. Shackled team member I may add."

"Face agreed and it was the only way to win some time. It worked after all."

"It worked?" Hannibal asked incredulously. "And now you wonder how Face could be scared of you?"

"Listen man…you asked me a question and I was just answerin' it. Besides…Face told me to do it."

"And since when have you ever listened to Face?" the colonel retorted hotly.

Murdock could understand both men's points, but he didn't like the way the conversation was going. "Um…guys…let's all take a deep breath."

B.A. ignored Murdock. "What did you want me to do, Hannibal?"

"For once maybe you could have used your brain instead of your brawn!"

The muscular man looked genuinely hurt for a moment…but that moment passed quickly and went right back to anger. "You wanna come a little closer and say that?"

"Gladly." Hannibal stood and took a step forward.

Face began to mumble again and Murdock needed to get the other two to either calm down or get out…but it was Face who wound up getting hurt again in the process. By now they were nose to nose and close to shouting. Face began to toss and Murdock decided that he had to act now. He had tried talking and had not gotten their attention. This time he tried to push in between them. The two were so hot with anger that they both pushed right back.

"Stay out of this Murdock."

"No colonel I won't" He pushed again trying to separate the other two and this time they pushed harder, and shoved Murdock back in a way that he stumbled and landed right on Face's midsection.

Face groaned, and as soon as Murdock had lifted off of him turned to his side and began to vomit. To all evil the doc had heard the commotion and entered the room right at that moment.

"Oh for goodness sake, I knew it was a mistake letting you stay in here. Out, all of you."

"Sorry doc, we ain't going anywhere, the Faceman needs us." BA crossed his arms in front of his chest. He had been shocked when he saw Murdock stumbling backwards in the direction of Face and knew he had once more hit Face, even if not direct. Now he had to make sure to do all he could to help him.

"Needs you? At the rate you are helping I'm surprised he's still alive. I gave him enough sedative to knock an elephant to sleep and you managed to wake him. Nice friends you are and now out."

"Doc, we're sorry but BA's right, Face needs us. I know it doesn't look that way but it's true. What just happened won't be repeated again."

"I heard that before."

"I know, sorry. But if we leave now he will only think we don't like him."

Face had stopped retching and was now curled up on his side with the doctor trying to get him to straighten out so he could check him over. They were all startled by the weak voice.

"You…you want to stay? But…"

"Sure we want to Faceman, all of us."

"Why?"

"Only because you think nobody likes you that ain't true."

"You can't know that….I mean…I don't think…I…I know you like me." The sedative still had an effect on him and his brain was wrapped up in clouds. He didn't really have a control over what he said. He also didn't have control of the groans that escaped as the doctor poked and prodded at him.

"Well…I don't see any additional harm…."

"I feel a but coming," Hannibal said.

"But I'm afraid that I'm going to have to ask you all to move on as soon as his fever breaks. You haven't been listening to my instructions and I cannot have a man's health compromised while on my watch."

The colonel nodded. "I understand…we can be a bit much to handle. And you've been more then generous with your hospitality."

"Is it safe to move him, doc?" Murdock asked.

"He shouldn't run any races anytime soon, but riding in a vehicle shouldn't hurt him."

As soon as the doctor exited the room yet again the team felt like a bunch of schoolboys who had just been reprimanded by their teacher.

"We really messed up this time, didn't we?"

Murdock sighed wearily. "We've been doing that a whole lot lately…we're supposed to be friends and we've been doing nothing but fighting."

"M'sorry," came Face's whispered voice. "Don't fight…I'll go back and get it."

"Oh no…here we go again." Hannibal pulled out a cigar he knew he couldn't light. "Where is his mind now?"

"Toto, I don't think Face is in Kansas anymore," Murdock joked.

"Yeah…but he is in Germany," B.A. stated.

"Germany?"

"Yeah, East Germany to be exact. Don't you remember the case where we had to get this professor and his wife out?"

"Yeah, that was a hard one, we almost didn't succeed. But what does it have to do with what Face said?" He looked over at his Lieutenant who seemed to be sleeping again.

"Remember what happened afterwards? His Brother, the wife and eight year old nephew were going through hell. The state security police followed their every step."

"Yeah," Murdock threw in. "This so called Stasi seemed to be everywhere."

The professor had contacted them again after six months and begged them to get his extended family out. They were the only living relatives he had and because of that all the energy the Stasi directed towards him ended up with those three people. It went to the extent that they followed the boys every step until he vanished into the school building and started again when school closed. The other parents got wary and were afraid too. They didn't allow their kids to play with him. Hannibal didn't really want the case, claiming they would get tired of the game and stop as soon as they are sure there was no contact to the professor again. But there was contact and they seemed to know. Calling international lines was after all only possible from official places and once it was a call abroad they listened in. Sending a mail to the US was not quite better. They always had to get in contact through third people but they managed to stay in touch. The main reason why Hannibal didn't want the case was because it was hard to get the first two people out. Now with all the attention they got, getting three people out, one of them a kid, was near impossible.

It was Face and BA who talked him into doing it, after all a kid was involved. So they went to a city called Karl-Marx-Stadt and started to get the lay of the land. Since there were very view foreigners it was difficult to stay hidden. Friends of the professor had given them a room to stay but they had to use different ways to come and go and mostly do so at night so the neighbors wouldn't notice. After all one could never tell who belonged to Stasi and who not. They had so many informants, some not even knowing they were used as informants. They would get involved in a friendly chat with a work mate and through that give out information.

After a week the plan was made. Only the man was informed. There was a big celebration going on with thousands of people. The family was supposed to go there and mix with the folks. The team had 'borrowed' a ride called house of horror. People were pulled through it in wagons and it was dark and spooky and loud inside. They made sure Murdock and the family got into one wagon to make it full, meaning the next Stasi person could only be in the next car or had to wait outside. In one of the darker places they sneaked out of the wagon and into the waiting bakery lorry that Face was driving. By the time the empty wagon exited the ride the team and the family were gone. They made it to a prearranged hiding spot in a different town called Suhl that was closer to the border and waited there for two weeks so the chaos would die down and the borders would not be too alarmed. It also meant two weeks of staying indoors without windows to the outside.

The wife and son who had not known anything of the plan were first glad but soon the wife started to ask what would happen if they got caught and if it wasn't too risky. Also they couldn't take any personal belongings along. The hiding and the risk they were living in got onto everybody's nerves.

"Don't you remember how they fought about their marriage certificate and how the wife threatened to divorce the man?"

"Oh yeah, now I remember. The look in the boys eyes, and the look in Face's eyes. It was a stupid stunt though, and almost got him killed."

One day the wife asked if the man had at least packed all their papers. He had the passports and the birth certificates but the marriage certificate was missing. She accused him of wanting to divorce her and pretend to not even be married. The boy looked shocked and genuinely afraid that such a thing could happen and Face couldn't stand it. The emotions playing over his own face showed that he had lived through something similar himself. Even though nobody knew what that was.

_"Don't fight…I'll go back and get it Please stop fighting."_

_"You would do that for us? Really? It would mean so much to me. I love my wife and the day of our marriage was so special. Along with the birth of our son it was the best day in my life."_

Seeing that the man really wanted the certificate back calmed the wife somewhat, seeing his parents stop fighting calmed the son somewhat, and hearing of his lieutenants plan let the colonel go through the roof.

_"Have you lost your mind? We are about 100 clicks away from their home. We need to move out tonight. Besides the fact that it's crazy to try it, how do you want to do it?"_

In summary Face ignored his colonel and sneaked away the same night that they were supposed to move. He made it back to the flat the family used to live in, broke in and took the certificate, one of their picture albums and one of the boys teddy bears that looked most worn. At the same time the rest of the team and the family crossed the border. They had spied out a place in a forest where security wasn't too keen. They timed their moves, made it to the fence, cut a hole in it and were gone.

Of course the hole was noticed a short while later. Of course the fact that somebody had been in the flat was noticed too. Security went high and Face was trapped. He couldn't go back to the hiding spot, it was too risky, so he made it to the forest and lived on top of the trees until things calmed down again. Vietnam had been a good school. Only things didn't get as quiet as they used to be and he couldn't wait forever. It was getting colder with every day. He choose a place twenty clicks south of where the team had crossed and waited for night to fall. Timing was difficult because they had increased the patrols. He had to cross the strip of about hundred meters that was cleared off all trees to get a good view, cut a hole in the fence and get lost. As soon as the patrol was out of sight he quickly crossed the clear strip without making a sound. But as soon as he had started cutting he heard a dog barking and soon after the first lights reached him, accompanied by the first bullets zipping past him. He had no place to go so he continued cutting as fast as he could while praying he wouldn't get hit. As he started to squeeze through more bullets zipped past him, but this time from the other direction. The team had been patrolling the other side of the forest and found him just in time to give cover and get to safety.

"You chewed him out for what seemed like a full week to me."

Hannibal shook his head. "It didn't seem like a full week…it was a full week."

"I can't say I blamed you that time," Murdock added.

"He was doin' it for the kid…I was proud of him."

Face's eyes opened and were clear for the first time in days. "Proud, B.A.? Of me?"

B.A. looked deep into the blue eyes. "Very proud…I still am."

Face smiled and then his eyes clouded over again and shut. His body stilled and he seemed to be sleeping peacefully at last.

"You meant that, didn't you, big guy?"

B.A. nodded. "And I shoulda told him that a long time ago."

Hannibal felt a pang of guilt. "I'm sorry, B.A."

"What for, colonel? Faceman didn't listen to you, man. You had a right to be mad."

"No…I'm talking about the way I treated you earlier. You and Face saved my life…I had no right to question your judgment."

B.A. smiled. "It wasn't judgment, man…it was pure panic. It was the Faceman who kept his cool."

"That wasn't the first time he kept his cool."

"Yeah, actually he always stays cool in hot situations, at least when it counts." Murdock too locked at the now peacefully sleeping man.

"You're right. But he doesn't always keep his cool. Remember our holiday in Venezuela?" Hannibal wore a smug smile as he remembered. The rest of his team, the part that was not sleeping anyway, joined in.

_They had had a hard case and Hannibal decided it was time for a vacation…in the nature of course. Much to Face's dismay they packed their camping gear and scammed a plane to go to Venezuela. Two weeks in the jungle, sleeping on the floor, hunting their food, making fire…a holiday just as Hannibal loved them…and Face hated the mere idea._

_He grumbled and grumbled but finally rolled out his sleeping bag and crawled in. They all fell asleep and it looked to become a peaceful holiday indeed with lots of campfires and talking and fun. That changed about an hour later when they all woke up with a start, well, the three that had not been awake already. The reason of their suddenly ending sleep was a screaming and kicking Face. The anteater they saw fleeing the scene was probably part of the problem too but at that very moment nobody played attention to the animal._

_"Hannibal, Hannibal do something, you gotta do something." Face was hysteric and getting more tangled up in the sleeping bag by the second. He was kind of hoping and rolling at the same time since he always fell down. He was trying to get away from something but none of them could see the attacker. First Hannibal thought he had had a nightmare and was now tangled up in his bag and not fully awake._

_"Face, you gotta calm down, all is right."_

_"Nothing is right, damit, help me already, they are killing me."_

_"Face, calm down it was just a …" Hannibal had reached out for Face to stop him from hurting himself more at the rate he was falling and saw a small black insect running full speed over his hand._

_"Ants, Face, you are full of ants. Stop moving so we can untangle you."_

_"No, no do something, they are killing me, I swear."_

_"Face, they are just ants, the more you struggle the more they will try to defend themselves, just stay still."_

_"I can't, I can't, oh no, I'm gonna die."_

_BA had seen enough and simply grabbed one edge of the sleeping back, pulled the screaming and kicking bundle over to the nearby lake and rolled him inside. Face sputtered and struggled to stay on top since he was too tangled up to help himself and when BA was satisfied he pulled him upright. The water had done it's part to cool Face and cool the burns the ants had left, and most important it had driven the insects away, those that could flee anyway._

_"You…you…you…Hannibal, BA wanted to drown me!"_

_"Shut up fool, I wanted to drown those ants and now let me get you out of this bag or the rest of them that is still inside will continue attacking you."_

_Unfortunately BA was the only one left to help since Murdock and Hannibal were rolling on the floor holding their bellies with laughter._

_They later on reconstructed that Face had slept right on an anthill and the animals had slowly but in great numbers crawled into his sleeping bag. Since he was still sleeping they didn't see the need for defense. An anteater that had come along had sensed a great meal and put his long tongue inside Face's bag. Apparently that was what woke him up. The attack from the anteater and Face's struggling and screaming had put the insects in defense mode._

"The poor guy looked like out of a horror movie for days and was scratching his skin off for the rest of our stay."

"The poor guy? If I remember well it was you who brought back some of the ants in Face's bag."

"Come on big guy, that was just a mistake, his bag looked a lot like mine, I just got it wrong. I wanted to make an ant farm."

"You stuffed ripe fruits and candy in his bag. They came out when we were packing our plane. Face went hysteric again and we almost couldn't bring him to board the plane."

"Yeah that was real comical, you of all people trying to convince somebody to board a plane." Hannibal was laughing hard now.

"It was the fastest way out of this jungle and I agreed with Face, we had seen enough jungle to last a life time."


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Face started to mumble again and diverted their attention. They spend the rest of the night cooling him down and talking to him until his fever broke and he regained consciousness in the wee hours of morning.

"How are you feeling kid?"

"Lousy." Was the weak reply.

"It's the sedative."

"Where are we?"

"You don't remember, man?" B.A. asked.

Face shook his head then closed his eyes from the dizziness it caused. "No…it's all fuzzy."

What is the last thing you remember, muchacho?"

"I remember a factory…but it's like I was having really weird dreams…not sure what is real or not."

They could see that Face was straining to recall what had happened and that he was becoming agitated.

"Hey, kid…relax. It's not important…everything is okay."

Face wasn't convinced. "If everything was okay you three wouldn't be looking at me the way you are."

"How we lookin' at you man?"

"Like I'm going to break at any minute." Face paused. "Can't blame you…I kinda feel that way too."

Hannibal smiled paternally at his lieutenant. "You've been really sick…it's understandable."

"And we've been really worried," Murdock added. "You haven't been yourself."

"Maybe that's a good thing lately," Face sighed. "I've been struggling for some time, but thought I could handle it alone."

"Oh, kid," Hannibal said gently. "When will you realize that you aren't alone…haven't been in years."

"I know…or at least my head does. It's just…it's just…hard…you know?"

"Yeah, we know, buddy," Musdock soothed.

"I just wanna go home," Face moaned and curled into a ball.

"Face?" all three men jumped.

"S'okay…just a cramp. You know how drugs love me."

B.A. grabbed his hand. "Nah…drugs hate you, man…we love ya."

Face didn't even react to that, he was consumed by the pain. When the cramp let up he relaxed some but didn't have the energy to lay back properly. BA reached for him and pulled him back up so his head rested on the pillow.

A small smile played over Face's lips but soon vanished again.

"What's funny kid?"

"Nothing. Drugs make me woozy, I dream funny things, I hear funny things and I get sick." In a small voice he added, "I just wish some of it could be true."

"Which part?"

"What?" Face hadn't even realized he had spoken the last part out loud.

"Which part do you wish was true?"

"I…uhm…it's not important."

"Out with it Faceman, what did you dream?"

Face turned pink. "it's really not important."

"Face, you know he won't give you your peace of mind until you tell, that's just how the big guy is."

"You are that way fool."

"Guys, not now, Face wants to tell us something, don't you Face?"

"Uhm, not really?"

"Wrong answer buddy."

"I…it's nothing. I dreamed BA said he was proud of me and that he said you all loved me, just silly."

"You didn't dream that part Faceman."

"What?" Face turned more red before he turned white. "You…I…you."

"Since when are you a stutterer Face? I just said what you should have known anyway."

Face was clearly uncomfortable with the attention he got and Hannibal wanted to get him some way out.

"Now let's plan out next move. Where do we go from here?"

"I just wanna go home."

"I don't think you are fit for such a long car ride."

"We can still go to my mama."

"That's also quite some way. BA, join me, we gotta talk to the doc. Face, we'll leave you with Murdock for a minute."

When they were outside Hannibal turned to BA. "Your mothers isn't that far but I have a feeling that Face is close to talking to us and he won't if we have another person around. Let's find some cabin and when he's better we can still visit your mother."

The doc had overheard them talking." You don't need to go, I overreacted, sorry. He still needs medical attention."

"We thank you but we made too much of a commotion here. I'm sure some people saw how he climbed out of the window and BA knocked him down with the car. I guess right now somebody around is sitting on his sofa trying to remember who that people were he saw. It's getting too hot here for us. But if you don't mind we would like to not go too far, in case we need a doctor."

"Sure, I understand. I have a cabin in the woods by a lake, it's an hour drive from here, well in his condition better plan two, but I can be there in one."

"Sounds good, if you wouldn't mind us using it."

"If I did I wouldn't have told you. Now let me check him over for a last time."

"Okay, oh, and doc, Face doesn't remember much of the last days, we don't want to remind him of the things that happened, especially his climbing out the window."

"No problem…I'll stick with the physical and leave the emotional to the rest of you."

B.A. rolled his eyes and grunted, "because we've done such a great job with it lately."

The medical professional grinned. "Considering what I just overheard, I'd say you're doing pretty good under the circumstances. Let me get my bag and I'll be right back to look him over."

Meanwhile, Murdock sat next to Face who was still looking more than a little embarrassed.

"C'mon Facey…turn that frown upside down. You don't want to cause unnecessary wrinkles."

Though he didn't much feel like it, Face found his lips turning upward into a small grin; Murdock just had that effect on him.

"See…now that's more like it."

But the smile was short lived. "Murdock?"

"Yeah, buddy?"

"Will you do me a favor?"

Murdock patted his best friend on the knee. "Of course, anything, pal."

"Promise? Anything?"

Though it made him nervous, the pilot nodded. "Anything."

He never in a million years expected to hear Face's request.

"Can you give me some of your psych meds?"

"What?"

"Or a strong pain killer, anything that makes me real sick."

"Face, we are trying to get you to not be sick, how can I give you something that makes you sick, I would never do that." Murdock was truly puzzled.

"But you said anything."

"Okay, anything that won't harm you."

"But you promised, I can't, I just can't."

"What is it you can't?"

"I can't go with you, I need to stay here and Hannibal will only let me when I'm real sick, please."

"Face, usually staying in a hospital is the last thing you want, left alone by yourself."

"But… but you just don't understand."

"You are right, I don't." The haunted look was back, his eyes were darting around the room again. Murdock had thought he had gotten better, had learned to trust the team again but now it seemed he had just been too sick to concentrate on his mental problems.

"I know Hannibal, right now he's probably looking for the next hut in a forest. I need to stay here until I'm fit to go home."

"Oh man, you had me there for a minute. I was worried about you but if all your concern is that you want the comfort of home…you've never been a fan of nature adventures."

"You…you don't understand…I can't …Sue's hut…" He was close to hyperventilating now, his eyes darting around the room without stop.

"Oh god Face, I didn't think, oh god, of course we're not going to any forest, so sorry. Hannibal will think of that, sorry Face." The short relief Murdock had felt was gone, Face had real problems, those that reached deep and were difficult to get rid of. He had seen it all before.

"Promised?" Face eyes were now fixed on Murdock like he was the last straw to hold onto.

"Promised, I'll go talk to Hannibal."

"No…no please don't go." Face's hand was clenched tight around Murdock's arm, his eyes darting around again.

"I'll stay, it's okay, you are safe here."

He didn't have to go either because right that moment BA and Hannibal entered. "Guess what guys, the doc lets us have his cabin by a lake side in the forest."

Face paled and took the color of the sheets around him. His eyes were once again fixed on Murdock, his grip solid like iron.

"And we're not going there."

"What you talking about fool?"

"We ain't going. We'll find a nice cozy apartment in a city close by."

"Murdock,…"

"Hannibal, remember where this psycho took Face?" Murdock hissed in a low voice, of course Face heard him anyway.

Hannibal stood frozen as the information registered. "Oh god kid, what did I do to you, of course we're not going, oh no, the number of cabins we went to ever since…oh no."

"Not…fault…don't…blame…you." Face was panting and shaking fiercely.

"Yes it is my fault…how could I have been so stupid?!" Hannibal's anger at himself made his voice rise and Face jump.

"Sorry…so sorry…don't hit me…please." It was an instantaneous gut reaction and even Face's eyes opened wide after he said it.

"Kid…I…I'm sorry."

But it was Face who felt he had to apologize. "No…I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from."

"I can think of at least a dozen possibilities," B.A. said in his voice he reserved for when he was working with children. "Datin' back to when you was a kid and up to the present."

Murdock didn't like the lost expression on his best friend's face…or the sickly pallor. "You've gotta breathe, buddy."

"Can't…can't catch…my breath."

The team huddled around the lieutenant desperate to provide him comfort and make him feel safe. Each man took turns talking to him and trying to ease his pain.

"You're okay, Faceman…B.A. Baracus ain't gonna let nothin' hurt you no more."

"We've got you're back, muchacho…and your front…and sides and…well…every part of you."

"Hang tough, kid."

And so on it went. Slowly Face's shaking reduced and his breathing got more even. Finally he took one deep breath and settled back more relaxed. "Sorry, don't know where that came from. Of course we can go to the cabin the doc lets us have."

"Stop apologizing for things that ain't your fault man and…"

Before BA could go on telling him where the doc could stick his cabin because they wouldn't go close to a forest, said person came in. "Sorry it took me so long, I had an emergency coming in, neighbors kid fell with the bike."

"It's okay doc, we're not exactly in a hurry." Face gave him a bright smile but the others could see it was all fake.

"You seem to be doing better, let's see what your vitals say." As he started getting his instruments ready he turned to Hannibal, "Is there enough space in your van for a stretcher, I would prefer you transport him flat. Sitting is an option but it's quite a ride to the cabin."

"We have enough space but we won't be going to the cabin, thanks for the offer but we decided to get a place more close, maximum thirty minutes drive. It will be easier on Face."

"Hannibal don't…we can go there, I'll be fine."

"No, your colonel is right. The shorter the ride the better for you. The offer stays though, if you decide to move on later or need it any other time feel free to ask."

"Thanks doc."

"No mention. Now, I don't see why you should stick around longer. You are doing as well as can be expected. I'll stock you up with pain meds and a sedative, just in case. Let me know your location if you need me, okay?"

"Okay, thanks doc."

As soon as the doc left Face gave it another try. "Really Hannibal, it wasn't necessary. I can handle a hut in a forest."

"I'm sure you can but whiles you recover we don't need you to get spooked like now. Murdock, let's go and have a look at the map, I need you to scam us some place."

Face looked at his hands. That was his job, he was useless now and even giving out extra demands. He looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"We'll just be a minute kid, BA will stay with you."

" 'kay."


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

When they were outside Hannibal turned to Murdock. "It's a good sign he wants to go to the forest is it?"

"No it isn't. He just feels he's a burden and he has to cope with it. He still things he has to go through this alone. Hannibal, he wanted me to give him some of my psych meds just to make him so sick that he has to stay back."

"What?" Hannibal asked in shock. "Murdock…you wouldn't?"

"Of course not, Hannibal…you should know better than that."

Hannibal sighed. "I know…I'm sorry."

Murdock smiled. "No need…but damn it seems like one of us is always saying 'I'm sorry' lately."

"Especially Face…and he has nothing to apologize for this time but being a victim." Hannibal pulled out the map, but before opening it looked at Murdock intently. "What do you think, captain…you have the most experience…with…well…you know."

"Crazy people?"

"Yeah…no…I didn't mean it like that. I'm…"

"Don't say that you're sorry," Murdock interrupted. "I'm just messing with you. I know what you mean…and I do live in an institution…crazy is a basic requirement."

"So is he?"

Murdock shook his head. "No…but he should be with all the stuff he's seen in his lifetime."

"So what's going on then?"

"My best guess is some kind of post traumatic stress disorder."

"PTSD?"

"Yup…I'd say he's been through some trauma…wouldn't you?"

"That's an understatement of epic proportions," Hannibal agreed. "But how is that different from you?"

"Me? Well…you know how Face has been able to function all these years with only nightmares and flashbacks?" Hannibal nodded. "Well…I couldn't function…period."

"Got it."

"And while it's gotten real bad with Face lately…he still has moments of complete lucidity. His mania is being driven by his illness. Once he's completely well he just needs to work through the issues he's been repressing."

"Just?"

"Really…it will take some time…but he'll be okay."

"If we can get him to talk," Hannibal sighed.

Meanwhile, inside Face was avoiding talking to B.A. "Man, what's wrong with you? You have a sheer horror to go to any forest, which is understandable, and when Hannibal says we won't go you tell him you want to."

"I can go to a forest."

"Faceman you are something. You are freaking out one moment and the next you build up your walls and pretend nothing can hurt you. Why do you do this?"

"I said I'm okay."

"Yeah and you're lying. You are as far from okay as can be. It's okay to be scared and avoid the things you don't want to do, I've been avoiding anything that flies for years. Why do you think you need to be stronger than the rest of us?"

"Just drop it okay? I overreacted is all."

"No it's not. You need to work those things out man, look you all know I'm afraid of flying. It doesn't mean I can avoid it all the time but I'm not hiding it. Takes a lot of pressure of off me. You are afraid of forests, why not say so? We can avoid them as much as possible."

"I'm not afraid of forests."

"You are, you are terrified even. Just say it out loud, come on, it's not difficult. It doesn't make you weak to be afraid of something, or would you say I'm weak?"

"Just drop it BA."

"No I won't drop it because this has been eating at you for so long now. You need to accept it or it will finish you. It's not difficult man, just accept that you have a problem with forests."

"I don't have a problem with forests now leave it."

Before BA could go on the door opened and in walked Hannibal and Murdock, map in hand.

"Face, we think we might know your problem. Murdock thinks you have PTSD and I agree with him. You need to work through the issues you've been suppressing and we'll help you. But first of all you need to accept that you have a problem."

Hannibal's plan was to get Face to accept the fact that he had a problem without naming it for a first step. In exchange he should locate the place where they would try to find an apartment. But before he could even tell him about the deal Face practically exploded.

"Yes, okay, I have a problem, and for the record, it's not forests I have a problem with. It's crazy bitches that drag me off to huts in forests to torture me. And it's friends who take me to just the same places for me to relax and get better. But do you know my biggest problem? My biggest problem is to have so called friends who know everything better than me and who know exactly where my problem is and how to heal me."

"Face!" Murdock exclaimed, reaching out for his friend who was trying to stand up.

"Leave me alone, Murdock! Who do you think you are diagnosing me?"

"I'm your friend."

"No…you're insane."

Normally Murdock would have let it roll off his back, but Face's tone was so venomous that it made his skin crawl.

"That's enough, lieutenant."

Face was now upright, but leaning heavily against a wall. "And you, colonel…if it weren't for you I could have led a somewhat normal life. One that didn't involve being a fugitive and being beaten and tortured at a regular basis. God knows my childhood was bad enough…but my adult life is equally as bad…and I blame you."

Hannibal, like Murdock, was stunned into silence.

"What…you gonna come at me next, Faceman?"

"Yeah…I think I will," Face seethed, his eyes practically glowing with anger. "You have the nerve to compare your stupid fear of flying with what I'm going through? You can barely form a proper sentence and you dare lecture me!"

"That all you got?"

"No, B.A….not even close." Face was covered in a sheen of sweat, his pounding heart visible through his shirt. "You behave as if you are the friend of all kids but you treat your own friends like thin air. You scream and buck and threaten instead of simply taking the knock out juice. Do you have an idea how often your arms or legs have hit one of us while you try to avoid the unavoidable? Fact is you don't care. You and your fear of flying. You are afraid just because you had some close calls, nothing bad ever happened to you. You wanna try out what happened to me and then I'll stand here and tell you all you gotta do is accept you have a problem.

Know what? I have a thousand problems. And I found my very own therapy, escape reality, be someone else for s few hours. But you have to come and destroy even that. How many times have I been thrown out of restaurants permanently because you couldn't behave? How many apartments did I have to vacate because you turned the place inside out? You tell everybody how bad I am by changing girls all the time but force me to do so even more often. Most of those girls are shallow, they don't love me. They too pretend to be big for a while and that ends it. But they are much more straight than you guys. You too don't give a damn about me, but other than this girls, you pretend it was different."

"Face, that's not true…." Murdock started but was stopped by Face's eyes that turned his way."No? Where were you when I needed you? You were off pretending nothing bad had ever happened. I couldn't talk to any off you, the topic was closed. You all think you know what's best for me. How could you drag me off to a forest to heal? A forest of all places." The next thing that closed were Face's eyes as he slid down the wall.

"Hard but true."

"How can you say that Murdock?"

"He's right. His life would have been different without meeting us, not necessarily better but different. And we did treat what had happened with Sue as air, hoping that ignoring the matter would help Face, and we did destroy a lot of his scammed personalities."

"If only we had known he sees things that way, I mean, who wants to really be someone else all the time?"

"Now he opened up, let' s make the best of it. For now, let's move as long as he's out and find a nice place to stay."

Less than an hour later they had packed up, transferred a still sleeping Face into the van, and were on their way to a high rise apartment complex in the city. It turned out that the doctor not only had a cabin in the forest, but he had the city dwelling as well.

"Is this really a good idea, colonel?" Murdock asked. "There's bound to be lots of people around."

"What other choice do we have?"

Both Murdock and B.A. shrugged not having an answer…but Face could have come up with something.

Hannibal continued on. "Besides…he has the penthouse suite so the entire top floor is ours."

"Man," B.A. sighed from the driver's seat. "I shoulda been a doctor…wouldn't mind havin' me some digs like that."

Once they pulled into the parking garage in the basement none of the men made a move to get out. Murdock finally voiced what they were all thinking. "Face was beyond angry before he passed out…what do we do if he wakes up just as angry?"

"What I see to be more important now is, should we risk to take him up while he's sleeping? If he wakes up on our way and still is that angry we have a nice commotion on our hands."

"If he wakes up screaming an' kicking in a garage that's not much better." BA got out and motioned for Murdock to take the other end of the stretcher.

"BA's right colonel, besides, we're carrying a man on a stretcher, if we meet someone we are bound to turn heads anyway."

"Right." Hannibal grabbed a bag and closed the van before hurrying to reach the elevator before his team mates. Luckily the elevator took them straight to the top without any other passengers getting in. That was the advantage of moving in midday when most other occupants were at work.

What disturbed them was rather the fact that even after they had settled in and gone back to unload the van Face had still to twitch.

"Okay guys, let's try to do some planning. We wanted Face to admit he has a problem and he did. Not quite the way I planned it and also not the problem I had in mind, but it is a first step. Now we have to be careful if we don't want him to close up again. He might be angry or not, if he is he might throw things our way that we don't want to hear and if he isn't he might just downplay everything. Whatever it is, we have to try to be understanding and let him lead the way, right Murdock?"

"You asking the fool for advice?"

"He has most experience with those things, after all he's living in an institution and meeting shrinks all the time."

"This oughta be good."

"BA, what happened before we got back into the room, he said something about you comparing your fear of flying to his problem."

"I tried to get him to admit he has a problem, just like you."

"Okay, just remember not to put too much pressure on him."

Before they could go on planning Face finally woke up. "Man my head hurts, I need some water."

"Sure kid, Murdock, close the blinds, here, slow sips. You know it."

"Where are we?"

"At a penthouse suit the doc owns."

"Oh." Suddenly the memory was back, he could hear himself shouting awful things at his friends. It did nothing to his headache and he screwed his eyes shut to try and get the pain under control as much as trying to block out the memories.

"Face?"

"I'm okay, just…look, those things I said I didn't mean them. It was just…just…I was sick and didn't know what I said."

"You are still sick and I think although you may have wanted to say it different you generally had a point."

"No, no, really, I don't think that way, never, how could I, I mean…"

All eyes turned to BA as he huffed and muttered "So much for admitting."

"B.A.," Murdock said through clenched teeth. "Let Face lead."

Face's eyes flashed with anger . "Lead? What…are we dancing?"

"Here we go again," B.A. muttered once more.

"B.A.!" Hannibal hissed.

Face felt his stomach twisting in knots; he was so conflicted on the inside. On one hand he just wanted to pretend everything was okay, but on the other he knew it wasn't and had so much rage trying to get out.

The rage ultimately won the battle.

"I'm tired of you talking about me like I'm not here and treating me like a child! I've never been a child…I've taken care of myself for over thirty years. You three think you know me…you don't know anything…you know what I let you see."

Face was trembling with anger. "Do you know what it's like to not have control?" Face didn't wait for an answer. "And I'm not talking about like what the military did to us…that's small compared to what I've been through."

Finally Murdock spoke up. "Then tell us about it, Face."

"No…there are some things that are better left unsaid." The rage was gone from his voice so fast they didn't know how it had happened. He sounded so weak and as if any hope he had ever had had left him.

"Then don't go into detail where you don't want, just tell us the summary." Murdock was trying to recall the things his shrink had told him over the years and hoped it would work.

"How?"

"Well, just like, well, like in school, if you have to summaries something. Just try."

"Arg" Face raised his hands into his hair. "How do you want to summaries all those horrors? It`s frustrating. I just want it all to end." He turned to the window looking out over the city. After a short while he added "I just want all the memories to stop, just want to forget. Even if it's only for a day."

They thought he was talking to himself when he turned around. The anger was back in his eyes but it wasn't directed at them anymore. He was just angry, at each and everything, and so he just shouted out his anger. "Do you know how it is to not only live through about every horror you can imagine but being reminded of it every day and every night? I can't sleep, I can't function anymore, I'm constantly afraid things will repeat themselves. I just don't want anymore."


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Hannibal started forward, but Murdock held him back wanting to see what Face did and said next. They were surprised to see him tear up and swipe at his eyes with his sleeves.

"I've been angry for as long as I can remember. I…I remember that day, you know?"

They had a feeling what day he was referring to, but waited for him to elaborate.

"I remember being left at the church door…standing there alone…in the cold." Face took a shuddering breath. "I remember it like it was yesterday…everything but what my mother looked like. I still stay awake at night trying to remember her face."

Face began to pace, slowly, as his body wasn't near up to par.

"From that moment on I was so mad…mad at the world. I mean…what had I done? What had I done that was so bad for her to throw me away? I wasn't a baby…I was five freaking years old. Was I that horrible to be around that she couldn't take it anymore?"

This time Murdock started forward and it was Hannibal who held him back.

"If it wasn't for Father McGill I would have lost my mind." Face chuckled bitterly. "Well…I guess that happened anyway."

This time the break was longer and when he didn't continue Hannibal couldn't hold back any longer. "You haven't lost your mind kid. Look at all the bad that happened to you but you are still one of the most brilliant people I know, you always have an answer."

"Yeah, I'm able to lie and cheat, great."

"You're doing good, look at the amount of people you helped, you haven't lost your mind, you just have a down phase."

"Yeah? I'm not insane, I'm only seeing this bitch around every corner." By now Face was trembling, being upright for a longer time had taken its toll on him.

"Face, you are still sick and you haven't eaten much in the last days. How about you lay down for a while?"

"Yeah."

No protest of 'don't treat me like a kid' or 'don't tell me what's best for me.' He just stood there staring straight ahead, lost in memories that he wasn't ready to share. Murdock made a move to take his arm and steer him towards a bedroom but as if he didn't notice anything going on around he spoke again.

"Things got better when I met you, I thought I had found friends that go through everything with me, that care. And I believed it for so long, just to get that dream shuttered into pieces too. Sue was good for something after all, opened my eyes. I'm on my own, as always. Have to care for myself."

This time it was BA who started forward and was held back.

It was as if Face was speaking out his thoughts without knowing they were listening in. "Not only did my so called friends hurt me, they didn't also have the guts to tell me it was their free wish to do so. Instead they pretended Sue told them what to do. But if that had really been the case they would have cared afterwards, not left me alone with all the nightmares and the memories. They wouldn't have behaved as if nothing had happened, they would have helped me. But it was my penance for being who I am, somebody that his own mother couldn't stand being around. It was the punishment for them having to put up with me for so long." His voice grew softer until it could almost not be heard again. Finally Murdock did step forward and directed him to the bed. He moved on autopilot without thinking but as Murdock pulled up the blanket and draped it securely around his shoulders his eyes turned on Murdock and were so full of questions that it almost broke his heart. It was as if Face couldn't understand why he would do such a simple gesture for him. The moment didn't last long however as his eyes closed and he was asleep.

"Oh man."

"You can say that again fool."

"I didn't think he would go back that far."

"Yeah BA, and I didn't think he still believes we turned on him, we got a lot of work ahead."

"Where you going Hannibal?"

"I'm going to call Father McGill."

The phone rang for some time before the old priest picked it up himself. He had given them his direct line long ago to make sure as few people as possible knew about their contact. "Hello?"

"Hello Father."

"Colonel Smith. Did anything happen to Templeton."

"No, yes, well, he had a bit of a hard time and he just told us that he remembers the day he was left at your door but not how his mother looks like. Can you give us some more details?" Did he really only call the priest when something was wrong with Face?

"Well, it was directed by god I guess. I always checked the outside before I closed the door in the evening but that day something made me check again later. It was a cold night and if I hadn't, maybe he wouldn't have survived the night. He told me his mother had left him there, well, months later when he started speaking. I doubt that story though. Maybe his mind is playing tricks with him but we'll never know for sure. Fact is he was in such a bad condition that I think he was living on the street for some time. Either that or his mother must have treated him real bad. His clothes were far to short as if he had grown out and dirty and torn. He was thin like a stick and had sores that needed treatment. Our guess was that he had been left earlier on and lived on the street, that or he had escaped from something. By all means something more traumatic than being left behind must have happened. He didn't speak for months but was plagued by nightmares right from the beginning."

"Damnit," Hannibal cursed. "Oh…um…sorry, father."

"No need to apologize. I'm a man of God, but I couldn't agree more with you."

"What happened when he did start to speak?"

"He was angry," the priest answered immediately.

"Looks like nothing much has changed in the years since."

"I've always worried about Templeton because though he was filled with rage, he was able to hide it and push it down so deep that nobody could see it."

"Nobody but you?"

"Yes…until you men came into his life that is."

Hannibal felt a pang of guilt. "I'm afraid we've failed him."

"What are you talking about? You three are the sole reason I believe that Templeton has survived. He loves you like family…the family he never had."

"And we love him…you can be sure of that."

"But…" Father McGill prodded.

"But he was hurt badly a few years back and…well…and we dismissed it. We should have known he wasn't doing well…there were signs…but we just ignored them. Maybe if we had paid more attention he wouldn't be hurting so badly right now."

"Oh…my son…you are only human." He chuckled slightly before adding, "Although the way Templeton has spoken of you over the years I wasn't always so sure."

Hannibal smiled in spite of himself. "First of all…I haven't been called 'son' in decades.' And yeah…I guess we've pulled off some pretty unbelievable things."

"You want to know that most unbelievable feat of all?"

"What?" Hannibal was unsure where the elderly man was going with this.

"That after all you guys have been through together over the years, you are all still together. You haven't quit on each other…and for Templeton in the end that will speak more than any small mistakes that were made along the way."

"I'm not sure the mistakes we made in recent years were small. And Face thinks we're just allowing him to tag along."

"He may think that, he always thinks low of himself, but in his heart he knows better."

"I'm not so sure anymore. He was, well, something like speaking in his sleep, when he told us. So it's rather his inner self that believes he's not wanted." He didn't want the priest to worry too much so he left out how he really came by that information.

"No, it was his subconscious speaking, I'm sure. His subconscious is always telling him how bad he is and how nobody wants him but in his heart it's different."

"I just hope you are right."

"Trust me. Just give him some time. I guess Templeton is not around?"

"No, he uhm, he's gone out." He didn't want to lie to the man but telling him Face was sleeping at this time in the afternoon might have worried him more.

"When he's back tell him to call me, it's been a while and when I met him last, about two months back, he didn't look good."

"Okay father, thanks."

"You can call me anytime, you know that."

"I do, thanks anyway. It's always reassuring to talk to you. Bye"

After they had finished with the good bye's and hung up Hannibal sighed and run a hand through his hair. How was he going to tell Face to call the priest without giving away that he had called him in the first place. Besides if Face called him now he would know that something was really wrong. Face didn't seem to be able to pretend right now and the man knew him too well. Better than they did Hannibal had to notice. He had seen that Face had problems two months back, they hadn't.

"He's a very clever man, you didn't fool him for a minute."

"Huh?" Hannibal turned around. He had forgotten he wasn't alone anymore. "What do you mean by that?"

"He knows something is wrong with Face."

"Yeah, I think he does. He has seen it months back while we're constantly together with him and didn't. Where's BA?"

"He left the room after he heard in what condition Face was found. I guess one of the walls has a hole now."

"Not that I blame him."

"What if he wasn't left by his mother?"

"He said he remembers that much."

"And the priest said he could have lived on the street for a while. Maybe he was kidnapped and escaped, or he had run away, or something happened to the mother and he was alone then."

"That's all speculation Murdock. By all means nobody ever reported him missing, the police would have checked with the orphanages, that was routine even then. The only thing that is for sure is that something traumatic happened to him and if not by miracle we'll never know what it was. Why should he remember being left by his mother if it wasn't like that?"

"He was five. Maybe it's protective mechanism. His mind is feeding him a memory that is less terrible than the truth."

"Maybe, the priest is right, we'll never know. We have more present issues to deal with right now. How do we make him feel loved? How do we get him to believe we never meant him any bad?"

"I guess it's our turn to admit something. Admit we ignored what happened too, admit we didn't see the signs, explain to him why we did what we did and then admit how wrong we were."

"Murdock, sometimes it's good you spend too much time with shrinks. I only hope it will work."

Before they could go into any more detail they were stopped by a noise that sounded like a squeaking window being opened.

The pair ran out of the room and toward where they had left Face. Their heart's nearly stopped at the sight of the man with his head hanging out the window.

"Face!" the exclaimed.

Face jumped and hit his head on the top of the window. "Ouch!" he cried. "What is wrong with you two?"

"We…um…well…," Hannibal stuttered.

Murdock took over and stammered, "We…thought…well…um…that you…"

"That I was going to jump?"

Hannibal and Murdock both nodded solemnly cringing as Face's expression morphed from shock to anger before settling on sadness. "God…have I really been that bad lately?"

Hannibal stepped forward tentatively and waited to make sure Face didn't flinch before continuing on toward him. "No…_bad_ is something you have never been and could never be. You are a _good_ man, Face."

It wasn't what Face had meant, and they all knew it, but the lieutenant appreciated the comment just the same. Too bad he didn't believe it.

"Um…thanks," he said uncomfortably. "I really was just trying to get some air." He rubbed at the tender spot from where his head had connected with the window frame.

"You okay?" Murdock asked, walking up next to Hannibal.

"Yeah…think so. Believe it or not…my head actually feels a bit clearer…even with the knot forming on the back of it."

But that was all about to change when B.A. came busting into the room. He didn't notice Face standing by the window as he was obscured by Hannibal and Murdock. "What did Father McGill have to say?"

Face gasped. "You didn't." The anger was back full force. "How could you? Do you know how old the man is, why do you have to involve him in my problems? And that without asking me!"

"Oh damn, calm down Faceman, he's used to trouble kids, believe me, he is involved in your problems already." BA cringed at his words even as he spoke them. That sure went down well. "I didn't mean it the way it sounded, it's just…you know… I feel with him, the kids at the center and all…"

"I know exactly how you meant it, saying it out loud or just thinking it doesn't make that much of a difference, you know?"

"Uhm Faceman, no, I didn't mean…oh damn."

Hannibal decided to go straight forward and release BA from his tight spot. "Now that the elephant is out of the bag…"

"The cat, colonel." When Murdock saw Hannibal didn't get him he elaborated, "the saying is the cat is out of the bag."

"I know Murdock but I thought elephant was more appropriate here, anyway, Father McGill asks you to call him, he's worried."

"He's worried? What exactly did you tell him? You know Father, Templeton has finally gone nuts. Do you have any cure for that? Oh and by the way, it happened because he was raped by that bitch. No wonder he's worried. I'm going to call him anyway to see if I can do some damage control." Face was beyond angry and he wanted to stalk out to the hall where the phone was. After the first step it turned into a slow limp and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. That only fueled his anger more. He was able to control it however as he heard the old Father's voice on the other end of the line.

"Hello Father, Hannibal told me you wanted to hear from me."

"Templeton son, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine, how are you?"

"Templeton, don't lie to me. You are not fine."

Face's grip on his anger began to loosen. He didn't need another one to tell him what to do. "Look Father, I don't know what they told you. Truth is we're on a vacation and I'm fine. I had a bit of stomach trouble the last days but it's good as gone."

"Templeton. I'm not talking about your stomach. You have problems and …"

His grip slipped and he noticed it. "Father, whatever they told you they are lying, I don't have any problems."

The priest too noticed the change of tone. "Son, nobody had to tell me anything. I could see you have problems two months back when you last came to see me. If you need any help you know I'm there for you."

That did it. "You are there for me? Really? I can come to you only through the back door when I slip by the army. I made it though, I needed to see you because I had problems and coming to you always clears my head and you saw it but decided to ignore it, just like the others. Now don't go and tell me you are there for me." Face slammed down the receiver and sunk down to his knees, raising his shaking hands in front of his eyes.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

"My God...what have I done?"

Face was so shaken that he hadn't heard the footsteps of his teammates coming down the hall behind him.

"Face?" Hannibal questioned gently.

"Go away," he pleaded.

"No can do, lieutenant. We left you alone before when you needed us...that's not going to happen again."

Face was still staring at his hands. "Yes...yest it is. Because this time I don't want you...it's too late."

"Ain't never too late, Faceman."

"Yes...yes, B.A. Do you know what I've just done?"

"Nothing that can be too bad that it can't be fixed," Murdock said confidently.

Face turned on his knees, finally lowering his arms; his eyes were wide with panic. "The things I said..said to Father McGill...oh God." He started to rock back and forth slightly. "Can't take that back...can't unring a bell."

"Face..." Hannibal started again.

"Don't...why? Why'd you...why'd you have to call him?"

"We thought he could help...that if we knew more about your childhood we could understand you better."

"Is that right, colonel? You want to understand me better?"

"We all do, buddy," Murdock answered.

Face's voice was weak, but the message clear. "Then understand this...go...to...hell."

They had expected anything but not this. They stood there shell shocked as Face used the wall for support to more crawl than walk back into his room. They got into motion only when the door closed.

"No, Face, wait." But before Hannibal could reach the door handle Face had turned the key from the inside shutting them all out.

"Face, Face come on, don't do this, don't shut us out."

No sound came from the inside though and after a little while Hannibal crept away from the door motioning BA and Murdock to silently follow him into the living room.

"Murdock? Tell me we can still do something. I'm afraid we went too far this time."

"I've never seen him like this but I believe in Face. There has to be something we can do. But right now I don't know what."

"BA, position yourself at the door, if you hear anything suspicious break down the damn door. I will never forgive myself if my ignorance has pushed him into doing something stupid."

"Okay, what's your plan colonel?"

"I'm going to get the phone in the van."

BA and Murdock looked at him with question marks in their eyes.

"I'm going to call Father McGill again. This time we need every help we can get. Murdock, you concentrate and think of how your shrink would pull you out of something like this."

"I can call him too."

Hannibal contemplated this for a moment. "BA might need your help here and you can't call from here risking him to listen in. Wait until I'm back."

"Okay." They got into motion once more. BA towards the door they had just come from, Hannibal towards the main door and Murdock pacing the living room floor trying to come up with something creative.

It took a while until the priest picked the phone again. "Father, thank god. I thought you had left your office."

"Colonel Smith. You seem to have some trouble with my boy." Hannibal couldn't help but feel proud at the way the priest addressed Face as his boy, even after all this years.

"You could say so, or rather he has trouble with us. We, me especially, seem to do everything wrong lately. I shouldn't have called you and unfortunately he found out. He is so angry, I have seen him angry before but never like that."

"I would rather call it bitter and I have seen it before. Won't you tell me what exactly happened?"

Hannibal gave him a summary leaving out the gore details. He ended with "I have seen him angry before and lashing out at those available at the time, which was usually us, but I have never seen him that lost over what had been said. He seemed to always know that with some time and apologies things would be normal again. But after he talked to you he seemed like…well…like…I don't know how to describe it…like empty maybe. As if whatever had been said had changed his live forever."

"Hmm, he basically complained that I'm not there for him when he needs me and that I saw he had trouble but didn't address him. This is true so I don't see why he should react that harsh. I was actually waiting for him to call back once he cooled down."

"Seems he has a different view of things. You are holy for him. Has he ever accused you of any wrongdoing before?"

"Right after he started speaking, after that, actually, there were times when I had to leave the orphanage and couldn't be there for him as much as I wanted too. He complained about me not being there but never accused me of not helping him. Not as direct as he did now. What happened after my call?"

"He was on his knees shaking like a leave saying he had said horrible things to you."

"Oh son, he's just being too hard on himself, as usual."

"He told us to, uhm, sorry, 'go to hell' and then locked himself into his room."

The priest chuckled but his voice was filled with sadness when he spoke. "Those were the exact first words he ever spoke to me. He was so bitter and angry back then that I thought I could not break through to him. Later I understood that he had to vent some of his anger in order to stay sane. I allowed him to vent his anger as much as he needed while I usually don't tolerate most of the words he used. I took him to my quarters to keep him away from the other kids as much as possible, didn't want that kind of language to spread too much. After several weeks he stopped to verbally assault me any chance he got. Instead he sat there staring at me. I let him for a while and then asked what was wrong. He said 'why don't you throw me out or beat me?' and I told him 'because I don't listen to your words, I look at your heart and I see a very friendly and very hurt little boy there who doesn't mean all those things he says. Because I want to help you and be there for you whenever you need me.' It worked for a five year old but now he accuses me of breaking that promise and if he really believes I did I may not be able to break through to him again."

"He doesn't believe it. If he did he wouldn't be so lost over the things he said."

"Colonel, where are you? Let me come over and try to right things. It sounds as if he is as bitter as he was and if we don't pull him away from that edge fast I'm afraid he may do something stupid and get hurt or locked away in the process."

"I don't know Father, I don't know how he would react on that. I went away from our quarters to call you. If he knew he would be madder. And then for you to come here…"

"Please colonel, he needs help. Let me help my boy, I promised to be there for him, please let me."

Hannibal could hear that the old man was close to tears. He wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing but he couldn't keep the man away from Face. What right did he have? After all the years together Face was still miles closer to the priest than to him. "Okay, but we're close to the east coast."

"No problem, just let me know where."

"Uhm Father, he doesn't look all that fit at the moment, to be honest, he's thin and a walking bruise."

"If only you knew how many beaten kids I have seen." His voice was so sad that Hannibal didn't know what to say. "As I said I look at their hearts. Their outsides can't shock me."

"Well, I only wanted you to be prepared." He gave him the address and said good bye. The suit had enough bedrooms to have a guest and still have a lot of privacy for everyone. He didn't know how Face would react but at this point he knew the valley that had opened between them was too deep to cross without help. And if the Father getting there would cause the volcano of bottled up emotions and anger inside of him to finally erupt then so be it. Maybe that was the only way to help him right now. And having the priest around to talk to when he didn't want to talk to his team could also be of advantage.

Murdock snapped his fingers. "I got it!"

He walked to where B.A. was stationed outside of Face's door and repeated his statement. "I got it."

"You ain't got nothing but a whole lot of crazy, fool."

"True…and that's what we're gonna use to get Face out of there."

"What crazy jibber-jabber you talkin' about now?"

"Don't have time to explain…just play along, big guy."

B.A. grunted. "Play along? You better know what you doin', man?"

Murdock winked. "Trust me."

"Man…maybe I'm the fool for goin' along with you."

Face slid down the wall slowly until he reached the ground. In a matter of minutes he had told the man that raised him that he wasn't there for him and told the team to go to hell.

The more they wanted to help him, the more he wanted to push them away. 'It will save me from getting hurt,' his inner voice was telling him.

"Too late," the outer voice replied.

He hugged his knees into himself just as he would do as a little boy when he wanted to try to disappear. It didn't work then…and he knew it wasn't going to work now.

Face hated the anger…it was as if he could literally feel it eating at him from the inside. Sometimes when he looked in the mirror it made him so desperately sad…he was living an utter lie. It was hard to face the world when that was exactly what he was being judged on…his face.

'If they could only see me for what I really am…it would be an ugly picture.'

Face was interrupted from his thoughts by intense pounding on the door and Murdock's frantic voice. "Ahhh, they're getting closer, it's terrible, ahhh, help me."

"What you shouting around here fool?"

"Nooooo, Face help me, it's getting closer, it almost got me, open up, please."

"Stop shouting fool, ain't nothing here."

"Aaarrrgggghhhh, it's so close, I can feel it on my skin, ahhhhhhhh, help me, please."

"Murdock, what is getting close to you."

"It, and it's almost there, it will reach out it's paws any minute now, please Face, let me in, we can fight it together, please." Face had his own problems right now, he didn't need one of Murdock's episodes. But then again he was his best friend and out of all of them he had been there for him the most. Besides his voice sounded so panicked.

"Murdock calm down." He got up from his spot on the floor and walked over to the door as the pounding continued.

"Calm down? It's gonna eat me, help."

He unlocked the door and Murdock who had just been pounding the door full force toppled forward and took Face along in the process so the two of them ended up on the floor.

"Close the door quick, oh no, oh no, it's too late, it's almost inside, it's terrrr—rrrrriiiiii-bbbblllleee." Murdock wailed while holding on to Face.

"Murdock, it's just BA coming in."

"No, no it's not, can't you see? BA doesn't have a pink head…oh no, Face, you gotta do something, it has eaten BA and taken over his body."

Face maneuvered himself out from under Murdock while BA kept standing at the door trying very hard to scowl and not to break out into laughter.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Hannibal returned to the suite with mixed feelings. He didn't know if he had just made his biggest mistake in live or if it was a good idea to give out the address and practically invite the priest. He was prepared for a lot of things but not to see Face comforting Murdock.

"It's okay, buddy," Face soothed as he held Murdock in his arms. "You're safe…I've got you."

Murdock clung to Face on the floor and did his best to look scared. "Help…help me, Face."

"What's going on in here?" Hannibal asked B.A.

B.A. shrugged. "The fool just told me to go along with him…it worked…got us in the room."

Hannibal felt leery; it got them in the room…but what would the cost be?

"Murdock," Face said gently. "Look at me…it's Face…there is nobody here trying to hurt you."

"He's so big…so mean…help me."

Face narrowed his eyes…something was off with the whole scenario. It took him a moment to realize that Murdock wasn't shaking and that his eyes were too focused to be one of his usual episodes.

Face abruptly pulled away. "What…what's going on here?"

Hannibal sighed and mumbled, "didn't I just ask that?"

"Facey…" Murdock started.

"Don't…don't "Facey" me…you…you faked it? How…how could you?!"

Face paled and scrambled onto his feet. "I..I'm gonna…be…be…I'm gonna go out…I…I need some air." Face begun to sway towards the door where BA was still standing. Hannibal was just inside and knew he had to stop Face, the how was the problem.

"Face you can't go out. Let's just open the window for air."

"Don't you tell me what I can do, I'm no darn kid and you have no right over me." The anger was back full force, so much that it physically hurt. Face could swear his head was going to explode every minute. Who did they think they were? He moved on but Hannibal stepped into his way.

"Which part of go to hell didn't you get?"

Hannibal held up his hands. "Face, we only want to help you."

"A bit late, don't you think?"

"Yes, yes you are right, we are late but now we are here for you, let us help, please."

"I gave you so many chances. It's been three years, three long years in which I waited for your help and now you are here for me? And you think I believe that? Get outa my way, I don't need you, none of you."

"Faceman you ain't getting past me."

"Why, you think you use your muscle and I have to obey? I'm not your prisoner, I can go wherever I want."

"No you can't, your body won't allow you."

"I'll show you how I can, get away from there."

Murdock saw the anger boiling up in Face and wanted to diffuse the situation. "Face, I only did it to help you. How can I help you if you don't let me into the room, I only wanted to be close to you because you are my best friend."

"Best friend? Best friend? How can you be my best friend? You are faking to fool me. I want some privacy and you ignore it. You add your problems on top of mine when I have enough to deal with already. Where were you in the past three years? A best friend would have seen how I suffered, how I couldn't sleep, how my reaction was off, how my nightmares had changed. Just leave me alone." Face was shouting out his anger by now.

Murdock didn't know what to say. He was hurt. He knew Face didn't mean what he said, that he wasn't himself right now, but it still hurt. Most of all it hurt because it was true.

Face turned to Hannibal. "And you…," he seethed, but stopped short.

"I what, kid?"

Face's anger waned for a moment as he whispered. "You let me down."

"I know," Hannibal nodded.

The anger came back. "You know?!" Face glared at the older man. "Then why the hell didn't you do anything about it?"

Murdock and B.A. both stepped forward and were about to defend their colonel until he held his hands up in a halting motion. It was the signal to stay back and let the colonel handle things.

"I know why? Because you saw what everybody else always has...I'm just not damed worth the effort."

"If that was true then I wouldn't have kept you on my team."

Face heaved a frustrated sigh. "Let's keep it real, shall we? The only reason you...or you...or you," he pointed to each of the other men, "have kept me around is because I can get things for you."

"That's not true," he protested.

"Come off it, colonel. It's always 'get me this' or 'Face, I need that' ."

"But Face that's your job...because you're so good at it."

Face shook his head sadly. "You don't get it...none of you ever get it! I know it's my job...but it's not all that I am."

"We know that."

"You could have fooled me! How many times have I heard 'don't mess up that face or you'll be no good to us'?"

"We were only kidding, kid."

Tears started to form much to Face's disgust...he didn't like being so vulnerable. "Yeah...well...it stopped being funny a long time ago. It's not easy being the A-Teams running joke." He needed to get away before the tears started falling. "Now...move or I'm going to move you."

"Face...please..."

"I'm warning you, Hannibal...don't make me hurt you."

The thought was almost comical...Face in his condition hurting anybody seemed unlikely. But, then again, the Face they knew had done it before and in much worse condition.

"Face, we've hurt you, we know that now but we didn't then. Come on, you are not in any condition to walk around outside. Let us help you."

"No, I don't need you, any of you. I have always cared for myself, no matter my condition and it has been far worse than now often enough. I have let you stomp on my feelings for long enough. I'll go and none of you can stop me." Face turned and walked right towards BA who was still blocking the door.

"Sorry Faceman, no can do. You ain't getting past me."

"Let me go BA."

BA looked over Face's shoulder to Hannibal who sadly shock his head. They couldn't let Face go. He would draw to much attention and get himself arrested. BA crossed his arms over his chest and stood his ground. They expected Face to argue but nobody expected what happened next.

Face turned towards Hannibal who was behind him by now and made as if to take a step towards him. Instead he turned with lightning speed, lowered his upper body and tackled BA's legs. Since BA wasn't able to balance much with his arms crossed he managed to bring him down and get past him. But getting upright again proved too much and his head began to swim. He staggered and BA had him around the waist before the other two were there.

"Leave me, take your hands of me." Face kicked around and pounded BA with his fists but he didn't let go and Face's energy was almost gone too. But that didn't stop Face from struggling and working himself into a frenzy.

"Hannibal do something, I can't hold him much longer and he's going to hurt himself."

"No, I'll hurt you, all of you, let me go you…you..you, just take your hands of me." Face struggled more and more."

"Face, calm down, please."

"Let me go!"

"Hannibal do something."

Suddenly Face stopped struggling, he looked down and caught Murdock's eyes. His own eyes shouted betrayal before he passed out in BA's arms.

"God, what have I done?"

"I was going to ask you the same." None of them had noticed Murdock creeping close to BA.

"I injected him with a dose of BA's night drink."

"Good idea Murdock."

"Good idea? Have you seen his eyes? I think I just finally ended our friendship."

"It saves us for now and nobody got hurt. We'll just have to be prepared when he wakes up and talk, we all need to talk a lot I'm afraid."

BA had placed Face on the floor and was now massaging his screaming muscles. "What I'm more interested in for now is where you took that injection from."

"Oh that, I always have on one me when I'm close to you."

"You what?"

"Hey, with the number of times you are threatening my life I have to be prepared."

"You ever use that on me and it gonna be much more than a threat, fool."

The team got Face settled into a bed and then decided to try to get some rest while they could. Though each man didn't think it was possible, exhaustion claimed them and within fifteen minutes all four A-Team members were sound asleep.

Face woke from his drug induced slumber feeling dizzy and nauseous. The memory hit him like a ton of bricks and only increased the sick feeling in his gut...he had been drugged. And it was Murdock who did it.

'I can't even trust my best friend...ex-best friend,' he thought.

Face looked around the dim room surprised to see the others all asleep. It was his chance to get away and he knew he had to take it. Forcing himself to battle through the lightheadedness, he somehow managed to slide out of bed and onto the floor. Crawling on hands and knees he made his way toward the door without so much as seeing one of the guys stir.

If there was one thing he learned in Nam...beside pain and terror...it was how to move without making a sound.

Once out the door he struggled onto his feet using the wall for support and stumbled for the penthouse door. He briefly thought of looking for B.A.'s van keys but decided to put his hot wiring skills from his youth to use instead.

'B.A.'s gonna kill me,' he thought a short while later in the garage as he reached below the console to work his magic. 'But only if he can find me.' He took longer than he used to. It had been quite some time that he had to hotwire a car and his vision wasn't quite clear too, it seemed that Murdock had not wanted to risk giving him a full dose so he woke up early but part of the drug was still working through his system. 'At least he's still concerned enough not to kill me with the rubbish,' he thought. Coupled with the nausea and the lightheadedness that were the side effects he always suffered from, it made him stop his work for a couple of times. He was almost about to give up and hide somewhere until he felt better when the engine started purring.

Face drove out of the garage and onto the streets of this unknown city. It was a good thing that it was still in the wee hours of morning and only few cars were on the road. His compromised condition made the road swim and sometimes he had to blink his eyes to remove the double vision. He worried over police patrols though since he probably looked like a drunk driver to the rest of the world, well, drugged driver wasn't that much better to be honest.

He made his way straight to the outskirts and ended up on a small road going through a forest. Since his vision along with the nausea got worse he decided to find a good place to hide and wait to get better. He drove just fast enough to not look suspicious should someone watch. If his mind had been clear he would have driven much slower, after all it was pitch black and his headlights were the only ones giving some light, who should watch him? But right then he didn't think that far, running from the MP's for so long had thought him of how to not draw attention and that was the only thing on his mind at that time.

He found an even smaller road leading directly into the forest and decided to take it. As he prepared to leave the main road his double vision gave him two options. Instead of waiting for it to clear he took a fifty fifty chance…and got stuck between two trees.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Hannibal was the first to wake up, hours after Face had left. He looked around and then shot to his feet. "Damn, Murdock, BA, Face is gone."

"What?"

"He's gone, we all fell asleep and now he's gone."

The other two were instantly awake too. "What's the time? Seven already, how could we sleep that long and not notice him go."

They searched the whole suit while talking but to no avail. They went straight to the garage after that and found the van missing.

"I still have the key."

"Maybe someone else took it."

"No, Face did."

"How do you know colonel?"

"He knows how to hotwire cars and someone pucked between those two cars there."

"Great, what do we do now, hotwire one ourselves?"

"No, we need this hideout. We go rent one. Let's get dressed properly and then move." They had all slept in their clothes but had no jackets. In addition Murdock was still wearing his Goofy house shoe.

"How much did you give him Murdock?"

"I didn't press down much, just about a quarter of what we give to BA."

"Damn, he may be hours ahead of us."

They were soon on the road too, looking for their missing friend. After driving through the city and constantly listening to the police radio they decided to go out of town. By that time it was noon. They first drove through the suburbs, then towards a lake that was at the other side of the town from where Face had gone. Close to five in the afternoon they were on the right road. They drove slowly, not only to get a better view but also because they were all exhausted.

"Man, this is like looking for a needle in the hay."

"Has any of you thought of what to do when….stop!"

BA stepped on the brakes and came to a squeeching halt. "What's it fool?"

Murdock was already out of the car and running back. He removed some branches that had been put there and revealed the van.

"Murdock sometimes I'm glad you have this eagle eyes."

They checked the whole van but no Face was inside. Just as they wanted to search around the phone rang.

"You think that's Face?"

"No, " Hannibal picked the phone. "Charlie's delivery…oh, father, I totally forgot about you. You area at the place? Sorry. Face run away. We just found the car but no Face. BA, how far from our place are we?"

"I can make it in twenty minutes."

"Father, take a taxi and meet up with BA, that way you'll be here in twenty minutes." He gave him the direction and hung up. BA was already on his way and Murdock had started looking around for signs of Face. Without losing time Hannibal draped the branches over the van the way Face had done and joined into the search. After a few minutes Murdock called him over.

"Colonel, I found something."

"What's it?"

"Look, someone lost the contents of his stomach but there wasn't much in it to come out."

"Face."

They continued on in that direction. After just about half a kilometer they found an old house on a clearing. It looked empty but the weeds in front of the door looked as if they had been pushed down recently.

"Go fetch BA and the father, I'll wait here."

After just a short time the four men were huddled together.

"Think Face is in there?"

"It's possible."

"You said that, well, that Templeton is not…you know…right in the upper department? "The father pointed to his head.

Despite the seriousness of their situation Hannibal had to smile. "You could say so, it sounds so strange coming from a priest though."

"When he was small and he had gotten into trouble he usually run away. It took long until he trusted me enough to come to me with his problems. I usually found him in empty houses or barns, and always up, he hates basements and would never willingly hide there. Let me go in there alone and see if he's there. Maybe he still responds to that."

Hannibal shrugged. "We can try, but be careful. Those old houses can be death traps."

"Don't worry, I have a powerful protector. The priest looked towards haven and moved out from the trees.

"Hope he won't need him, come on guys, let's position in a triangle shape around the place in case the kid bolts."

The priest pushed open the unlocked door. "Templeton? Templeton are you here? You know you can always come to me, no matter the problem."

Face was huddled in the corner of the dark living room when he heard the familiar voice. The voice that had provided such comfort throughout his childhood now had the opposite effect and filled him with fear…fear and anger.

The fear was in the elderly priest seeing what had become of his beloved orphan. Of course, he had seen Face during some pretty rough times. 'But now I'm an adult and should have some control of my life…instead I'm a complete mess.'

And the anger was that they had gone behind his back…again…and allowed the father to come and witness what could only be described as a complete and utter meltdown.

_"Templeton…I'm coming inside."_

'No, no, no,' Face thought as he scurried across the floor and into an even darker bedroom and hid inside a lightless closet.

He could hear footsteps making their way around the house and gradually getting closer and louder. That's when it hit him that he was in a closet…a small…cramped…suffocating…closet.

_"Templeton, my boy…where are you? Please let me help you."_

Face couldn't breathe…the already tight walls were closing in on him…but he was trapped. He felt dizzy and soon he was no longer leaning against the wall, but collapsed on the floor. He was gasping for air and although the space was pitch black, his mind was growing blacker.

Face never saw the door begin to slowly open instead he was caught in his own head. Then it was as if someone had switched on the light, only he didn't see his surroundings, he was back in a world he had never wanted to visit again. He was seven years old and scared. He hid deep in the cramped closet but the door opened anyway. He tried to squeeze himself deeper in the corner but the Master, that was how his current foster father wanted to be called, found him. He always found him, no matter where he hid. And he already had the belt in his hand. He would be furious this time for sure.

_'Alvin my boy, come here.'_

Father McGill couldn't see much in the dark house. The light coming in through the windows wasn't much at this time of the day. He had searched all the rooms apart from the basement. Face wouldn't be there, that he was sure. He would have guessed on the upper storage room but the small foldable ladder going up there was broken and couldn't be used again. It seemed like the place had been left quite some time ago. The only place left was the closet at the far and dark side of the living room. He thought it very unlikely that Templeton would crawl in there but then again, if he was desperate enough…he didn't want to leave the place unchecked. The possibility of a rat jumping him when he opened the door was higher than for him to find Templeton and since there was no response he opened the door very slowly.

At first he didn't see anything, fortunately no rats too. But then he heard the ragged breathing coming from below and looked down. He couldn't tell for sure but there seemed to be something, or somebody hiding in the shadows. He bent down to have a closer look.

"Templeton, is that you? Come on out my boy, you don't need to hide from me."

_The figure was looming over him, he had no chance to get away, he could clearly see the belt buckle shining in the light. The tall figure moved even closer._

_'Alvin, I can see you. Come on out, you can't hide from me.'_

_Face's heart hammered in his chest. He had to do something, it couldn't happen again. He was no more seven, or was he?_

"I didn't mean it Master. I was only trying to remove the flower pot from the window so I could clean it. It fell from my hands, I'm sorry."

The childlike voice shocked the priest and for a moment he wasn't sure whether he was talking to Templeton or not. But only for a moment. "Templeton, nothing happened, nobody is mad at you. Come on out."

But Face didn't hear the kind words. In his mind he heard the same words the Master had spoken so many years ago before he had beaten him halfway to death.

_'You are not good for anything, I told you to clean the windows instead you made a complete mess. I don't need such a burden in my house. Come out of there, now!'_

He knew what was going to happen, he remembered every single blow and the accompanying words. He couldn't let it happen again. Face took all his energy together, got his legs under him while still hidden in the corner and then shot out into the open, knocking his enemy down in the process.

Father McGill went floundering backward with a cry of surprise.

Face froze at the sound and stood there eyes darting back and forth but unable to move anything else.

It took the priest a moment to get his bearings and to get his breath that had been knocked out of him back. But as soon as he did he took in the terrified form of the man he loved as his own. "Templeton…my boy…are you alright?"

It was a strange question to ask being that he was the one lying on the floor, but it was clear the person in the room really hurting was Face.

"Can you hear me?"

Face could hear…but he was caught in a space between the memories and the present. He didn't know what was real and what was in his head…and that was utterly terrifying and paralyzing.

Though he was unhurt by the fall, Father McGill realized he had to take advantage of the situation in order to get through to the younger man.

"Help…help me, Templeton," he said.

Face seemed to twitch slightly at the words encouraging the priest to go further.

"I can't get up…I need you to come over to me and help."

"Fa…father?" Face asked tentatively.

"Yes…that's right. Now can you help me?"

Face nodded slowly and inched his way forward. "I…I'm coming."

"That's it…you're almost there," the holy man coaxed gently.

Face was just inches away when it dawned on him that he was the one responsible for Father McGill being on the ground. He had never put his hands on him before and the thought was almost too much to bear. He physically recoiled into the other corner of the room, eyes wide and breathing hard. "Oh god, oh god what have I done, Father, oh no."

"Templeton calm down, it's okay. You were not yourself, I understand."

"I…I…I hurt you…I"

"Calm down boy, you did nothing wrong, it was an accident and I'm really not hurt, I'm just too old to get up after a fall, come on, give me your hand. I need you."

"I…I…but…I."

"Templeton, you are having a hard time right now. That's why I'm here. I want to help you my boy. I'm here so you have somebody to talk to. You remembered that terrible time where your foster father locked you in the closet, didn't you?"

Face had to concentrate to think of whether he did or not. That brought his spinning mind to a stop and he gained a little control over his mind. It was like sleep walking. His mind was still a bit mixed up. Had it been real or not, was it just a memory? It had to be, it all happened a long time ago and the Master was an old man by now. It had just been a memory, but a bad one. And he had hurt the Father in the process.

"I did, I'm sorry Father, I thought…"

"No need to apologize boy, now come here, help me up."

"Sure Father." It wasn't said with confidence and the way he inched forward didn't also scream confidence.

'Just like when he was small' the father thought and it filled him with a mixture of sadness and rage that his boy had to go through so much crap that a memory can cause the confident man he had become to turn into the scared boy he once was.

Face reached out his hand and the Father let him pull him on his legs. He could have done it on his own but he wanted Face to feel useful.

Outside they had heard the crash and since they heard nothing again Hannibal decided to check on the Father. He considered calling out for him but if Face was really in there and with the condition he was in lately he might be scared of the noise. Instead he decided to open the door and just look inside. He gave the door a good shove and it opened wide and with a lot of noise since it hadn't been oiled in ages.

The Father had his hands on Face's shoulders standing in front of him and was just about to tell him that it was alright, that he didn't blame him for anything, when the door squeeched. Instantly Face moved out from under his hands and behind his back breathing hard.

"Oh no, please Father help me, don't let him hit me again."

"Templeton…it's alright…you're safe now."

Face wrapped his arms around himself tightly and seemed to curl into himself. "No…he's back. How could it be…after all these years?"

Hannibal stepped forward. "I'm not going to hurt you, kid."

The light from the window illuminated Hannibal's form, but not enough for Face to make out any of the features. In his scared mind he looked very much to be a monster from his past. But this time, Face realized he was no longer a child. 'I'm a man…and I can take him down and make him pay for what he did to me."

Face came out from behind the priest and made a running leap at the figure.

"Templeton!" the priest cried out in horror as the two bodies collided in front of him.

Face realized the moment they connected and he could smell the familiar cigar scent that it was Hannibal he had tackled.

Hannibal reacted on instinct…the instinct of a trained combat man being attacked. In that brief moment it wasn't his lieutenant…it was the enemy. He was just able to turn the hard punch into a shove as it was too late to stop the movement when he realized who had attacked him. For Face who was frozen in shock at realizing whom he had attacked it didn't make much difference. He hit the floor square on his back and all air rushed from his lungs. For a brief moment he saw Hannibal pushing him away before his head started spinning. He saw images of Sue, of the man beating him, of other tormentors from his past and worst of all of his own team hurting him. The pictures kept coming faster and faster until it was too much for him and he passed out.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Hannibal stood there shocked. He had just pushed Face down hard, and Face had attacked him. The valley between them was getting wider and wider. He wanted to apologize and help Face back up but Face started right through him before he brought his hands to the side of his head as if to stop a terrible headache. The Father was now by his side but Face didn't acknowledge of his presence.

"Face, what's wrong, did you hit your head kid? Face?" Instead of reacting his eyes rolled back and his arms fell to the floor.

That very same moment BA and Murdock came running through the front door. They had heard the thud as Face hit the floor. "What the hell happened here?"

"Actually I don't know. He attacked me as I came inside and then I pushed him down."

"He what?"

"Before you all keep guessing I think I can clarify some things." The priest sat down and sight. "Templeton didn't attack you, he attacked a tormentor from his past. I found him in the closet and it steered ugly memories for him. He didn't know where he was. At first he pushed me down too. I had just coaxed him back to the present when you opened the door. I never saw him like that before. He hid behind my back begging me to not let you beat him again, then something seemed to click and he attacked you."

"Me not to beat him again? I never…"

"No, no, not you, well he thought you were him."

"You are not very clear Father, sorry."

The old man sighed again. "It is stressing to see my boy like that. When he was seven he had foster parents for a while. It turned out the father did beat him any chance he got and locked him in a small closet very often. That's why he is afraid of small places, or he was for a long time."

BA inhaled loudly and hit his fist in his hand but didn't say anything. No words were needed.

"What do we do now?"

"Don't know Murdock, get him out of here for now and back to where we came from. Get him out of this forest."

"He'll be furious when he wakes up back where he run from."

"I prefer him furious than scared out of his head. I don't think a house in the forest is his first choice right now."

"He came here himself after all."

"I know BA, but maybe he didn't have a choice. What if he saw Sue and that is why he rammed the van between these two trees."

"He could have stayed in the forest instead of going into this house."

"I don't think this house resembles Sue's hut for him. It's bigger, it's on a big clearing…" Murdock tried to reason.

"...and it's a better place to spend the night than the forest. I don't think he took a decision, it was just survival instincts. Let's get out of here. BA get the van free, Murdock, get the stretcher."

Hannibal and Father McGill stayed with Face. They put a pillow under his head and covered him with a blanket and settled back to wait.

Hannibal watched as the priest stared at the man he had all but raised. He felt an odd pang of jealousy and shook his head slightly trying to clear the thought.

The Father's attention was drawn away from the unconscious man by Hannibal's shaking head. "What's on your mind, colonel?"

Hannibal swallowed hard before answering. "Nothing…just worried is all."

Father McGill smiled knowingly. "A good father always worries about his son."

Hannibal sighed. "And how would I know anything about that?"

"Because…you have three sons you have cared for over many years now…especially Templeton."

Hannibal didn't quite know how to respond; while he loved his men and he led them through battle he wasn't their fathers. "I…well…I can't take the credit for that. They had fathers of their own."

"Not Templeton."

"But he had you," Hannibal protested.

The priest smiled. "Yes…and he always will. But you two share a special bond."

Hannibal nodded, but couldn't bring himself to admit out loud that he considered Face his son…instead he claimed the opposite. "But Face is not my son…he's my lieutenant." He hadn't meant it to come out so bluntly…and he also never intended for Face to hear it.

Unfortunately, Face's fluttered open briefly and he looked to the two men before him with sadness before they shut once more.

It went unnoticed by the duo since they had looked at each other at that moment. "You know, he sees that different, even though it took him a long time to come out with it. Ever since he got on your team he changed. The letters I got were no longer full of faked friends and of how good he was doing. I knew he was feeling miserable and that people were picking on him, it was written between the lines. But after he joined your team it changed. I could read real happiness in those letters. Even though he sometimes wrote of the horrors of war he always pushed that aside after a few lines and told me of Murdock's antics and how BA was chasing the two of them after they played their tricks, and most of all I was proud to read how you kept them all together and out of trouble, just like a real father would."

"That was right at the beginning, why did you say he took long to come out with it?"

"Oh, he never said it straight but I knew from the way he talked about you. That's what I meant. But then one time, you remember when he was sick and couldn't help the team for over six months?"

"Sure I remember that time." Hannibal sighed. "It was hard."

"Not only for you. You had to make money and you were on the run. You had to continue without him for a while and he was with us. Hiding in a small room. He was so weak for a long time and then slowly had to build his strength again. One day he was so depressed and did his exercises without any power behind. I sat him down to talk and he told me it wasn't getting better. He trained and trained but he was still weak and of no use. I told him to be patient and that was when he told me…

'_I can't be patient any more Father, I…I…I miss them so much and if they see they can do all the jobs without me maybe they won't want me on the team anymore.'_

_'Don't be silly Templeton, they are coming here any chance they get.'_

_'They haven't come in over three weeks.'_

_'They are out of the country, and they have been calling.'_

_'I…I know, I'm sorry Father, it's just…just…I feel like I finally have found a family and I'm afraid to lose them, especially the colonel. I…I'm sorry Father…I mean…you have always been there for me and I know you will…but…Hannibal…'_

_'I understand my boy. He's like the father you always wanted, right?'_

He only nodded on that, he thought I would hold it against him since I had raised him but that's not true. I'm happy for him. We have a special bond and so do you. Remember how hard he worked to be back on the team as fast as possible?"

"Yeah, and how disappointed he was when I told him he wasn't ready…."

Father McGill chuckled. "Disappointed? That would be an understatement of epic proportions."

"The look he gave me…I'll never forget it. Like a little lost puppy…God…he looked so young and sad."

"He was young…sometimes I think we all mistook his maturity for age and forgot about his real age."

Hannibal smiled wryly. "If we even really know what it is." Noticing the priest's downtrodden look he immediately asked, "Something wrong?"

"I often would lie awake at night wishing that I would have gotten to Templeton in time to meet his mother."

"I don't understand."

The older man rubbed wearily at his eyes. "Templeton remembers a woman leaving him on the church doorstep…if only I had gotten there sooner…maybe someone was there and I could have talked to her."

Hannibal patted the Father on his shoulder and pointed upward. "Maybe the Man upstairs knew better."

"Of that I am sure…and it is what has allowed me to fall back asleep on those occasions. That and in the later years knowing that he had his team…his new family."

"When we had to leave Face behind with you when he wasn't quite ready for action, I felt like I was abandoning him. I remember thinking about what it must have been like for a little boy…" Hannibal's voice trailed off as Face began to stir. He groaned and then rolled to his side before he was really awake.

"Templeton, what's wrong?"

"Kid, is it your back?" To the priest he said "he, uhm, had an accident and his back is one big bruise.

Face looked up at the two men he had considered his father's over the years. Father McGill was the man who raised him and who helped him through the worst times of his life. But now that he had put his hands on him and pushed him down their bond would never be as tight as before. After all Face was expected to be able to live on his own by now, the orphanage only cared for kids, not for adults. But Hannibal, Hannibal was his father in the sense of a real family father. Those bonds never broke, no matter how old father and son were. Or so he thought. Hannibal had said he wasn't his son. Not that he blamed him, he had come with a lot of baggage and had added a lot lately. It wasn't easy to be around him, he had received the prove of that time after time when people left him. But that didn't matter anymore. He had attacked Hannibal and Hannibal had pushed him away. It had been too good to be true anyway.

"Templeton, say something, please."

"Father, I..I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I pushed you down."

"And you helped me up again, we are even."

"No, no we're not. I went too far and I'm too old to have your attention anyway. I'm keeping you away from the kids that really need you."

"You really need me and I want to be near you my boy."

Face looked down and towards Hannibal at the mention of 'my boy'. It was too painful to think of what he had just lost. The priest noticed the look and wanted to give the two some time alone.

"What you need now is a place to recover, not a floor in an abandoned house. Let me go and see what's taking your two brothers so long." He made sure to put emphasis on the word 'brothers', patted Face on the shoulder and moved out of the house.

Face snapped his eyes shut not wanting to be alone with Hannibal and feigned sleep.

"Oh no you don't, lieutenant. You can't con me into thinking you're asleep."

Face's stomach lurched. 'Lieutenant…that's all he really sees me as.'

"Open your eyes…that's an order."

On instinct Face did what he was told to do and opened his eyes.

"How're you feeling?"

"Fine, sir."

'Sir?' Hannibal thought, but dismissed it. "I want the truth."

"Sorry, colonel. I'm okay…just a bit tired is all."

Hannibal scoffed lightly, "Yeah…I think there's a bit more to it than that."

Face mistook Hannibal's words as an attack. "No…I'm sorry…I wouldn't lie to you, sir."

"Face?"

"Yes, sir?" Face asked while trying to push himself up.

"Stop…please stop." Hannibal couldn't take the formalities anymore.

Face blanched. "I'm sorry, sir."

"Damnit, kid…don't call me sir."

"But…but I don't understand…you're my commanding officer."

Hannibal's face fell. "Is that all I am to you?" he asked.

Face felt as if his head was going to explode…he couldn't understand what they expected from him. Did Father McGill forgive him? Was Hannibal mad at him? Did Hannibal think of him as his second in command or was there something more? Where were Murdock and B.A.? Were they mad at him too?

Face let out a loud moan and cradled his head. Instantly Hannibal moved even closer to him. "Kid, did you fall on your head? Oh god, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to push you down."

"Stop, please stop."

"Oh kid, I would make your pain stop if only I could. I would do everything to make it happen."

"No, not pain, stop, stop it."

"What? What do you want me to stop?"

"Stop treating me like this." Face curled together and away from Hannibal, his hands still cradling his head.

"Face, kid, I don't understand. Did you hit your head hard? Let me see your eyes, please."

"No, go away. I didn't hit my head…I think."

"Then what is it?"

He turned his head slightly to see Hannibal. "You pretend to care, as if I was more than just your lieutenant, but in reality I'm not, stop it, I can't take it anymore."

"But…but Face, you are much more than my lieutenant to me." When Face looked at him doubtful he added "You are like…like…like a very good friend to me." Why was it so hard to say the truth, tell him he was like a son to him? Was it because the Father was around? The man who raised him from five years on? He looked at Face and could see the disappointment written there in bold letters. Was Father McGill right? Did he really see a father in him? How much worse could telling him the truth be? The valley between them was so deep now that some extra meters wouldn't hurt much. "Like the friend that a father would see in his son."

"No, stop saying that, it's not true." He turned away again, curling up more tightly.

Hannibal put a hand on his shoulder. "It is Face, you are like the son I never had and never will have. You are special to me kid."

"But…but you told the Father I'm not your son."

'Oh damn, you were not supposed to hear that kid.' "Sorry Face, I…it's just so hard to admit it in front of the Father, after all he raised you. I didn't want to get between you and him. You two share a special bond."

"But…but if you really feel that way, then why don't you care?"

"But I care about you, kid, I know I let you down in the past and I'm so sorry, but don't think I didn't care."

"No, you are fooling me. Three years, three god damn years and you never once asked how I'm coping."

"Oh kid, I'm so sorry. I thought ignoring the matter would be best, you did better with time and you never talked about her…Sue…I mean, I thought you didn't want me to bring up the matter."

Face chuckled sadly. "What made you believe I got better?"

"Come on Face, you did get better. I mean, you stayed with me for the first six months until you were ready to stay on your own."

"Hmp. I was far from ready."

"Now come on Face, you can't blame that one on me. You wanted to leave."

This time Face turned around again to look at Hannibal. "I didn't want to be on my own. I had just stopped being afraid of you. You made me move in with you and yes, I couldn't have stayed on my own then. But I was afraid of you, thought you would hurt me again. Anytime you cooked and held a knife in your hand I never took my eyes of you. I couldn't sleep at night, afraid you would sneak up on me. After five months I finally felt safe around you again but then I noticed I was a burden. Maggie asked you over but you couldn't, you had to babysit me. You missed a lot of time with her because she couldn't leave her office alone for too long. I felt I was a burden and I said I was ready to live on my own, but secretly I hoped you would ask if I really was okay. Instead you helped me find a place as fast as possible. That was answer enough."

Hannibal had paled and was visibly shaking. "God kid, I never knew you felt that way."

"And after that, you never asked how I was coping. I looked awful to myself, you must have noticed it too, I couldn't sleep, wasn't eating, I had nightmares all the time. We soon started taking cases and you never noticed anything? None of you? Three long years and none of you noticed anything. I thought you knew me enough by then to notice the difference." The disappointment was palpable and Face's eyes were once more directed to the floor.

Hannibal too looked downward. "We do…and we did notice."

"Then…then why?"

"I don't," Hannibal's voice cracked, "I don't have a good answer."

Face rubbed at his temples trying to ease the increasing ache. "That's enough of an answer right there…you just didn't care enough to bother."

"No…not true…that's not it."

"Then tell me what 'it' is?"

"We were scared." It sounded so stupid to the colonel's own ears that he wasn't surprised when Face's head popped up and his eyes were ablaze. "You…you were scared? How the hell do you think I was feeling?"

Hannibal shook his head. "I can't even begin to imagine."

"No…you can't.

"And maybe that's why we swept it under the rug…we didn't want to drag you back there."

Face chuckled bitterly. "Oh this keeps getting better and better…so now you ignored me to help me?"

Hannibal winced. "Damn…I'm not explaining it right."

"Because there is no right way to explain any part of my miserable existence," Face muttered. "God…I'm so dumb. I'm a con-man who managed to be conned for years."

"Kid?" Hannibal asked, trying to get the younger man to elaborate.

"I…I should have seen it. All…all those times I…I went on jobs for you guys…but when I asked you…you all mocked me…and…and I'd have to pull teeth to…to get some help. And…and here I am now…it took a damn meltdown to…to get anybody to…to notice me."

Hannibal shook as a memory of the not too distant past hit him…another time when it took a drastic event to let them know that Face was not okay. "Face, I'm sorry. That time, I wish I could blame it on not knowing you well by then but that would be a lie. We didn't take you serious and we had no right to do so. I know that now but …well, it was a mistake I wish I could undo but I can't."

"You are always sorry afterwards but you don't change…" He stopped as he heard the door squeeking again. Hannibal could have sworn he saw fear there before the mask was back in place.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

"Is it a private party or can anyone join."

"Not anyone but you can come inside captain. And the two lingering behind you too."

Murdock went straight to Face. "How are you doing buddy?"

Face welcomed the distraction and pushed himself into a sitting position. All his muscles screamed protest but he was determined not to show it.

"I got the van going, we can move out. We brought the stretcher too."

"I don't need to be carried."

"You sure Faceman?"

"Why do you all doubt me?"

"Sorry. Hannibal we should move. The sun is coming up and soon people will start passing here. I had to fell one of the trees and do quite some damage to the other one. We don't need somebody call the police thinking he needs to report an accident."

'Okay, they don't seem mad enough to not take me along. I really don't get it. They are not mad but just ignorant? Maybe they don't even care enough to get mad.'

"Templeton? What's on your mind?"

"Nothing, let's go." Face was in no condition to walk on his own, not without adrenalin, and he knew it, but he was also too proud to be carried. He tried to get up but needed to accept BA's and Murdock's help to do so. They more or less carried him to the direction of the door. BA looked to Hannibal who nodded his agreement so they moved on. Face was on the point of breaking down and he knew that too. He had not eaten properly in ages, he had not rested, he was physically injured and still weak from the sickness he had just fought. He knew he couldn't walk to the van and it was all a matter of time until he had to allow them to carry him but he wanted that event to happen as late as possible. He had been so consumed with his thoughts that he had totally forgotten he was in a forest. When Father McGill opened the door wide just in front of the trio the news hit him hard and he stopped abruptly. His eyes wide with fear he scanned the trees. The dim light coupled with his physical and mental state didn't play out to his advantage and he saw shadows all over that could belong to Sue. Suddenly he had a lot of energy and pulled back hard enough to break free from his two helpers who had not expected him to go into that direction. Luckily Hannibal had been directly behind the three and stopped his fall. As the images started assaulting him, Hannibal couldn't stop him from passing out again though.

"Guess we can carry him now." Murdock stated matter of factly.

Hannibal sighed. "Looks like. Damn, he's so fragile."

"Just give him time, he'll be okay."

"I hope you are right Murdock."

As they loaded him on the stretched BA asked, "What were you and the Faceman talking about when we came in?"

Hannibal looked at his pale lieutenant and answered in not much more than a whisper, "about what rotten friends we are."

"Did he say that?" Father McGill asked in shock.

"Not in those exact words…but he meant it just the same." Hannibal paused and looked back up at the others. "And he was right."

The priest shook his head. "I don't agree…not from the stories Templeton has told me over the years."

"Did he ever mention San Francisco to you, Father?"

"No…no I can't say that I recall that."

The group started walking. B.A. and Murdock carrying Face on the stretcher between them as Hannibal started to relay the events that took place in the summer of 1976.

"We went to the Bay area on a simple job to get a bunch of goons to lay off of a small family business that was sick and tired of being bullied around into paying 'protection' money."

"Wasn't so simple," B.A. muttered.

"Sure wasn't," Murdock agreed.

"It would have been," Hannibal continued, "If we had bothered to pay attention to Face. We could have pulled him out of there and handled it just the three of us before he was in too deep and it was too late. Instead we ignored him when he first told us he had a bad feeling and then later when he complained that he wasn't feeling well."

When the trio remained silent for a few minutes as they continued the trek, Father McGill probed, "What happened next?"

The silver haired colonel stopped walking and turned to the priest, "we almost lost him forever…" his voice trailed off lost in the memory.

"Colonel Smith?"

"Sorry Father. It was a gang of young men that bullied the people. I thought it was a good plan to send Face in as our undercover man, get him to collect enough evidence and tell us where and when to catch the gang and then present it all to the police. Face said he had a bad feeling but I ignored him."

"Not just you colonel, we all did."

"Anyway, I'm the leader. He went in anyway and it was easy, almost too easy. As if they welcomed the stranger with open arms. That should have gotten me to think but it didn't. He got all the evidence he needed within just two days but he stayed doubtful, complained that he had a bad feeling and wasn't feeling well altogether. He got the information that most of the gang was to meet at the harbor the next afternoon. He had told them he was working out of town so he had a good excuse to not come there. We knew the exact pier they were meeting at so the plan was to position ourselves in the water at both sides of the pier, one man at the back, one in front. Face complained but got us the equipment anyway. I wanted us to be under the surface so we wouldn't be seen if they decided to look down before getting involved in the meeting. Our guns were hidden just under the wooden top of the pier. BA had installed a micro and was listening. We were all connected with listening devices. BA would give the sign and we would all climb up and round them up. Face complained he was feeling dizzy and didn't want to go into the water but I ordered him to. It worked, BA gave the sign, we climbed up, rounded up the gang and only after we were done did we notice Face as missing. Murdock run to where he had been and saw him floating not far from the place. He jumped in but by the time we had him out he wasn't breathing. I thought he was dead but his heart was still beating. We breathed for him and rushed to a hospital. He was out for over two days, two of the worst days in my live. It turned out that the neighbors son had connections to the gang and had fed them with information about us. They knew who Face was and thought it fun to play with him. They were dumb enough to not notice how he copied files that they had but smart enough to slowly drug him. They mixed a drug in his drinks that didn't work at once but needed to built up in the body. Before he went into the water he was already dizzy, inside it got worse but since we could only listen to BA and not talk he couldn't alert us. He wasn't able to come over to my place too, I was closest to him. All he could do was to hold on to where he was but then he lost consciousness, fortunately it happened not too long before Murdock found him. The doctors told us if he had drunk about two more doses of the drug he would have died."

"Did you purposely set out to hurt Templeton," Father McGill asked when Hannibal had finished.

"Of course not," they replied in triplicate.

"But what if…" Hannibal started.

"The world is full of 'what ifs' my sons," the priest cut him off.

The group reached the van and left the conversation open ended in order to get Face settled and start on their way out of the forest.

Face could feel his body shaking as the van bounced around on the dirt road. He tried to open his eyes, but the lids were just too heavy. So instead he just focused on breathing and trying to keep the growing pain and nausea…not to mention fear and anger…under control.

He wished they would all just leave him alone…ironic being that the reason they were in this whole mess was because they had done that very thing. The difference this time, however, is that this time he wanted them gone whereas in the past he would have begged them to stay, only not with words since he was too proud for that.

The van went over a particularly large bump and it took all Face had not to cry out as every muscle in his body seemed to scream in agony. But he didn't want anybody to know he was awake; he was afraid that if they did he would say something he might regret.

It wasn't until they were back on a paved road that somebody else did finally speak…and those spoken words provoked Face to do exactly what he had been afraid of as he exploded.

"You know, I sometimes wish Face was in the VA…" so I can really help him instead of just talking all night at the phone, was what Murdock had wanted to say. Only he never had a chance to finish the sentence.

"So you can pass the burden to the shrinks? You know, you don't need to bring in somebody else if you want to leave, just get your brain in order. Why don't you all leave me alone, you were so good at it over the past years."

The whole van went silent. Murdock wanted to explain what he really meant but was stunned into silence by the harsh words. BA and Hannibal were unsure where Murdock had wanted to go with his statement and didn't know how to react, besides nobody had expected the outburst from the supossingly sleeping man. And Father McGill decided to study the people around him before reacting, he was used to unexpected outbursts from Templeton, even though he had not witnessed some in years. He was anyway the first to defrost. He got up and moved beside Face who was laying between Murdock's and his seat, facing them.

"Templeton, why do you say your friends left you alone in the past years? You always told me how good they cared for you."

Face didn't know what to say and just realized his outburst had put himself in a dangerous position. How was he going to explain the past three years to the father without talking about Sue? While the priest knew of the psychotic woman, he didn't know even remotely how badly he had been hurt and tortured…or that the others had taken part.

"Nevermind…it's in the past," Face choked out hoping the topic would be dropped. But he should have known better.

"It can't be in the past if it's having such an effect on you in the present."

"Father…please…don't…"

Father McGill reached out and took hold of Face's shaking and clammy hand. "Don't shut me out, my boy."

Tears welled up in the lieutenant's eyes. "I can't…can't…go back there."

"It seems to me you haven't left 'there' yet…wherever it is."

The words just leaked out of him along with some tears. "Because they left me there."

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. all visibly flinched at the same time.

Face closed his bleary eyes and continued, "let them fill in the details."

The priest looked around at the fallen faces of the other three. After a moment of silence Hannibal cleared his throat. "You know about Sue. I don't know how detailed your knowledge is."

"Sue? That woman that kidnapped Templeton over three years ago?"

"That's the one."

"I know she tortured him and that he was sick for a while. But it's really long ago." He knew how Face was able to push those things away and was surprised he was that effected after this long time.

"She…I want to spare you the details. Face, if you want me to go into more detail you tell me, okay? She tortured him bad and had him for a long time until she felt she had no use for him and dropped him at the roadside. He was bad off when we found him and we brought him back to help him heal but she tricked us. She watched until he was well enough to be of use for her, then waited for a moment when he was alone with a female doctor friend of us and kidnapped both of them, then our hosts and daughter and finally us. She forced all of us to hurt him too, the three of us had to hurt him physical and bad. After that he took long to recover and to trust…no…to not flinch when one of us came near him. Our biggest mistake was that we never talked to him about Sue. We helped him heal physically but we totally ignored his mental pain. By not talking about what had happened to him even we didn't know the full amount of torture he had received. We never even saw how much he hurt, for full three years he was suffering and we never noticed, we failed him as friends. The trust we had used years to build up has gone and I can't blame him, only us. I hope we will be able to build it up again but I think we need your help. That is why I told Father McGill where he could find us without asking you first Face, I'm sorry but I can't lose you and I saw that the issues we have right now are too big to be solved by us alone."

There was silence in the van.

"Face? Do you want me to go into more detail? I don't want to make the same mistake again by not talking."

Face looked lost, he didn't know what to do. He was thrown between helplessness and anger.

"Colonel, if you would let me, I think Father McGill needs to know a little more to help and then the rest is left to Face." Murdock had more experience with mental trouble than the rest of them.

"Face?"

He didn't know what to do but this was Murdock, and Murdock was, or at least had been, his best friend. If he had to trust one of them it was Murdock. He nodded.

"Face has been…uhm…sexually assaulted by her and in the past three years he had problems to sleep at night afraid that she would appear, he is suffering from nightmares and sometimes even sees her during the day. He's very scared and we never saw it and didn't help him. Face, that is also what I meant earlier on. If I had you around I could help you better than just talking on the phone all night."

Face focused on one part of Murdock's words and repeated them angrily. "We never saw it? The hell you didn't."

"Templeton!"

"Sorry, father." Face blushed momentarily before continuing on. "You make it sound so simple…sexually assaulted." Face had his hands balled into tight fists. "As a kid I was sexually assaulted…this…this was…," he paused and then added in a shaky voice, "there are no words for what this was."

The priest removed his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. "Oh…my son," he sighed sadly.

"I'm nobody's son." Face seemed to be swinging between anger and anguish at such a rapid pace that it was making the others in the van dizzy. "And I'm obviously nobody's friend either."

"Kid…"

"Don't 'kid' me Hannibal…why don't we just stick with lieutenant? That way it won't hurt as much the next time you decide my problems are too much to deal with, Colonel Smith."

B.A. was starting to bristle from the front seat and had a death grip on the steering wheel. Part of him wanted to strangle Face…and the other part wanted to pull him into a huge hug. He had no idea which one would win out.

"Face," Murdock tried. "We are your friends and your family…we messed up royally…but we're here now and our ears are ready to listen."

"Too late," Face spat heatedly. And immediately his emotions flipped again and he choked out a sad, "It's too late to do anything to help me now."

"It ain't too late for nothin', man," B.A. said shaking his head.

"What the hell do you know about anything, B.A.? You never liked me from day one…"

That did it…wanting to strangle Face won out…he hit the brakes hard while turning the wheel abruptly to the right to get off the road. This caused three of the other inhabitants to brace themselves to the front. Face however had no chance to stop the motion that send him hard to the front and at the same time to the side. He hit his head at the front seat but didn't even recognize the pain in his head as his already hurt ribs made contact with the seat currently occupied by Father McGill.

"Arrgggghh" he cried out in pain but before he could recover BA was in front of him and had him by his shirt.

"We are through with this man, I told you you were wrong. Don't you ever start that shit again."

Face's eyes were screwed shut by the time BA had the sentence out and the rest had recovered enough to react.

"BA, put him down."

The Father was fast to catch Face as BA instantly did as he was told.

"Damn BA, I meant slowly, he's hurt."

"Yeah. Maybe hitting his head sparked a bit of his brain that he seems to have lost."

"BA, shut up. Kid, kid are you okay?" Hannibal was next to the Father who held Face's upper body.

It took a while until Face was able to get a word out. "Told you to not kid me, Colonel."

Hannibal didn't know what to say and the Father used the silence. "Templeton, we'll do as we did so often before. You are going to stay in my quarters until your anger is no longer controlling you, and before you open your mouth you remember I don't accept any no. BA, get back in your seat and get us home. I hope you reserved a comfortable room with two beds for us. What are you standing around, get moving." Face knew that voice and knew to not speak, even if he had been able to speak. The rest was stunned into silence and even BA started moving without any word.

Nobody was talking, but Face's body language spoke volumes. His jaw was clenched, his eyes screwed tight and his entire body was trembling with a mixture of pain and emotion.

Murdock was fiddling with his cap nervously and rocking slightly back and forth. For the first time in ages he was actually starting to miss the V.A.

Hannibal had an unlit cigar perched between his lips, but kept his eyes on his lieutnenant who was growing paler by the moment.

Father McGill held onto Face as he used to do when the man was just a child. But it didn't get past him that he was no longer a scared little boy, but now a terrified adult who was at the end of his rope and about to come crashing down hard and fast.

B.A. kept one eye on the road and the other on the rearview mirror. He was still seething on the inside about Face…but now it was because he had said that he never liked the lieutenant. 'How many times do I gotta tell him how much I care about him?' As Face let out a gasp and doubled over he realized that actions speak louder than words and his recent outburst had only proved Face's point. He was torn between stopping again or driving them home fast and looked to Hannibal for advice. But before he could catch his eye Murdock had the colonels attention.

"Colonel?"


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Murdock who had been nervously fiddling with his cap seemed the calm in person now and it disturbed Hannibal. "What is it Murdock?"

"We should take him to a hospital."

"Why do you think so?"

"Have you looked at him lately?"

"Murdock, we had him in a hospital and it didn't do him much good. We should just get back to our current home and see to it that he gets the rest he needs."

"Really look at him colonel, he doubled over, can you rule out inner bleedings?"

Murdock's calm and very unusual voice was unnerving. "How should he get them? He wasn't in any fight and BA's fast stop would cause him pain but no inner injuries."

"Are you that sure? I think we have been assuming too much already. If we can't be of help to him we should see to it that he gets professional help and not assume he doesn't need it. After what we did we don't have any right to assume again."

"What you talking about fool."

"I'm talking about the fact that we are not his friends anymore. We proved that by actions and more than once. We lost the right to be his friends and therefore can't decide what's right for him."

"Man, all you lost is your brain. We his friends and we'll always be and I don't want to hear another word about it. Colonel? Home, or you wanna check him over?"

"Keep going BA, I don't think he'll let me check him over right now." Hannibal had never taken an eye off of Face and the Father who nodded at his decision to go home straight. Face must have heard they were talking about him but never showed the least reaction.

They drove on in silence for a bit but soon reached the garage of the building. Hannibal always the planner turned around and addressed the priest. "Father, Face already has the biggest room that has a queen size bed and a single bed. It also has a separate bathroom and is closest to the living area. You can join in with him. The rest of us takes the other rooms. BA, you carry Face up."

BA appeared at Face's side who had been motionless until now. "Leave me alone, I can go myself."

"No, you can't."

"The hell I can't, take your hands off me."

"Templeton, behave."

"Father, I don't want him to…."

"But you need him to carry you, you are in no condition to go up on your own and we can't cause a commotion here. I'm not asking you to like it but it will be done."

The priest was surprised himself that he still had that much influence over Face but it worked. "Yes sir." Was his meek reply and he allowed BA to pick him up.

They all made it to the bedroom without a word. Only after the door had closed behind Face and the Father did the elder man speak.

"Templeton, none of us slept the whole night. Let me help you get undressed and then we rest. We'll see to the other problems once we are rested."

"Father, I don't know why Hannibal called you. I appreciate all you have done for me but really, I'm grown now, I can see to my own problems. You don't need to spend your time on me again."

The Father was relieved over two things. One, Face had said Hannibal and not Colonel Smith, not all was lost yet. And he had indirectly asked him to stay and not shut him out. "But I want to stay and spend my time on you boy. Seeing to your own problems got you in your current condition." He took Face's face between his hands. "You are not alone boy, I'm here for you. We'll get through this together. Now let's sleep." He lowered his hands and started to undo the jacket Face was wearing, Hannibal's jacket that he had put on him in the abandoned house. Face was speaking but other than that seemed to have no energy. He was pale and trembling. The priest removed his T-shirt and gasped.

"My god boy, what happened."

"Long story."

"Has a doctor looked at that?"

"Yeah, most of it, just bruises."

"And you worked with the doctor and gave him all the information he needed?"

"We couldn't stay there for too long."

The priest inhaled loudly. "Oh great. Care to elaborate?"

"Some of the ribs might be more than bruised, I don't know for sure."

"Of course you told the others about that, right?"

"That would have meant more tests."

"And that would have been bad?"

"It hurt enough the first time."

"My boy, will you ever change? Come on, let's get you out of those pants and lay down. Tell me if you hurt more."

"Okay."

"Promised?"

"Promised."

The Father tucked the blanked around Face's shoulders and laid down himself. Face behaved just like he did when he was small, when he was on his own and had to care for himself. When he couldn't trust anybody. Father McGill had hoped to never see him like that again but this wish was not fulfilled. He knew there was no way he could sleep but he wanted Face to be fast asleep before he left the room.

Face tried to fight the sleep; he was afraid that if he allowed himself to rest the others would once more act against his will…or worse yet abandon him all together. But he could hear the father breathing beside him and could smell the old familiar and comforting smell of his aftershave and it lulled him into the first peaceful sleep he had in weeks.

Once Father McGill was sure that the younger man was truly sleeping, he crept from the room hoping to have some time to talk with Hannibal. He stopped by the kitchen first to grab a glass of water and encountered a sullen B.A. sitting at the table nursing a glass of milk.

"What's troubling you, Bosco?"

B.A's lips turned upward. "I ain't been called that in quite some time."

"Do you mind if I join you?"

B.A. shook his head and reached over to pull out a chair. "Not at all...want some milk?"

"Sure," the priest paused before adding, "and do you want some advice?"

"Smooth, father," B.A. chuckled. "Yeah…sure…it seems I can use all the help I can get. I might even have some confessin' to do."

Father McGill smiled back and said, "This is strictly a social visit…I'm off the clock. My advice to you is to not be so hard on yourself."

"Huh?" B.A. did a double take.

"Nobody questions that you care about Templeton."

B.A. lowered his gaze. "Except for the Faceman himself."

"No…I don't think so. Right now Templeton is hurt and scared…not to mention scarred. He's not thinking clearly, but when he is he will see the truth."

The sergeant was about to respond when Hannibal Murdock came bounding into the room.

"I don't want to hear another word of it."

"But it's the truth."

Hannibal turned around and almost collided with Murdock who was following him in big strides. "No it's not. In fact it's the worst thing your brain ever thought up and now that topic is closed."

"And what topic would that be?"

Hannibal turned again, this time in the other direction. "Hello Father. How is Face?"

"Asleep. What were you fighting about?"

"Murdock insists we are not Face's friends anymore because we messed up royally this time."

The Father run his hands through his gray hair. "I feel like twenty odd years ago when I had to lay the ground rules among the nuns and the elder kids." He stood up and placed himself so he could see all of them. "Templeton is angry, very angry. He does and says things that he doesn't mean. He is acting out of desperation trying to understand things that no one can explain to him and he's crying out for attention. He's going to stay in my quarters until he has his emotions under control but he'll interact with all of you in your daily activities. We all need to be patient. What he needs is understanding and strictly no yelling or fighting. That time I ended that little speech with 'he's just a scared little boy who can't understand what has happened to him.' Although I still feel that way it doesn't seem appropriate. My audience then was better able to understand than you. Some because they knew the feeling of being left alone, some because they were dealing with those left alone every day. There is no way you can understand what he's going through and this time it's difficult for me too but I think the basic problem is he's feeling left alone, by you. You left him alone when he was hurting bad, you didn't help him. That is the real problem here. To some extend I left him too but he doesn't see that as too much of a problem. I can say that between the two of us we will be clear within a short time. To some extend Murdock is right, you didn't act like his friends." The Father paused for effect and looked at each of them. "That is how he sees it right now. He wanted you to help and you didn't. If you could help him or if you even saw he needed help is not important right now. Fact is you didn't help him or even hurt him. But the last thing he wants is for you to cave and accept that. He wants you to be his friends. He wants you to fight for your friendship and to prove it. He only doesn't know that right now. What he doesn't need for sure is you fighting amongst yourself. I don't know what really happened here but I know Templeton, and I thought you should too."

Face, on the other hand, didn't know where he was and wasn't even sure who he was upon waking up. He lay there, his body so fatigued that the thought of even rolling over seemed too exhausting. Slowly, as the cobwebs receded from his brain, it all came back to him.

"Wonderful," he groaned, taking in the empty room. "I freaked out again…I can't blame them for leaving me alone."

While Face's body ached and his stomach churned, his mind felt clearer and more focused.

'God…what is wrong with me? Murdock was right…I should be in the V.A.'

He thought about the past couple of days…or at least what he could remember of them…and it was like having an out of body experience. He knew that he had said the words and performed the actions…but he couldn't believe he let himself do it.

'That's it…I'm losing my mind.'

Face closed his eyes as he felt the moisture gathering in them. He knew he was feeling sorry for himself, but figured he might deserve it. After all, he had managed to hold it together pretty good for an orphan who had gone to war only to become a POW and later a fugitive.

'At least I didn't crack until I was repeatedly tortured by a psychopath and my best friends.'

The question now was what to do next? Things couldn't go on the way they were; it was one thing for him to suffer, but it was only making him hurt more to know what he was doing to the others. He could leave, but that would require him to get up…and that clearly wasn't an option.

'Guess I'll have to face the music.'

"Are you sure that is what he wants?"

"I'm sure that is what will help him."

"But how do we fight for our friendship if he doesn't even want to talk to us?"

"Does he? I have only seen that he is bitter and wants somebody to listen to all the things that are hunting him. He talks to you. Right now that talking consists of blaming you for whatever went wrong but he is talking."

"Nice way of talking."

"It needs to come out Bosco, he has to let all those things out before you can explain and the gap between you can close." He turned to Hannibal, "You did the right thing by giving me your current address. You need a third party as a middle man and it needs to be somebody Templeton trusts. There aren't too many of those people around. Now I already talked too much, I need to go back. I don't want for Templeton to wake up alone. He could think that I discuss things with you without his knowledge, which could work against the trust between us right now." He turned and marched back to the room without waiting for any response.

Face heard the door creak open and his heart started beating faster. When he saw it was Father McGill he immediately apologized.

"Father…I'm so sorry."

The priest hurriedly pulled a chair over to the bed. "No…I'm the one who is sorry. I didn't want you to wake up alone."

"S'okay."

"How are you feeling, my boy?"

"Really stupid." Face felt his cheeks grow hot as he lowered his gaze.

That wasn't the answer he was expecting. "Whatever for?"

"I…I…I wasn't thinking clearly…I said a lot of things…"

The older man cut him off. "A lot of things that you needed to say…that your soul needed to say."

"God…it hurts."

Father McGill leaned forward. "What…do you need a doctor?"

Face shook his head. "No…it hurts my heart knowing what I'm putting you all through."

"But what about you, Templeton?"

Face sighed wearily. "What about me?"

"What about what you've been going through?"

"It's…it's my problem…I don't want to burden you…or the others…with it."

The priest took Face's hands into his own. "When will you ever learn that you are not a burden?…it is you who has been burdened."

Face started to tremble again. "I'm weak…that's why nobody wants me…I'm…"

"Stop this Templeton, we talked about it time and time again. You're one of the strongest people I know. Most men would have lost their mind over the things you went through."

Face snorted. "Well, I have now, it only took me longer."

"No you haven't, you might be going through a tough phase but you surely haven't lost your mind."

"No, sure, I'm only seeing this psychopath around every corner, run away from my dates because they suddenly turn into her and freak out when I see a forest. That's perfectly normal, right?"

"Templeton…"

"No Father, please. I took so much of your time when I was small, I don't want you to see me like this. This is not what you made of me. I'll sort it out on my own. I know I can do it."

"No boy, you can't. And once I have spend so much time with you, what is a little more? I want to help you Templeton."

"I…I shouldn't need it. I mean, you always helped me while all the others were able to cope. I always freaked out and the others not."

"What others are you talking about?"

"The other orphans, they had it as bad as I had and they didn't need your help. I shouldn't be so weak."


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

The priest sat down on his bed. "If only you knew how wrong you are. Yes they were all orphans and traumatized by the one or other event but for most of them it wasn't all that bad. They needed some time to morn or come to terms with whatever had happened, they needed to let out there anger and hear some kind words. But you, we don't even know what happened to you in the beginning and you didn't talk, only in your nightmares and then it was mostly screaming and not talking. How could we help you without knowing what was going on in your head? Besides things kept coming your way, bad things I mean. Remember the priest that was with us for some time? Or when you run away? I don't know why god decided to put all evils on you and trust me, I did complain a lot to him. All together you had it far worse than all the other kids that lived under my care. And don't think they didn't need help. They needed our help and got it. Maybe not as much as you but they all had their hard times when they needed us."

Face's voice shook in unison with his hands as he ran them through his hair. "I…I just want…to be…normal…you know."

The elderly man couldn't help but chuckle. "Normal? What is that?"

But Face couldn't return the smile. "That's just it…I'm so far removed from it that I haven't a clue."

"Oh…Templeton…that's my point. There is no normal…God has made each of us unique and has chosen different paths for us all."

Face frowned. "I…I know…but I sure wish my path wasn't so rocky." This time he did let out half a grin.

"Ah…that's it my boy. It's going to be okay…you'll see."

"When you say it…I almost believe it. But really, Father…why has He…um…chosen this life for me."

Father McGill put a hand on the younger man's leg. "Remember as a child I told you that God never gives anybody something that they can't handle…He knows just how strong you are…you're a fighter…a survivor."

"Footprints," Face said. "It was my favorite."

The holy man nodded his remembrance and recited, " I love you and I would never, never leave you  
during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

Face felt a lump form in his throat and he bit at his lip.

"He's carrying you son...as am I and the others."

"That would make an awful lot of footprints." Face managed a half grin at the thought.

"That's better. Was about time I saw you smile again. That smile of yours has helped you out of a lot of punishments when the nuns caught you doing nonsense."

"And gotten me into trouble at least as often."

"We'll get through this, you hear me? All of us."

"Speaking of all of us. I guess I have to apologize to the others."

"For what?"

"I said quite some things."

"Things that were not true?"

"Things I didn't mean that way."

"But they were true?"

"Uhm, well, somehow, yes."

"But you didn't mean to hurt them with your words?"

"No, I didn't and I need to apologize and soon." He said it as if he was going to get up and face the rest of his team, but he didn't budge.

"Do you think they meant to hurt you?"

"No, yes, I mean, oh I don't know, it's all so confusing."

"If they were here now, what would you say?"

"Sorry."

"And?"

"And…I…I would say…"

"I think you are not ready to face them, you?"

"Sure I am, they are my team, we know each other for so long…"

"So long that you don't know what to say. What about you get some more rest?"

"But…I need to…"

"You need to rest your body and your mind, and I'll be here in this very room while you get some sleep. And when you wake up and feel ready we go at it together, one step at a time. Okay?"

"It sounds so easy when you say it."

"It is, believe me."

"Okay."

Face did believe the priest and allowed himself to drift off. He immediately started to dream. At first the dreams were pleasant…of happy times as a kid and fun times with the guys. But then they gradually started to get darker…and darker.

Father McGill noticed that Face began to moan and shift slightly on the bed. The moans became whimpers and the movements escalated until he was thrashing around.

"Templeton," he tried to no avail.

"Please…no…help…no…please." Face was trapped inside his own body and mind and couldn't resurface.

"Templeton," the holy man tried louder. "Wake up, son…wake up."

Face was crying now…he could hear somebody calling his name but he couldn't see them and just couldn't wake up. "Help…need help…please…please."

The priest's heart was breaking, but he didn't know what to do. He knew he couldn't get too close to the suffering man or risk severe bodily harm if he didn't know what was going on. His only option was to get help and to go for the others.

But that wasn't necessary as Face let out a piercing scream and bolted upright in the bed. Then the room went ghostly silent. Face's eyes darted around the room as he needed a moment to realize it had just been a dream. As soon as that realization hit he wrapped his arms around his sweaty body and let his head drop.

"Templeton, are you alright?"

Just at the moment the Father finished the sentence the door flew open and three more men stormed into the room. Face jumped at the sudden intrusion and scrambled to the head of the bed.

"What happ…kid, it's alright, it's just us, we heard you scream."

Face let out the breath he had been holding. "Sorry…I dreamed…I'm…oh god." He run a trembling hand through his hair as he tried to get back to a normal position without looking like he freaked out, not an easy task for someone who just did freak out.

"What was it about buddy?"

"Just old memories, nothing really."

"Nothing makes you that jumpy kid?"

"It was a dream, okay?"

"Was it 'bout that nutcase woman again?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"Can you just leave it, just a dream, not like this was the first nightmare I had."

"No, by far not Templeton. It started very early. But you know, your dreams are trying to help you work through the things that happened to you. It's good to talk about them."

"Not sure."

"It sure is buddy, in the VA we do that all the time."

The VA, here it was again. He wasn't crazy and he didn't belong there, sure not. It was't his fault he had those dreams, it was theirs. "It was about you three."

The room grew silent so Father McGill cleared his throat and intervened. "What about them, Templeton?"

Face shook his head vehemently in spite of the dizziness it caused. "No…not going back there…no way."

"Where, my boy?" he prodded.

But Face couldn't say anymore. The color drained from his skin and he practically rolled himself off the bed where he scrambled toward the adjoining bathroom. The others followed after…Murdock being the closest. But even in his weakened state Face was too quick and the door shut in the pilot's face and the lock clicked.

"C'mon buddy…talk to us."

"No," came the soft reply.

"We didn't want to hurt you…we were afraid Sue would do worse if we didn't go along," Hannibal tried.

"Was…wasn't 'bout that this time," the lieutenant mumbled through the door.

"Then what was it, man?" B.A. asked.

Faces answer was shocking. " 'bout when you all left me alone at the obstacle course when I needed your help."

There was silence for some time, each of them thinking of what Face was referring to.

"When you were moon shining at the orphanage?" Murdock remembered that time well, it was shocking for him to find Face at his apartment the next day.

"Yeah, exactly that." Came the quiet reply from the other side of the room.

"Come on buddy, open the door and we can talk."

"We can talk with the door closed. Weather you see me or not you anyway don't believe me."

"I do believe you." Murdock's voice was soft but the reply came almost inaudible.

"No you don't, you assume and you joke about my feelings. I needed your help but you just left me there, alone, hurt, cold and in darkness." Face closed his eyes not willing to go back there. It had taken him ages to get home. He had hurt his knee the night before when he had helped out at the orphanage but the guys had accused him of partying. He started the obstacle course but couldn't keep up with the others. It took him three hours to finally make it to the end, by then it was dark and he was alone. The guys had not waited around. When he finally reached his apartment the sun was just about to come up.

"Kid, we didn't know."

"You never know, and you never ask. Makes for a good excuse, isn't it Colonel?"

"You…you had nightmares about us leaving you ever since?" Murdock put his hand at the door as he asked, wanting to reach for the man inside. He had had no idea how bad it had affected Face. He had always thought that compared with the other things that have happened to Face this was a minor incident.

This time there was no answer. Of course they couldn't see how Face buried his face in his hands.

Face cried silently into his hands; his entire body shaking with pent up emotion.

"Face?" Hannibal knocked on the door. "Please, kid…let me in?"

Face didn't answer…he didn't even hear. His heart was pounding in his chest and his ears. It was getting hard to breathe between the sobs and the pain.

"Templeton? Can you hear me, son?"

The room began to tilt and Face could feel himself slipping away. He squeezed his head between his shaking hands and willed himself to pull it together. But his will was not strong enough for his physically and emotionally battered self.

"Faceman…we're a comin' in," B.A. finally said as gently as possible as he prepared to break down the door.

But Face was already spread out on the floor. BA didn't know where Face was and didn't want to hit him so he didn't kick the door in but tried to open it with several less intense hits. It worked but took more time. The others waited anxiously. When the door finally did budge they found Face near the shower, laying on his side. From how it looked he had leaned against the glass of the shower when his body gave out.

"Oh kid." Hannibal knelt down closely followed by the priest.

"He still looks like a lost boy."

"Because in his inner self he'll always be. The things he went through as a boy were too traumatic to ever let him forget it."

"BA? How did you manage to not break over all the hurt kids you saw Father?" Hannibal and Father McGill followed BA who gently carried Face back to the bed where Murdock waited to cover him.

"By believing in god and hoping that each of them would find a family, like Templeton did, a bit late but he finally found it."

"Why does he feel so hurt by our leaving him alone at that obstacle course?" The priest knew the outline of what had happened so Murdock didn't elaborate.

"Because it was the worst thing you could have done." On the disbelieving looks he received he continued. "You are his family, you are the only ones who always stood by him, no matter what, you didn't leave him alone like all the others. But then you did. The one thing he knew, that his team would always help him and never leave him, it got cracks that night."

Hannibal felt his stomach lurch. "I had no idea that one night had such a deep impact."

The priest nodded as he pushed Face's sweaty bangs off of his forehead. "It was one of the first times he questioned the team in a long time."

B.A. raised his eyebrows. "Long time? What does that mean?"

"Templeton mentioned in some letters a few things…but quite vaguely…that led me to believe that something bad had happened in Nam."

Murdock readjusted the blanket over Face in a protective fashion. "A lot of bad happened over there," he said stoically.

"Oh…I know that, H.M.," the priest said sympathetically. "But…I don't know…I got the feeling that it was something else bothering him."

Face started to groan and grimace as if in pain, but his eyes remained closed.

Oddly, it was Murdock that had an outburst. "You know…Face wasn't completely innocent in everything."

What Murdock didn't know was that Face was listening as he recounted the next story.

"What do you mean?" The priest had an idea but he wanted to hear it.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

"He was really terrible to be around and dragged the name of the team down. He was grumpy all the time and did nothing but nonsense. He spend more time in the brig than in our quarters. Hannibal was ready to sign his papers and get him transferred. I was so mad at him, I mean he was my friend, he was close to me and all in a sudden he turns everything upside down."

"Sounds like he pushed to test how much your friendship could stand. What exactly happened?"

"First he was just annoying, he didn't do what he was asked to, didn't follow Hannibal's orders the way he was supposed to but did his job anyway. You know, the end result was okay but the way he did it was not what he had been ordered. It increased more and more. He got involved into fights, was found drunk, he talked back to the higher ranking officers. Hannibal had to bail him out all the time until he just didn't do it again, let him rot in the stockade if that was what he wanted. Don't get me wrong, in the field he did his job first class, as always, but at the army camp he was like exchanged. In the end nobody wanted to trust him in the field, that or he was in the stockade anyway and didn't go out with the others."

"Murdock, you told me what he did but what I actually asked was what was the reason behind. What had happened?"

Face's eyes fluttered open. "I can answer that." He tried to sit up, but grimaced in pain.

"Kid?" Hannibal questioned.

"It's nothing…I'm just a bit stiff."

B.A. snorted. "Yeah…I'll bet."

Face ignored him and continued in a weak voice. "They don't know the truth anyway."

"Face?" Murdock leaned in close. "What are you talking about?"

But Face turned the tables instead. "What do you remember me telling you?"

"You said that you saw something really awful…that messed with your head. Another soldier being…um…well…treated badly."

Face nodded at Murdock. "Yeah…saw it…first hand." His eyes welled up. "Felt it too."

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A.'s eyes widened while Father McGill's closed as he said a silent prayer.

"You were the soldier that was treated badly." BA whispered without a question in his voice.

"No, I wasn't. It was a sergeant. I wandered around doing my supply rounds when I heard voices and laughter behind a shed. I went there and came across the sergeant and three bullies that were beating the sh…"his eyes went to Father McGill," that were beating him badly. He was laying on the floor curled up and protecting his head with his arms as they hit and kicked him. I made as much noise as I could and run towards him hoping that alone would make them run, thinking that others would hear us. Only one of them got the hint, the other two turned on me but I held my ground. After a short while they too run off so they wouldn't get caught by others if anyone was attracted by the noise."

"So that is why you felt it too, you got beaten too."

"Another assumption colonel?" Face looked at Hannibal.

"Sorry kid, what did you mean then?"

"I got him to the infirmary and then went to his team, I thought they would want to know what had happened. I went to the billet of their commander knocked and went in. I made the mistake not to wait until I was called in, after all I thought I have a most urgent message. Inside I met the three bullies that just received the money for their work. His own team had set him up, they even paid the bullies for it, can you believe it?"

"What happened after that Faceman?"

"They got me before I had a chance to back out. Two held me and the third one drove the words of the commander home, making sure he hit only parts that were covered by clothes. I was to forget everything and not say a word or they would come after me and anyone who is close to me."

"And that was enough to make you comply? You normally wouldn't have let them scare you." Hannibal found it odd and thought there was more to the story than the kid had let on. But he had also learned his lesson to not assume straight away.

"Well, you know, it was his own team. They were supposed to care for him, to bail him out and not to set him up. I mean, they didn't care for him at all."

"And?"

"And? Is that not enough?"

"No. How did you help to protect him from that team?"

"I didn't need to. He was hurt so bad that he was sent home."

"And you didn't want to get them behind bars? They hit you too kid."

"Uhm actually, I didn't think of that. I had other things on my mind."

"Things like what buddy?"

"Things like…I don't know, it was a long time ago."

"Things like whether your own team did care about you? Whether they could turn on you? Whether they would drop you if you did wrong or if they cared enough to help you? Did you test them Templeton?"

Face chuckled, but there was no humor behind it. "Test? That's putting it mildly."

"I've been tested a time or two in my time," the priest smiled. "How did they do."

Tears once more welled up in the blue eyes. "Passed with flying colors."

Hannibal took hold of Face's clamy hand. "I could see through you...I saw your pain. I just wish I knew the truth."

Face squeezed his colonel's hand back. "M'sorry." Ironically, they still didn't know the whole truth.

"No," Hannibal corrected his man. "I'm sorry...we're sorry that we didn't make you feel comfortable enough to trust us."

"No...no," Face gasped out. "Not you...not your fault. Shouldn't have to...to make up for...for my insecurities." Face broke out into a sweat and curled into himself. He felt dizzy and sick, but didn't want to cause any more trouble.

"I'm so sorry about leaving you at the course...I didn't think...um...you seemed to be in control...didn't realize Nam was still effecing you so badly."

Murdock swallowed hard; as a resident of the V.A. he knew better. "It never goes away."

The conversation was put on hold as Face took on a color between white and ash and developed a white knuckle grip on his blanket.

"Just a bit stiff right?"

"Kid, talk to me, what is it, do you need a doctor?"

There was no reaction from Face other than that he screwed his eyes shut. "I'm going to call Maggie, see what she says."

"No, no, just a cramp, my stomach, it's getting better."

"Your stomach cramps should be over."

"Yeah man, there ain't anything inside you that could want out."

"Don't know…where it comes from."

"Okay, try to relax some. Maybe some warm tea will help, what do you say?"

The thought of getting anything in was unbearable."No, don't think I can."

Hannibal saw that unless Face was about to pass out there was no way he was going to tell what was wrong. Instead he decided to go for a change of topic. "One thing I don't understand kid, why did we pass your test? I was about to sign you off, we were all more than fed up with you and I once even let you rot in the stockade when we moved out on a mission."

"You cared."

"Huh? Your definition of taking care needs an update Faceman."

The Father saw how Face was suffering to keep the conversation going and get the others minds away from his physical situation. He decided to help him out a bit, but watch him closely too. "Maybe I can help here. You cared because you did all those things with the hope that he would stop doing whatever he did wrong. You cared enough to find it an odd behavior, to not straightaway sign him off to a different commander, to even let his behavior annoy you. He wasn't air to you, you noticed that something had changed."

"As I said, needs an update." grumbled BA while shaking his head.

"And you didn't send any goons after him to teach him a lesson."

"No, we only decided to leave him in the stockade for some time while I could have bailed him out. Not much difference if you ask me."

"A big difference. You cared enough to get him out after you came back. That made the changing point."

"How do you know?"

"From his letters, it was written between the lines." Face was slowly relaxing but he wasn't there yet. "And colonel, what you said earlier, that Nam is still affecting him, it isn't Nam. Nam is part of it but you leaving him at that obstacle course hit something far deeper. Just what had happened to that soldier and what he had tested you for, you didn't care enough to wait or check if he needed you. At least that is how it came across."

Now Face was uncomfortable, no more physical but from how the Father was reading him like a book, and reading loud to the others. He needed a change of topic. "Uhm BA…I got to tell you something. Do you know your friend, Sergeant Barnes, the one from the motor pool, he shook hands with the goons after the colonel had handed over the money."

B.A.'s brow furrowed. "What you talkin' about, Faceman?"

Face flinched at the sergeant's acerbic tone. "I…I saw him, B.A."

"Barnes was a good man, sucker. Don't like you bad-mouthin' him."

"I'm not lying, B.A."

"You lie about everythin' else," the muscular man muttered under his breath.

Face physically shrunk and closed his eyes as the comment hit him hard and straight in the gut.

"B.A.!" Murdock admonished. "Face doesn't lie to us."

"Yeah…and how we know that? I say he just did."

Hannibal and Father McGill shared a look of concern; things weren't supposed to go this way.

Face opened his eyes again and his blue eyes looked directly into B.A.'s brown ones. "I'm sorry, B.A….but it's the truth."

"Then why you just bringin' it up now, man?"

Face was breathing hard…practically panting. "Because…thought…thought that's what you…you all wanted. Me…me to tell…what…what happened." He paused to catch his breath before adding softly. "Once again…I…I was wrong."

"No, no you are not kid, we want you to tell us."

"But BA…"

"I'm just a bully, sorry. I know you lie…but not to us when it matters and something like this does matter."

Face didn't even look at him. "You don't mean it, you just saying it." Under his breath he muttered "Anytime I open up it backfires at me. It's just talking and nothing else."

"Hey, you just accused a very good friend of mine, a friend that died in Nam I may add, of serious wrongdoing. You think I would react smoothly, and after all those years? I overreacted but really, what did you expect. Why do you come out with it now?"

"Cause we asked him to open up you big mudsucker."

"But not…"

"Not with the unpleasant things? Bosco, the truth is sometimes hard to hear and we don't want to see it, that's why it is so easy to just look the other way, just what happened after Sue hurt Templeton. But the terrible things are there and people need to talk about them."

"Sorry Father, I'm sorry Faceman…but why now?"

"Because….because he was your good friend, very good friend. I didn't know how much you share…if you knew…if you could…"

"If I could turn on you?"

Face bit his lip and nodded miserably.

"How could you even think that, man?"

"How could I not?" Face countered instantly.

Murdock put a hand on Face's shaking shoulder. "You're right…you have every right to doubt us."

"But…but…I don't…well…not really…I mean…at least I didn't until…"

"Until I messed up," Hannibal finished. "Oh, kid…what did I do?"

"You saved me, Hannibal…more times than I can count. That's why it's so hard for me to figure things out…so confused."

"That's good, Templeton…keep talking," Father McGill encouraged.

But for Face it felt anything but good. He didn't want to lose his team and he had learned the hard way that too much of the truth could drive people away. But it was as if he couldn't stop himself and the words kept pouring out. "Why did you save me all those times and then you don't care about what happened to me? You just leave me alone. And why did you hurt me? I know I endangered Maggie and I deserve punishment for that but I never thought you could be so cold, so emotionless."

Face was shaking like a leave and Hannibal didn't really know what to say. "Kid, I'm sorry. She forced us, it wasn't because of Maggie that I hurt you. She would have done worse to you, oh kid." Hannibal reached out but Face trembled even more until the Father put a halt to it.

"Colonel, Murdock, BA, please leave us alone for a while. It's getting too much on Templeton and he needs some rest." He stepped in between Face and the others to make for a physical barrier and looked at each of them.

"You're right Father. Kid, we'll leave you to get some rest. We're just outside, don't think we're going because we don't care about you, we're going because we know you are in good hands with the father. Get some rest, we'll talk later."

"Yeah Faceman, we love you man and we're here for you. Just yell."

"I'll go and make you some food, what do you say? It's been ages since we all eat something good."

With that they left. As soon as the door clicked shut Face groaned as the tension left him. "What have I done? How could I say all those things, he's always been there for me."

"You did the right thing and it was just the top of the mountain. They will always be there for you, no matter what you say. You need to get those things out of the way to be a proper team again. They need to know what you are feeling and thinking in order to understand you and you need to know their reasons. Things need to be said and should have been said a long time ago. Keeping your pain to yourself hurts all of you. Now get some rest, we'll go on when you're rested. Things will be okay, you'll see."

The priest sat at the side of the bed and stroked over Face's head. Though it was strange for two adults the safe feeling coupled with his emotional and physical tiredness soon lulled him to sleep.

"And when your heart feels right again you can start to heal physically." The old man said to a sleeping figure before settling into a chair.

The hours crept by at a snail's pace for all those but Face who remained out cold in a deep exhaustion driven sleep.

The older priest could feel his muscles stiffening up and could no longer remain seated in the hard chair. Getting up slowly he stretched gently and realized that he needed to use the restroom. Creeping out into the hallway he smiled as he saw the three other A-Team members sitting on the ground with their backs resting against the wall.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

"Face okay, Father?" Hannibal asked with alarm in his eyes.

Father McGill nodded his head. "Fine….just fine. Sleeping like a baby…reminds me so much of when he was a little boy and would stay up for days and then finally would be out like a light."

"That's good," Murdock said. "He needs sleep…real sleep."

"I'm just going to stretch my legs a minute..."

"I'll sit with the Faceman," B.A. interrupted to the shock of all the others. He looked to Hannibal who nodded his approval. "Why don't you all get some food…we never did make it to the kitchen yet."

"You sure, Bosco?"

"Yeah, Father. I wanna do this…I need to be there for him."

Once B.A. was seated in the chair previously occupied by the priest he got comfortable and settled in for the long haul. But it only took him a few minutes to realize that something was wrong. Face was way too stiff.

"Faceman, you don't need to fake. I know you are not sleeping."

No reaction.

"Hey, nobody who is sleeping is holding his arms as stiff as you do, besides you're not breathing evenly."

This time Face did open his eyes and looked at BA like somebody who has been caught raiding the candy bar.

"You don't need to talk to me if you don't want to, don't need to feign sleep for that."

"That's not it, I didn't mean to…"

"Then what is it? You can talk to me you know, I don't bite." BA was talking to Face as if he was one of the kids but he didn't do so intentionally. It just came out that way.

"I know that. I'm not five anymore."

"I didn't mean anything by it."

"Will the Father come back?"

Now that question caught BA off guard. Just now he insists to be grown and the next minute sounds like a lost boy. "Sure will, just needed to stretch out for a while, he's gone for a short walk.

So that was it, he woke up to see his guardian walking out of the room. "You know he loves you? We all do. None of us would ever walk out on you."

Face didn't answer but BA could see the wheels turning in his head. After some minutes of silence Face spoke again.

"You really didn't know?"

"I didn't know what?"

"Barnes."

"Huh? No, of course not. He was always very friendly. I just can't imagine he did…"

"I saw him BA."

"I'm not saying it's not true, it's just hard to imagine. Why do you think I knew?"

"I don't."

"But there's something behind your question. You think because he was my friend I could do the same?"

Face didn't react but studied his hands.

"Faceman, look at me. Are you afraid of me?"

Face bit at his lip nervously before answering. "Right now I'm mostly afraid of myself."

"That's not what I asked you, man…don't dodge the question."

"It's complicated, B.A."

"Then uncomplicated it…for once stop thinkin' and just talk to me."

Face took a deep breath and then followed the sergeant's advice. "Of course I'm afraid of you."

B.A. expected the answer but at the same time it managed to shock him. "Aw…man…I…I'm sorry."

"No…I mean…I was scared of you in Nam….at first. Geez…look at you."

B.A.'s face fell. "I…I'm sorry."

"No…no…I don't mean it like that. Once I got to know you it all changed."

"But…what about now?"

"Now? I…um…I'm…not afraid."

"Well you ain't exactly comfortable."

"I'm…I'm…"

"What? Tell me, Faceman."

Tears gathered in his eyes. "Fine…I'm scared! Is that what you wanted to hear? I'm a grown man and I'm scared!"

"Sorry man, I didn't mean to upset you. But …I mean…why?"

"Why what?" Face was completely confused and tried to wipe away his tears without looking like a wimp.

"Why are you…well, afraid of me? I would never hurt you on purpose. Or is it because I'm such a klutz at times that I hurt you accidentally?" BA was nervous. If that was the case, what could he do to change it? His weight alone had hurt Face this time when he fell on him and the couch. He could reduce, maybe. But if the muscles are gone, what would be his use on the team?

"No, no, I'm not afraid of you, well, I am, but not that way. Oh man, it's complicated. I'm afraid of what you could do to me, but not physically."

"You don't make sense Faceman." BA was more confused than ever and it showed.

Face took a deep breath, and winced at the pain, but that was not important now. If BA really didn't know maybe it was good to tell him. Or, more likely, he knew and it was all a joke for him. He didn't care. In that case it didn't make a difference too. Saying it out loud is not worse than knowing it secretly. It doesn't change the fact. "I…I don't mind you hitting me or falling on me, well, as long as you don't do it on a regular basis. What I'm really scared off is…is to lose you." Face closed his eyes', not wanting to see the reaction. "To lose you and the others and be all alone."

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. "We will never leave you Faceman, you are stuck with us man. Why are you scared?"

"Because, because you don't care anymore. Ever since Sue…I mean, it was there before but now it's worse. I was …I know I screwed up with Maggie but Hannibal never forgave me, and so did the rest of you. You hurt me and you don't care how I feel. I…I can't stay on my own…I'm losing my mind."

Before BA could answer they heard the clicking of the door as the priest quietly closed it behind him. He had appeared in time to hear the last bit of Face's statement.

"Templeton…they do care how you feel."

Face startled and winced at the fresh pain his jerky movement caused. "I…I used to think so…then they left me."

"We never left you, Faceman," B.A. countered gently.

Face frowned. "Maybe not physically…but you all checked out on me mentally."

"Face…"

"No, B.A. I understand…really I do. I mean…I can't blame you. I'm nothing but a tainted liar…even I don't believe myself anymore."

"I know you, my boy…and you are not a liar."

Face shook his head slightly. "All due respect, Father, but you of all people know of my history."

"Yes," Father McGill agreed. "And I know that you never…um…stretched the truth to hurt anybody. You are a good man."

"No…ask B.A. He'll tell you."

B.A. looked confused. "Tell him what?"

"Remember what you said to me at Fort Bragg? I was real sick…but I heard…"

"You heard what? No idea what you are talking about now."

"Heard you say 'the liar deserved all he got and more.' "

"Yeah, I said that, and I meant every word."

Face's expression didn't change, the answer was what he had expected, but that of the Father did.

"You heard right Father. That's what he said and it's true."

"Face is right Father, that's what I sad and it's true. But let me start a bit earlier than that. When we were brought to Bragg we were all in separate cells. Hannibal and Face beside each other, I was facing Hannibal. At that time Face had more nightmares than ever. His past, Nam and then our country turning against us, no wonder. He woke up screaming and kicking at least once a night, most often several times. Nobody on the floor could get a good night sleep and the wardens were trying to get him to be quiet. They went into his cell and Face attacked, time after time after time. After three days, one warden almost chocked to death, three broken arms, one dislocated shoulder, two broken legs, four kicked in noses and a number of cracked ribs and not to forget Face being beaten blue and green, Lynch finally gave in to Hannibal's pleas and moved Face into his cell. Not long after the interrogation started. They took each of us single to question. After those times Face had more nightmares than usual and we thought it was because he was reminded of the pow camp but then Hannibal saw the marks. The bastards had been beating him while they only questioned us. Hannibal being his CO demanded answers and made a lot of fuss. Lynch wanted the case to die down being afraid of his career and we didn't really want to be moved to different facilities. There was a chance we would end up separated. So Hannibal agreed to let it go if Lynch agreed that Face would no more be taken from the cell alone. Either me or Hannibal were to be with him anytime they took him. He agreed and for a while it worked. Then some of the guys got sick, and Face with his luck caught the bug too. Must have been brought in with the food I assume. Face was still weak from our time in Nam and it affected him a lot. He was weak like a kitten and couldn't keep anything down. Hannibal had just coaxed him into eating something when they came for him. He argued that he couldn't leave Face alone and they promised to move me to his cell should something happen. So Hannibal went with them for questions. Of course it didn't take long until Face retched up the food. He turned on his cot so to hit the floor instead of himself. Unfortunately he didn't manage to stay up and fell in his vomit. I called for the warden to move me over but instead they opened up his cell only. Lynch himself came and told the others to take him to the shower and clean him. He thought Face was too weak to do anything. I screamed and rattled the door but to no avail. They dragged him away, he was hardly able to keep up with their pace. It didn't take long until I heard the screams, but not Face's screams. When they brought him back he was out cold and dripping wet. They left him on the floor and closed the door. I could see his body shivering but I couldn't do anything. A few minutes later one warden, one of the few friendly ones, came back with towels and unlocked me to join Face. He was ice cold. He told me that they took Face to the shower and Lynch himself was there. He ordered them to strip him and as the first guy touched him all hell broke loose. No idea where he took the energy from but he kicked them away, went for Lynch and let the guy have it. It took them a while to pull him off of Lynch and by then the smug bastard was down and needed the medics. Instead of stripping him they settled for hosing him down with cold water and dragged him back. Hannibal was furious when he came back, although the news that Lynch was at the infirmary with a broken nose and five broken ribs consoled him a bit. That was when I made the statement Face recited earlier on." Of course BA now had an idea where Face took the energy from but he didn't want to tell the priest about Face's past with Lynch which they themselves learned only a few years ago.

"Ah...so you were talking about Lynch and not Templeton?" Father McGill questioned.

"Damn right," B.A. affirmed, before blushing and adding, "sorry, father."

While B.A. turned red, Face went white. "You...all these years...you were talking about Lynch?"

The sergeant nodded. "Yeah, man...'course I wasn't talkin' about you."

"M'sorry, B.A. I...I assumed..."

"Stop apologizin, Faceman. You was sick and hurt...you heard what your mind let you."

"You know...I always looked up to you, B.A." Face was looking into the larger man's brown eyes with a strength that betrayed his weakened condition.

B.A.'s eyes twinkled. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. You were like the big brother I never had."

Father McGill decided to chime in again. "Seems to me that he still is."

"Always," B.A. asserted.

The tender moment was disrupted by Murdock knocking. "Face, I got some food for you. Home made cooking."


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

"What you talking fool? What you conjure together ain't cooking."

"Face needs food."

"True, but what you make usually doesn't fit the description."

Before Father McGill could do anything the whole team was back in the room. Murdock and BA arguing over Murdock's cooking skills while Hannibal was trying to get Face to eat. It would have been comical had he not seen the alarm in Face's eyes.

"Come on kid, you need to eat. Just a bit."

Seeing that Face wasn't eating Murdock and BA both turned to him and joined into coaxing him to eat.

"I don't think food is the most important now." The Father tried to intervene before things blew up.

"Sorry Father but it is, we are in a special situation. We need to keep our strength all the time, one never knows when we have to run for a longer time without a chance for food."

"Keeping strong is not really what this looks like, he needs to get strong in the first place, milk would be good."

"My food is better than milk BA."

"It ain't…"

"Aaarrrggghhhh." Face blocked his ears screaming out his frustration and effectively silencing the room. "Stop, all of you."

"But kid, we only want to help."

"Where were you when I needed your help? Who cared whether I was able to keep anything down seeing Sue all the time? Didn't you notice that I wasn't strong anymore? That I lost a lot of my strength and was hardly able to keep up with you guys on missions? That I didn't sleep?" He pushed the plate that was in front of him hard and it went down with quite some noise. "I don't need your food and I don't need your care. Can't you all decide, three years you don't give a damn and now you want to care? Sorry Father, not you of course." Face was drained and it was showing.

The Father decided to intervene before things escalated more. "I'm sorry, I have to ask all of you to leave the room, now. I'll come to you when we need something."

Hannibal opened his mouth as if to argue but thought again, nodded and turned to the door. "Come on guys. Face, just call when you need us, we are there for you."

As soon as the door closed Face hit the bed with his fist in frustration. "Damn, can you tell me what is wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this? Why do I push those that I want around?"

"Give yourself time Templeton, time will heal…well…a lot of wounds. It was too much, let's do this one step at a time."

"Time heals…but not when the pain never ends."

"Oh…my boy…you have to have faith in God."

"I have…for over thirty years…I still do…but…"

"But what?"

Face stopped to take a few deep breaths before answering in a shaky voice, "I don't think He has faith in me."

The older man's mouth fell open. "How do you figure that?"

"Because if He did He wouldn't have to test me so much."

He could clearly understand why Face felt that way…he had been given more in his years than any person should have to handle. He was about to respond when Face continued.

"I'm just so tired…tired and angry! I don't want to feel the way I do…I don't want to lose my religion."

"Then fight, boy. Fight for it…don't let the demons win or break you."

A tear slipped from one of Face's blue eyes. "I think I'm already broken."

"No, you are not." The priest knelt down beside Face to not look down at him. "You are strong, very strong."

"No, I'm not. You always say nobody gets more than he can handle but I can't handle it anymore. More and more trouble is heading my way and I can't see top again. I'm pushing away the only friends I have. I even attacked you. I'm so tired of it all. Tired of fighting."

"You can't stop here my boy. You need to fight on and things will get better again."

"Better? Like the way they were before? Thank you but things have never been right. I'm just skipping between bad and worse for all my life. Why does god think I deserve whatever I get? What did I do to deserve such a live?"

"Think of it Templeton. Is your life really all bad? Think about the nice moments, the pranks with Murdock, finally having a father and a big brother, laughing at Decker when you escaped once more. Those are the things I want you to think of. You're not handed bad things only."

"No, you are right, but lately it seems the bad gets too much. I'm destroying the team and I put too much load on you. At the end I'll lose all I have and what stays is all bad."

"You don't have the slightest chance to destroy this team, each of them would jump into fire for you. You only have a communication problem that we will solve, I promise. And for me, I can carry much more than you give to me. Let me share with you, open up, don't let the bad thoughts consume you."

"I'm just so tired of it all, of fighting, of running, of the memories and the nightmares. I hurt all over, inside more than out."

"That's just it, you have to let this pain out so we can all see it and heal it."

"Sorry Father, I don't think you want to see my inside. That could even disturb your believe."

"I highly doubt that. Give it a try. I would rather lose my religion than you. What's the first problem we tackle?"

But Face couldn't speak as he pondered the priest's words. 'He would rather lose his religion?' The thought horrified Face.'

"Templeton? Did you hear me, son?"

"I heard," Face barely squeaked out.

"Then talk to me, son."

Face blanched. There was that word again: son. "I'm...not...your son."

Father McGill chuckled. "You say that way too often."

"It's true...I'm nobody's son. "

A lightbulb went off in the Father's head. "Then that's where we'll start."

"Huh?"

"With your mother. You are her son, right?"

"Right and not. I was her son but she didn't want me, threw me away. Same as my father. They decided I'm not their son anymore. Same as all the foster parents I had. I'm nobodies son."

"Maybe that's not how it was. Maybe she was forced to give you away or something happened to her. Maybe you were kidnapped."

"And had no other relatives looking for me? Unlikely."

"Happens more often than you think. What about we assume she loved you but was forced to give you away? I know you don't like assumptions but in this case we have no chance to find the truth. Fact is that people who don't want their kids usually come to us. They don't hide in the dark."

"Yeah, or they don't care at all and just drop them somewhere and take off."

"You were at our doorstep, not somewhere on the road."

"But I don't know if I was taken there or ended up there on my own. I don't remember anything that happened before you found me. I think I remember her leaving me there but I'm not sure."

'Your brain probably has a good reason to not let you remember and I'm afraid of what would bubble up if you did one day.' Out loud he said "It's better to not have a memory than a bad memory."

"No, I want to know. I want to know where I came from, what happened, how she looked like." Face gulped. "You know, I remember how she smelled but not her face. Sometimes I smell something and…" his voice cracked and he was unable to end the sentence.

"And what?" The priest prodded.

Face cleared his throat. "And...and I go right back...only.." he stopped again and closed his eyes tightly.

"Only?" Father McGill wasn't going to give up until he got Face to break down his walls.

"Only...I...I try so hard...so hard that it physically hurts...but I just can't remember." Face swallowed a sob. "Do you know what that's like...to have something so close...yet so far?"

"Yes...yes I do," the older man said somberly.

Face reopened his eyes. "What is it?"

"I knew what that was like when you went to Nam...and even since you've been back and on the run. I know it isn't quite the same, but it still hurts."

Face nodded. "Hurts...bad." He bit his lip. "I'm sorry."

"What for this time?" the priest half-joked.

"For being the reason for your pain."

"Oh no...you aren't the reason...it's your circumstances. You my boy bring me pure joy and love."

"You are the first one to ever say that."

"I should have said it far earlier and more often."

"Father?"

"Yes boy."

"Will I ever remember her?"

"Maybe you will, one day, if god thinks now is the time. Just believe in it but don't put any pressure on you. You remember her smell, do you connect any bad feelings to that smell?"

"No, not at all. Rather…it feels like…like..safe I guess."

"Then just believe that your mother loved you. We will probably never find out her reason for leaving you but just believe that she wanted the best for you."

"I…I've never seen it from that side. The scent I mean."

"Sometimes it's the little things that count."

"You are right." It was almost a whisper, Face was so lost in thought that he didn't even look up.

"Shall we move on Templeton?"

Face sighed and finally did look up. "Yeah, yeah we should. It's about time."

The priest put a hand on Face's shoulder. "She's part of you boy, will always be."

"I know. I just wish the part was bigger."

"Where do we go from here?"

"To the kitchen."

"Huh? What happened in the kitchen?" Father McGill couldn't remember any incident in the orphanages kitchen that could trouble Face up to now.

"Murdock happened I hope."

"I don't understand."

"I'm hungry. I hope Murdock cooked."

The priest broke out into a wide grin. "You know...I'm a bit hungry myself. Let me help you up."

Face held out his hand to stop him. "No...no...I'm okay. I can do it."

"Templeton...you are weak."

Face put on his most charming smile and teased, "I thought you've been telling me how strong I am?"

Father McGill rolled his eyes. "You know what I'm talking about."

Face just continued to smile and pushed himself up. But as he swung his legs over the side of the bed his head swam and he would have fallen over if not for the steadying hand of the Father. "Templeton!"

"I'm...I'm...," He was about to say okay but after catching a glimpse of the older man's raised eyebrows he concluded, "I'm gonna need some help."

Father McGill released the breath he had been holding. "Let's do this...together."

All was okay until right before they entered the kitchen. Something about the smell coming from in the room hit Face and his vision began to gray. The Father was able to keep him from falling but just by lowering him to the ground.

"Hannibal, Murdock, Bosco, I need help."

The three had been in the kitchen but never heard the duo coming. Now they came rushing out together.

"Face, kid, what's wrong. You should have stayed in bed kid. Face, Face!" Hannibal slapped Face lightly and he came back to his senses. Right in time to see all three of his supposed friends towering over him. Actually they were kneeling by his side but since he was laying down it looked that way. Instinctively he shrunk back.

"Kid, we won't hurt you."

After the first instinctive reaction had given way to logic thinking he tried to put on a smile and look relaxed.

"I know, I…I just…I"

"Maybe we better get back to our room."

"But Father, you said you were hungry and I am too. I …I…I'm okay."

"You are hungry, that's good, I cooked your favorite."

"That isn't his favorite, it's yours fool. And hardly edible for all others."

"Face likes it."

"Nobody likes this mixed-up-everything-that-was-around."

"Face does!"

"Does not."

"Does too."

"Stop it you two. Face? You want to risk Murdock's food or want a sandwich?"

"I like Murdock's special."

"You see you big mudsucker?"

"Not now Murdock. Think you can sit in the kitchen, or do you want to eat in bed?"

"I can sit up."

"Okay, then let's get you there."

Together they got Face to the kitchen and soon he sat in front of a steaming plate of whatever-it-is. But he just pushed the food around.

"Could you three leave us alone for a while?"

"Sure Father, Face, we'll be in the sitting room."

"Templeton, what's wrong?"

"That smell, it…it…"

"Is it the smell you remember from your mother?"

Face smiled genuinely this time. "No, I hope she didn't smell that way and cooked better. It just is…Murdock always cooks this when I'm down."

The Father looked at his own plate and turned the contend around. "Why? Does he want to kill you?"

"No, I really like it, it's special…it's for me. He makes it just for me. You know, the taste doesn't matter. It was made for just me, because he cares….he hasn't made it in a long time, don't know why now."

"Because he wants to show you he still cares, maybe?"

"You think?" Face had so much hope in his voice.

"I don't think, I'm sure. All of them care. Whatever went wrong in the last years we'll get to the ground of it, okay?"

"Okay. Now let's eat before it get's cold."

"It sounds like the right description. You sure we will survive this?"

"It's good. Well, it has only edible ingredients, that can't be said for all of Murdock's cooking."

"Well, enjoy your meal. I'll settle for a sandwich."

Face ate everything set before him; he hadn't realized how hungry he had really been until he started.

"Wow," Father McGill beamed. "If only I could get you to do that as a young boy."

"Never did eat much, did I?"

The priest rolled his eyes. "Much?"

"Well…I was too busy."

"Chasing the girls?"

Face gave a crooked grin. "You know it!" The grin quickly faded to a grimace.

"Templeton…what is it?"

Face couldn't talk…couldn't even breathe.

"Son…what is it?"

"Hurts…real bad."

The Father jumped up. "Where?"

Face doubled over. "Chest…can't…can't…" His eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed against the table.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

"Templeton! Colonel, Bosco, Mur…." Before he could finish the three came crashing into the room.

"You killed him with your crazy cooking fool."

"What happened?"

While all spoke at once Hannibal was already taking Face's vitals.

"He complained about his chest, one moment to the next, said it hurts and then…"

"His heart sounds normal, breathing is somewhat off but not really worse than before, I can't find anything wrong."

"What if he had an heart attack? Hannibal we…"

"Murdock, there are no signs, probably he was weaker than we thought, him included."

"It's your fool cooking."

"He likes it, he does."

"It's not edible."

"What's inside?"

"BA, help me get him to the bed, Father, you better ask for what isn't inside."

"Murdock?"

"Lots of pepper, uhm..chicken, plumb, apple, rice, all kind of spices, onion…"

"Okay, okay, maybe it was just too spicy. He hasn't eaten for quite some time."

"But why his chest?"

"Maybe the belly and he felt it as breathing trouble, I mean with all his bruises and cracked ribs."

"Cracked ribs?"

"Uhm…you don't have that information from me, okay?"

"Oh god. I'll never cook again."

"No Murdock, you should cook more often instead."

"Huh? I thought you like him."

"I do, and he enjoys your cooking. Maybe not the outcome of it but the fact that you do something special for him. He finished the whole plate in record time. He told me how he loves this particular food because you show him how you care. He needs that."

"Father?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks. I…I'll cook anything if that help's mending the team. Thanks."

"Don't mention. That's why I'm here. Let's check on him then."

By the time they entered the room Face was just starting to stir.

"What…what happened?" he asked weakly.

Murdock leaned in and said softly, "I'm so sorry."

"Wha…what for?"

"My cooking…made you sick."

Face paled more than he already was if possible. "No…no…wasn't your food."

"How are you feeling now?" Hannibal asked.

"Okay."

"Faceman…don't be jivin' us," B.A. said.

Face smiled. "No..I'm not…feel better."

Father McGill interjected, "but you look ill, my boy."

"No…my head feels better…more clear."

"The rest of you?" Murdock prodded.

"I…I'm…"

"Face…" The team threatened at once.

"Stomache…chest…aches."

"Let me see."

"No, I'll be alright."

"Was it the food?"

"No Murdock, I always like your food."

"Kid, I said let me see and that was no question."

"Hannibal I'm fine, really." Face turned from grey to green as he said the words.

"Face, you are not." Hannibal took a step closer and Face moved too. He turned to the side just in time for the first heave. BA had seen it coming and had a bucket ready. What they hadn't prepared for was to see him wrapping his arms around himself. They held him through the attack as good as they could and lowered him back down when it was over. Face had his eyes screwed shut and his arms wrapped around his chest.

"Hannibal, maybe it was a heart attack after all." Murdock was ready to call the medics.

"Kid?"

"Hurts, damn it hurts."

"What?"

"Chest…no…ribs."

"Your ribs? What happened to them?"

Face looked to the Father who took the clue. "They are more than bruised."

"Huh? Did he fall again?"

"No, they were more than bruised right from the start, he only didn't tell anybody. It's the upper ribs, that is why he feels it as chest pain."

"Damn, Face, you need to tell us such things."

Face closed his eyes and sighed, wincing at the pain even that small action caused.

"Face?"

"Still here, Han'bal," Face muttered.

"How bad is it?"

"I'll live…had worse."

B.A. shook his head. "That's not what the man asked," he grumbled.

Face's eyes shot open and daggers came out. "I know what he asked…and I answered!"

Murdock pushed both Hannibal and B.A. out of the way. "Face…calm down."

Face turned his attention to the pilot and opened his mouth to fight back until he saw the genuine concern in the big brown eyes. "I…I…I'm sorry."

B.A. pushed Murdock aside this time. "Nah, man…I am. You doin' okay…for real?"

Face wasn't able to answer because one, his chest was tightening. This time not because of pain but because of emotion. They did care, all of them. How could he not have seen it, or had it not been there and came just now? Even Hannibal didn't look too angry about him not telling the truth. Face thought back, they had cared before, in Nam and afterwards, ha had always felt safe with them. But that feeling had gone. He involuntarily shivered as he thought about the last few years. The special band they seemed to have had gotten thinner and thinner until it tore.

"Faceman?"

His attention was drawn back to BA who looked at him with real concern in his brown eyes. There was a second reason why he couldn't answer. What should he say? Was he okay? He didn't know himself. He closed his eyes and balled his fists in frustration. When had everything become so difficult? He was lost in thought when he felt the large hand close over his. His first reaction was instinct and he tried to pull back but BA had a tight grip on him. Tight but not frightening. He allowed himself to feel the warmth of BA's hand, the way his thumb rubbed over his wrist.

"I…I don't know BA." Was his whispered response.

"Why you don't know?"

"Am I okay? Have I ever been? What is okay and where does okay end? I'm just confused."

He was so focused on BA that he jumped slightly at Hannibal's voice. "Are you afraid of us?"

"No, no, of course not."

"You are jumpy."

"I…I..just when you touch me unexpected, I can control it."

"What do you mean you can control it?"

"When I put my mind to it, I know you are my friends, I know that now. I just need to put my mind to it and remind myself, remind myself that you are not going to hurt me."

"But deep down you are afraid of us."

Face turned his eyes to the blanket covering him. What should he say? He was, deep down he was.

"Face, if you are afraid of us we can't work the way we did so far, it's too dangerous." He knew that kind of talk, Hannibal would now tell him they couldn't be a team again and he was right. If he freaked out in the middle of a case he could endanger all the others.

"You don't need to say it Hannibal, I understand."

Hannibal sat down on the bed, BA who was standing at the other side still held his hand and Murdock moved closer too and put a hand on his hair. "I don't know what you understand but I doubt it is the same thing I had in mind. We need help. This team needs help. We are just that, a team, and we'll always be. We'll work through this and regain your trust and if it takes years to do so then so it is. We'll never give up on you. What we did to you was bad, we were forced to hurt you and then we continued hurting you without noticing. I can understand if you never really trust us again but I want us to try and work things out. If we can't work through this, I mean, if we finally notice that no matter what we do you are still afraid of us, then…"

'…then we can't take you on missions again.' Face completed the sentence in his mind.

"…then we have to give up our line of work and find something else doing, maybe leave the US."

Face's eyes were wide open now, and fixed on Hannibal. How could he say something like this. "No, no, I'll just… you don't need me, you can go on missions without me."

"We can," BA said, "But we don't want to."

"The big guy is right, you are more important to us than missions, even more important to me than flying. We would give up anything for this team, anything except one of us and you are one of us."

"Yes Face, that's right and I'm sorry you doubt it, sorry we made you doubt it. As I said we need help and I hope the Father can help us work things out."

The priest shocked them all by saying, "No…no I don't think I can."

"Huh?" was the collective response. But it was Face's eyes that reflected deep pain.

"Allow me to explain. Of course I will be here to provide council, but I now see that I am but an outsider looking in."

"That isn't true…" Hannibal started.

"Yes…yes it is," the priest smiled. "But that isn't a bad thing. You are a family."

Face still looked like he had been kicked in the gut. 'I always thought you were my first family,' he thought.

"Templeton?" Father McGill couldn't understand what he said wrong, but he could see that the younger man looked disturbed.

"Yes…yes, sir?"

The remaining team members shared a wary look; his tone and demeanor was off again. Face seemed to have shut down from the one man who had a rare ability to keep him open.

"Did I say something wrong? You always wanted a family of your own, that's the goal of our orphanage, to give kids a home until we can find them a home of their own. In your case it took longer than expected and you found your family yourself but you found it anyway. That's good. Now you don't need me anymore, which doesn't mean that I won't always be there for you. It only means that now you have a family of your own that you don't have to share with countless brothers and sisters. And you know the best part? Ah…push over a bit." The old man made himself comfortable on the side of the bed before continuing in a low voice towards Face as if he was going to keep that part of the information from the others who, of course, heard every word. "I now have the status of a foster father after the family has been mended and the child has returned home. Somehow like a grandfather or uncle, meaning I can spoil the child because I'm no longer responsible for his education. You and me can share the fun parts of live and your family has to live with the consequences."

A small smile played around Face's lips and the situation between the two men was solved. Hannibal envied the priest for his ability to assess while talking and changing directions without the other party knowing what is happening. He wished he could do this with his men. It seemed to work with the enemy but not with his men.

"Father, I suggest that we leave you and the spoiled brat there alone for some time, he looks like he could do with some rest. How about we take advantage of your counseling one by one? Face, you talk with the Father and then decide whom of us to call in. I think it would be good to talk one by one for a start instead of having the whole team together. What do you say?"

Face nodded. He was starting to feel his energy waning and he was feeling dizzy again.

After the team left the lieutenant let his mask drop and closed his eyes with a subtle moan.

"Templeton?"

"Yes, father?"

"You do know…don't you?"

"Huh?" Face asked groggily.

The priest paused before answering, "You do know that I love you…don't you?"

Face stiffened and paled, obviously uncomfortable. "Um…yeah…and um…you too…right?"

Father McGill knew where Face was going, but wanted to force him to say it. "Me too what?"

Face blushed in spite of his pale complexion. "I…I…l….la…love you too."

"Yes…my son…I know," the holy man smiled. "But there is something else you need to know…and I should have told you a long time ago. This won't be easy to hear."

"Whatever it is Father, I guess I heard worse before." Face yawned, he suddenly was so tired.

"You know, I always told you that we don't know where you came from and that nobody ever came to tell us where you belong or how you were named? Well, that's not the full truth."

Suddenly Face was wide awake. "What?"

"Let me finish my boy. When you were with us for just a short time, five months maybe, you know, the time before you started to talk, a young man came to the orphanage. He said he was looking for his young brother Emanuel and then he gave a good description of you."

"What? I was claimed? I have a brother? Who is it? What happened?" The questions came so fast the priest had trouble to follow.

"Please my boy, let me finish. You were getting adjusted but you didn't talk. We had been out at the beach the day prior and you had sat at the beach just watching the waves, you didn't play in the surf like the other kids. There was a good chance the man could have watched you for a while to get your description. You didn't mix with the others so the assumption that you were new was not a far shot. He couldn't have known if we knew your history but he could just have given it a try. Something was off, all my alarm bells went on when he came to claim you. I couldn't put my finger on it but I had a feeling that this man meant trouble. In any other case I would have called you to the office to see your reaction but you were already traumatized enough and just starting to mix with the others. Instead I tried to test him, asked him questions about how long you were missing, where you had lived and so on. He was clever, he gave a lot of open answers, like he didn't say you were missing from so and so date but that you were living with an aunt and he hadn't seen you for months and that this aunt never reported you missing. His answers were all of that sort, he never gave any exact date or place. He said apart from that aunt he was your only living family member. When he claimed to see you I told him you had cut your hand and one of the nurses had taken you to the hospital. I would check his story and he should come back the next day. He never appeared again and that was proof enough to me that he didn't really have an interest in you. I'm still convinced that he had nothing good in mind and wasn't really your brother. I guess he never knew you."

Face looked like he was going to be sick any minute. His body was misbehaving and now his mind joined in.

"Sorry, I should have told you earlier. He said his name was Anthony, Anthony Mendosa. He had no similarity to you at all."

Face squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed the bile that had risen into his throat. "Why?" he managed to squeak out.

"I don't know, Templeton…I don't know why Mr. Mendosa…if that was his real name…would have targeted you."

Face swallowed hard again before attempting to respond. "No…no…not…not that."

Father McGill raised his eyebrows. "Then what, my son?"

Face forced his eyes open and met the priest's own orbs. "Why'd you have…have to tell…tell me this, now?"

There was no anger or reproachment behind the question, but still the father recoiled slightly which only upset Face more. "You decided to not tell me for all this years and now, now of all times you come out with it. Why?"

"It needed saying, as I said I should have told you long ago but …."

"But what? " Face interrupted. "You had all of my life to tell me. Now, at a time I have so much on my mind you need to add more. Maybe he was my brother, maybe he knew something, maybe I have a family of my own."

"Yes, yes you have a family of your own. They are waiting in the other room."

"No, I mean a real one, I mean, a biological one. Why didn't you let him take me along?"

"Templeton, he wasn't your brother. He didn't have any similarity to you. Besides he never came back to pick you."

"Maybe he had a reason, not all family members look alike, he could have a different father, or it's in our genes, anything is possible. Maybe if you had allowed me to see him it would have triggered a memory, a memory of my parents or my life before the orphanage, a memory of where I come from."

"Templeton, the story he gave was too thin and he never came back to collect you. I never send kids away with people who claim them as their family members without a thorough background check, you should know that. Meeting with him could have send you over the edge and I didn't want, no, I couldn't risk that. If he really had an interest in you he would have come back."

"Maybe he couldn't. You told him to check his story. What if he was a wanted criminal? Maybe it runs in the family."

"And you think I would have given you along with a criminal?"

"Not all wanted men did the crime they are accused of."

"I know. Look, may be my timing was off but I wanted you to know. I mean now that you need to heal some problems within your family, I wanted you to know that this is the only family you have. I didn't want to keep that information from you any longer. If I told you later maybe you would think I kept the fact that someone claimed you as a brother just so you would mend your problems with the team. If there was the slightest chance he was your brother I would have looked for him my boy. I love you as my own but I would never keep the chance to find your roots from you. That man had nothing good in mind. It's the A-Team that is your real family, even if not biological."

"Oh boy, it's just so hard to concentrate. My mind was swirling before that information, now it's…I don't know. Is there something like extra swirling?"

The Father smiled. "You want a break? Some food? Or we start with the first team member?"

'Start what? Oh yeah, talking one by one, they are probably waiting. Food? No, thanks, getting sick again is the last thing I need now. A big brother, Anthony, maybe it's true.'

"Templeton? I think we should go for the break. Sorry I confused you."

"No, no it's okay, I don't need food. Let's start, they are waiting."

"No food, but what about rest?"

"No, I'm okay to start."

"Good. Whom do we start with? The colonel?"

'Hannibal? No, I don't think I'm ready, too many issues there. Murdock? He's my best pal, should be easiest to clear things with him. Emanuel, Emanuel Mendosa, doesn't sound bad. What would have been my mother's name? Sounds like Mexican background, maybe Maria. Or only our father was Mexican. Maybe she was blond like me.'

"Templeton, whom do we start with?"

"Huh? Oh, uhm BA."

'BA, why did I say BA? Doesn't matter now, he's already on his way to call him.'

A moment later BA pulled up a chair to the bed.

"I think we should go like this, Templeton, you start by naming the things you didn't like and when you are done, BA will get a chance to explain. Nobody interrupts the other while talking, okay?"

"Okay with me."

"Templeton?"

" 'kay."

"Good, then start." The Father had a little notice book to take notes.

'He had such a book when we were small, maybe the notes about my brother are in one of them. It must be true, why would someone say he's my brother if it wasn't true? Nobody needs a five year old if he's not family.'

"Templeton?"

"Right, uhh, BA…I didn't…I…what disturbed me…well…I didn't like…I don't know where to start."

"Just start at the beginning Faceman, I'm gonna listen."

"Okay, uhm after she…the nutcase…after…where…I mean while…where were, Father, I'm so confused." Face's mind was reeling and his eyes lost focus. Shortly after his world turned black and he was out.

"Faceman, Face, what's wrong with him? Should I have said something? Was it his memory of what I did to him?" BA had Face's hand in his own and looked lost himself.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

"No, I guess this has nothing doing with you. Sorry, it was too early. He needs some rest."

"That all? He wasn't that confused when we left the room."

"Well, I just gave him some information and I think it upset him more than I thought." The Father continued to tell BA what he had just told Face.

"What did you say was the name of the dude?"

"Anthony Mendosa."

"Maybe we can let Amy check him out."

The priest shook his head skeptically. "I had it looked into…nothing but dead ends there."

"Yeah…you probably right, man…I mean Father." The sergeant hovered over his friend a moment until he was satisfied that the smaller man wasn't in any immediate medical danger.

"While you're here, Bosco…why don't we have a talk."

"Okay…I guess there are some things I been wantin' to get off my chest."

The elderly man leaned forward slightly. "Go on, my son."

B.A. paused and rubbed his Mohawk before starting. "Well…it's just that…I feel real guilty."

Sensing B.A.'s hesitation, the priest prodded, "Guilty for hurting Templeton?"

"No…I mean…yeah of course…that eats me up inside." B.A. started to fiddle with his rings. "I …well…I feel guilty…um…'cause I…well…I get tired of it all."

Father McGill nodded understandingly, but wanted the muscular man to finish this one on his own.

"I get tired of…well…you know…of Face…"

B.A. was unable to finish his thought when Face's eyes blinked open. 'B.A. said it…he's tired of me.'

"Hey there Faceman." BA, who was still holding Face's hand, said in his voice that was usually reserved for scared kids.

"It's okay BA, you don't need to pretend, I understand."

"Huh?"

"I heard you and it's okay, really. I'm sometimes tired of myself. How much more others."

"Ah man, of course you needed to wake up now of all times. Just forget what you just heard."

"It's okay BA, I really understand. Was about time I opened my eyes to the truth."

"Oh stop the crazy jibber jabber, Murdock has all rights reserved on that. I'm not tired of you. That's the trouble with you. You accuse us of assuming but you are not better. You hear three words and assume the rest of the conversation. I'm tired of you being doubtful all the time and feeling guilty and worthless. That was what I was gonna say when you woke up."

When Face didn't talk BA went on but now he was speaking in his gruff annoyed voice and standing over Face. "All the time we need to reassure you that you are part of the team and that your work matters and that you are valued and loved. It's mighty boring. I'm not used to talking much, that ain't my style. If Hannibal woulda let me I would have pounded the news into you some fifteen years back but he wouldn't let me. Just get it through your thick skull already and move on to the next topic. Now get your rest. The sooner we get over this the better. I'll be outside with the others."

Before BA left the room he turned his head again. "Sleep, don't beat yourself up over every problem in the world but just sleep, that's an order." With that he left.

BA's words should have been reassuring but the way they were delivered kept them from having that effect. Face closed his eyes pretending to sleep but he couldn't stop thinking of how he was a nuisance to the others…and of the news that a brother had once claimed him. He wanted nothing more than to jump out of bed and go check out the whereabouts of Anthony Mendosa.

But all thoughts of that were pushed aside as he heard an odd sound coming from the priest. Face's eyes flew open. "Father…you okay?'

The holy man had a distinctively pinched look to his features and had turned a gray color. "Yes…yes…I'm fine," he stuttered out.

Face pushed himself painfully upward onto his forearms. "No…no you're not. What's wrong?"

Father McGill coughed and put a hand to his chest. "Just…just a little angina…it's nothing…really."

Face wasn't nearly convinced. "No…you don't look good." To prove his point the older man gasped and clutched at his chest again. "That's it…I'm getting Hannibal."

"No…no…" he started to protest, but Face was already in motion; his own pain forgotten.

Face scurried into the hallway and leaning heavily against the wall made his way down the hall. His energy was waning quickly. "Han…Hannibal," he tried to call but was surprised how out of breath he was. While he had attempted to shout it was a mere croak that came out. He was heard anyway, but not by Hannibal.

"What you doing out here? Didn't I tell you to get some sleep?"

"Father…he…"

BA didn't wait for Face to finished. He shouted "Hannibal" and his shout echoed through the whole apartment, before he took off running the few steps to Face's room. By the time Hannibal appeared BA was nowhere to be seen, only Face leaned against the wall.

"What happened?"

All Face could do was to say "Father" and point at his door.

"Murdock, take care of Face." Hannibal shouted towards the kitchen and was gone too.

By the time Murdock arrived at Face's side in an odd looking chef's apron and splattered in what appeared to be tomato sauce, chocolate and pink icing, Face had caught his breath.

"What's it Face?"

"The Father, I think he had an heart attack or something. Damn, I'm so useless, I couldn't help him, couldn't even shout for help."

"But you came to get us."

"Yeah, and was too weak to even shout. It was just luck BA heard me."

"You were sick for quite some time, you still are. Don't be so hard on you. Let's go and check on them." Without asking Murdock put a hand around Face's waist and together they made their way back.

"I'm okay, really." Was the first thing they heard.

"Now I know where Face learned that trade."

"Speaking of the devil…here he comes. Face, what happened here?"

"He turned grey and coughed and clutched his chest….I'm worried Father."

"I'm fine, maybe a little circulation trouble. It's over already."

"It might have well been a mild heart attack. I want it checked out Hannibal."

"Face is right Father, it could be something serious. We better get you checked out."

"Whatever it was its over. I'm no more the youngest, allow me to cough from time to time boy. I'm fine."

"No, that was scary. I insist Father. I….I…I still need you." Face added in a small voice.

"It's not a good idea now. I'll go get checked out when I'm back home. Here I could draw attention to you."

"But maybe by then it's too late."

"Face, the Father is right…"

"But…"

"Let me finish. Where is the next church you are in contact with?"

"Hmm, about two hours south of here there's a church I sometimes went to train the nurses of their orphanage. I'm in close contact with them, even one of the nurses who knows Templeton is there. She moved there from our orphanage some years back."

"BA could take you to a hospital close and if anyone get's suspicious this happened to you on your way to a surprise visit."

"It's really not necessary."

"Please Father."

The old priest sighed but he couldn't deny Face this wish. Granted he was a little worried himself since he had never experienced something like this.

"Okay, BA can take me there and we'll be back soon. You rest, and eat something. You'll lose all your strength. Murdock, you are in charge of that. Hannibal, you check the ingredients of what Murdock cooks and then you make sure Templeton eats and rests, nothing but that. Bosco, what are you waiting for, let's go. The sooner we leave the sooner we're back."

BA's mouth hung open as the Father pushed him towards the door and Hannibal wore a broad grin. The Father turned and winked at Face before they were out the door.

"He could be a good general."

"He had a lot of troops to control."

"Yeah, you are right." Hannibal chuckled imagining how it would have been to be responsible for so many kids. "You heard the man, sleep. Murdock, cook something with nothing but edible ingredients, edible ingredients that are soft on the stomach."

A little over two hours later BA had dropped the Father at the hospital and was waiting in the Van to hear from him. While he had nothing doing he called Amy.

"You want what? Anthony Mendosa? Do you know how many people with that name could be out there?"

"Just try lil'mama, okay?"

"Okay BA, I'll see what I can do."

Some three hours later Father McGill called. "They want me to stay for 24 hours to do some tests. I told them it's not necessary but they won't listen."

"You just stay there, I'll pick you up tomorrow."

BA went to find a motel for the night but then decided to sleep in the Van in case Amy called back. In fact it didn't take long until the phone rang.

"You already found something?"

"It wasn't difficult. Anthony Mendosa was all over the news for some time. He was convicted for kidnapping and selling little kids into slavery."

"What?"

"You got trouble with your ears big guy?"

"But the Father said he checked and found nothing."

"When did he check? The guy was convicted in 68 for crimes he had done during the last at least fifteen years."

"You think he was the one? If he was all over the news how come the Father didn't see it?"

"Well, all over the news along the east coast. I don't know if he was that popular along the west coast. They were busy with the Vietnam war, and the Father too I guess. Just get to a library, his picture was in the papers. The Father can have a look at it and confirm."

B.A. was torn; should he tell the others what Amy found, or just let the whole situation fade away. Was he opening up a can of worms or providing closure and sealing up another?

Then there was the sensitive nature of what Anthony Mendoza was convicted of. Would it open up Pandora's box and remind Face even more of his painful childhood and later on of the camps?

The sergeant decided to sleep on it and pulled a blanket over himself as he stretched out in the back of his van.

Face, however, was unable to sleep out of worry for Father McGill. B.A. had called and told them that he was just being held as a precaution, but still Face had a bad gut feeling. Hannibal and Murdock tried to calm him down, but still the lieutenant's mind and heart were racing. Maybe they were just telling him the Father was okay because he had asked them to do so, he was always trying to protect his children from bad news. It had happened before, one time when Face was young the Father got sick, it was serious and he left the orphanage. The official story was that he was on a six months turn to educate nuns somewhere and Face had been so mad at him. He had just returned from such a trip two months prior and had promised Face to now be there for him. He had felt so bad for being mad when the truth came out. And now? He had pushed him down, had attacked the one person that had always stood by him ever since he was a boy. He had loaded all his trouble on the Father and if he had had a heart attack it surely was his fault. Why would they keep him for precaution if nothing was wrong? They should have send him to a hospital close instead of wasting two hours to drive around. And then there was this Anthony Mendosa thing, the Father had been carrying it around for all this time and now that he had found the nerve to get it off his chest Face had accused him of doing so at the wrong time. As if there ever was a right time.

Murdock brought him out of his musings. "Come on Face, eat something, the Father will blame me if you don't eat." He hoped that sparking Face's sense for helping others would do but it wasn't working.

"I'm not hungry Murdock and I doubt I can get anything down. Sorry."

"I know it's a really boring food but Hannibal wouldn't allow me to add any fun things. Come on, just a few bites, for me. You need your strength."

After a little more talk Face ate some few noodles but that was all. He lay back starring at the ceiling. "Has BA called again?"

"No, he's probably sleeping, and so should you. Come on, staying awake doesn't help anybody. They'll be back before you know it."

"Hannibal?"

"Yeah?"

"What if it's serious?"

"What is?"

"The Father."

"You heard BA, now sleep."

Murdock crawled into Face's big bed and Hannibal dragged a mattress inside the room. Together they spend a fitful night.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

Two hours away in the van BA was also tossing and turning. He was dreaming about a young Face and Anthony Mendosa who had come to pick him from the orphanage. He returned the boy to his mother who was anything but dead. She not only knew about her elder sons business but was active in it too. Face had not run away from the aunt as Mendosa had claimed but from the mother who sold him out to customers. Now, because the boy didn't talk, he was back to the hell he had just escaped from.

BA woke up covered in sweat and was surprised to find bright daylight outside. The dream had not helped him any in deciding what to do. After fetching some coffee he called the Father and was told that he would be allowed to leave as soon as the twenty four hours were over and a doctor had seen him, somewhere around five in the afternoon. That left BA with enough time. He decided to find a public library and do some research for himself before deciding on whether to talk or not. What he found disturbed him. The guy had done about every crime known to man, worst of all selling little kids into all kind of slavery. But his actions had been centered along the east coast. There were only two incidents reported along the west coast but they fit with the time the Father had mentioned. Was Face really his brother? Why would he suddenly move to the west just to return to the east a few months later? Just before he had to leave he found another article. Anthony Mendosa had died in prison about two years ago.

Since the man was dead anyway he decided to let it go for now. He headed back to the van and called the hospital.

"Bosco, I was trying to ring you. I'm ready to leave if you pick me."

"I'll be with you in a few."

BA started the van and dialed the apartments' number.

"Hi BA."

"Hi Fool, I'm on my way to pick up the Father, we'll be with you guys in about two or three hours. How's the Faceman?"

"He didn't eat much and didn't sleep much, I would say nothing has changed."

"Hmm, say my greetings. See ya."

He hung up and drove to the hospital where the Father was waiting. Soon they were on their way. But after just about ten minutes the Father noticed something was off.

"Bosco, what's bugging you?"

BA tried to deny but somehow the Father had something about him that demanded the truth and BA told him about his findings and his dream.

"Bosco, turn the van around. I need to see if it is the same man and why he came to the west coast. This could be very important for Templeton. How long did you say the library was opened?"

"Up to eight."

"That leaves us with about three and a half hours."

Both were so in thought that they didn't call in to inform the others of the change in plans.

Face waited anxiously. BA had called just after four, meaning they should have been in latest seven. Now it was ten minutes past. Hannibal had tried to call the van but nobody had picked. Something must have happened. Maybe another heart attack, or an accident. 'Damn, it's all my fault. Now they are somewhere on the road where they can't get proper help while we are in a big city with good hospitals.

"Hannibal, have you tried again?"

"I tried just ten minutes ago Face, they are probably in a dinner."

"What if they had an accident?"

"Face, they are fine, okay? They are just ten minutes over time, maybe they were delayed at the hospital and are now hungry. Try to rest some, you are tired."

"But…"

"No buts, sleep. Or you want the Father to have my hide for not following his orders?"

Face sighed and lay back, this was all so complicated. If only he knew what had happened to them.

Hannibal waited for some time and sneaked out when he thought Face had drifted off. He went for the phone in the hall, still nothing.

"Hannibal?"

"Nobody's picking. You have some coffee in the kitchen?"

"Sure."

They went towards the kitchen thinking Face was asleep but he had heard them alright. Ten minutes later they were on their way back when Murdock stopped suddenly.

"What?"

"Face's door is open, it was closed." Murdock took off running.

"He's gone, Hannibal, he's gone!"

"Gone? What do you mean, gone?"

"Gone...as in the opposite of here."

"Well...where'd he go?"

"Out?" Murdock suggested innocently.

Hannibal rolled his eyes. "He can't have gotten far in his condition."

It was Murdock's turn to roll his eyes. "We are talking about Face, aren't we?"

"Point taken, Captain." Hannibal pointed his finger down the hall. "You go that way and I'll go this way."

Meanwhile Face was under the bed breathing a sigh of relief that Murdock hadn't bothered to check there. He waited until the voices were gone and he could no longer hear footsteps before making his move. He slid himself out and lie there a moment breathing hard and staring at the ceiling that was now speckled with flashing dots and spinning around him. What now? He had moved under the bed knowing he had to do something. But what? It was obvious Hannibal didn't bother to do anything, instead of worrying he went to drink his coffee. No wonder, after all it wasn't Hannibal's fault they were out there. It was Face's fault. What if the Father had fooled the doctors into letting him go? Face had done so often enough. Maybe the Father was taking unnecessary risks just to return and something had happened on the way? But what could he do? Was he paranoid and there was really no need to worry? It was now a good forty minutes over time, twenty minutes to eight, and the two had not appeared. Were they on their way? Had they just stopped to get food? BA didn't like this seedy road side dinners much and he had never seen the Father in one. Why would they stop if they were close to their destination? And why didn't they call in? Face made a decision. Before worrying his head off he needed to get to the phone and check if they were still not picking. That was a simple enough task.

What had sounded simple proved to be more difficult since it included getting up from the floor but he managed. Maybe he should really try and eat something, it might quell the dizziness. He worked his way down the hall to where the phone was and dialed the van's number. It rang and rang for ages but nobody picked. Damn, what now? Hannibal was the one with the plans, not he.

Face slid down the wall frustrated. It wouldn't be long before the other two returned to the apartment. If he was to do anything he had to do it now. But what? What could he do? He didn't even know which route BA had taken, there were probably a hundred ways to get out of town, left alone get to the town BA and the Father had gone to. BA had all those equipments to track the van and their watches and whatever but he wasn't BA. He wasn't even dressed, if T-shirt and boxers didn't count, and had no idea where his clothes were. If anything had happened to the two it was his fault, his fault alone.

He went back to the original reason he had started in this direction…food. He wasn't hungry, but he was very weak and knew he needed the nourishment as well as fluids. He crawled the rest of the way into the kitchen and pulled himself up in front of the refrigerator.

Once he managed to open the door he hung there a moment allowing the cool air to wash over his overly hot skin. He zoned out for a moment and when he was back his vision was hazy. He reached out blindly for the container of juice only to knock the glass down onto the floor. It shattered into a million little pieces as the orange liquid spread out around him.

Face tried to move away from the growing puddle but his dizziness combined with the slick tile sent him reeling right onto the glass.

"Ouch, damn, can't I do anything right?" Face spoke to himself while watching little trails of blood running over his hands. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew there were more cuts on his body but it didn't motivate him to check. After the first pain, which was rather a result of falling than of the cuts, had died down he enjoyed the feeling of the coolness against his skin. It also helped in clearing his head some and he begun to wonder what the hell he was trying to prove.

'Instead of talking to the two fit men around me I'm trying to play superman. If something happened to BA and the father and by some miracle I really manage to get to them what am I going to do then?'

Before he could decide on a course of action two things happened. One, the door opened and he heard Hannibal giving out orders to Murdock. And just as he wanted to call out to the two, the phone started ringing. The kitchen was at the end of the hall and the fridge in the corner, so Face could not be seen from where he sat.

Murdock and Hannibal went straight for the phone forgetting all the plans they had made on their way back after they couldn't find any trace of Face.

"BA, have you heard of Face?"

"What? No, why? I just called to…"

"He's gone."

"What do you mean…"

"I'm not, I'm here."

Hannibal dropped the phone and run after Murdock who had taken the lead. BA was left listening to the sound of feet running along the hall.

"Face!" Murdock and Hannibal exclaimed simultaneously as they took in the smeared blood on the floor around their teammate.

"What the hell happened?" Hannibal continued in a voice harsher than he had intended.

Face visibly recoiled and stammered nervously in a small voice, "I...worried...needed to do something...I...um...sorry..."

Murdock threw an annoyed look his colonel's way before kneeling down next to Face. "Hey, muchacho...it's okay."

"M'sorry," Face repeated.

"You're also bleeding, lieutenant," Hannibal said joining the pair on the floor.

"Doesn't seem to bad," Murdock commented until Face shifted and revealed a large shard of glass embedded in the back of his thigh. "Apart from that one. When you do something you do it right."

"No, can't do a thing right."

"Come on lieutenant, let's get you up and to where we can clean your cuts and get the glass out." Hannibal looked around in search for a good place. His eye caught the table but it wasn't big enough to place Face on it.

"Think you can lean on the table with your upper body?"

"Yeah." He didn't sound convinced and eyed the table himself.

"Nah, not a good idea. Your ribs will not allow you to get comfortable. Murdock, place some towels on the bed, we do it there. The large piece first."

Face allowed them to hold him upright, he had wanted to protest but he had caused enough trouble and he could really do with a hand. When he was laying face down on the bed Hannibal took a closer look. It was the bottom of the bottle that had embedded itself in Face's leg, and it had cut him across the scar that Lynch had caused. Looking at it brought back painful memories and also rage, rage over what Lynch had done to his boy.

"I don't know what happened there but I don't like it." BA muttered. He was still on the line but had heard nothing more than footsteps and muffled voices. He had been so busy getting books and articles the father requested that he had just remembered he had forgotten to inform the Team. Now he was trying to keep a low profile while running from the parking space back to the library.

"Father…we gotta go back. Somethin' ain't right."

"Why? What makes you say that?"

"Hannibal said that Face wasn't there and then dropped the phone."

The priest stood up and gathered the papers in front of him on the table. "Let's go…my boy needs me."

B.S. smiled in spite of the seriousness of the situation.

"What?" Father McGill asked.

"Faceman lucky to have you."

"I'd say that we're lucky to have each other. Now let's go, shall we?"

B.A. nodded. "Yeah…want me to carry them papers for you?"

"Yes, thank you Bosco. I can fill you in on the way." He had gotten all of the information he could and the library was about to close for the day anyway.

"Hold still." Face could sense the change in Hannibal's voice but wasn't sure if he was angry at him or what he had done wrong. Anyway he wanted to comply and did his best to follow the order. It was hard considering the antiseptic solution Hannibal poured over his leg. He tensed up as Hannibal removed the glass and grunted as he poked around inside the wound with a pair of tweezers for more splinters but other than that he held still. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Murdock preparing a needle and thread, he had never been a fan of needles coming his way, whether there was a container attached to the back or not, and followed it's way with his eyes. When he brought it over it left his line of vision and he tensed up more. Hannibal was so lost in his work and the thoughts he was trying hard to push down that he didn't notice. As a result the needle hurt much more than it should have but Face held out. He didn't want to add oil to the fire. After the needle had passed through his skin several times it all became too much and his vision changed from grey to black.

"Face, oh damn, can't he say something."

"Colonel, this is Face, forgotten?"

"A simple 'outch' would have done, I don't think that's too much to ask for."

"Wow, what got you so worked up? This way you can clean him up without him feeling it, not bad too."

"Sorry Murdock, it's just, the place where it got him brought up some painful memory."

"You wanted to fill me in on something Father?"

"The man in all these paper clipping is indeed the Anthony Mendoza that came to the orphanage."

"Oh man…I was hopin' it wouldn't be the same dude," B.A. grumbled shaking his head.

"But that's not the worst of it," the older man continued. "Remember when you said that he died in prison two years ago?"

"Yeah…he was shanked."

"Well…I found a more current article and it turns out he faked his death."


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

B.A. stepped on the break and they both jerked forward in their seats.

"What you talkin' about, man? I mean…um…Father?"

"It turns out that Anthony Mendoza somehow managed to switch places with a security guard…killed him…and then escaped."

"So he out there somewhere on the lose."

Father McGill nodded. "I'm afraid so. But before we worry about that I'm more concerned about Templeton."

Face came back to consciousness as Hannibal was just about done. Since he had been out cold Hannibal had not bothered to cover him up after removing the little pieces of glass from his behind. Face was not really there yet and the first thing he felt was the cold sensation at his backside combined with a mighty sting.

"Please sister Margaret, please, I'll be good, please stop." He murmured before he became more aware of his surroundings and instantly blushed. "Oh, Hannibal…I…"

Hannibal tried hard to stay all business, it was obvious where Face's mind had wandered to moments ago. "Almost done kid, just two little pieces left." He grabbed the bed cover that had been draped over Face's back and pulled it more down to cover his nudeness. As Face hissed he couldn't hold back a chuckle anymore. "Guess you were quite a handful to the poor nuns."

"Hannibal, this is not funny."

Hannibal's grin widened. "Believe me, it is. At least the nuns had found a way to handle you. Maybe I should learn from them."

The comment did nothing to Face's blush. "Hannibal!"

This time Hannibal broke out in laughter. "Hey Murdock, he's whining, must be getting better."

"Wait 'till he has eaten my Murdock special, on a plastic plate, just to make sure no more pottery gets spoiled."

Face groaned and Hannibal felt things were headed the right way once again.

"Okay, all done here kid. Want to turn over?"

"Mhhh, don't know, my ribs hurt but…"

"Don't worry, Murdock already organized fluffy pillows, you should be alright."

"Okay, has the Father arrived yet?"

"No, but they are on their way, should be here soon. Murdock just talked to them."

"What's taking them so long, did something happen?"

"No, they just got delayed is all."

Face grimaced as the pain in his wounds were throbbing. "No…no…something's not right…I can feel it."

Murdock laid a hand gently on Face's shoulder. "Of course you can feel it…Hannibal just dug glass out of your flesh," the pilot joked.

Face swallowed hard as bile rose to his throat; nausea was beginning to creep up on him. "Taking…too…long," he gasped out.

Hannibal didn't like the way Face was shaking and how he was growing steadily paler. "Kid…you have to breathe. The Father is just fine…I promise."

But still Face couldn't shake the feeling in his gut that something bad was headed his way.

"Face…take these," Hannibal said softly holding out two small white pills.

"N…no," Face said shaking his head slightly.

"Kid…you're in pain…this will take the edge off."

"No…it'll knock me out and make me sicker…no."

Murdock tried to intervene. "How 'bout you just take one?"

Face reluctantly agreed but it did little to ease his discomfort. The pain subsided some but therefore his stomach was beginning to turn. He had been hungry after Hannibal was done with him, now he was still hungry but to afraid to eat anything, fearing it would only make things worse. His rumbling stomach gave him away anyway.

"Oh Face, sorry, I forgot. Let me get your dinner. I cooked."

Murdock was off in a flash and didn't hear Face's low "Afraid so." What he heard was Hannibal's laughter.

"Hannibal, seriously, I can't eat anything, I feel sick as it is."

"You didn't eat enough of the painkiller to make you sick, maybe it's your empty stomach that makes you feel sick."

"Whatever, fact is I can't eat anything."

"You haven't been eating for far too long and you need the energy. You have to try."

Murdock stood there with a plate of spaghetti with tomato sauce. It was unusual for him but after what had happened before he had decided to cook the boring way until Face felt better. "You feel sick? Oh, then better no tomato sauce. I'll get you something else."

"Murdock I don't want to…"

"You wait, I'll get you boring toast."

Murdock had already turned as Face asked "What is that?"

"Toast without anything in it on it or around it."

Murdock had just entered the kitchen as the main door flew open and he heard two sets of feet running towards Face's bedroom.

"What happened here?" BA and the Father were out of breath.

"What?"

"You said Face was not here."

"He wasn't, well, he was…."

"Father, are you alright? What took you so long."

"Sorry boy, we were …uhm…delayed. I'm fine, don't worry."

Face looked to BA who only nodded.

"Why are you laying on so many pillows Faceman?"

"I…uhm….slipped."

"We found him in the kitchen, after he had vanished into thin air, which we'll talk about later, he had dropped a bottle of orange juice and decided to sit down in the splinters."

BA chuckled. "I see."

Face turned red but Murdock rescued him. "Here comes the plane, open up."

"While you eat…BA, let's go clean up. Hannibal, can you help us getting some things from the car?"

"Sure."

As soon as they were out of ear shot the Father turned. "What really happened."

"I can't tell. He was gone, we searched the building, then he was in the kitchen. He was worried something happened to you, we tried to call but nobody picked. Where were you?"

"Sorry Hannibal I should have remembered to call earlier. While the Father was at the hospital I called Amy and researched into Anthony Mendosa. The Father continued later on."

"So Face worried for nothing? He has a bad gut feeling, was afraid something bad happened, or rather he was convinced something bad happened or will happen."

"Father, he's usually right with his gut feelings, you think this guy…"

"No, he's out for kids, Templeton is no more his type. He had all chances to get him when he was small, the kids were not under 24 hour surveillance after all. God knows enough things happened to him when he was young."

"What the hell …sorry….are you two talking about?"

B.A. and the Father took turns filling Hannibal in on all the details. When they were through Hannibal angrily pulled a cigar from his pocket. "Damn...um...sorry. No wonder the kid is wound up so tight."

"What you think we should do now, Hannibal?" B.A. asked.

Without hesitation the colonel answered, "we tell him the truth."

"I should never have said anything in the first palce," the priest lamented.

Hannibal patted him on the back. "None of this is your fault...you did what you thought best."

"Yeah," B.A. agreed. "The Lord works in mysterious ways."

Father McGill smiled. "That's supposed to be my line, Bosco. But right you are indeed."

They never made it to the van when a crash from inside Face's room startled them and made them run back on full speed. When they opened the door they found Murdock including the tray with the toast on the floor and Face curled up and moaning on the bed.

"Face!" Hannibal was at his side in a flash while BA checked every corner for intruders. Both simultaneously asked Murdock what had happened. Father Maghil was standing there left to wonder how in sync they worked when one of them seemed in danger. It seemed unbelievable that those same people could be so deep in trouble when it came to each other's feelings. He was brought out of his thoughts when he really looked at Face and his features. They were strangely twisted, there was pain but also something else.


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

"Templeton, what is it?"

"Hurts so."

"What hurts?"

"Laughing, ouw."

Murdock found his voice in that moment. "Calm down, nothing happened, can someone give me a hand? I hit my head."

"Doesn't matter, you a fool anyway."

"Bosco, that hurt." Murdock imitated the priest which made Face giggle and curl up again.

"What the hell happened here…oh, sorry Father."

"I tried to get Face to eat and thought table dance would help."

"Did you have to ask Hannibal?"

"Since there was no table he used the tray that was on the bed and tried to do step dance on it. The tray skidded along the bedside and then crashed down including Murdock." Face had recovered from the laugh but was still holding his ribs while talking.

"Can I ever leave the two of you alone?"

Now it was the Fathers turn to laugh seeing Hannibal like a distraught father looking at his boys.

"Anyway, once we are here again and Face needs a more serious topic I think the Father and BA have some news for you."

Face sobered immediately. "What? What is it?" He sat up anxiously and then groaned and folded into himself.

"Templeton!" the priest reprimanded. "Stay still my son."

B.A. let out a loud sigh that drew everyone's attention.

"Sergeant?" Hannibal questioned. "You have something to say?"

"Nah…that's just it…I don't think now's the time to be sayin' nothin'."

"What's going on?" Murdock asked. "What are you saying nothing about?"

"Shut-up, fool. If I tell you than I'd be sayin' it."

"Perhaps Bosco is right," Father McGill interjected.

Hannibal fiddled with his cigar for a moment while thinking. "He needs to hear it sometime."

Face glared at the group who had now moved off to the side and continued to talk about him as if he weren't there. Glaring didn't do anything though since no one seemed to take notice of him.

"I can hear you, you know? And now it's too late to not say whatever you were saying because I already know you have something to say."

"Sorry Templeton." Father McGill turned to Face but didn't look at him. He moved over and sat on the bed. He sighed and run a hand through his hair. Face felt hot and cold all together. It had to be something terrible they had to tell him. "I did some research into…into Anthony Mendosa. Actually Bosco did, not that I hadn't before, well now there was something to be found."

The Father continued on to explain how they got to the library and what they searched for trying to avoid the inevitable for as long as possible but it made things worse for Face. He didn't listen again. They had tried to find his brother, why? Why now? Not that he hadn't wanted to himself but why did they? Were they ready to suck him from the team but felt they had to provide some family to pawn him off to? Slowly the little color that he had drained from his face.

Hannibal saw all the signs and briefly wondered why the priest didn't. He grabbed Face's head in his hands and turned it towards himself. "Face, Face listen to me, focus. That's better. What the Father is trying so hard to not tell you is that the guy who claimed to be your brother has been convicted for steeling little kids and selling them into slavery, all kind of slavery. You are one of the lucky ones who got away and I can't tell you how thankful I am for that."

"Lucky," Face repeated robotically.

"Yeah, man," B.A. said softly. "You real lucky he didn't put his hands on you."

"Lucky," Face repeated again, still not quite with it.

Murdock knelt down next to his best friend. "C'mon, muchacho…time to snap out of it."

Hannibal still had a hold of his lieutenant's head. "Look at me, kid." But instead Face closed his eyes. Hannibal frowned as he noticed that he had also started to tremble.

Father McGill noticed the same thing and hurried off for a blanket.

"Lucky," the blonde man mumbled weakly.

The three other team members looked at each other anxiously unsure where in his head their fourth man was. The Father looked rather sad but they couldn't place it yet.

"Hey muchacho, you heard them, you were lucky and can only repeat that. Come on, talk to us."

Talk he did, but in a low voice and while being somewhere halfway between here and the past. While he talked he saw ghosts of his past passing in front of his eyes. "Lucky, maybe I was, maybe not. Maybe I would have been better off, maybe not. Slavery of all kind can mean labor instead of uhhmm… misuse. And even if it was the other type of slavery…if the master is kind and goes slow…would still have been better. " Face involuntarily curled into himself at the painful memories without even noticing the fresh pain he was causing.

"Faceman, how can you…" BA was angry at the comment and it showed but the Father stopped him.

"Bosco, don't. Let him, he's only comparing the things that have happened to him with what could have been. Sometimes the kids are so deep in pain that they don't think they deserve better. All they wish for then is to get somebody to misuse them without causing too much pain. The wish to live without misuse is then long gone." Face was in his own world and didn't notice anything around him again.

"But…but Father, how can that be?" Murdock couldn't understand that. It was so wrong.

"Having a Master, that's how they usually call themselves, who doesn't cause them much pain and who keeps them for himself means being protected from other potential rapists. Those kids that had it worse before, like Templeton, tend not to report those to us when we do regular checks because they are afraid where they could end up next. Unfortunately even those that start out kind tend to change with time."

"You mean you knew those things were happening?"

"What, no! If I knew one single rapist who wants to get close to my kids, Lord forgive me, I would castrate him with my bare hands." The Fathers voice had taken on a tone they hadn't heard before.

"Just report them to me and I'll do the job." BA's usual scowl was deeper than ever and he moved closer to Face as if he could protect him from his past. Hannibal was already at his side trying to get him out of it. The others joined him, talking softly to their distraught teammate.

Face calmed alright but instead of being back in the present he had fallen asleep.

"Father, can I talk to you for a minute?" Hannibal took the Father by the arm and steered him towards the door.

"Sure, what is it?"

"In private please." Once they were in a different room at the end of the corridor and the door was closed Hannibal turned towards the Father but didn't really know how to start. "I…ehm…I have been asking myself…well…if…I mean…if Face sees me as one of those kind masters he mentioned that has turned rough on him?"

"Huh? Hannibal, he wasn't saying it straight but he talked of sexual misuse, I don't think you have any of such interests in him."

"No,no sure not but …but maybe, maybe he sees it different."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…there were situations he could have misunderstood, now that I know more about him and this kind of..well…better slavery than others, a kind of stupid idea if you ask me."

"It's not that stupid seen from those kids eyes, you don't know what some of them, including our boy, have gone through."

"Well, maybe. I don't really want to know all that happened to him I think. But he's an adult now, he should understand that all kind of misuse is bad."

"Oh, he knows that, this was his inner self speaking, the one that had no chance to grow up. It's a sad topic. What situations have you been talking about?"

"Well…there were situations that were humiliating for him for sure. Maybe he saw it as sexual interest from my side."

"Can you be a bit more precise?"

"Well, I made him strip some times, I mean remove his pants, or I did it myself most times since he refused to do so." On the Fathers confused look he elaborated. "When we are in a fight it sometimes happens that one of us gets hit where it hurts most if you know what I mean. For the others I know they will see a doctor if need be but Face likes to cover everything up. If I know he was hit and he seems not to recover after some time I insist to have a look to decide if we need to get him help. It's always a fight."

The Father couldn't help but smile." Okay, but that alone would not make him see you as misusing him, I hope."

"Well, there was more. Sometimes he's so sick from antibiotics that he can't keep anything inside. Then we skip to injections and where this is not possible to well…the other way to give meds. It hurts me more than him when I have to do that but sometimes we have no choice."

"Oh god, and that to a rape victim, I forgot you don't always have access to hospitals. Well, the only one who can tell you about the effects is in the room we just left, ask him."

"Are you sure? I mean, it could disturb him more."

"Isn't it the not talking about things and assuming that got you in the current situation? Talk about everything, it's better than the guessing game, believe me."

"Yeah, you are probably right. It's just not a topic I like. What if he really sees me like that?"

"Then you have to explain things to him, isn't that better than to let him have a wrong picture of you?"

"Sure."

"See, let's go back, he won't sleep for too long."

"Thanks Father."

"For what? Let's go."

They did and Hannibal was nervous. Face was still sleeping and he sent BA and Murdock out of the room to be alone with him and the Father when he would wake up. It proofed to take longer than anticipated and did nothing to Hannibal's nervousness. Finally Face did open his eyes and Hannibal moved closer to him.

"Kid? How do you feel?"

"Okay." The duo was quite and obviously not comfortable around each other.

"I doubt that okay of yours boy. Hannibal, you wanted to ask him a question."

"I uhm….Face?"

"Yeah?"

"When you said misuse by a kind master is better…you don't see me as such a master do you?"

"No."

"Good, kid what…"

"Stop. Hannibal, you noticed that this 'no' came way to fast. Don't jump on it. Boy, there's more to it, right?"

"Uhm Father…can't we…"

"No, we can't. Full truth please."

"I don't know."

"You don't know what?"

"I'm not sure. At first I thought yes but then no, but in between again…well I just don't know."

"Kid? Come on, at the beginning you thought I had an unnatural interest in you? Why?"

"You…why else would anyone keep me around"

"So just by bad experience?"

"Uhmm..well…no."

"No? Then what?"

"That first patrol we went on. We were alone and you dragged me into the bushes, pinned me to the floor facedown and held your hand over my mouth. You stopped when footsteps came close but I could feel your…your…uhmm…parts press into my back. When they had passed you let me up and told me I was lucky. We finished the patrol but from that day I always waited for it to happen again, for you to jump me again."


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

Hannibal shock his head. "Oh kid. You were really wet behind the ears then. That first patrol we went on, you had been with us for three or four days and I felt it safe to take you into the bush a bit. We knew you were underage and had not decided what to do with you but we had no mission coming up and so decided to give you a try. You were good, you could move without a sound, but unfortunately you were so occupied with watching your back that you didn't see the patrol coming up in front of us. I dragged you into the bushes to keep you and me from getting seen by the VietCong. We had no idea they had patrols that close to our base. I said you were lucky because you got away with your life, and because I had decided to keep you on the team. That time they were looking for reasons to get other things on the news than the war. You would probably have gotten court-martialed for faking your papers if we had reported you. Or you would simply have gotten pushed into another unit and end up shot dead. After that patrol I put you through all kind of training to make you fit and it worked. And as for what you felt in your back, well, I was laying on top of you and I'm a man. Those parts are there you know? I never had any of such intentions kid."

"You mean, you mean that was VC?"

"Sure kid."

"But…oh." Face was quiet for a while thinking. "But if you had no such intentions, why did you…I mean…you made me…all the times…you…you…made me…uhm…strip."

"Never without a reason kid. I checked you over for injuries or helped you when you were sick or injured."

"But…but you never do that to the others, they get hurt too."

"They don't cover things up and go to a doctor if need be."

"Me too."

"No, you not."

"That's not fair, most of the time it goes on it's own. You never give me a chance and strip me down even in public."

"Care to give an example? I don't remember striping you in public."

"In the middle of a traffic jam, after that fight."

Hannibal thought a bit before he knew what Face was talking about. "Kid, we may have been in a traffic jam but most of all we were in the back of the van. That's not public."

"Someone could have looked inside."

"Nobody did."

"Why didn't you believe me when I said I was fine?"

Hannibal chuckled at the memory and sat down on the bed next to Face, facing the Father who sat on the other side. "Kid, you said you were fine a good thirty minutes after the fight while laying at the floor of the van curled up with your hands clutched between your legs. Sorry the 'okay' you pressed out between clenched teeth didn't convince me."

The Father too had to smile at the pout Face had now put on and Hannibal went on explaining. "He had been hit between the legs with a four by four on full speed and since he had not recovered within reasonable time I decided to find out what damage had been done."

"You dragged me off to a doctor…without pants on."

"Now don't dramatize kid, you were wrapped up in a blanket. There was no way to put you back in your pants once we had pulled it down. And as for the doctor, you spend a day in the hospital before we sneaked you out and then we holed up in a motel until you were able to walk normal again…and to wear something more tight than BA's sweatpants."

"Okay, if that…and the other similar times…were for medical reason…what about the time you made me remove my pants in front of Mrs. B."

Face was definitely pouting now and Hannibal was laughing. "That too was for medical reason, and you were under the covers when you removed your pants. Besides Mrs. B was in another room. " Again he turned to the Father to explain. "He had the flu and needed to be in bed but he reemerged at the living room every five minutes because he wanted to hear the stories Mrs. B had to tell. Steeling his pants was the only way to keep him under the covers."

Now the Father was laughing too but the light mood didn't last for long as Face sobered and the pout was gone. "If…if all those times were nothing…what about…well…the one time…one time where…where you…you had your…your finger…in my…my…my…" Face looked to Hannibal willing him to understand without having to say it out loud.

"You mean when I gave you your meds through your back?" Inwardly Hannibal sighed in relief. Face said one time, meaning he had been too out of it to even notice the other times he had to do this.

"Meds?"

"Kid, you were so sick you couldn't keep anything inside and needed your meds. The MP's were hot on our tail and we couldn't get you to a doctor for injection. That was the only meds we had available."

"Meds? I…I never knew. So you…you never…"

"Never kid."

"I…I wasn't sure. So you…you kept me around without…" Tears were forming in Face's eyes and Hannibal pulled him up to hold him close, trying to be careful with his ribs.

"I love you kid, love you like a son."

A sob escaped Face. "But then…then why…why did you cut me."

"Oh kid, we told you she forced us. She threatened to do far worse to you. We had to do it to keep you as safe as we could."

"She, but why didn't you fight her."

"I couldn't. She was good. Always kept my legs chained and kept out of my range. There was nothing I could do kid, believe me, it hurt me more than you." Now both men were crying and the Father moved a bit away to give them some privacy.

"But…after…Ecuador…why didn't you want to help?"

"Kid, I'm so sorry. If I had known. And after Sue we only took easy cases. I thought you were not ready for something that took longer."

"And then, when I was sick…after we were back…all the things you allowed Maggie to do…was it still punishment because I got her in trouble with Sue?"

"Oh kid, you were sick, she only did what was needed. And I never blamed you for Sue getting her. There was nothing you could have done."

"But if I had been faster."

"You couldn't. I should never have left you alone. The only one to blame is me."

"You are not angry? But then…when I was sick…why Maggie? Why a female doctor?"

"Face, are you serious? Maggie had already seen all parts of your body. Would a man, a stranger, really have been better? I didn't have the feeling that you felt that much better with the specialists we had when it got too bad. I mean, she was the one that digged the bullet out of your backside, remember?" Hannibal mentioned that episode to lighten the mood again but it didn't work.

"I'm sorry. I just…I thought…thought you punished me. It hurt so bad."

"I know kid, I know. But there was nothing she could do to make it easier on you, believe me."

As Hannibal held Face close he noticed how thin the kid had become. Had he really been too blind to notice all this or had he chosen to be blind so he didn't need to see the cruel truth? The way Face seemed to only remember Maggie helping him after Ecuador scarred Hannibal. It looked like he had been so focused on them allowing Maggie to punish him that he had cut out the other doctors that had worked on him. Had the kid been so out of it or had continuous nightmares about that time changed the picture?

"It's not right to sit here and wait."

"What do you mean big guy?"

"This one by one talk. We all messed up and we should all have to answer to Face."

"We will, one by one."

"You know Faceman, he won't repeat the same thing three times if there are things that need to be repeated and there sure are some things we all messed up and royally."

"Maybe it's too much for Face to face all three of us, hey that even rhymes. Hannibal and the Father know what they are doing, I hope."

B.A. snorted. "The father, yes, but Hannibal...well...nevermind."

"No...Hannibal, what?"

"I said nevermind...it's nothin'."

Murdock took off his cap and fiddled with it. "If it was nothing then you wouldn't have that look on your face."

"I ain't got no look, crazy man."

"Yes you do...and now that look would be anger."

"You don't shut-up and I'm gonna make it so you look unconscious." Murdock cupped a hand over his mouth. "Look, man...I'll tell you but you gotta promise not to say nothin'."

The pilot kept his hand over his mouth, put his cap back on his head with the other, and then made a cross sign over his heart.

B.A. nodded his satisfaction. "It's just that I think the colonel let things go too far."

Murdock finally dropped his arm. "What do you mean?"

"It's just that he shoulda noticed this comin'."

"So should we have...it's not all Hannibal's fault."

B.A. shrugged. "Didn't say it was...but you in the V.A. and I'm busy at the center..."

Murdock shrugged. "I think we all saw it...and ignored it."

B.A. shrugged in return. "Yeah...maybe...but he's the colonel...it's his job."

There was the sound of a door shutting and both men turned to see Hannibal. "What's my job?" He questioned.

"How's Face?"

"He has finally fallen asleep, but that wasn't my question."

"It's your job to make the plans."

"Don't fool, I was saying it's your job to keep your troops together, you shoulda noticed something was off with the Faceman."

"Yes." Was all of Hannibal's answer as he let himself drop at in the chair at the kitchen table. Forgotten was the coffee he had come here for.

BA and Murdock shared a look. Putting the blame on somebody else was easy, but was it really fair?

"What shall I say, you are right. I failed him and I failed my team. Worst of all I'm not sure how it could happen, if I really didn't see the signs or chose to ignore them. Afterwards things seem so plain and out in the open. He was getting thinner and thinner and instead of asking myself what's wrong with the kid I blamed him to party too much. Remember before we went to Ecuador? He had recovered from his physical wounds alright but he just wasn't getting into his top condition. All the training sessions he ended last. And all I told him was to party less and train more." Hannibal didn't even look at them; he was lost in memory and pain. Finally he got up and went over to the coffee pot.

"I need to get back."

"Uhm Colonel, what I said…it's your job alright but we were there too, we are his friends and we too saw all the signs and instead of helping him ignored them and teased him. We're no better."

Face woke up after just a few minutes of sleep and looked around. The Father was still with him but no Hannibal in sight. He didn't say anything but the evidence was written a over his features.

"He's just gone for coffee, will be back in a minute."

"Or I finally said too much."

"No my boy, he needs to know what you are thinking, you said too little all those years. Those three guys stick to you like glue. You only need to talk more and tell them what you feel and how you understand situations instead of carrying misunderstandings around for decades."

"But…but it's so hard. I want to…I mean at least I think I do. But then I open my mouth and I can't get the words out."

"You think too much, my boy…always have," the priest smiled patting him on the hand.

"That's what kept me alive," Face said stoically.

"Ironically, it's the same thing that is killing you now."

Face heaved a sigh. "But they never asked…I would sometimes start and stop…and they would just let me."

"Perhaps it was just as hard for them to listen as it was for you to speak."

"Yeah…I know…"

"I feel a 'but' coming, Templeton."

"But…I always listened to them. Murdock in the VA…B.A. about missing Mrs. B…and Hannibal…," Face stopped as the door opened.

"Hannibal what? I seem to always enter a room when someone is talking about me."


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46 – Almost fini

"Nothing important."

"Templeton."

"Father, please."

"Templeton, what did we just say about talking to each other?"

"I…uhm…well…it was nothing, really."

"Oh this boy. As Templeton was just saying…"

"Father please."

"Face, I'm getting dizzy just listening to the two of you. What is it you have on your chest?"

"It's…it's about…about listening."

"Huh?"

"Listening to me. I said I always listen to each of you when you have to say something but you didn't listen to me."

"We didn't? Uhmmm…we do listen when you talk."

"But not when I don't."

"Ehrm kid?"

"You…you…you always want to know what's up with me. You strip me down to nothing to check for injuries all the time…well…often. But you seem to not be interested to know what goes on inside me. Not anymore."

"That's not true Face."

"Then why did you not ask?"

"Well…I…we…ehrm…truth is…I don't know. You are right. Truth is I did let you get off the hook way to easy. Usually I would have pinned you to the wall until you talked but I didn't…and I don't know why."

"I was ready to talk…so often. If only one of you would have asked." Tears threatened to fall once more and Hannibal drew Face into an embrace, just like before.

"Oh kid. What shall I say. Look at you. You have become thin. You've always been thin but muscular and now you're just bony. How could I not notice all those changes. Maybe…maybe somewhere deep down an inner voice told me to better ignore the facts than to accept that horrible things have happened to one of my men under my command…and even by my hand. I don't know and it's unforgivable. You didn't eat well, you didn't sleep well…and I didn't notice. It just can't be. I don't know what went wrong or if I can ever make things right again. Look at you, you are afraid of us, afraid of your own family, the people that love you. How could I have let things get that far? I wish I could turn back time…and most of all I wish I had not left you alone to deal with your pain." Hannibal's voice was thick with emotion and once again the Father felt like he shouldn't listen in, but he had promised his boy to stay.

Face whispered an almost inaudible "Me too" that only Hannibal heard.

That was the straw that broke the Colonel's back. Tears started to fall down his cheeks and it was hard to breathe past the lump in his throat.

Face could feel Hannibal shaking and the wetness from the tears on his shoulder. 'Oh no…what have I done?' he thought.

Murdock and B.A. appeared in the doorway and before he could stop himself B.A. blurted out, "What's with you two fools?"

Murdock immediately jabbed the larger man in the ribs out of instinct.

"Do that again sucker and you gonna go through that window over there."

By this time a red-eyed and embarrassed Hannibal had pulled away from a horrified Face.

"Way to go, oh mighty Baracan one," Murdock muterred.

Even B.A. didn't argue this time.

"I….I…I didn't mean…I'm sorry…I…"

"Not you Face, the fool…I said fool…ahhh, I've been calling you by that name too lately, sorry. Murdock jabbed me, I was talking to him…of course. Come on Faceman, don't look that terrified, I won't ever hurt you." 'I did in the past, better keep my mouth shut, damn.'

"Seems you are doing apologies, just go on and pretend we are not here?"

"Sure Murdock." Hannibal's voice was a mixture of embarrassment, anger and sarcasm. "Which part of don't enter the room without being called did you two not get?" The anger was clearly dominating now.

"We know, but it was just taking too long. We want to at least apologize for being complete fools before we sleep today."

"And that couldn't have waited thirty minutes longer?"

"Ah…well..seeing that it's already two in the night…" Murdock passed Hannibal and jumped onto the bed next to Face. "He's been hogging you, sorry to interrupt buddy. It's just that we noticed how much we screwed up and we wanted to let you know."

Face had winced and shifted as Murdock had gotten on the bed and Hannibal took that as a clear sign that he was not comfortable with him that close at all. He couldn't order them out though since Face would have noticed what he was doing.

"Two in the night? Kid, I kept you talking and you haven't eaten dinner. Murdock, go make some oatmeal, BA, watch that he doesn't mix anything inside that doesn't belong there and get us some juice."

"I'm not hungry, I just want to lay back down."

"But you need food, you need to get your strength back."

The duo left the room quietly but the bickering could be heard from the kitchen soon.

After a little while of silence Face turned to Hannibal. "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about, nothing at all. I'm happy we are talking at last, we need to sort things out kid."

"Can you help me lay back down please?" While Hannibal had embraced Face he had pulled him upright and the Father had pushed some pillows in his back to support him.

"You better remain that way until you have eaten. It can't be long now."

Face turned to the Father . "I think the same boy, if you lay down now you'll fall asleep and you need some food in you first."

"I…uhm…it's just…ahh…" Face turned red. "My behind really hurts."

"Oh god no, damn." Hannibal jumped forward and removed the pillows at once leaving a surprised Father to watch.

"How could I have forgotten? I promise to not let you go through your pain alone again and now I'm doing it again already. Feel any better kid? Want to lay on your side? How's the ribs?"

"Hannibal, cool down, I'm not going to break into pieces. It was just uncomfortable to sit on it."

"Face, when Murdock jumped on the bed, were you comfortable?"

"No, the mattress moved and…wait, you don't mean that…you mean comfortable with Murdock being close? Sure I was…he's Murdock…he's …he's a special case."

"Can one of you tell me what's going on?"

"I cut myself when I slipped in the kitchen."

The priest smiled brightly causing both Hannibal and Face to narrow their eyes in confusion.

"Glad the kid's pain amuses you," Hannibal said lightly.

"Oh…no…no…it's just that it reminded me of when Templeton was a child. He was about 8 years old when he came running into the dormitory kitchen and…"

"Oh…I remember," Face smiled back at the elder man. "There was a banana peel on the floor…"

It was Hannibal's turn to interrupt. "A banana peel?…that only happens in the movies."

"Oh no," Father McGill chuckled. "His legs went out and he went down."

"And how is that funny?"

Face sobered. "It wasn't…I hit the ground hard and so did my head."

Hannibal scratched his head as his companions erupted into giggles. "What is wrong with you two?"

When the priest could manage to talk again he cleared his throat. "When Templeton started to come back around he started making monkey noises."

Hannibal grinned at the thought though he knew it must have been funnier in person. "Typical Face…down playing an injury."

"Oh yes…quite the charmer he was even as a young boy."

But Face suddenly didn't feel so jovial anymore as the pain coupled with exhaustion and worst of all the change of position from sitting to laying made his stomach roll and he felt queasy. Besides the memory seemed so real that his head started to pound just like it had done then. His color changed from grey to white to green to a mixture of the above.

"Don't feel so good."

"You don't look so good either."

That moment BA and Murdock returned bringing with them the smell of food. Face groaned and turned to his side rubbing his belly.

"Here's your…oh. Doesn't look like you're going to eat anytime soon."

"You need some strength back, maybe it's the empty stomach that makes you nauseous." Hannibal knelt down to look Face in the eyes.

Face just shook his head no afraid of what would happen when he opened his mouth and tried his best to breathe through the attack.

"Kid, at the least you need liquids. You are lucky Maggie isn't here or you would be on an IV already…damn, I was supposed to call her. In all the hectic I didn't even tell her out new number after we moved."

"Hey Hannibal, why don't you go call her now, Face won't eat anyway. We'll be here for him in the meantime."

"That okay with you kid?"

Face nodded but his eyes said something different.

"Okay then, I'll go call her…as soon as you feel better." Hannibal pulled a chair close not wanting to dip the mattress by sitting on the bed, took one of Face's hands and rubbed his back with his free hand.

As soon as Face was sure he could open his mouth again he spoke "Go call her, I don't want to keep you back."

"I know kid, but I want to stay. It's in the middle of the night anyway, she'll be sleeping."

Slowly the attack subsided and Face shifted to his back.

"Try to sip some water and then get some sleep. We'll try the food again in the morning."

"No."

"That wasn't a question, you need liquids."

"I mean…I don't want to sleep…not before everything is said."

"We can talk more tomorrow kid, it's too late for more one by one talks."

"No, I mean …I don't want any one by one talk no more…I just want things to be as they were before…I'm tired of this all."

"No Face, we need to talk, get everything out in the open. We can't go on as we did."

"But…everything is out already…you know more secrets about me than I ever wanted to share. I just want things to be normal again…it's been so long and I'm so sick and tired of it all."

"All like what buddy?"

"All like…like …like being afraid of my best friends, like the nightmares…like being afraid of past ghosts."

"I don't think we can make all this vanish in just one night kid, give yourself time to heal…on the inside. We're there for you every step of the way."

"It's okay, I know now. You all said your apologies…and now you know my secrets…go back to normal?"

"We're here for you kid, and we won't make the same mistakes again. This time we'll prod and prod until you speak, understand?"

"Understood."

"And no more running away, you hear?"

"Yeah."

"This is not over kid, we need to talk about Sue and all the other things, you need to heal."

"Okay, I just…I want things to go back as they were…as far as possible. I just…I feel..uhm, I just don't want this situation between us anymore. I feel like separated from the rest of you…I know I wanted it that way…but now no more. Can we just behave as if nothing happened?"

"No chance buddy. Too many things happened and you bottled them up. They need to come out. But we can go slow…one by one…like planned talking sessions. We fix a time every day where we talk about past events, your feelings. No excuses accepted."

"You spend too much times around shrinks."

"He does, but I think this is an excellent idea kid. It takes some pressure from you but doesn't close the topic, it's far from ready to be closed."

"And as for things going back the way they were…forget about that Faceman. Things ain't gonna be the same again."


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47

_**The last chapter, thank you all for reading and reviewing.**_

All eyes turned to BA, Face looking a mixture of shocked and hurt, Hannibal looking ready to bite BA's head off, Murdock with a mixture of anger and disappointment and the Father with question marks.

BA was not affected by any of it but looked Face right in the eye, scowl firmly in place. "Your times of scamming flashy apartments for yourself are over. Instead you have to get bigger apartments for Hannibal and myself 'cause you gonna stay with one of us. But plan the fool into Hannibal's place, I don't want the two of you to ruin my place when you play along with the fools episodes."

"What? Am I your prisoner now? I'm grown and don't need a babysitter." Face looked utterly confused.

BA knelt down, his expression soft yet showing determination. "You are no prisoner and we don't babysit you. But do you think one of us can close an eye at night knowing you are alone in some shiny apartment alternating between shouting out your lungs in a nightmare and not even going to bed afraid of the demons that will hunt you?"

"No…don't want you to see me like that."

"We already have, Muchacho," Murdock said softly.

Face immediately reddened and clenched his fists.

Murdock began to stutter, "I mean…we've all had nightmares."

"But not like mine," Face whispered as his eyes welled up.

"But you aren't locked up in the funny farm like I am."

"But I should be," the lieutenant countered.

Hannibal and Father McGill stood back and decided to let the "young men" work things out for a while, but didn't expect things to take such a quick and violent turn.

"Faceman…you ain't crazy," B.A. asserted.

Face snorted weakly. "Yeah…then why do I need a fashion-don't telling me what to do."

B.A. scowled. "Don't you go talkin' to me like that, man."

"Yeah…and what are you going to do about it?"

Murdock grimaced. "Um…Facey…maybe you better…um…cool it."

"No…it's clear that you all think I'm a baby and need to be coddled. I'm gonna prove you wrong." With that the blonde surprised them all by getting up from the bed and making the few steps over to the wardrobe in one fluid movement. He then opened the doors and stood there seemingly deciding on his outfit.

Actually he was holding on to the doors trying to get the spinning in his head and the pain the sudden movement had caused back under control but he made sure to hold his head high so it would look different to the others.

"What do you think you are doing fool?"

The anger gave him some more energy and he turned his head towards BA, turning in person would have ended with him on the floor, he knew that much.

"Don't call me that. I'm going home, to my apartment, where I'm staying, alone!"

"Yeah? And how you gonna do that? I'm sure not going to let you use my van, fool."

"I can hotwire any car in the garage."

Hannibal silenced BA with a look and stepped into Face's line of vision. "That would be stealing."

"I do that all the time for the team."

"You do, but always because it's necessary, not for your personal good."

"I can call a taxi to the airport."

"Fine." Hannibal knew better than to talk Face out of this. He wouldn't get far anyway.

Face's system had somehow gotten used to being upright again, meaning his head was no more spinning. Instead he was dizzy and seeing in triplicate. He seriously regretted not having drunk or eaten anything, especially the drinking part. He had turned back to the wardrobe. This all could not be. They had been staying in separate places all the time, to keep a low profile; to have some privacy…there were a thousand reasons. It was right and anything else was wrong. He wouldn't be a nuisance to the others, no way. He reached out for a pair of jeans, the middle one of the three he saw, but his hand hit something that felt like sweat pants. He found it odd, he had always thought if you see in triplicate the middle one is the real object. Anyway, the sweat pants would have to do. He would anyway not be able to button up the jeans. He grabbed a t-shirt with the same hand, that was easy, there were several of them laying in several stacks, he simply put his hand in the middle. Then he stumbled back to the bed, keeping his hand on the door of the wardrobe for as long as possible. He tried to get into the clothes and made it after several tries. He had forgotten what he actually wanted to do but knew he had to prove something. At this point he didn't hear the others talking to him. He got up again, forgot about shoes, aimed for the door, which was not easy since his vision was getting darker and darker, took two steps…and sacked into Hannibal's waiting arms, out cold.

"BA, help me put him back on the bed."

"Should we remove his pants? He's wearing them the wrong way 'round anyway. And the t-shirt he put over the one he was wearing already?"

"We leave them for now Murdock, I don't want to disturb him. Father, it's almost three in the night. Mind to skip the bedroom with me for tonight? I want to talk to Face when he wakes up any you look like you need some sleep."

"Okay, make sure to call me when Templeton needs me."

The Father left and Murdock and BA took the hint too. The colonel wanted to be alone with Face.

Hannibal stared at the still form for quite some time before he started to speak out loud.

"Kid...you and I really need to talk. I wish you would wake up."

Nothing...Face was out cold.

"If you were awake I would give you a piece of my mind." Hannibal sighed and rubbed at his face. "But since you aren't...I'll have enough courage to give you a piece of my heart."

Hannibal paused as he could feel his palms growing sweaty. It took him by surprise how a man who could lead hundreds of men through battle could be intimidated by talking to one sleeping man.

"Lieutenant...Face...um ...well...I don't know where to start exactly. Well...I guess I could start by saying that I...um...love you."

The colonel looked at Face hoping for some sort of reaction...but still nothing. He hung his head and continued on.

"Damnit kid...sometimes you really drive me crazy...you know that?"

Hannibal continued on...head down...not realizing that Face's eyes had opened..."You and your damn pride. Always have to prove something, do you?"

He got up and walked over to the window, looking out of it. He could see Face's still form mirrored in the glass but his head was not in his line of vision. "I should drag your sorry behind outside on an obstacle course if you think you are strong enough to go back to LA on your own. You achieved nothing but more lost energy. Sure we know you are capable of holding your own. Thinking of you as a baby? Hardly. Just because we want to help you and be there for you doesn't mean we pamper you. Anyway, you don't have that much experience with family caring for you, right? Us included. We screwed up quite a number of times but this time was an extra super version. I wish I could embrace you more often and not feel ashamed as I did when BA and Murdock came inside but I seem not to be able to show that much emotion often. Although I feel you would need that. I feel for you like for a son, at least I think it would feel that way." Hannibal chuckled. "Good thing you are out cold. You would probably send me off to Murdock's funny farm if you could hear me."

He paused for a while starring out of the window. "We do care for you kid, even if we don't show it most of the time. I don't know for sure but I guess if we had known what this nutcase had done to you we would have acted different. But for you to stay alone is totally out of the picture. BA has voiced what we all thought. I know you are afraid to lose some of your freedom and you don't want to be anyone's burden and all this rubbish but deep down you want to be around us. After all you scammed all of us to go on this holiday, or supposed holiday, for that very reason. Now I only have to find a way to get that message across to you. Front door method? You would probably wine if you were up now. If only you knew how Murdock is beating himself up for not having seen the signs, being your best pal and all. And BA, he has stated to train his muscles harder, saying he wasn't strong enough to protect you and it won't happen to him again. He's so mad at himself and trying to compensate. It hurt them to see how you were trying to run out on us again, trying to prove you can handle yourself when you're not able to make a trip to the bathroom by yourself. I know we were the ones that screwed up but you could really trust us a little more. And me? I didn't see my son went through hell and back and needed me. You are even afraid of me. I had you stay with me while you were afraid I would hurt you. No wonder you are trying to run if we tell you you're gonna stay with one of us from now on. Wonder where you inherited this flight instinct. Sure not from me. Just what happened to this team? Maybe we all need to look for a new job. What kind of leader am I if I don't even see my men are in trouble? Didn't see my son was in trouble." He paused again, resting his forearm and head on the cool window glass.

"The best."

Hannibal turned around abruptly when he heard the rasped voice behind him.

"Kid! Wow you scared me. What did you say? Do you need something?"

"Yeah." Face's voice was raspy and hard to understand.

"Some water? Here, drink." Hannibal held a straw to Face's lips but he pushed it away and himself up on his elbows.

"Don't need no water. Need you to listen."

"I'm listening kid. What is it?"

"You are the best leader."

"Huh? You uhmm…since when did you listen to me?"

"Since you sat beside me. You are the best leader, the problem is me, not you. If you need to remove me from the team for it to work properly do so….but…I..uhm…if you could give me another chance…"

"I thought you listened. Without you there is no team. This is a four people team and no one is gonna be removed or replaced. We just have to get through you being afraid of us."

"I…I'm not…I mean…not often. I now know you didn't hurt me out of your wish. I now know Sue forced you. I…maybe if you startle me…but it's gonna be okay. BA…well, I have always been afraid of him. And now that he trains even more…" Face had a smirk on his face and it felt so good.

"So, we are …uhm…good?"

"Yeah. Never felt so good."

"You sure look the part kid." It felt good to see the kid smiling again.

"Kid? No more running away?"

"No more. But this living together thing…"

"We are not going to argue over that. You are staying with one of us until the nightmares die down. You can scam us two adjoining apartments or something like that but I want you to be close to one of us…uhm…preferably not Murdock, at least not at his current address."

"But two of us together increases the risk of getting recognized."

"You screaming out your lungs on your own is not exactly low profile too. We just have to be careful and change location more often."

"You really mean it?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"No, but…I mean…Maggie is probably not thrilled by you having a roommate."

"If Maggie get's to know I let you stay in your own place while you are still hunted by nightmares, at least in the current frequency, she would have my hide. She too cares about you. Trust me."

"So we are good, back to normal?"

"As normal as it gets. But this is not a closed topic. You still need help, we all do. I'm planning to turn Murdock into our team shrink. We'll use our free time to have sessions. Talk about the things that happened, try to work through them together. No excuses, you hear?"

"Murdock? Are you sure you want that?"

"He is as sane as it get's when the well-being of one of us is at risk. I trust him. Now I want your word that you'll not find any excuses."

"Okay."

"Good, now sleep for some hours. You need the rest."

"One more thing."

"What is it kid?"

"I want to hire the A-Team."

"I'm afraid the A-Team is out of business for quite a while. Our Lieutenant is not up to taking cases. Besides we scan our customers closely, not sure you'll pass all our tests."

"I want to bring Anthony Mendosa back behind bars, where he belongs."

Hannibal sobered at once. "That's an entirely different thing. You have the team behind you. We'll do the ground work until you are stronger. But now rest."

"Okay. Uhmm…Hannibal?"

"What again?"

"I'm hungry like a wolf."

Hannibal smiled at Face. "I'll heat that oatmeal Murdock and BA conjured together." By the time he returned with the food Face was fast asleep.

"Will this ever get eaten?" Hannibal settled in the chair beside the bed and dosed off too.

Morning came and BA and Murdock sneaked back into the room. They were quiet but not quiet enough for Hannibal's ears not to catch them. He stretched and looked at Face who was still sleeping. Then he ushered them out of the room following behind. "Gentlemen, we have a new case…"

THE END


End file.
